Fighting Memories: Underneath It All

Room 458 - present day

"Mikey, why the fuck is Justin here all the time?" Brian had been trying his best to figure out exactly why the blond insisted on being by his side
everyday.

"Because he loves you, maybe." Michael looked at his friend with confusion. Justin had gathered the gang together and told them all that Brian seemed to remember nothing  from the last three years. In Brian's mind Justin was still with Ethan and he was still alone.

"But won't his boyfriend be angry he spends all his time here?"

"No I don't think he'll mind." Michael answered the way Justin and the doctors had instructed him to. Don't volunteer too much right now, because Brian was still in a precarious state mentally. They wanted Brian to remember on his own.

"But he's here all the fucking time. Why is that, Mikey? Why is it that Ethan doesn't mind at all?" Brian sensed that there were things his friends were deliberately not telling him and he was determined to find out what they were.

"He hasn't left your side for a minute, Bri. As for his boyfriend, well, he loves and trusts Justin and I guess he knows this is the best place for him to be." Michael smiled at his cleverness, all the while hating himself for lying to his best friend.

"Love and trust, what bullshit." Brian shook his head and swore silently "How's Gus?"

"Gus is great. He misses his daddy, but Justin has been a real help to the boy since this happened. You'd be so proud of him, Brian."

"Think you could manage sneaking him in here sometime? I bet he's been scared to death the last few days."

"I'll see what I can do," Mikey lied. He knew that if Brian saw Gus, then he would know how long he had been in the coma and that could do more harm than good.

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PHYSICAL THERAPY

"That's good Brian." Marcia, his PT was happy to see that he worked hard, but she knew he had the ability to push himself too far. She was worried what would happen to this man who prided himself on his physical appearance when he fully realized that he wasn't able to walk at the moment.

Marcia sat back and watched him work with the free weights and let her mind wander back over the conversation she had had with Justin earlier. He had told her all about Brian pre-coma and this worried her a great deal. His mental state worried her as well.

Brian sat in the wheelchair trying to do what this young woman told him would help him build muscle back up. He wasn't good at taking orders and he hated that they wouldn't let him out of the damn chair. He could walk, you know. Only no one would let him. Damn hospitals and their fucking rules.

He was straining and all of a sudden his mind flashed on something that caused him to drop the weight.

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Three years earlier

The loft was aglow in candlelight and the two men lay on the futon, watching the end of Moulin Rouge for the 400th time. Brian's arms were draped over Justin, whose head rested softly on his lover's chest. He could hear Justin's sniffles and knew that before long the young man would be weeping openly. No matter how many times they watched the damn thing, Justin always cried.

Just as Satine collapsed to the floor, he pulled Justin into a kiss. Pressing for entrance he let his tongue slide hurriedly into the warmth of his lover's mouth. His tongue explored places it knew from memory and Justin's hands found the waistband of Brian's sweats.

Hands pulling at the elastic, his cock was finally free and growing by the second. Just kissing Justin could get him hard. He moaned loudly at the touch of his lover's hands slowly stroking his shaft. His own hands were entangled in the fine blond hair.

Brian broke the kiss, for need of oxygen, not because of want. He let his mouth find that spot on his partner's neck and linger there. He bit and sucked and licked until Justin was begging him to fuck him.

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Present Day

Brian Kinney lay in the hospital bed with a massive hard on that he had had since that scene back in the physical therapy room. He still didn't know where the fantasy came from or if it had even happened. Why was he still having these thoughts of Justin?

"Damn it Kinney, pull yourself together. You're acting like a love sick teenager."

At the knock on the door he pulled a pile of magazines down on his lap taking the top one to look as though he were reading. Looking over the top he saw Justin Taylor standing just inside the door. "Well don't just stand there, you're already here, you may as well sit down too." His voice sounded cruel and mocking and he was proud of himself. He didn't want this kid hanging around reminding him of what he couldn't have.

"I brought you some sweats from home. Marcia said you may be more comfortable in them than your gown. She said your session went well." He paused and waited for an answer. Not getting any he pushed back the tears and continued. "So how are you feeling?"

"Fanfuckingtastic, can't you tell?" Brian absently rubbed his cock beneath the blanket, longing for the feel of Justin's lips wrapped around his shaft.  Justin suppressed a laugh when he saw what Brian was reading. "So are you learning anything helpful in that magazine?"

"Ummmm," for the first time Brian noticed that he was holding Good Housekeeping. "Yeah, there's this great recipe for Tomato Soup Cake."

Both men fell into laughter and Justin reached out and grabbed the other magazines from his lover's lap, for the first time noticing the hard-on beneath the blanket.

"Must be some recipe." Justin teased and reached out, pulling the blanket back. Without thinking he pushed back the hem of Brian's hospital gown, smiling at the reaction on his lover's face. Without hesitation he buried his face in Brian's lap.

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Oh God, he feels so warm, so soft. My hands find their way to the soft blond hair. It all feels so right, so good. The head of my cock pushes against the back of his throat and I am lost. Lost in the feel of Justin Taylor.

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I don't know why I did it, just that I had to. I've missed him. I need to know that something hasn't changed and if sex is all there is right now, I'll take it.

His cock presses against my throat and I continue my assault. His moans increase and I know that he's close. His hands in my hair tighten and I know what he wants. We've done this so many times, I can read him like a book.

His hand pulls at my head and I look up, seeing the look in his eyes I move forward. Pulling my shirt over my head, I kiss him. His hands fumble for the button of my jeans and pull. I feel the scratchy material being slid down my legs and I push out of them. I wasn't wearing underwear that day, partly because I hadn't done laundry in days and partly because I hadn't felt like it.

I straddled him and spit into my hands, lubing his cock. I guided him to my hole and sank slowly down until he was pressing against my prostate. After a few minutes of allowing myself to get used to the feel of him, I began to move. Slowly at first, until his hands held onto my hips and took over the action of my movements.

His breathing became labored, and his moans increased. I bent in and kissed him again, worried that we would attract attention. As he controlled my hips and his thrusts I leaned back and enjoyed the feelings.

As he came, he whispered in my ear.

"I love you baby."

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Before Justin had a chance to respond the door opened and a nurse walked in. Looking at the scene before her she quickly put a hand to her mouth and ran from the room. Both men laughed and Brian helped Justin slide off of his rapidly softening cock. Brian laid him down next to him and held him close as their breathing slowed.

Justin was reveling in the moment that Brian had told him he loved him. Brian on the other hand couldn't understand why he had let this happen. He knew that Justin was involved with Ethan. Wasn't he? His mind screamed at him that there was something he didn't fully understand going on here. He couldn't take it anymore and had to be alone to figure this out.

"Get out, Justin."

"What?"

"I said, Get out. I want you to leave. This shouldn't have happened. You have a boyfriend, Justin. Go home to him."

"You know what, I'm so sick of this shit, Brian. When are you going to wake up and realize it's you that I love? That we..." Justin let his words trail off as he pulled on his jeans. Grabbing his shirt and jacket, he ran for the door. Brian spoke just as he pulled the door open.

"Justin, what do you mean?"

"You figure it out, Brian." The door slammed shut behind him, leaving Brian alone with his memories.

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The Loft present day

"Emmett, I don't know how much longer I can take this. He doesn't remember me or our life together. What if he never remembers? What if I fought for him all these years and lost him anyway?"

Emmett didn't know what to say to his best friend. All he could do was offer a shoulder to cry on and be supportive. "Justin, you just have be strong for a little while longer. He loves you, Justin. He will remember that sooner or later."

"God I hope so, Emm. Today when I was in his arms, and he was making love to me, it felt like old times again."

"Wait a minute, you slept with him? In the hospital?"

"Yeah, it just happened. But, it was real. It was more than just a fuck, Emm. He told me he loved me. For just a second I thought that maybe he remembered. But then he started yelling at me to get out."

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. What did you do?" Emmett sat down next to Justin on the sofa and put an arm around the crying young man.

"I left. And I almost told him. Why won't they let me tell him? He needs to know about us. What's going to happen when he comes home and finds all my stuff here?"

"Maybe that's what he needs, Justin. Maybe that is what it will take to make he remember his life with you."

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"I love you." That’s all I hear. Over and over. But who's saying it? I can see those blue eyes smiling back at me and everything is right with the world again. Justin loves me. ME, not Ethan. He's here with me, in my loft, in my bed, no our bed.

The lingering kiss turns passionate, as they all usually do between us. He's pulling at my shirt, yanking it over my head. Before I know what’s happening I feel his mouth on my cock and I close my eyes, enjoying the sensations coursing through me.

I wake with a start whispering his name, "Justin."

"Guess again, asshole." My eyes focus on the dark haired man standing over me and I instantly become aware of where I am. He reaches out and runs a hand down my chest, lingering at my waist. "Not such a stud nowadays are you?"

"What do you want, Ethan?"

"So it really is true. The indestructible Mr. Kinney has fallen."

"Fuck off."

"See I can't do that Brian. You owe me. You took something that belongs to me and I intend to make you pay."

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about, but you're really getting on my nerves." I tried to get out of the bed when it hit me that I couldn't do it. I couldn't get out of the bed. What the fuck was going on here? Why the fuck couldn't I get up?

"I'm talking about a certain blond bombshell that threw me to the wayside for you.  A man who can't even get out of bed. What a joke you've become. Do you really think he's been faithful to you all this time? That a sexual creature like Justin could go this long without sex?"

A nurse walked in interrupting my reply and Ethan slipped out quietly.

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I wandered around the loft, touching his clothes, longing for him.  I kept thinking about that morning at the hospital. The way he touched me was so natural. It was almost as if he remembered all those nights we had shared over that last year.  His kisses set me on fire and his body called out to mine.

Why couldn't he remember that he loved me? I absentmindedly twisted the unity band on my finger. He just had to remember. He just had to.

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I absentmindedly twisted the platinum band on my finger not even realizing it was there. It was part of me and I just hadn't noticed it before now. Lindsay interrupted my thoughts and I momentarily forgot about the ring.

"Hey Bri, nice to see those beautiful eyes again." She kissed me and I tried my best to focus on her and not my thoughts. "You gave us all one hell of a scare."

"Linds, where's Gus?" I haven't seen my son in days and I know he must be frightened by my accident.

"Gus is at school, Brian."

"Go get him. I want to see my son."

"I can't do that, Brian. Besides the doctors don't think seeing Gus right now would be a good thing for you. He's a child and full of energy, much too much to be here in the hospital while you're recovering." She wouldn't meet my eyes and I knew there was something she wasn't telling me.

"I don't give a fuck what the doctors think, Lindz. He's my son and I want to see him. Go down to the fucking pre-school and get him or I'll go myself."

"You can't do that, Bri."

"Watch me," I said pulling my legs off the bed, ready to crawl across the fucking city if I had to.

"Stop Brian. He's not at the preschool. Please get back in the bed and I'll go talk to the doctors about you seeing him soon."

"Soon is not good enough. I want to see him today. NOW, Lindsay."

"If you get back in that bed I promise you can see him after school."

I did as she asked and watched the emotions float across her beautiful face. She looked older than I remembered. Had my accident had that much of an effect on her? "Lindsay, I need to ask you something, but I need you to be honest with me."

"Sure, Bri. What is it?" She avoided my eyes again and I began to suspect she was holding out on me even more.

"Is Justin still with Ethan or is he with me?"

"Brian you should really be talking to Justin about this."

"You can tell me Linds. I just need to know if what the fiddler said is true or not."

"When did you talk to Ethan?"

"He was here a few hours ago."

"Ethan was here? Did anyone see him, Brian?"

"What's with the third degree. The nurse saw him when she came in to stick that fucking thermometer in my fucking mouth. What’s the big deal with Ethan visiting me?"

"Just be thankful she didn't stick it up your ass. As for you and Justin, well let's just say you two reached a new level."

"Is that why I'm wearing this damn ring?"

"Brian, I have to go get Gus. I'll talk to the doctors and see what I can arrange."

She hurried out of there as if her ass was on fire. Something was going on here and I was going to find out whether they wanted me to or not. I tried to turn on the TV only to find it not working. Grabbing the call button I waited impatiently for the nurse to answer. I screamed at the poor girl and made her cry but she still refused to turn the fucking thing on without the doctor's approval.

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Justin stood outside of the hospital with Lindsay and Gus. He wasn't sure that this was wise but Brian had insisted on seeing his son. Gus held Justin's hand tightly, unsure of exactly what he was going to see inside. He looked up at the blond man who had been a daddy to him the last three years and smiled shyly.

"Poppy, what's daddy like now?" Gus had taken to calling Justin poppy right after Brian's accident and no one had bothered to correct him. Justin looked at the boy as his own son. He had stepped in and taken over the role of father when Brian couldn't.

"Well, Sonnyboy," Justin had taken to calling Gus that in an attempt to give the boy something of Brian to hold on to. "He's older, and he's awake. Other than that he's pretty much the same. He just doesn't remember some things." "Did daddy forget me?"

"No baby, daddy could never forget you." Lindsay reassured her son with a hug and kiss and the three went in to see Brian.

"DADDY!!!" Gus ran straight to his father and jumped on the bed covering the man with kisses. Brian hugged him close, his mind reeling at the sight of Gus so grown up. He looked over his son's head questioningly at Lindsay and then at Justin.

"Sonnyboy, look how big you've gotten. How old are you now?" Brian was fishing for information and Lindsay and Justin knew that Gus would be more than willing to talk.

"I'm five. I'm in kindergarten now, daddy. I'm all grown up."

"You sure are, Sonnyboy." Brian ruffled his son's hair and kissed the top of his head. "Maybe Justin could take you down the hall for a soda."

"I don't want a soda daddy. I want to stay with you. Can I stay here poppy?"

Justin caught the look that crossed Brian's face at the sound of his son calling him poppy and tried to ignore it. "Sure you can stay with daddy. But I'm real thirsty Gus. So why don't you come with me and help me pick out something from the vending machines and we'll see if they have any of those things you like so much."

"Ok," Gus turned back to his father. "I'll be right back daddy. Poppy and I will bring you something yummy back, k?"

"K, Sonnyboy."

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One year after the accident

Gus was staying over at the loft while Lindsay and Melanie took the baby to a specialist in New York. Michelle had been born deaf and was now getting ready to be fitted for a cochlear implant. Gus spent many weekends with Justin at the loft. He and Lindsay thought it was good for him to be in his dad's home and Justin had become like a father to him.

They had just finished a dinner of ravioli and a salad that Justin had insisted on having when Gus turned to the man his father loved so much and asked him if he would be his daddy until Brian woke up.

"Uncle Justin, will you be my daddy until my other daddy wakes up?"

"Gus honey, I could never take your daddy's place. He's going to come back to us someday soon, I just know it."

"I know so too, but until then will you be my daddy?"

"I'd be honored Sonnyboy. But please don't call me daddy, cause that would make your real daddy sad."

"OK, can I call you poppy?"

"Sure you can Sonnyboy."

"Poppy, why do you call me Sonnyboy?" Gus looked up at him with inquisitive eyes.

"Because that's what your daddy calls you. And I want you to always remember it. Your daddy loves you so much, Gus."

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Present day

"What the fuck is going on here Lindsay? How long was I in the coma?"

"Calm down Brian."

"Fuck that, tell me, Lindz. Tell me how long I was in that coma."

"Two years."

"Two fucking years? Who the fuck gave the order for me to stay on a espirator for two fucking years?"

"Justin did."

"What? Why would Justin have the authority to make those decisions? He's not even in my life anymore."

"Brian, you had it put in your will that he had power of attorney if anything happened to you."

"And why the fuck would I do that? And if I was only out of it for two years then how is Gus five? I clearly remember him turning two but not three."

"That is because you're missing a year. Shit Bri, I knew that this was a bad idea. I should never have agreed to bringing Gus here."

"Don't you dare fucking hold out on me now. Tell me everything and tell me now."

"Brian, I can't. You have to remember it on your own."

"Am I with Justin? Are we together? TELL ME!"

"Yes, we are." Justin answered from the doorway. His eyes were filled with unshed tears as he held Gus's hand.

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Three and a half months after Brian woke

Brian was packed and ready to go. He had enough of this fucking hospital and the awful food. He wanted to go home to his loft, to his bed, to his bottle of Beam. His memory still only went back to three years earlier. He didn't remember his relationship with Justin, no matter how hard he tried. Glancing down at the ring, he wondered what it was that kept him from taking it off.

The door opened and he glanced up to find Justin pushing in a wheelchair. "You're chariot my good lord."

"Very funny. You don't actually expect me to leave here in that thing do you?"

"Well considering that you have to use those metal thingys to help you walk, yeah I sorta did."

"Fuck the chair and the 'metal thingys' as you so eloquently put it. I will walk out of here on my own two feet."

"And pray tell, Mr. Kinney, how the fuck do you plan to do that when you can't even stand to take a piss on your own?"

"Well unless you plan to hold my dick every time I have to piss, then you better let me do this."

"Don't tempt me. Besides you aren't strong enough to walk out of here. Its only been three months since you came out of a coma."

"Three and a half months. And I was strong enough to fuck your ass a few months ago. I think I can walk out of here on my own."

"Don't argue with me Brian. You are not young and strong anymore. Sit your 35 year old ass in the chair and shut the fuck up."

"Hey in my mind, I'm still a very young 31."

"Yeah, well keep dreaming."

An hour later they were home and Brian was resting on the couch watching TV. Looking around the room he called out to Justin who was in the kitchen heating up dinner.

"Hey, what happened to my white couch?"

"You sold it, along with everything else to pay for the ad."

"What ad?"

"Concerned Citizens for the Truth, or some bullshit like that. The one that kept Stockwell from being elected."

"I sold my stuff? God I must have hated that man. Why exactly did I hate him?"

"Because he's a homophobic prick. God, this sucks, having to remind you of all this shit. It could take years."

"Yeah well, I don't have years. I have to get back to the office sometime. If I even have a job still."

"You have a job, just not the one you remember."

"I don't work at Vanguard anymore?"

"Ummmm, no."

"And why not?"

"They fired you, Bri."

"Fired me? They can't fire me, I'm a partner."

"Yeah, well undermining a client kinda invalidates your partnership. Don't worry, you're very well off in your new position."

"Where do I work?"

"KinTay Advertising."

"Never heard of them. What's my position there?"

"CEO. You own the company. Well you and I do. And Cynthia is about to make partner if she keeps up the good work."

"You and I have our own agency? Ok this is just too damn much for one day. I need a nap."

"Figures, someone your age."

"Fuck you."

"Anytime Mr. Kinney, anytime."

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His smile lit up the room and I couldn't help but be thrilled that I was the reason he smiled. He looked amazing in a tux, just like Prom night. Only this time I swore that it would end with us in bed. We were attending a party for the new Mayor and it was a way for me to make a few business contacts.

I pulled him close for a kiss and let it linger until we were both breathless. My cock instantly tightened and I could feel his pressing against my thigh as well. Running my hand over his crotch, I felt him tense. He leaned closer and whispered in my ear.

"I love you Brian Kinney."

I woke on the couch, my cock hard, my heart racing. These dreams always felt so real, like I had lived them. Maybe I had. Maybe it was my heart's way of trying to remember Justin. The loft was so silent. There was no sound of Justin in the loft.

Suddenly I missed him. I missed his laughter filling the loft, the sounds of his painting. I tried my best to stand on my own and make it to the bathroom. Just when I thought I had enough strength to make it, I fell flat on my ass.

I certainly didn't want Justin to come home and find me laying on the floor in my own urine. Pulling myself across the floor and struggling up the stairs I made to the bathroom. After what seemed hours of struggling to maneuver myself on the toilet I finally relieved myself.

Sitting there thinking about having to get back downstairs, I had almost resigned to just stay there with my pants around my ankles until Justin came home when the doorbell rang. Yelling for them to come in, I held my breath hoping for Michael. But luck wasn't on my side.

"Brian? Sunshine?" Debbie called out, sliding the door shut behind her.

"Fuck," I said to myself. Just what I needed was for Debbie to see me in all my glory. She was my only hope of getting out of here so I called out to her. "Up here Deb."

"Are you decent?" She was teasing me but little did she know that I wasn't.

"Not really. But I could use some help, Deb."

"Where are you?"

"Bathroom," I said sheepishly.

She came in and I hung my head in shame. Never in my worst nightmare did I think that I would have to rely on Debbie Novotny to carry my fairy ass off the shitter. After helping me back downstairs she poured us both a drink and sat down across from me on the ottoman.

"So wanna tell me how you came to be stuck on the potty?"

"I woke up and Justin wasn't here. I had to go."

"Good thing the bed isn't that far. You could've really hurt yourself."

"Yeah, I did." I held up my arm and showed her the bruise that was starting to form just beneath my elbow.

"How did that happen?"

"I hit it on the stairs."

"But your bed is upstairs." A look of enlightenment crossed her face, "damn it Brian, you could have really been hurt."

"Its ok. Justin probably just ran out for a minute. He didn't know I would wake up."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Hey I brought your favorite, tuna noodle casserole."

"Deb, no offense but I hate that shit. I always have."

"Hate my tuna casserole? But you always had three servings of it."

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings. Sorry."

"And here I thought you were honest to the point of not caring. Nice to know you still have some morals, Brian."

"Listen Deb, I need you to be honest with me now. I need to know all about my relationship with Justin."

"Brian, I can't tell you that. You have to just feel it. He loves you Brian. He never stopped. And most importantly he never gave up on you, even when the rest of us had. Justin saved you."

They both looked up at the sound of the door opening. Justin backed into the loft dragging a thick piece of plywood with him. When he had dropped the wood and shut the door, he turned to find Debbie sitting with Brian.

"Debbie, what are you doing here?" He kissed her gently on the cheek and moved over to put a blanket over Brian's lap.

"I brought you some of my infamous tuna casserole. Which I recently learned is not all that appreciated."

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I tuned out their conversation and let my mind take its own course. I thought about Justin and how comfortable I was having him here with me. He fit. It felt right, the two of us living like this. The only problem was that he slept on the fucking couch.

He said it was because he didn't want to accidentally hurt me while we slept. I didn't buy it. I knew he was scared. Hell I was too. I wished I could remember our life together as much as he did. Sometimes I wondered if he thought I didn't want to remember.

Listening to them banter back and forth bored me and I started to drift off to sleep. My mind went back to a time I wasn't even sure was real. Justin was lying in my arms, both of us sweaty from sex. I was holding him, stroking his hair as we talked. I felt such love for him.

I woke to find the loft dark, with the exception of the lights from the city around us. Justin was next to me on the couch, my head in his lap. The feelings from my dream lingered and I maneuvered myself so that I was looking up at him. He smiled shyly at me and my heart jumped.

I wanted him. More than I've ever wanted him. But I had to know.

"Justin, why?"

"Why what?" He sounded concerned.

I tried to ease his fears the best I could. "Why did you stick it out with me for two years?"

"Because I love you, Brian."

"You didn't know if I was ever going to wake up. You took a big chance, Justin."

"I'd take any chance if it meant that I could have just one more day with you."

I pulled myself up to him and kissed his soft, pouty lips. "Thank you." I silenced any reply with a kiss that intensified quickly. I pushed myself up and pulled him onto my lap holding him close as I assaulted his mouth with mine. My cock grew tight against my pants and throbbed for his touch. Our kiss broke and he struggled for breath. His eyes were full of desire and fear. I longed to erase the fear from them forever.

His hand found my cock, and stroked me through my sweats. I gasped at the feel of him touching me. I had to control myself from cumming in my pants. He shifted to straddle me and pulled my shirt over my head. His mouth found my nipple and he chewed softly on them, eliciting soft moans from deep inside of me.

I fumbled for his cock and pulled at the button of his cargos until the large, throbbing member was free for my touch. Wrapping my hand around it, I leisurely began to stroke him. His breathing quickened and a low moan escaped him.

He broke our contact and pulled off my pants first, then his own. He pulled open the drawer of the nightstand and fumbled around searching for something. After several minutes he pulled out a condom and lube. My mind flashed onto something and I took the condom from him. Tossing it aside he looked at me questioningly.

"Brian?"

"We don't use these anymore, remember?"

"You remember that?"

"Nothing else but I remember that we were tested and I remember that in the hospital we didn't use one. I remember making love to you bareback. The feel of you, not latex."

"That’s a start," he said kissing me hard. He opened the lube and squeezed some onto my dick, stroking me as he prepared me for the ultimate release.  My finger found his pucker and pushed in, stretching him in anticipation of my cock filling him.

Pushing my hand away he lowered himself over me, sliding down madding slow, inch by inch until I was complete filling him. He stay still while he kissed me passionately once again. Never breaking contact with my mouth he began to ride me.

The sound of the door opening seemed so far away until I heard the loud gasp and the sound of something hitting the floor and shattering.

"MOM," he said grabbing the blanket and throwing it around us.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me,"  I said louder than I should've.

"Shit, honey, I'm sorry. I just never thought," she let her words trail off.

"Well that is apparent, Jen." I held him still, my cock still filling his ass. "A little privacy please?"

Justin pushed my hands away, and raised himself off of me. Wrapping himself in the blanket, he tossed a pillow over my cock and crossed the room to kiss his mother, carefully stepping over the shattered glass pan on the floor.

"Mom, could you give us a few minutes to ummmm, well could you just give us a few?"

"Of course, I'll just wait outside." She kissed him meekly and slid out the door. He turned back to me and let me have it.

"That was a little rude, don't you think?"

"Ummm no. She interrupted us. First the fucking nurse, then your mom. I'm beginning to wonder if we should just sell tickets to our sex sessions."

"Maybe we should, we could use the extra income. Then I could hire a nurse for you and quit wasting my time here everyday."

"Or we could just lock the fucking door."

"I have a key," she yelled through the door.

"Great, now she's fucking eavesdropping." I said pulling up my pants.

Crossing the room to let her back in he called over his shoulder, "She's my mom, Brian."

"Yeah, and that’s the problem. Can't she hate you like other mother's of queers?"

"No I can't, Brian. Face it, you're stuck with me." Jennifer was starting to get on my nerves.

"Great. Just what I need another mother." I looked over at mother and son, cleaning up the destroyed meal at the door, "I'm going to bed."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The insistent knocking was driving him insane. "JUSTIN ANSWER THE FUCKING DOOR!"

Getting no response, Brian pulled himself out of bed and slid his arms into his crutches and took his time down the stairs, not wanting to fall again.

Pulling open the door, Cynthia breezed past him looking around the loft.

"Where's Justin? I need his help with a campaign."

"Obviously he isn't here. And I thought I was the adman in this neck of the woods."

"Well in case you forgot, asshole, you were unavailable for two years."

"Well, I'm back now. Give me the rundown on the fucking thing."

Cynthia pulled out the copy and the rough sketches handing them to Brian. He looked them over and his heart stopped at the company they were writing the copy for.

"This is for Brown Athletics."

"Yeah? And?"

"They're with Vanguard."

"No, they're with us. Have been for over a year now."

"How?"

"Justin."

"How?"

"Did you forget I'm blond and I have a great ass?"

I turned at the sound of his voice and Cynthia laughed at his joke.

"Tell him the truth, Justin. Tell him how you blew them away with your ideas for their new line of yoga wear. This kid is a fucking genius Bri. Without him we wouldn't have a company."

Brian took in the information and looked back at his lover, wondering when Justin had grown up so much. He kissed Justin and settled back into the familiarity of work.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Two months later

The agency was flourishing and Brian had settled back into the daily grind. He was impressed by Justin's work, but he hated that everyone turned to Justin in a crisis. He invaded every space of Brian's life and it was seriously getting on his nerves. His memory hadn't been cooperating with him and that pissed him off even more.

He still got flashes of bits and pieces of his life with Justin, but nothing sparked the total recollection he so desired. More and more he snapped at Justin for things beyond his control. His friends had been filling him in on his life with Justin the year prior to the accident but he still couldn't remember. It was enough to drive a man mad.

He entered the loft, tossing his jacket on the stool at the bar and called out for Justin. Hearing the water running, he knew that the younger man was in the shower and wished that he had the strength to stand on his own long enough to fuck him there. He had always enjoyed fucking Justin with the water flowing over them. There was something decidedly erotic about it.

Sliding his arms out of the crutches, he slid behind his desk and hit play on the answering machine. There was a message concerning his physical therapy session, one from the DA detailing the court proceedings against Ethan Gold for violating his No Contact order. Nothing unusual there until a voice stopped him in his tracks.

He flashed back to another time, another life when he had spent one fateful night in a hotel room  with the closeted tire king. Why the fuck was he calling Justin? Pressing the rewind button he listened to the message again, quickly jotting down the info on where they were meeting. He didn't like this. He didn't like the thought of Justin alone with this creep who liked to fuck before signing a contract and going home to his wife and kids.

He was still sitting at his desk when he caught sight of a naked Justin walking from the bathroom to the bedroom. His dick jumped to attention at the sight and he unknowingly stroked it. He watched as his lover dressed, still slowly stroking his massive erection.

Justin descended the stairs, intrigued by Brian's stare. He couldn't see under the table and had no clue that his lover had a raging hard-on.

"Bri? What's the matter?"

"Nothing a blowjob won't cure," he teased.

"Really? Think you can handle it?"

"Oh I can handle it, it's you I'm worried about."

"Well you taught me everything I know."

"Yeah and speaking of that, why are you meeting Telson the tire king for drinks tomorrow?"

"Well we are meeting to discuss his switching agencies. Its been on the books for weeks now. Did he call with the restaurant?"

"Justin, I don't want you meeting him alone."

"I've met other clients alone for years now Brian. I know what I'm doing Its just business."

"Justin, he's not like the others. I forbid you from going alone."

"Forbid me? Are you fucking crazy? I'm a grown man, Brian. I can take care of myself."

"No you can't. You don't know him, and I'll be damned if I am going to let you go there alone."

"I think I liked you better in the coma. At least then you didn't talk so much."

"Well I'm not in a coma anymore and I remember this guy all too well."

"Isn't it funny how you remember some random client but not your life with your boyfriend. Speaks volumes doesn't it?"

"Will you shut the fuck up about that? You know I have no control over that."

"Yeah well maybe you do. Maybe you don't want to remember your life with me. Fuck you never wanted to be in a relationship in the first place."

"FUCK YOU."

"Maybe I should've listened to Ted and pulled the plug earlier."

"Maybe you should've, and then I could've come back earlier. You always were a selfish little shit."

"I learned from the master."

"I am so sick of your self-righteous, holier than thou attitude lately. You've taken over my entire fucking life. First my son, then my business, and now you want my tricks too."

"I don't want your tricks, Brian. I never did. As for your son, he needed me. I thought I was doing the right thing. And without me you wouldn't have a business."

"So you keep reminding me. The great Justin Taylor saves Brian's ass again."

"You know what Brian, I'm sorry I saved your life. I'm sorry that I saved your company. I'm sorry I was there for Gus. But most of all, right now, I'm sorry I stuck around and tried to love you."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I stood dumbfounded as the door slammed shut behind him. He did not just walk out on me. That fucking asshole. My anger built until I lost all control. So many things contributed to my breakdown in that instant. My lack of memories of my life with Justin, my inability to walk without these fucking crutches, his leaving. All of it. I just couldn't take it anymore.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I just couldn't take it anymore. His attitude, his yelling, his fucking assholeness. Yeah I know it isn't a word but fuck it that's what it was. I just had to get out of there. I couldn't stand listening to him tell me all the things I'd done wrong the last two years.

All I had ever wanted was for him to live. I wanted the Brian Kinney I loved back. Why couldn't he just be the man I loved? Why did he have to be such an arrogant asshole?

I walked for awhile, not really going anywhere. I somehow ended up at Debbie's. Shit I always ended up here when I had nowhere else to go. Vic answered my knock and let me in. He poured us both a cup of coffee and waited for me to tell him what was wrong.

He listened without interruption as I laid it all out. When I was done he just shook his head.

"You boys just have to make it hard don't you? And not in the way you're thinking. Justin, you love him and fuck we all know he loves you. He's had it rough the last few months. Do  you have any idea how hard it is to come back from death? He didn't even know he had lost it all. Then here is this younger man, who he doesn't even remember loving, who takes over his business and his son. That has to be hard for him."

"Well it hasn't been easy for me either. Damnit Vic, I only did what I thought he would want me to do."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brian Kinney paced the apartment slowly, since that was the only way he moved these days. His anger grew along with the pain in his legs. He hated being so fucking weak. He had always prided himself on his strength and here he was practically a fucking invalid. Plopping down in the chair behind his desk he grabbed a file thinking that he could calm his mind with work.

Opening the file he saw the legal papers and wondered what they were. Reading them he found out about the court battle Justin had endured when Joannie tried to get Brian's power of attorney. Instead of calming him, he got angrier.

He kept hearing Justin saying he should've listened to Ted. Fuck Ted Schmidt. Without him he'd be dead. Yet the bastard still wanted Justin to pull the plug.

"FUCK  YOU BOTH!!!!"

Brian's anger got the best of him and he picked up a glass and threw it across the room. The shattering glass made him feel better. He rolled around the room in his office chair randomly throwing things against the wall. As his anger grew he rolled across the hardwood floor and grabbed one crutch. Standing he swiped several things off the desk and then in a rage he flipped the desk over.

The leg of the desk caught on his crutch and plopped him firmly on his ass in the midst of flying papers. A sheet of paper floated lazily on the air in front of his face. Grabbing it he opened the page and read.

Several minutes later, with tears streaming it all came flooding back. Every single moment he had spent with Justin before the accident. Looking down he saw the ring on his finger and knew what he had to do.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Four hours later

Justin hoped that he had given Brian enough time to calm down as he fumbled with his key in the door. Stepping inside he flipped on the light switch and gasped in shock at the mess before him. Brian was sitting in the middle of it all.

"What the fuck happened here?"

"More than you can imagine. I need something from you."

"What now, a kidney?"

"No the ring you have on."

"But," he stammered at the request.

"Just give it to me Sunshine."

Justin sadly slipped the ring off and handed it to Brian.

"Now can you help me upstairs, I'm tired."

Struggling to keep his composure, Justin helped his lover to his feet and took his hand, helping him up the stairs. He stopped short when he got to the entryway of their bedroom. The room was bathed in candlelight and flowers. Just like the night he had moved back in.

He looked at his lover, not quite sure what to make of it. Brian only smiled at him and motioned him into the room. Justin took a seat on the bed and Brian sat next to him. Facing him, Brian poured out his heart.

"God, baby, I've missed you. I can't believe that I lost two years of our lives. I can't believe you stuck around this long. I love you Justin."

"Brian? What are you saying?"

"Shhh, just listen. The day I met you I fell in love with you. I just fell. I couldn't stop it. You've become such a huge part of my life and without you my life is empty. You've given me so much of yourself and I wanted to give you something back. I was walking down Liberty Ave a few weeks ago, oops a few years ago, and I saw these sitting in a window and just knew that I had to have them. I once told you that a ring was just a piece of metal, that it meant nothing. Well that’s still true I guess. What means something is the feeling behind it."

"Brian, you really remember?"

"Everything, baby. Now shut up and let me finish. I want the world to know how I feel about you. I want the world to know what we share. You are my whole world Justin. I know its taken me forever to get here, but fuck, at least we're here together."

Brian held out the black velvet box and opened it slowly. Taking the smaller band he slipped it onto Justin's finger and placed the other on his own hand. He gathered his lover in his arms and slowly made love to him the remainder of the night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Three years from the day of the accident

Brian watched Justin walk towards him and smiled that they had finally reached this moment. Taking Justin's hand the two men turned towards the minister and listened quietly to his words about love and commitment.

"Brian, you come today to profess your love for Justin. Will you love and cherish him, in sickness and health, with commitment and trust for all the days of your life?"

Brian turned to his lover and answered , "You bet your ass I will."

FINIS

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