Seven Days

Day One:

Brian was in the loft pacing. What he really needed at that moment was either a shot of Beam or a joint or maybe even a hit of E and he couldn't have any of it. The loft had been completely cleared out. Not even a beer or a cigarette in the entire place. He was pacing around like a caged animal, unable to sit still. It had been several hours and he just couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed his coat and keys and started to head out.

"Where do you think you're going?" The voice called from the bedroom as soon as the door slid open. Brian sighed heavily and shut the door.

"No where." He took off his coat and started pacing again.

"You need to calm down and relax." Justin said as he appeared in the bedroom doorway.

"How can I fucking relax? I can't have a drink. I can't have a joint. I can't even have a fucking cigarette for Christ's sake! How the hell am I supposed to relax?"

"Brian, this is exactly why you can't have any of that stuff. You've grown too dependent. You need to learn to relax without chemical assistance." Justin said. Brian just sighed as he continued to pace. He needed to leave, but Justin wouldn't let him. He didn't trust Brian and he had every reason not to trust him because as soon as Brian walked out the door the first place he would head was to the nearest gas station for a pack of cigarettes. So Brian got to spend his Saturday afternoon cooped up in the loft.

Later that night it was almost impossible for Brian to sleep. All of his other means of relaxing had been taken away and now, the fact that Justin was simply his friend and no longer his lover, had taken away yet another. There he was, lying in bed, looking as hot as Brian had ever imagined and he couldn't touch him, couldn't kiss him, and couldn't fuck him senseless. This got Brian to pacing again. He needed something, anything, but there was nothing in the loft.

"Brian, you need to come back to bed."

"Can't sleep." Was all Brian said as he paced. Justin looked at the clock and saw that it was almost three. Justin was starting to get concerned. Maybe Brian needed help after all. It would take Brian admitting it for that to happen, though, and Brian rarely admitted needing help. Justin was surprised when Brian asked for his help in this. He walked into the living room and stood right in Brian's path, causing the man to stop.

"You need to sleep."

"I need a hit, a drink, a joint......that's what I need. I can't fucking sleep."

"Brian.......you don't need any of that shit. You think you need it, but you don't. Just come to bed."

"I'll toss and turn and keep you up."

"Like you pacing out here isn't doing that already?" He tried to make light of the situation but Brian obviously wasn't biting. Justin knew the real reason Brian couldn't sleep and he sighed heavily. Brian looked like he was about to start pacing again when Justin grabbed his face and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

"Don't fucking tease me, Justin." Brian snarled as he pulled back.

"Who's teasing?" Justin said with a smirk as he moved back toward the bedroom, shedding his t-shirt and sweats as he went. When he got to the bedroom doorway he shook his ass in Brian's direction, then went on in. Brian grinned ferally, then followed.
 

*****

Day Two:

It had been all of forty-eight hours since the last time Brian had a drink, or a cigarette or anything and it was starting to show. He sat on the couch clutching his knees to his chest, rocking slightly and staring blankly ahead. His addiction had grown far worse than Justin thought and he was starting to get really scared. He was starting to wonder if maybe he should call a doctor or something. Justin went over to the couch and sat down, reaching a hand out to touch Brian on the shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Brian screamed and he stood, moving away from Justin, his eyes darting around the room. He was walking backwards and ended up in the corner by the chaise.

"Brian......" Justin started as he moved toward the other man.

"Don't fucking touch me! Don't come anywhere near me!" He tried to get further into the corner but it just wasn't going to happen. Justin nodded and backed off. He reached for the phone and called the first number that came to mind.

"Where is he?" Vic said as he came in the door. Debbie was at the diner working so it’d been up to Vic. He didn't really want Debbie handling the situation anyway. She hadn't ever dealt with someone in Brian's condition before so she would probably go about it all wrong. Vic had been there many times and knew exactly what to do.

"Over there." Justin said as he pointed to the corner where Brian sat. He was in the same position he’d been in on the couch, only this time he had his forehead resting on his knees. It sounded like he was muttering something, but from this distance Vic couldn't tell what. He could tell, however, that Justin was very worried.

"Did you call a doctor?"

"No, should I?" Justin asked. Vic shook his head.

"The doctor will just give him some drugs to help him and the last thing you need when getting off one drug is to get on another."

"Is he gonna be okay?" Justin asked.

"Only time will tell, Justin. But......I need you to do something for me. Put on some coffee, nice and strong. And then I need you to get the ice pack I know Brian has around here somewhere and fill it with ice." Vic removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves as he spoke. Justin simply nodded and started to do as he was asked. Vic went into the bathroom and got a towel, wetting one half of it with cold water. He then moved back out into the living room. "How long?"

"What?"

"How long has it been?"

"About two days.....I think." Justin said. Vic nodded and then started to slowly make his way over to Brian. He tried to keep his voice calm and his tone soothing.

"Brian......baby.....it's me, Vic."

"Vic?" Brian looked up. There was a look on his face that Vic had seen on many faces. It was a look of helplessness combined with raw need. It was the look of someone trying to break an addiction.

"Yeah, it's me. Can I come sit with you?" Brian seemed to think it over for a minute, then he nodded slowly. Vic came and sat down beside Brian, putting one arm around his shoulders and using the other to gently wash his face with the cold towel. Brian rested his head on Vic's shoulder.

"I'm so tired." Brian sounded almost pitiful. Vic was trying to remember that this was the strong, dynamic Brian he’d known for years but under the circumstances that was very hard to do.

"I know, baby. I'm here to help. Don't you worry, okay?" Brian simply nodded. When Justin started to come over to where they were, Brian tensed up and started trying to back away again.

"DON'T COME NEAR ME! I MEAN IT!" He screamed. Vic wrapped both arms around him, trying to calm him. He made a motion for Justin to stay back.

"Shhhh......Brian......it's okay. He won't hurt you." Vic said softly. Brian buried his face against Vic's shoulder.

"Don't let him near me, Vic, please.."

"Okay.....okay. I won't. But......I have to go get something, okay? He won't come near you, I promise." Brian nodded and Vic got up to get the coffee and the ice pack.

"Why is he doing that?" Justin asked, the hurt obvious in his tone and expression.

"Justin, don't take it personally. Someone in his condition isn't thinking rationally. He's probably hallucinating at the moment. It could be anything. Just don't worry about it. If he remembers after all this is over he's going to feel very guilty about it and you need to keep that from happening."

"What do you mean, if he remembers?"

"I've done this a lot of times, Justin. Most of the time they don't remember what happened. They remember when they stopped taking the drugs and they remember the day the detoxing was over with, but everything in-between is just a blur. He might not even remember it at all, but it's possible he could. You can't let him feel guilty about the way he's treating you right now because at the moment he doesn't realize it's you." Justin simply nodded and Vic went back to trying to keep Brian calm and at least slightly sane.
 

*****

Day Three:

It was unnerving watching Brian just sitting there staring blankly at the wall. Vic called Debbie and explained the situation, telling her he was going to be staying at Brian's for a while. She knew his history of helping friends down and was more than willing to let him help Brian. Justin was happy to have someone that knew what was going on around to help him. Had it not been for Vic, Justin would have panicked at the first sight of Brian. To call him catatonic was an understatement. Totally out of it came to Justin's mind.

"And this is totally normal?" Justin asked as he looked at Brian. Vic nodded.

"Especially with the drugs that he's ingested throughout his life. We just have to make sure that he eats and has plenty of liquid and help him to the bathroom. A shower would be helpful too."

"And he'd need help in the shower?" Justin swallowed hard after asking.

"Yes, he would. He can move under his own power but.......well.......the lights are on but nobody's home. We can get him to walk, but we have to guide him where to go." Justin simply nodded and Vic suddenly understood. "If you want, I can take him into the shower." He offered and smiled at Justin's relieved sigh. Vic helped Brian stand, then led him into the bathroom. Justin heard the water running and after about a half an hour, Vic came out of the bathroom, wearing Brian's robe.

"I need you to shave him. I don't want to take any chances." Justin nodded and went into the bathroom. Brian was just standing there staring at the mirror, though his eyes were unfocused. Justin hopped up onto the counter and grabbed the shaving cream, lathering up Brian's face. He grabbed the razor and pulled Brian a little closer, then started to carefully shave him. When he was done, he looked at Brian a minute.

"Please be okay." Justin said worriedly as he hugged Brian. He wasn't really expecting a response but it was something he felt he had to do. Once he helped Brian dress he led him into the living room and sat him down on the couch. He turned the TV on and put in Moulin Rogue. Vic gave him a questioning glance. "It's his favorite movie." Justin explained. Vic nodded.

"That could help." Vic said. Justin smiled, not realizing that it was a good idea.

"Besides, it's a really good movie." Vic made some popcorn and the three of them sat there, only Vic and Justin were actually watching the movie. Brian just sat there with a blank stare on his face, dead to the world around him.
 

*****

Day Four:

Justin and Vic were awakened by the sound of breaking glass. They’d fallen asleep on the couch, having watched movies well into the early hours of the morning. There was another crash and they looked in the direction from which it came. Brian was in the kitchen. He was picking up the glasses and throwing them.

"What's going on?" Justin asked.

"I was afraid this would happen. I was hoping it wouldn't"

"What?"

"This is known as the anger stage. He's very irrational, possibly violent." There was another crash. "Okay, definitely violent." Justin swallowed hard. Brian was bigger and stronger than both he and Vic. He wondered how they were going to get out of this one. He stood and started to move slowly toward Brian.

"Brian." He said softly and the man turned his gaze on the blonde. He had a sneer on his face and a fire in his eyes that Justin had never seen before. Not even when the loft was robbed.

"Fuck you!" He screamed throwing a glass at Justin, who barely ducked in time to avoid getting hit. "You left me for that fucking fiddler you prick! I hate you!" He threw another glass, this once sailing by Justin's left ear.

"Brian........calm down." Justin tried to reason with him.

"Calm down?! Who the fuck do you think you are telling me to calm down?!" He threw yet another glass, missing Justin by a mile. That's when Justin realized something. Brian wasn't aiming for him. Justin had seen Brian try to hit someone with a thrown object, his aim was near perfect, and yet the glasses were missing him. Brian was simply trying to scare him. Vic stood at that moment, apparently realizing the same thing.

"Brian, stop this, now." His voice was firm. His tone was authoritative. Brian looked at him a minute.

"But....." He said, pointing at Justin. At that moment he seemed like a child that had gotten in trouble and was trying to blame someone else for the misdeed.

"I said stop it." Vic gave him a look that Justin had seen on Brian's face a few times. It was that "see what happens if you don't do what I say" kind of look that Justin always wilted under. Brian sighed and looked down. It amazed Justin the amount of control Vic had over Brian. He wondered about their history. It seemed that Brian would do whatever Vic told him no matter what the situation. Vic walked over to the kitchen and carefully made his way through the broken glass over to Brian.

"Clean that up, will you Justin?" He asked as he led Brian over to the couch. Justin nodded and went to find the broom and the dustpan.

"Why is he even here?" Brian asked, the anger rising again.

"He's here because I asked him here. He's helping me out."

"But he left. I hate him!" Brian started to stand and Vic somehow managed to get him to sit again.

"No, Brian, you don't. You're just angry at the world right now and you’re taking it out on Justin. You're mad because you think you need something and you know we won't give it to you. Am I right?" After a moment's thought Brian nodded. "You just need to take a deep breath and relax and everything will be okay." Brian did as instructed, resting his head on Vic's shoulder and snaking an arm around the older man's waist. Vic reached up and started gently stroking Brian's hair, kissing the top of his head.

"I'm sorry." Brian said softly and that got Justin to stop. This was the same man that said that sorry is bullshit and here he was apologizing.

"It's okay, baby. It's not your fault." Vic said soothingly. If Justin thought he was shocked before he was downright floored by the next thing that came out of Brian's mouth.

"I love you, Vic." Brian moved his head a little so he could look up. Vic smiled and kissed his forehead.

"I know, baby, I love you too." They sat there on the couch like that for quite some time. Later that afternoon, Vic convinced Brian to take a nap. He was in the bedroom and Vic was sitting on the couch watching an old movie, the volume turned down. Justin came over and took a seat beside him.

"What was that all about?"

"What was what all about?" Vic looked at the blonde beside him.

"I mean.......Brian's never said I love you to anybody. Not that I know of anyway and then earlier......" Vic nodded.

"Oh that........that is something between Brian and me. If he wants to tell you, that's up to him." Vic smiled and turned back to the TV leaving Justin even more confused than before.
 

*****

Day Five:

Brian was once again the first to wake up. He felt good; better than he had in a long time. It was one of the best night's sleeps he'd had in ages. He got up and showered, then got dressed before going in to make some coffee. Somehow he’d managed to keep from waking Justin and Vic, though the smell of the coffee had done the job. Vic slept in the bed with Brian and Justin slept on the couch. Vic, however, was the first one to wake up. He came into the kitchen and smiled.

"You're looking rather rested." He commented as Brian poured him a cup of coffee.

"That's probably because I am." Brian said with a smile. Vic hadn't seen him smile like that in a very long time.

"How do you feel?"

"Fantastic." Vic nodded knowingly. Justin got up at that point and got himself a cup of coffee.

"Morning, Sunshine." Brian said cheerfully and Justin groaned. Brian laughed and kissed Justin's temple, then headed into the bedroom.

"So I guess it's over, huh?" Justin asked as he took a sip. He raised an eyebrow when Vic shook his head. "But he seems fine."

"Ever heard the expression 'The calm before the storm'?" He asked.

"Yeah, but.......oh........oh no. Please tell me you're joking." Vic shook his head again.

"I'm afraid the worst is yet to come."
 

*****

Day Six:

When Vic woke up and couldn't find Brian anywhere he started to worry. He heard the shower running in the bathroom and got up to go check. Sitting there on the floor of the shower, letting the water run over him was Brian. He was sobbing so hard his shoulders were shaking. Vic got undressed and stepped into the shower with Brian, taking a seat next to him and touching his shoulder. He was almost knocked over when Brian hugged him.

"I'm so sorry!" Brian sobbed, burying his head against Vic's neck. The older man just rubbed his back, trying to calm him down.

"Shhhh, Brian, it's okay."

"No........it's not okay. I was such an asshole, how did you put up with me? Why did you even bother?"

"Because I love you and I’m willing to forgive your faults, Brian." He continued to rub Brian's back. After a while he finally coaxed Brian out of the shower, though he couldn't get him to stop crying. He'd seen this many times before. The memories of their past, drug induced, transgressions come flooding back and the guilt overwhelms them. It had happened so many times. After finally getting Brian dressed and into the living room, Vic went into the kitchen to make him something to eat. When Justin woke up he was almost tackled.

"Justin......I'm so sorry......I treated you like shit......I'm sorry." Brian kept repeating the same phrases over and over again. Justin looked at Vic with a seriously confused expression. Vic mouthed "Tell him you forgive him" And Justin nodded.

"Shhhh, Brian......I forgive you. It's okay."

"It's not okay. It's not.......I was such a prick." He was still clinging tightly to Justin. "How could you possibly forgive me for everything I did to you?" Justin looked at Vic again and Vic shrugged meaning it was up to Justin to answer that question. Justin closed his eyes and decided to be honest.

"Because I love you." He said softly and Brian looked up at him. Justin's heart broke at the amount of pain and guilt he saw swimming in those beautiful hazel eyes. He also noticed a tiny bit of hope.

"Even after all I did?"

"Yes, even then. I still love you, Brian. Nothing is going to change that." He reached up and touched Brian's cheeks, wiping away the tears. Brian smiled slightly. The rest of the day was spent trying to convince Brian that he needed to calm down and relax and stop crying and that he really was worthy of their forgiveness.
 

*****

Day Seven:

Vic and Justin let Brian sleep in. He was exhausted when they went to bed the night before. He'd been crying all day and that can be hard work. They sat on either side of the table, sipping coffee and talking.

"So......this should be it?" Justin asked and Vic nodded.

"He should be fine, but he's going to need help to stay away from it all. He needs to stay away from Babylon and Woody's for a while. It's too tempting."

"But......he's gonna be bored off his ass and want to go out."

"Give him something to do. Talk to him."

"Brian never wants to talk."

"That was the old Brian. This is the new, drug free Brian. He might be willing to talk. Especially after last night. And believe me, he is going to remember everything that happened yesterday. I know Brian well enough to know that if you bring up the fact that he was sobbing like a baby all day yesterday he will shut you out. You know how he is about his image." Justin nodded.

"Trust me, I don't plan on saying anything." They’d been silent for a few minutes when Brian woke up and came into the kitchen.

"Morning, Brian." Justin said cheerfully. Brian simply nodded.

"How ya feeling this morning, kid?" Vic asked. Brian covered a yawn before taking a seat on one of the bar stools and facing them.

"Exhausted."

"That's understandable." Vic said. Brian simply nodded and sipped his coffee.

"I was thinking we could rent a movie tonight." Justin chimed in after a moment. Brian shrugged, covering yet another yawn.

"I'm probably gonna go to bed early." He admitted finally. Both Justin and Vic nodded. When it was clear to Vic that Justin could handle the situation, Vic stood.

"Well, boys, I've got to get going. I think Deb is going to wonder if I'm ever coming back." He smiled which made both Brian and Justin laugh. Brian followed Vic to the door.

"Thank you." He said, hugging the older man. Vic smiled and hugged back.

"Anytime, kid. You know I'll always be there for you." He moved back a little and put a hand on Brian's cheek. Brian smiled, then turned his head and kissed Vic's palm, having completely forgotten that Justin was in the room. Vic motioned with his head toward Justin.

"He might have some questions about us. How much you tell him is up to you." Brian looked a little confused at first, then he started to remember some of what happened and he nodded. Vic opened the door and started down the stairs, the elevator being broken again.

"I'm gonna hold you to that." Brian called after Vic. The older man stopped and turned to look at him.

"To what?"

"You said you'd always be there for me. I'm holding you to that." He smiled. Vic returned the smile and nodded, then left. Brian shut the door then turned and looked at Justin.

"So I guess you want to know." He said more than asked the blonde.

"Only what you want to tell." Justin said. Brian nodded and got himself a refill, then sat down to tell Justin the story of his first love.
 

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