Fighting Memories: Don't Let Me Down

The kiss lingered until both of us were breathless and gasping for air. He kept his hand on my back as we walked down the street towards the jeep. The night air was cold and I could see his breath, and it turned me on for some reason. But then anything he did turned me on. He was the most handsome man I had ever known. More than that he was the most honest and loving man, even though he never let it show to the outside world.

I put a hand on his arm to stop him for another kiss, feeling his cock tighten against my abdomen. I moaned into the kiss, longing to be home in bed with him. I wanted to feel his arms around me, his lips on my neck, his cock deep inside of me.

I woke in a cold sweat, tears streaming down my face and once again I reached out for his smooth skin only to find an empty bed. I had had the same dream for over two years now and always with the same ending.

I slid out from beneath the warmth of the blankets and padded across the floor to the window overlooking the city skyline. It never failed to take my breath away looking over this city. I only wished I could share this with Brian.

A chill ran over me at the thought of him. I turned back towards the bed and caught a glimpse of the photo on the nightstand of Brian and I with Gus. I missed that kid almost as much as I missed his father. I smiled thinking about Michelle, Mel's and Mikey's daughter. She looked so much like her father, and was just as whiny when she didn't get her way.

Impulsivly I grabbed the phone and dialed, waiting for that voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Linds," I could tell she had been sleeping, but I knew she wouldn't mind me calling. This had become habit over the years. Whenever I missed him just a little too much I called her. She was my link to Brian, my only link.

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Two years earlier

"Brian? Brian are you home?" Justin called out for his lover as he dropped his messenger bag on the bar. Not getting an answer he ran up the stairs looking for him. He found Brian's suit lay across the bed and the closet door open. Inspecting further he found the still wet towel in a heap on the floor. Thinking to himself that this was unlike Brian, he shook off the uneasy feeling sitting in the pit of his stomach.

Back in the kitchen he opened the fridge looking for something to eat while he waited for Brian to return. He shook his head at the empty space. All that was ever in there was cold take-out and bottled water. Pushing around a few bottles he found the small brown bottle that Brian always had even when there was nothing else in there.

Brian loved to bump almost as much as he liked getting his dick sucked. Continuing his quest for food, he opened the freezer and was shocked to find ice cream. Taking out the container he studied it, taking in just one more secret Brian had kept from him. The only time Justin could remember there being ice cream in the house was when they had sex on the chaise. Even then Brian had only enjoyed it off of Justin's body.

"I would never have guessed he ate ice cream, let alone Ben and Jerry's cookie dough." Justin jumped at the sound of his own voice echoing in the open loft. Putting the carton back in the freezer, he grabbed a glass out of the dish drainer and poured a glass of water.

He let his mind wander back to that morning when they fucked for the first time that day. Brian had been more gentle and loving than he could ever remember. The way he had held him afterwards, the way he kissed him deeply before slipping out of bed for a shower. Justin's mind raced and that bad feeling settled back over him. He stood silently holding the glass, his breathing shallow and uneven as he fought the fear that threatened to take hold.

The ringing phone broke into his fear and the glass slid from his hand, shattering on the tile floor.

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Present Day

"Justin, honey, are you ok?" Lindsay worried about the younger man. He seemed so lost without Brian.

"As ok as I can get nowadays, Linds." The silence was comfortable between them, each lost in their own memories of Brian Kinney. "Its just so lonely here without him."

Lindsay listened to her friend fight back the tears that threatened to consume him. "I know. I just don't understand why you stay there, with all those reminders everywhere."

"That's why, because his spirit is still here. I still feel him, Linds. It's like he's still in this loft with me, like he never left."

"Justin, I worry about you being there all alone. When was the last time you saw the boys? Or Debbie? Or your mom?"

"I saw my mom a few days ago. How's Gus?" I quickly changed the subject, not content with being interrogated by her.

"He misses you. Will you come by in the morning to see him?" Lindsay was grasping at straws to try to bring Justin back from the dark place he had been in the last two years.

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Two Years earlier

Grabbing the phone, Justin stood in the shattered glass while his heart sank. Pushing the talk button he sighed with relief when he heard Brian's voice on the other end.

"Sunshine, I'm glad you're home."

"Brian, where are you? What's going on?" Justin sounded frantic and anger built inside of him at his lover's laughter.

"I'm on my way home, Sunshine. No need to worry, nothing's going to happen to me. Slip into something stunning and have a seat. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Brian, please tell me what's going on. Why so secretive?"

"There is nothing that can ruin this day, sonnyboy. Don't you know what today is?"

Justin glanced at the calendar and for the first time that day, he realized that today marked one year since Brian and him had forged a new life together. It had been one year since Ethan and two years since Prom. Just as the chill ran up his spine at the realization that today was the same date as the Prom, Justin heard the unmistakable sound of metal on metal and shattering glass.

"BRIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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Present day

"I can't, Linds. I have to go see Brian."

"Justin, honey, you have to let him go. This is not good for you or him. Let him go, Justin. Please." Lindsay knew she was wasting her breath, but she had to try. Two years was long enough.

Justin replaced the receiver and settled back into the bed he had once shared with Brian. Closing his eyes he thought about happier times as he drifted back to sleep.

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Two years earlier

Brian heard Justin's scream just as he realized what was happening. The other car came out of nowhere and it all seemed too familiar. He was spinning out of control, the jeep flipped over and over and all he could do was hold onto the sound of Justin's scream.

His mind screamed against the pain and fear gripped him. Not for himself, but for what Justin would have to go through if he died. Just before it all went black he finally said the one thing Justin needed to hear.

"I love you Justin."

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Justin listened to the sound of Brian breathing and held onto the hope that he was ok. There was nothing he could do to help him, he didn't even know where he was. All he could do was talk to his lover and pray that he would be ok.

"Brian, please, Brian, hold on. I love you too. Don't you dare die on me, Brian. I'll never forgive you if you do. Don't leave me, Brian. Please don't leave me."

Justin tried his best to keep his fear in check so that Brian didn't know how scared he was. He was still holding his cell phone talking to Brian when he heard the sirens outside the building. Running for the door he followed the sounds until he was outside running down Tremont Street. As he turned the corner he saw the jeep resting on it's top. Dropping the phone he ran towards the wreckage.

A police officer grabbed him and kept him from Brian. He begged him to let him go to Brian but the officer would not allow it. Justin stood back and watched as they pulled his lover from the mangled jeep. Blood covered Brian's beautiful face and his body looked broken. A tortured cry escaped Justin's lips as he collapsed against the strong arms of the officer.

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Present day

Justin dressed for the hospital in one of Brian's wife beaters and silk shirts. He had gotten into the habit of wearing Brian's things ever since the night of the accident. Skipping breakfast he walked the few blocks to the hospital in the falling snow.

The nurses called out good mornings to him and he returned their greetings. He had become a permanent fixture over the last few years. After the accident Brian had slipped into a coma and had remained that way for the last three years.

Melanie had come to him shortly after they had put Brian on life support and advised him that Brian had named him executor of his living will just months before. It was Justin's decision whether Brian lived or died.

He had of course refused to even consider taking Brian off of life support. He had fought Joan for years over that decision. He still couldn't believe that she could be so heartless and would want Justin to let her son die. She had even gone to court to try to get Brian's power of attorney. Thankfully the judge had been sympathetic to Justin and denied the request.

For the first few months Mikey and the gang had been around, sitting with Brian and talking to him. As the months drug on and Brian didn't wake up the visits became fewer. Justin never gave up hope that someday Brian would wake up. He spent every morning with Brian, talking to him and helping the nurses with his exercises to keep his muscles from deteriorating.

Every so often he would come in to find Michael or Lindsay sitting with Brian in the evenings. Justin was still angry at them for giving up on Brian and let them know it every chance he got. This morning he found Brian alone and he sat down after kissing his lips.

"Morning, Bri. It's snowing again. Remember that time we built snowmen with Gus in Lindsay's backyard? I can still hear his laughter and see your rosy cheeks and red nose. Do you remember how Gus called you Rudolf? I thought you would kill the poor boy for that. But you just picked him up and kissed his nose, calling him Blitzen and me Vixen. Then we shared hot chocolate by the fire and later that night we made love. You are such an amazing lover."

Justin wiped the tears that had fallen from his eyes and held onto his lover's hand. He could almost feel him squeezing back.

"Please come back to me Brian. I miss you so much. I need you baby. PLEASE." He choked back the sobs and sat in tortured silence for the next hour. Glancing at the clock on the wall he stood, kissed Brian and gathered his things.

"I have to leave for a while but I'll be back this evening. Cynthia has an important meeting with Apple's promotion department this afternoon. The boards look great and she has a fabulous pitch prepared. She learned from the best, but she wants you to come back and help her run your company. So get your lazy ass out of that bed and come back to us, damn it."

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Brian struggled to make his way back to Justin. He could hear him talking to him and could feel the sadness that Justin felt. He fought to open his eyes but something just kept them tightly closed. Every time that Justin held his hand, or kissed his lips, Brian's heart broke that he couldn't respond.

His mind reeled at the thought of Justin wasting his life all this time waiting for Brian's body to give in to his mind's demands.

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Lindsay picked Gus up from kindergarten and drove across town to the hospital. She had tried her best to take Gus to see Brian every week but somehow time had slipped by and they made it once a month if they were lucky. After her conversation with Justin the night before she was more determined than ever to take Gus to see his father regularly.

They walked into Brian's room and Lindsay pulled up a chair for Gus to sit in. Pushing past the chair Gus climbed up on the bed and kissed his father. He told his dad all about his new school and his new best friend, Jared.

Lindsay watched in sadness at her son with his father.  The doctors had made it clear to all of them that Brian's chances of waking up were very slim. He had shown no marked improvement in the last six months and they were not optimistic that he would ever wake up. Justin would not hear it. He was convinced that Brian would come back to him.

If only she could have the same faith in Brian. Unfortunately she knew that Brian only did what Brian wanted. Though right before the accident he had been trying to change for Justin. He loved him and it showed. But was that enough to bring him back?

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Brian's mind was cloudy again but he could swear that he heard Gus. His son. The only person he loved more than Justin. He fought against the blackness again, determined to wake up and see his son. Gus must be so scared to see him lying there. How did he look? Was he still covered in blood from the accident? How long had he been there? Did anyone even realize he was still in his body trying to find his way back?

Did they know that he was screaming inside? That he longed to hold Justin and tell him he loved him? Somehow he had to find a way back before Justin gave up hope.

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At the scene of the accident

The police officer held onto the young blond as he sobbed. All he could make out was that the brunet in the jeep was someone the blond knew and loved deeply. He kept a close eye on the young man just to make sure he would be ok. Once they had loaded the victim into the back of the squad he helped the blond across the street to the waiting ambulance.

Just as Justin was about to climb in next to Brian he caught sight of the driver of the other vehicle and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was not just any ordinary accident. His breath caught in his throat when he saw Ethan Gold pulled from the mangled wreckage. Just as the door slammed shut he heard the laughter.

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Hospital- immediately following accident

I stood out in the hallway, wondering if this was what he had gone through that night I almost died. Had he felt the helpless? This lost and alone? I paced back and forth, not quite sure how I was supposed to feel. Did he expect me to just give up on him and let him die like this? Was Brian going to die?

He couldn't leave me. Not now, not after he told me he loved me. I never got the chance to tell him I loved him back. I heard my name being called and looked up to see Michael running towards me. Had I called him?

I ran to him, desperate for someone, anyone to tell me he was going to be ok. I fell into his arms and completely broke down. He held me close, smoothing my hair, and wiping my tears, trying his best to comfort me in any way possible.

"He's strong, Justin. He's going to be ok." Michael's voice was barely audible but I clung to those words. They were my only hope.

I don't know how long he held me or how we even made it through those few hours but we were sitting hand in hand outside of the operating room when the doctor came to find Brian's family. Michael and I stood, indicating that we were it and the doctor told us that Brian was still unconscious and in critical condition. He had broken both arms and his left leg. Several ribs were cracked and his fifth vertebra was broken.

I cried softly as the doctor explained to us that the next 48 hours were critical. Brian was moved to ICU and I was allowed to see him for a few minutes. The doctor never questioned my relationship to Brian and to this day I don't know if he knew.

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Novotny Residence- night of accident

Debbie and Vic were just finishing up dinner when the phone rang. Vic answered and was suddenly quiet as he listened to his nephew's words. Debbie watched her brother in wonder, she hadn't seen him this quiet since the night of the bashing. In an instant her heart sank and she sat down, holding a hand over her heart.

Vic faced his sister trying to find the words to tell her what had happened. Brian was like a son to her. She had protected him for years and this would just about kill her. Taking a deep breath he sat next to her and held he hand.

"Sis, I don't know how to tell you this."

"Just tell me Vic. Give it to me straight."

"It's Brian. He's been in an accident. They aren't sure he's going to live through the night, sis."  Vic held her as she wept. When she had calmed down some she looked up at him with tears still in her eyes and asked the one question he knew she needed an answer to.

"Sunshine?"

"He's ok, Deb. He's in with Brian right now and Michael is with him. He's strong, sis, he'll make it."

"Of course he will, don't even think about him dying. You just keep those thoughts far away from me. I didn't protect him all these years from that awful family to lose him like this now."

Debbie let Vic help her on with her coat and handed him the keys. She was too shaken to drive. Vic sped down the highway and pulled up in front of the hospital, running around to help his sister from the car. Just as she stepped out Lindsay ran over to walk in with her.

"Lindsay, honey, where's Gus?"

"Melanie's home with him. I didn't think I should bring him down now. At least not until we know something definite."

"Don't you worry, honey. Brian is going to be fine. He's too stubborn to die. Besides he has Sunshine to come back to." Debbie listened to what she was saying but wasn't convinced it was the truth. She knew that Brian was strong, but was he strong enough to survive this?

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Outside room 458- present day

Justin stood just outside of Brian's room, listening to Gus talk about school and his friends. He hadn't seen the boy in weeks and he instantly regretted it. Right after the accident, Justin drew strength from Gus. He was the only other person who never gave up on Brian. Gus was so young when Brian had the wreck and no one was sure whether or not they should tell him the truth. No one except Justin.

Brian had been brutally honest his entire life and Justin knew that he would want Gus to be told the truth about what had happened to him. He had spoken to Lindsay about being there when they told him but Melanie had other ideas. She didn't want Gus to know anything about Brian's condition until they were sure what was happening. Justin remembered the argument that ensued the night he showed up to talk to Gus.

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Marcus-Peterson residence - two weeks after accident

"Justin, what are you doing here?" Melanie opened the door to let him with hesitation. She had already expressed her concerns over Gus knowing about his father's condition and had made it perfectly clear that he wasn't to be told.

"I came to see my lover's son," he replied steely. Pushing past her he stepped into the living room, looking around for the small boy who looked so much like his father. Not finding him he turned back to Melanie just as Lindsay walked in from the kitchen.

"Justin, is something wrong?" She let the dishtowel slip from her hands and rushed over to Justin.

"No nothing's changed. I came to see Gus, if that's ok."

"Of course you can see Gus. He's upstairs in his room, let me go get him."

"Lindsay, we discussed this." Melanie's voice sounded cold and Lindsay shot Justin a look of regret.

"Melanie, can I see you in the kitchen for a moment, please?" Lindsay turned to Justin and excused herself with an apology. Once the door closed behind them Lindsay let Melanie have it. "Gus has the right to know what is going on with his father. He doesn't understand why he can't go see him or talk to him."

"I don't want our son hurt Linds. He's just a little boy."

"He's *my* son and I'll do what I think is right for him. So back off." Lindsay left her partner of nine years standing speechless in the kitchen. Taking the stairs two at a time she went upstairs to retrieve Gus. Picking up her little man she kissed the top of his head and spoke softly to him.

"Hi there lambskin. Justin's here to see you. Would you like to go play with Justin?"

"Justin. Gus play Justin." The little boy looked so much like Brian at that moment that his mother had to fight to hold back the sobs that threatened to consume her. Kissing him again, she held him close for just a minute before taking him back downstairs.

Justin looked up at the sound of footsteps on the stairs and marveled at just how much of Brian was in his son. He had his father's hair and those eyes that demanded honesty. Justin couldn't help but think that Gus was going to be a heartbreaker when he grew up just like Brian.

Lindsay sat Gus down in Justin's lap and took a seat next to them on the sofa. Justin absentmindedly kissed Gus's forehead, just like Brian had done days before. All of a sudden he wasn't so sure this was the right thing to do. His heart sank at the thought of Gus losing his father and never having the chance to say goodbye and he knew he had to tell him.

"Gus, honey, Justin and mommy need to talk to you about dad."

Gus perked up at the sound of his daddy's name. "Daddy? Gus love daddy. Want daddy, mama."

Justin held the small boy close and tried to explain the situation to him. "Gus, do you remember when you fell out of the tree and broke your arm?"

"Yes," the boy responded, interested in where this was going.

"Do you remember how you hit your head too and the doctor wanted you to spend the night in the hospital? Well your daddy had a little accident too and has to spend some time in the hospital."

"Is daddy sick?" The look of fear and worry that crossed his face caused both adults enormous pain.

"Gus, daddy is not feeling well. He needs to rest so his body can heal. Did you know that he has a broken arm too?"

"Your mom is right, daddy needs to rest. But I bet the doctor will let you come see him soon. But you have to remember that he will look kind of scary right now. His arms are in casts just like yours was and so is his leg. Plus daddy has some bandages on his head. He's still sleeping and he may need to sleep for a really long time. But if we love him enough, one day soon he'll open his eyes and come back to us."

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room 458 present day

"JUSTIN" My mind keeps screaming out for him but I can't get my lips to cooperate. I need him to know I'm still here. There has to be a way to let him know that he's right about me. How many days has it been since the accident? Where was he? And why can't I open my damn eyes and look at him?

Next time he's here I have to find a way to let him know that I love him. God knows I never had enough time to him that. Does he know what I had planned for that night? Does he know that I want to spend forever with him by my side? Why the fuck can't I open my eyes? Why can't I come back to Justin?

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Pittsburgh Police Department- one month after accident

Detective Horvath walked into his office reading a file and nearly ran right into Michael Novotny. Sitting down behind his desk, his mind scrambled trying to find a reason why Michael would be in his office at this time ofnight.

"Michael, what can I do for you?"

"Justin said that he remembered Ethan Gold being pulled from the car that hit Brian. Has he been arrested yet?"

"Michael, you know I can't tell you that. All I can tell you is that the accident is still under investigation and no arrests have been made as of now."

"Was Ethan driving the other car?"

"Michael," he started.

"You owe us that much, Horvath. Was Ethan Gold driving the car that hit Brian?"

"Yes, yes he was."

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Liberty Diner- present day

Emmett entered the diner to find his two best friends sitting at their usual table, noses buried in the morning paper. Kissing both on the cheek, he slid in next to Ted. It had taken them some time to get back to the way things used to be between them and even now things were a little strained at times. Their breakup had been hard on both men, but Ted finding Blake again so soon was something that neither expected.

"So what's so interesting that half of gay PA has their noses buried in the morning edition?"

Ted looked up from the paper, unsure of how to tell Emmett exactly what they had all dreaded. Deciding that hearing it from them, rather than reading it in the paper would be better Ted took a deep breath and tried to find the words.

"Well it seems that even in a coma Brian Kinney can make the front page."

"What does that mean, Teddy?"

"Emmett, Ethan is being released from jail today." Michael cut to the chase and Emmett's eyes filled with tears.

"Does Justin know?"

Ben chose that moment to come in and slide in next to his partner. "Morning boys," he said kissing Michael. " I see you've seen the paper."

Emmett flashed Ben a smile and felt that pang of sadness that he was the only one of their friends not in a steady relationship. "We were just wondering if Justin knew."

"He called this morning to say that he would be at the hospital all day. He didn't sound very good. I was thinking that we should all try to make an appearance there sometime today."

"That's a real good idea, Benjamin." Debbie kissed him full on the lips before taking his order. "My son-in-law, always so thoughtful."

"MA," Michael whined.

"I'll take the first shift," Emmett said sliding out of the booth, dropping several bills on the table to cover his untouched breakfast.

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Room 458 - present day

"Hey Bri, the snow finally stopped. I didn't think it ever would. It's been snowing for over a week now. I almost couldn't get out of the building this morning, the snow was piled so high against the door."

Justin sat down on the edge of the bed and held his lover's hand and kissing him like he had done everyday for the last two years. He had been fighting back tears most of the morning since seeing the paper. He was still enraged that they were going to let Ethan go after what he did to Brian.

"They're letting that bastard out of jail today. The D.A. said they could've held him longer if you had died. They all wanted me to give up on you baby. But something inside me keeps telling me that you are still in there somewhere and you're fighting to come back to me. God, if only I knew for sure, Brian. Are you still in there? Can you fight your way back to me? Please?"

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"I'm in here baby. Don't give up on me. You're what keeps me fighting. I love you Justin. I love you."

Brian's mind was frantic with thoughts that he wished he could get out somehow. He listened to Justin and wasn't sure what he was talking about but the sound of his voice was soothing.  The more Justin talked to him the stronger he got. Someday soon he would able to force his eyes to open and then he would have the chance to tell him how much he loved him.

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Six weeks after the accident

Jennifer had convinced him to go back to the loft and get some sleep. It was the first time since Brian had been taken to the hospital that he had been home. He hadn't wanted to leave Brian's side but he knew his mother was right. He did need to rest. He also needed to take care of bills and Brian's company. It was time for him to move forward, at least a little.

The first thing he did was take a hot shower and put on a pair of Brian's sweats. Afterwards he sat down on their bed and held onto the jacket Brian had been wearing the night of the accident. As he held it close he felt the bulge in the breast pocket and investigated further. He opened the coat and felt inside the pocket pulling out a black velvet box.

He held the box in his hand for what seemed an eternity before opening it. Slowly pulling the top up he was stunned to find two identical unity bands inside. Taking the smaller one out he held it tightly in his hand, running his finger over the smooth platinum finish. He held the ring in his hand for at least an hour before the crying subsided.

He fished around in the pocket looking for any more clues about what Brian had planned that night. He pulled out several folded papers and opened each one until he opened the last one. The tears fell and smeared the ink as he read the words Brian had written for him.

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Room 458 present day

Emmett stood in the doorway, listening to Justin talk to Brian. His heart broke for his friend. He knew the pain of losing someone you loved deeply but he could never know what this felt like. He felt like he was intruding so he knocked on the door and let himself in.

"Hey there baby."

"Hey Emm, what are you doing here?"

"Thought you could use a little moral support today. So I volunteered to be your babysitter."

"Very funny, Emm. But you can go back to the boys and tell them I don't need watching. I'm fine. It's just another day."

"I know that isn't true, Justin. And so do you. I know how hard this must be for you to have to come here everyday and see the man you love just lying there. Its hard for me to see him like this and he's not my lover. Sometimes it's ok to be scared and he won't hold it against you."

"I can't Emm, not today. I can't let Brian down."

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Outside of Pittsburgh Regional Jail present day

Ethan Gold stepped out into the snow and sun. He was finally free to finish what he started. His anger boiled at the thought of the years wasted behind bars. He had kept up with Brian's progress over the years through friends. He knew that no one held out hope that he would live except Justin.

He had to get into that room so he could finish the job. With one pull of the plug he could kill Brian and destroy Justin at the same time.

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One year before - outside of Liberty Diner

Justin had stopped by for dinner before going back to sit with Brian for a few hours. Debbie had been so happy to see him out in public that she refused to let him pay. He had spent more time with her and Emmett than he had planned. It was just good to pretend to be normal for a few hours.

He had laughed for the first time in months and it had felt good. Even he had to admit that his life was not what most people would consider normal. But he couldn't let Brian down. After managing to escape Debbie's bear hugs he stepped out into the rain, running smack into Ted.

"Hey Sunshine, what’s the rush?" Teddy said steadying Justin so he didn't fall.

"Sorry Ted, I was just trying to get out before Debbie noticed. I have to get back to the hospital."

"Oh that's right, back to the vegetable."

"He's not a vegetable Ted. Brian’s is going to come out of this any day now."

"Its been a year, Justin. Time to let go. Why don't you pull the plug and let him die in dignity."

"And what if Brian had done that for you Ted? You'd be dead. Everyone had written you off. Everyone except Brian. He saved your life. How can you even think that I should let him die?"

"I was only in a coma for a few days Justin. He's been gone for over a year now. LET HIM GO."

"FUCK YOU THEODORE SCHMIDT!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Room 458 present day

"Maybe Teddy was right, Emm. Maybe I should have let him go. Maybe I should just give up. If he was coming back he would've by now."

"Justin, honey, you don't mean that. There is something inside your heart telling you that Brian is still in there somewhere. You have to keep on believing that. Don't let Ted or anyone else tell you it's wrong to love him or protect him."

"I just keep thinking about the last two years. Emmett my whole life has revolved around Brian waking up. What if he never does? What if my love isn't enough to make him wake up?"

Justin's anger was building and his mind kept telling him that he had to make a choice. He had been thinking about this for days and today, with Ethan getting out of jail, he couldn't stop himself anymore. With tears falling from his blue eyes he crossed the room and yanked the plug from the wall.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Why is he crying? He sounds so angry. God damn it what the fuck is that beeping sound. I have to find a way to make him see that I'm still alive. Fuck why is it so hard to breath? OH MY GOD did he turn off the respirator? Has he given up on us?

Breath damn you Kinney. If ever there was a time that you need to beat the odds now is the time. Do it for Justin.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The monitors went crazy and the room quickly flooded with nurses calling code blue. Doctors ran into the room and Emmett ushered Justin out. He was still in shock that his friend had just disconnected Brian's respirator but he still had to protect him.

After a few short minutes the loud beeping stopped and nurses and doctors left the room in silence. Emmett began to weep silently while Justin stood with his head bowed. Both men looked up at the sound of a voice.

"I don't know how to explain it, Mr. Taylor, but he's breathing on his own. We took the trach tube out and I was about to call the time of death when he took this deep breath and then his breathing became regular. He's alive. Brian's alive, at least for now."

"Justin, did you hear that? Brian's alive? Can you believe it?" Emmett was overjoyed for his friend. He had been right all along. Brian was fighting his way back to Justin.

"Emm could you go call everyone and let them know what happened? I need a few minutes alone with him."

"Sure Justin. Take your time. I'll just be out here in the hall if you need me." Emmett kissed his best friend's cheek and watched him go back into Brian's room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm breathing. I'm really doing it. All on my own. Fuck, I'm really doing it. I can feel his hand on mine. I squeeze back and try my damnedest to open my eyes. I have to do this. I have to see his face again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I slowly went back into his room. I sat on the edge of the bed and put my head on his chest and listened. He really was breathing on his own. He was coming back to me. I couldn't stop the tears and I didn't even want to. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it hard just to let him know that I still loved him.

At first I thought I had dreamt it when he squeezed my hand. Then I fully comprehended what was happening. Brian was coming back to me all the way. Just as I was about to push the nurse call button the door opened and Ethan Gold stepped into the room.

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"Now how did I know I'd find you here?"

"Get out Ethan."

"Fuck you, Justin. You are so pathetic. All these years and here you are still sitting by his side crying over him. He should've died that night and he would've if you hadn't been here."

Justin flew across the room at his former lover and threw him back against the wall. "You bastard. You should be the one lying there, not Brian. If you ever come near him again I'll kill you."

Emmett stepped into the room and gasped. Justin turned at the sound and found Brian's eyes open. Forgetting about Ethan, he rushed to Brian's side.

"Brian? Can you hear me? Oh god, welcome back baby."

"Justin," Brian managed to whisper just before Justin kissed him. Emmett ran from the room to get the doctor. Everyone forgot that Ethan Gold had even been there. He slipped from the room unnoticed and left the hospital quietly.

Justin held onto Brian as if letting go of him would mean he would disappear. Brian tried to speak again but Justin put a finger over his lip to stop him. "Don't baby. Just wait until the doctor checks you out."

Brian reached a shaky hand up and wiped a stray tear from Justin's eye. "Don't cry, Justin."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

An hour later the doctor motioned for Justin to follow him out into the hall. Justin kissed Brian and told him he'd be right back and then followed the doctor.

"Everything seems to be normal, which is a miracle considering he was in a coma for two years. We have to monitor him closely for the next few weeks and he is facing extensive physical therapy. Don't get me wrong Mr. Taylor, there is good reason to be optimistic. Him waking up is nothing short of a miracle but we still need to be cautious."

"I understand that, but he wasn't supposed to wake up and he did. Brian's a fighter, doc. All I want to know is when he can come home."

"Don't rush things Mr. Taylor. It may be months before he is released. What I need you to do now, Mr. Taylor is find out exactly what he remembers. Talk to him let him talk to you. Things are going to seem strange to him at first, just reassure him that you're here and he's safe."

"That is not a problem doc. I'm not going anywhere."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I walked back into the room and found him frowning as he tried to pull the IVs out of his arm. I ran over and put a hand over his. "Stop, Brian."

"Why are you here? Why aren't you with your boyfriend?" he choked out hoarsely.

"I am with my boyfriend, Brian." I sat back on his bed and kept my hands on his trying to figure out where his mind was.

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