Just Breathe

What the fuck is happening to me? How the hell did this happen to ME? I guess it all started on Liberty Ave, under a streetlight, just outside of Babylon. Mikey next to me and then all of a sudden, there he was. The most beautiful man I've ever seen. Blonde, blue eyes, with a body made for sin.

It can't be possible. I can't be feeling this. Why can't I breathe when he is around? Why does my heart race? Why do I feel like he can see right to my soul? Why do I get chills when he whispers my name?

He stands in the doorway of my loft and I melt. Just from him standing there, how fucked up can I get? He is all I never wanted. Sweet, breathtaking, and makes me feel things I never knew I was capable of.

So then why is he with me? Why does he put up with my madness? Can't he see I'm unloveable? Can't he see that I don't deserve him? So why is it that he never lets me forget what I could be with him? Why does he let me be so mean to him, then still come home with me?

The more hes around the further I fall. Will he be there to catch me? Will I let him? Fuck. I can't be the man he needs me to be. Sooner or later he'll leave, they always do. Usually its my choice. Can my heart take it when it's his choice to leave?

I have to make him see that he deserves better. Only he thought he had found better and now he's back. Maybe he was right, maybe he had the real thing with me all along. What was he said to me? Something about me telling him that I loved him, that what I gave him was a hundred times better than what the fiddler could have ever given him. Maybe I should tell him. But what if he leaves again? This time I honestly don't think I will survive him. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Get ahold of yourself Kinney, before he sees the real you. Just keep on being the man you've been, the man he fell in love with. Take a deep breath and get out there. Thats it. Just breathe.

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