Essay

Brian A Kinney
December 24th, 1983
 
 
 
 
What do I want for Christmas?  That's a very good question.  Most kids my age say that they want toys of some kind.  Some say they want baseball cards or a new bicycle.  That's not what I want at all.  I could lie and say that I don't know what I want, but as I said, that would be a lie.  I know exactly what I want, but I also know that I will never get it.

I guess you'll notice that I've typed this essay.  I would have hand written it except that my dad took all my pens and pencils from me.  He didn't want me to write it.  He wants me to fail at everything just like he did.  He's not too bright sometimes.  He forgot I still have my typewriter.  Of course, it's hard to be really smart when you're drunk. 
 

But, that has nothing to do with what I want for Christmas.  Or maybe it does.  Now that I think about it, the fact that my dad is an abusive drunk has everything to do with what I want for Christmas.  What I want for Christmas is to get out of this house.  I want to graduate from high school and go to college somewhere out of state and never turn back.  My grandma says that I'm smart enough to get a scholarship to any college I want.  Of course, I'm only in sixth grade so I still have six years to go to see if that's still true.  I think it will be though. 
 

I guess, most of all, I just want a family that loves me.  I want to be with someone that will accept me for who I am no matter what.  Even if it's just a best friend.  I hope to have lots of friends some day.  Without my dad embarrassing me and driving them away that shouldn't be too hard.  But I think that more than anything else in this world what I really want is to be loved.  I want someone that will look at me, at everything about me, my faults and everything and say "Who cares? I love him anyway."  I want to be wanted.  Because it's obvious that I'm not wanted now.  I would write more, but it's hard to elaborate on that, so I'm going to have to just turn in a 3/4 page assignment.
 

Return to Rena's