Change
Part 1

Okay, the last couple of days have been REALLY weird to say the least. I guess I should start from the beginning. It all started about three days ago. It’s been four months and Brian still hasn’t found a job yet. He’s sent his resume to ad agencies all over the country and even some outside the country, but he hasn’t heard a word from anyone. He decided, about a month ago, that he was going to start looking for a filler job to pay the bills until he got a better job.

“As my dad used to say ‘Any paycheck is better than no paycheck.’” He told me. I could tell that Brian hated the fact that he actually had to follow his father’s advice but what can you do? When you need the money you need the money. So while I was working at the diner, he would go out and look for jobs. He filled out applications at every place that had a now hiring sign, even a couple that didn’t.

So about three days ago Debbie tells me that they hired a new dishwasher. Now, the job of the dishwasher is not only to wash the dishes and dry them and put them away, but the dishwasher also has to make sure that the storeroom is stocked, has to help with inventory, and is responsible for putting away the shipment every time it comes. It’s a lot of heavy lifting and hard work and we’d been having a really hard time finding someone to take the job after Pierre quit about three weeks ago. I was ecstatic about this because, well, being one of the youngest employees; guess who got to help with a lot of the heavy work?

Well, when I went over to Brian’s that night he tells me that he got a job. I’m thinking this is wonderful. We get a new dishwasher at the diner and Brian gets a new job all in the same day. I asked him which agency and he said that it wasn’t at an agency. It was a filler job. I was like, okay that’s cool. Let me just say I was living up to my hair color at this point in time. So I asked him if he wanted to go celebrate and he said no. That I should go without him. Well, I was really in the mood for a drink so I kissed him and said I’d be back in an hour or so and he said fine and I left. Again, living up to my hair color.

So I walked into Woody’s and I ordered a beer. I still smile sometimes when I remember that I used to get carded all the time. Now the bartenders know that if they don’t let me buy the beer I’ll just get someone else to buy it for me so they’re just like “Okay, Justin, here you go.” And hand me the beer and life goes on. It’s the same way at Babylon. Being Brian Kinney’s……whatever has its advantages. So I’m sitting there with this huge ass grin on my face just enjoying my beer and Emmett walks up and asks me why I’m so happy and I tell him.

“So where is the illustrious Mr. Kinney?” He asks looking around.

“At home.” I tell him.

“So, you’re celebrating Brian’s new job without him?” Emmett asked me with a raised eyebrow. I just told him it’s what Brian wanted and he gave me this funny look and I shrugged. Reminder: I’m a blond. Okay, so after my beer and talking with Emmett for a while and watching this really hot couple make out I decide that I’m horny and so I go back to the loft. When I get there, who do I see talking to Brian but none other than MY MOTHER!

I was completely floored. Almost literally. Of course, that might have been because I wasn’t watching where I was going and I tripped over my own feet. But anyway. So I go in and I’m looking at the two of them and I’m totally confused and they can tell I’m totally confused, but nobody says a word. Finally Brian speaks up.

“I have to sell the loft. Your mom is gonna put it up on the market for me.” I can hear the total sadness in his voice and it breaks my heart. I mean, the loft is his home. Rage’s lair from which he watches over Gayopolis. The loft is as much a part of Brian as…..well….his dick. And now he has to sell it. I walked over to him and I gave him a hug and he hugged back and I vaguely remember my mom smiling at us and we just kind of held each other for a minute before she cleared her throat and reminded us she was there.

“I’ll see how much I can get for it. It’s a great space and I’m sure I can get probably twice what you paid for it.” She said as she put some papers away.

“Thanks, Jennifer.” Brian said. I’m thinking wait a minute! When the fuck did they get on a first name basis? Last I knew she was still Mrs. Taylor. What happened here? Of course, I just thought that, I didn’t say it. So my mom packed up her things and she left and I sat down in Brian’s lap and I remember that he looked up at me for a minute, then he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head against my chest and just stayed like that. For the first time in the whole time I’ve known him Brian just wanted me to hold him. So I did. God knows I’ll give Brian anything he wants. Especially when he’s vulnerable like that.

So anyway. I told him I had to work the next night and he said that he did too; he started his new job the next night. Debbie told me before I left that the new dishwasher was starting that next night. Once again: blond. He told me that he actually had to go in to work before I did and that he’d see me after. He had this look on his face like he wanted to smirk but he was trying not to, but I just thought it was because he wanted to get laid. This is Brian we’re talking about after all.

I go in to work the next night and Debbie just smiles at me and I’m thinking that I’m going to have to introduce myself to the new dishwasher. I try to get to know all the staff. I’m just that kind of a person. So I go to the back to get something and I look in the kitchen and who do I see standing at the sink? Brian. Standing there up to his elbows in greasy, soapy water because the dishwasher was broken. See, normally they just rinse off the dishes, shove them in crates, throw them in the dishwasher then go do other things while that load is getting washed.

I do remember Frankie, the cook, saying that he’s never seen cleaner dishes in his life. Apparently Brian is an expert at washing dishes. Of course, he’s so fucking anal about keeping everything clean and he’s a serious perfectionist so I’m not surprised. I looked at some of the dishes that he’d done and they were even cleaner than the dishwasher gets them. That could be a good thing and a bad thing. Because of his talent the dishwasher might just stay broken until he leaves. But I don’t know if the owner would do that.

“Hi.” I say to him because I just have to go over and talk to him. He looks at me and actually smiles. Not one of his snarky, self-satisfied sneers but a genuine deep down “I’m actually happy to see you” smile. He always looks so beautiful when he really smiles. Not that he’s not beautiful anyway, but you know what I mean.

“Hey.”

“So this is the new job, huh?” I asked him. It’s like “Duh, Justin! Hello!” I don’t think I need to mention again that I am a blond.

“Yeah, looks like.” His smile kind of changed a little bit to the tiniest hint of sadness.

“Not exactly what you signed up for, is it?” I pointed to the sink for emphasis.

“No, but at least this way I don’t have to work on the store room until after dinner rush is over.” That was a typical Brian Kinney sarcastic comment if ever I heard one. I nodded and sighed and we shared a quick kiss before I had to get out there and help some customers. I really felt bad for Brian because I know that he hates menial little jobs like this that are so obviously below him. I mean, he’s a fucking advertising GOD and he’s washing dishes at a diner.

Well, my shift ended at ten and I went back to the kitchen to see if Brian wanted a ride home because I had my mom’s car. He was sitting on a crate in the alley behind the diner smoking a cigarette.

“You know, this is the first break I’ve had since I got here?” He told me as he looked up at me. God, he looked so exhausted. I felt so bad. It was made even worse when I looked down at his hands and saw that they were all red and pruny and just looked…..well, they looked like they’d been soaked in scalding hot soapy water for hours.

“Please tell me you’re joking.” I said. I sighed when he shook his head. “I’m so sorry.” He took a long drag off his cigarette and I was expecting his typical sorry’s bullshit remark.

“Not your fault.” Was what I actually got. That and a shrug. I walked over to him and pulled him to me so that his head was resting on my chest. I remember he took a deep breath and let it out slowly and we just stayed like that for a minute.

“Break’s over, Kinney, get back to work.” I think that was Harry but I’m not sure since I wasn’t looking.

“I haven’t even finished my fucking cigarette.” Brian replied.

“Doesn’t matter. Break’s over. Come on.” Then the door closed. Brian sighed and threw his cigarette down and stomped it out, then he stood, gave me a quick kiss.

“I’ll call you when I get done here.” He said before going back inside. I just sighed and got in the car and since Brian wasn’t going to be home, I went back to Daphne’s. I really don’t remember falling asleep but obviously I did because the phone ringing woke me up. I looked at the time on the display, since it was my cell, and it said that it was two in the morning. It was also from the diner.

“Hello?”

“Hey.” It was Brian and he sounded so fucking tired.

“Are you just now getting off?” I asked him, a little amazed.

“Actually, I was hoping you could help me get off.” He said in typical Brian fashion and I couldn’t keep from smirking.

“I’ll come get you.”

“In what?”

“I have my mom’s car.”

“Oh, okay.” Then he hung up. Daphne asked me what was going on while I was getting dressed. I apologized for the phone waking her and told her that Brian needed a ride home from work. She said okay and to be careful and then I left. When I got to the diner Brian was sitting in one of the booths leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. At first I thought he was just relaxing or something, but when I got closer I could hear that he was faintly snoring. He’d fallen asleep while waiting for me. Considering it took me all of ten minutes to get there, he must have been exhausted.

“Poor thing.” Kiki said from behind me.

“When did he come in to work?” I asked her…..him……uh…..Kiki.

“Three I think.” Kiki answered.

“So you’re telling me he’s been here for almost twelve hours?”

“Yeah.” Kiki nodded and I sighed again. I went back to find whoever was in charge at the moment, I never can keep track of the various managers. All I was told was that it’s a normal shift for a dishwasher and that Brian actually got off work about an hour early because he was a hard worker. I remember thinking that this job is going to kill Brian because it’s not like it’s every other night or something like that. This was an every night job. And since Brian was the only dishwasher it was most likely a seven day a week thing.

I finally got Brian to wake up so I could get him into the car. He’s enough bigger than me that I couldn’t just carry him half asleep out there. I certainly would have if I could have. He fell asleep in the car on the way to the loft and then woke up enough to get into the loft. I got him into bed and he lay there for a minute and I thought he was asleep but I guess he wasn’t.

“Justin?”

“Yeah?”

“My feet hurt.” His voice was all sleepy and cute and I know if he were wide-awake he never would have said anything. I hadn’t taken his shoes off yet so I slipped them off, and his socks and I started to rub his feet for him. He kind of moaned and said it felt good and I told him that I’d rub his feet for him every night if he needed me to. I’m not sure if he heard me or not because he was sound asleep when I turned to look at him. I climbed up in the bed and cuddled up with him and went to sleep.

Later that morning when I woke up, Brian was still asleep. I got up and started to make some breakfast because it was around ten in the morning. Brian had some bread and some bacon and some eggs so I made toast to go along with the bacon and eggs. Just as I was finishing up cooking the last piece of bacon Brian stumbled out of the bedroom. Luckily I’d remembered to start the coffee because the first thing he did was went over and poured himself a cup.

“Morning.” I said, setting the plate down in front of him. He just kind of grunted, then sat down on one of the bar stools and started eating. I sat down beside him and we ate breakfast in relative silence. Once we were done eating we rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher and Brian went back into the bedroom and lay down. I followed him, and lay down beside him and I remember he rolled so that he was facing me and curled up about as small as Brian can get and snuggled as close to me as humanly possible. I thought it was the most adorable thing I’d ever seen and I just wrapped my arms around him and held him. I stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head and we just lay there like that for a few minutes.

“Why are you still here?” I was shaken from my momentary bliss by the mumbled question.

“What?”

“Why are you still here?” He asked again. I thought his voice sounded kind of funny but I figured it was just because he was curled up so small and it was just muffled. I remembered that I usually didn’t spend the night and I thought maybe he was telling me to leave so I started to get up. He had his arms around me at the time and he held me tighter, but he kept his head down. “No….that’s not what I meant. I mean….why are you still here?” He still wouldn’t look up at me.

“What do you mean? Why am I still here?”

“I mean, I’m a fucking pathetic failure. I’ve lost almost everything, I’m in debt up to my ears and now I’ve got a shitty ass job that is probably going to be the death of me and the only reason I got that job is because my best friend’s mom and my boyfriend work there.” His head was still buried against my chest. I had a slight moment of elation at him calling me his boyfriend. It lasted all of two seconds when I realized what he was asking. Here was Brian Kinney asking me why I was still with him. He wanted to know why I didn’t just leave too. I could almost hear the little voice inside his head that was telling him “You’ve lost everything else; you’ll probably lose him too.” My heart must have broken into about a million pieces and I held him close and I dared to say those three words that I hadn’t said since before I left with Ethan.

"Because I love you.” My voice was so thick with emotion that it almost didn’t come out and I kissed the top of his head and I held him close. I heard him sniffle and that’s when I realized that his voice sounded funny because he was crying. Had been crying the whole time. He must have still been very tired because that’s the only time that Brian Fucking Kinney disappears and you get a glimpse of the real, wonderful, loving man that abuse and neglect buried deep down inside layers and layers of cynicism and doubt. He rolled over onto his side, with his back to me, and moved back a little.

I took the cue for what it was worth and pressed up against him, wrapping my arm around him. Brian took my hand that was on his stomach, and held it tight, raising it up to his chest directly over his heart and we just stayed like that for a while. I realized that Brian had fallen asleep again so I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost one. I managed to get hold of a phone without waking him up and I called Deb and asked her if she could help cover for him until around five or so. She said she’d see what she could do and so we hung up and I went back to holding Brian.

Around three he woke up, but we just stayed where we were. Brian started shifting a little and I tried to pull my hand away but he kept a firm grip on it as he rolled onto his stomach and my only option was to roll with him, lying on top of him on my stomach. I wondered what in the hell was going on until I saw him grab the pillow and hug it to his chest and then I realized what he was saying. With that one simple gesture Brian was telling me that he wanted me to fuck him. I started to kiss and suck and nibble on his neck and he moaned and shifted a little more.

I started to lift his shirt off but he told me not to bother with it so I just went for his pants and underwear. Once we were both naked, from the waist down at least, I reached for a condom and the lube. I put some on my fingers and started to try to work him open a little, but he again said don’t bother. There was a raw edge to his tone that spoke pure need so I just slipped the condom on, put on plenty of lube and entered him completely unprepared. We both gasped and I wondered if maybe I’d hurt him or something, but then he moved his hips a little so I started thrusting.

Neither of us lasted very long. Once we were done I slowly pulled out and discarded the condom, then we lay there for a minute before he got up to go take a shower. He, of course, wanted me to go with him. So we’re standing there in the shower and I’m washing his back and he’s all quiet and broody and thinking like he gets sometimes when all of a sudden he turns around and looks at me.

“You remember that first night?” He asked me.

“Yeah?” I was a little confused.

“When I asked you if you were coming or going or cumming and then going or…”

“Cumming and staying.” I finished with a smile. He kind of laughed a little, then he reached up and put his hands on my cheeks and looked me right in the eye.

“I’m glad you decided to stay.” His voice was full of emotion and totally sincere and I could feel the tears stinging my eyes because I understood what he was telling me. We came together in a passionate kiss that I initiated because I knew that was about as close to saying I love you as Brian could get and the fact that he was willing to get that close made me love him even more.









Things got really different between Brian and me after that day. Not like….weird different or bad different or scary different, or drastic different, but good different. Brian still has a hard time expressing his emotions, but that’s just a part of who he is and I don’t expect him to be able to change at the drop of a hat. And I certainly don’t expect him to actually come out and tell me “I love you, Justin” because that’s not Brian. I don’t want him to change who he is to make me happy. If he changes I want it to be because it makes him happy. But I have to say that change was certainly on the wind.

The first thing that changed was our sexual relationship. I mean, in all the time that I’d been with Brian I had topped him a total of two times. I know that he probably wanted to have a dick up his ass more often than that because I have to say that even the most notorious top likes to bottom every once in a while. It’s an itch that just has to be scratched and it comes along with being a gay man. Actually, I know that he likes to bottom every now and then, not often mind you, maybe two to three times a year at most. How do I know this?

I’ve discovered that when Brian is in the middle of sex of any kind, he doesn’t pay attention to his surroundings. Someone could set off a bomb in the same room with him and he’d never notice. The same thing happens when he’s masturbating. He gets so into the act of sex that he just doesn’t realize what’s going on beyond the act itself. So one day I got home early from class and I was a little surprised that Brian was home. This was before the whole Ethan fiasco.

Anyway, I come in and I hear Brian grunting and moaning in the bedroom and I’m thinking he’s got a trick and so I go about my business. As I said, he doesn’t pay attention to what’s going on around him. Part of my routine takes me past the bedroom door way and I have a habit of looking in to see if the guy Brian is fucking is hot and I kind of stopped and stared because he didn’t have a trick. He was jerking off. And not only was he jerking off, but he had a dildo shoved so far up his ass I’m surprised he could walk straight the next day.

Well, I’ll be honest, watching Brian fucking himself with that dildo was possibly one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen in my life and I just about came in my pants right then and there. I kept watching until I heard him making that sound that he makes right when he’s about to cum and I moved as quick as I could so that when he came down off the orgasm high he wouldn’t see that I was watching him. I never said a word about it to him, never once mentioned it because I knew if I did he would deny it. He is after all Brian Fucking Kinney the most notorious top on Liberty Avenue.

But I digress. Our sex life changed after that day because Brian actually started asking me to fuck him on a more frequent basis. Now I’m not talking about every day, here, but I did fuck him two more times before the end of that week. One of them was my idea, but the fact that he let me I think says something. Of course, considering the fact that for every one time I fuck him that’s about thirty times that he fucks me, I don’t think I’d go saying that Brian’s turned into a bottom.

His emotional availability, such as it is, has made some things different though. Brian started to get into the swing of his new job and he was far less exhausted than when he first started. The good thing was since he found himself working most of the night and only having free time during the day, it made his ability to party almost non-existent so he started to almost get clean. I’d heard rumors that Anita thought he’d dropped off the face of the planet and when I checked the stash all that was left was three hits of E and two joints. I can only say that he almost got clean because he still drinks. Not nearly as much as before, but it happens mostly for recreational purposes. He’s rarely drunk.

Debbie tried to get Brian to switch to being a waiter or a bus boy or something because waiters have better hours and, let’s face it, make way better money, but he refused. He said he didn’t want to be out there with the customers. He wanted to be in the back. At first we chalked this up to his arrogance. Goodness knows we wouldn’t want to see the stud of Liberty Avenue working as a waiter. After about the fifth attempt at getting him to change his mind, Debbie finally said something to him.

“Christ, Brian, nobody gives a fuck about your reputation! You need the fucking money.”

“This is not about my reputation, Deb.” I know I wasn’t supposed to be listening but come on!

“Then what is it about?”

“Think about it Deb. How many people have I pissed off because of the way I used to act?” Used to act? Used to? Wait, did something change and I didn’t notice.

“You mean the tricking?” I had to picture Brian rolling his eyes because he didn’t say a word, but I know that’s what he did. “Probably a lot.”

“And how many of them come in here on a regular basis?”

“Almost all of them.” There was the tiniest hint of a sigh in her voice and I knew why it was there because I was feeling the same way.

“Do you really want to deal with me serving the very people that I pissed off? Do you have ANY idea what would happen? You want me to take a job as a waiter so I can make better money. Well, the better money is in the tips and I honestly don’t see myself getting very good tips because I was such an asshole to a lot of the people that come in here. And the job I have now has a higher hourly rate, and more hours.”

“You’re right, sweetie. I’m sorry.” I heard an oomph come out of Brian so I know Debbie hugged him and I had to smile. I was standing really close to the door to the room they were talking in and I didn’t get out of the way in time. The bad thing about it was the fact that it was an outward swinging door so when they opened it, I got hit right between the eyes and landed smack on my ass. Luckily there’s a lot of padding back there.

“Are you okay?” Brian asked. He knelt down beside me and looked me over and I could see real concern on his face. Even though I had a huge red lump forming in the middle of my forehead I smiled and nodded and said I was fine. Debbie got me some ice and I took a seat in one of the booths and all was good for a while.

I got off work at my usual time and went home. My mom had gotten a huge commission on one of her houses and actually bought me a car. Well, it was a used car, but it was a car nonetheless. So Brian and I had transportation. I took him to work, went home, killed time until I had to go to work, then I would go home when I got off work until it was time to go pick up Brian. It was getting kind of tedious though, having all my stuff at Daphne’s, because now I was only spending like……five or six hours there a day. The rest of my time was at work or at the loft helping Brian pack.

My mom called Brian one day and told him that she had a buyer for the loft and they were willing to pay a hundred and twenty thousand for it. That was all well and good, but most of that was going to pay off Brian’s debts. After all this time the credit cards had wracked up enough interest that he was going to end up with roughly seven thousand dollars of all that money. He hated that, but that’s the way life works. Anyway, we started looking for places to live. He decided, and yes I did say he decided, that it would be better if we got a place together because sharing expenses is far more economical. I have to agree with that reasoning but I was just ecstatic that he wanted me to live with him again.

Well, while we were looking for apartments we had lunch with Daphne one day. She was a little peeved because that meant that she was going to have to find a new room mate now because she couldn’t afford a place on her own. So that got me thinking and then we started talking about the three of us getting an apartment together. Brian, of course, was against the idea at first. He said that he was going to be able to barely tolerate living with just me. I knew he was joking about that, but it still kind of hurt.

Daphne and I didn’t give up on the idea however and after about three weeks of apartment hunting and seeing how much rent was going to cost; Brian finally decided to give it a try. He said he wasn’t making any promises and we should do the shortest lease possible, but he would at least try to deal with it because splitting expenses three ways was way better than splitting them two ways. We decided to get a three-bedroom apartment because there are times that I just want to get away from Brian and I would need my own room to do that.

So a couple of weeks later we got all moved in. Things seemed to be going great while we were getting settled and everything. The moving process was pretty easy and we all helped with it as much as possible. Once everything was unpacked and put away and cleaned up, it wasn’t as cramped as we thought it would be. You’d think three adults would have enough stuff to more than fill a little three-bedroom apartment but it wasn’t so bad. But then all of the moving in stopped and we were all settled and that’s when it happened.

Saying that Brian is a neat freak is putting it lightly. The only reason Brian ever hired a cleaning lady for the loft was so that he could take a break from cleaning every now and then. I remember one time he woke me up at seven on a Saturday because he was cleaning up after a party he’d had the night before. Actually, the cleaning lady was because Brian does have his lazy moments and he needs someone to clean up after him when he has his lazy moments, but I tell you, when he’s not being lazy, he’s cleaning.

Of course, Daphne and I aren’t the cleanest people on the planet. I mean, we’re nineteen for crying out loud, we’re not supposed to be tidy. But when you have two slobs up against one neat freak, it tends to work out in favor of the slobs. So Brian came home from work and found the apartment “completely trashed” as he put it. Even though he was tired from a twelve-hour shift he still stayed up and cleaned until noon. Of course that meant that he got about an hour and a half sleep before he had to go to work that night. When he got home from work again, he lost it.

I will say in my own defense that Daphne and I did try to clean up. We tried to make the place spotless but our version of spotless and Brian’s version of spotless are two different things. Of course, our version of spotless is just….get the dirty dishes done and stuff at least out of the way and everything is fine. Brian’s version of spotless is very literally spotless. When he came in the door he actually yelled. He started ranting about how messy we were and how fucking lazy we were and that we were such slobs and that he couldn’t live like that.

“I’d rather live with Debbie! At least she and Vic are CLEAN!” He didn’t even let either of us say anything before he stormed out. So, the experiment of Brian Kinney living with two college age students lasted all of…….seventy two hours. I’m honestly surprised we made it that long. I had to go after Brian because I knew he didn’t have a car and he certainly didn’t have a place to stay and I didn’t want him sleeping on the street and it was way too far from our apartment to either the munchers place or Deb’s. That and the fact that it was almost four in the morning. I went out looking for him and I couldn’t find him anywhere. I was really starting to worry when my cell rang. My mom was paying for it so I got to keep it.

“You looking for Brian?” It was Ben. I can’t tell you how relieved I was that it was Ben and not Horvath or some other cop or someone from the hospital.

“Yeah, he with you.”

“Yeah. I’m letting him crash here for the night. From the way he was ranting when he got here I figured you didn’t know where he was.”

“You’re right, I didn’t.”

“Well, at least now you know he’s safe.”

“Thanks, Ben. I appreciate it.”

“No problem” And that was the end of the conversation. I went back to the apartment and Daphne was just as relieved as I was that Brian was okay and we went to sleep. Brian ended up staying with Ben the next night, then the next, then the next. By the end of that week, all of his stuff was over there in what used to be Emmett’s room. Brian had officially moved in with Ben. Now, notice I did not say Michael and Ben. Oh no. Michael and Hunter were still on the run. That’s the whole reason Ben had the room available to begin with. As far as any of us knew the two of them had dropped off the face of the planet. Ben was the only one that knew where they were and everyone wanted to keep it that way.

Daphne and I decided that it would be unfair to make Brian pay one third of the rent on a place that he didn’t live anymore so we split the rent between us because we could afford it. I found out that Ben lied to Brian about how much the rent was on the apartment because Brian insisted on paying half the rent. Of course, having helped Michael pay the rent on more than one occasion Brian knew how much it actually was, but he understood what Ben was doing and never said a word. Besides, he made it up in other ways.

Things started to look like they were going really well. Brian was happy where he was living. He said that he and Ben were actually starting to get really close and that he genuinely liked the man. They had a lot more in common than either originally thought and the fact that Ben is a little older than Brian, not by much, maybe a year or two, well….I have to say that my irrational twinkie mind started taking over. I mean, it’s hard not to remember the fact that Brian fucked Ben at the white party all those years ago so the two had a sexual history. You top that with the fact that they were getting to know each other a lot better, and jealously takes root and grows.

I know it was stupid for me to be jealous of Ben. I mean, Brian had all but actually come out and said that he loves me. It was irrational and immature. Need I remind you that I am gay and nineteen? Irrational and immature are just kind of a part of life. Of course, I can’t forget to mention how much Ben loves Michael. And how much Brian would NEVER hurt Michael in a million years and certainly would never steal his boyfriend away from him. But all of the completely logical points were thrown out the window and this little voice in my head kept chanting that Ben and Brian were fucking behind my back. It didn’t help that I didn’t get to spend much time with Brian because of work and because right after he moved in with Ben my suspension got rescinded so I was going back to school as well.

My fear was slightly relieved when while I was over one day Brian asked Ben if it would be okay for him to give me a key and Ben said of course it would. They both said I could come and go as I pleased. I realized that if Brian were fucking around on me with Ben and didn’t want me to know, he surely wouldn’t allow me to come into his home any time I wanted because there would be the possibility of me catching him. So the jealousy dissipated a little. But it reared its ugly head again about a week later.

Brian had the night off because they hired a second dishwasher so he only had to work four nights a week now. The owner did make him work seven nights a week until they found someone to fill in so Brian could have the occasional day off. He was nice enough to rotate the schedule too so Brain worked Mon, Wed, Fri and Sun. That way it only gave him two nights in a row that he had to work. I, unfortunately, had to work so he decided he was going to rent some movies and stay home. I wanted to say something about him renting movies but I figured he wouldn’t do something he couldn’t afford to do so I kept my mouth shut.

So I got off work and I decided that I was going to go spend the night with Brian rather than go home. It was almost midnight because there was an unusually late rush of people around nine forty five, which is fifteen minutes before I usually get off work. So I go and since I have a key I decide to just go in. I was putting my keys away and I looked up and I stopped in my tracks. Brian and Ben were lying on the couch and the DVD was back to the main menu and cycling over and over and over again. The two were obviously asleep because I don’t think the menu is that interesting. Brian was lying on his back with one of his arms above his head hanging over the arm of the couch and Ben was actually lying on top of Brian, his head on Brian’s chest. Brian’s other arm was wrapped around Ben. It looked way too cozy for my jealousy addled mind so I stormed out of the apartment and went home.

“What’s wrong?” Daphne asked me as soon as I walked in the door. I guess my allergies started acting up again because my eyes started watering really bad and I couldn’t stop it. Does that sound lame to anybody else? Okay, I admit it, I was crying. I sat down on the couch and put my face in my hands.

“Brian’s cheating on me!” I wailed in true drama queen fashion. Daphne was silent for a minute before she started laughing hysterically. “I’m so glad my pain is amusing to you.”

“Brian is not cheating on you, Justin.” She shook her head. I told her about what I saw when I walked into the apartment and she just looked at me like I’d grown a third eye. “Listen to yourself Justin. You’re totally irrational. This is ridiculous. Do you honestly think that Brian would cheat on you with Michael’s boyfriend?”

“Well…” I started. She sighed. Time for the reasonable one to live up to her nickname.

“Justin, do you remember back when you and Michael first started working on Rage?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember telling me that Brian got all angry and jealous and pissed on your work literally?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you also remember telling me that you and Michael fell asleep while you were working and when you were still half asleep the next morning you thought that Michael was Brian?” That’s when it all started falling into place. I sighed and leaned back on the couch.

“I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“No you’re not. You’re just a big dramatic queen.” She said with a smirk and I couldn’t help but laugh. She still says it that way even though I corrected her what seems like ages ago. It’s kind of an inside joke between us now. I gave her a hug.

“Thanks, Daphne. What would I possibly do without you?”

“Go completely insane?” She asked and we both laughed.

One week later I went over to Brian’s and he was sitting there on the couch looking at a piece of paper in his hand. He kind of moved a little when the door opened but other than that, he just kept staring at the piece of paper. I walked over and sat down beside him and put a hand on his back. I could tell by the way he was sitting that the piece of paper did not hold good news. Brian sniffled and looked up at me and he looked like he was trying to keep himself from crying.

“What’s wrong?” I reached up and moved some hair from his forehead and put my hand on his cheek. He sighed and gave me the piece of paper and I started to look over it. It was a letter from the Yolo County Sheriff’s Department, Yolo County California. As I started reading the letter I wondered what was making Brian so miserable. I read the letter a second time through before figuring it out. The corvette had been dragged from the bottom of a lake in Yolo County. It was discovered while some people were swimming. The car was empty when they found it. They traced the plates back to Brian and tried to call to notify him that they found his car, but the phone was disconnected so they notified him by letter.

I knew what Brian was thinking. If the car was found at the bottom of a lake it was very possible that something bad had happened to Michael and Hunter. I put the paper down and hugged him and told him that everything would be okay. Ben would surely know if something bad happened and would definitely tell Brian what was going on, even if he couldn’t tell him where they were. Brian agreed that I was probably right and he started to calm down. The problem was that the letter established a last known whereabouts of Hunter and Michael. Brian tore the letter to shreds and threw it away. I told him that was obstruction of justice and he said that’s only if Michael committed a crime. I told him that technically Michael had committed a crime and he just told me to shut up. He had a smirk on his face and I laughed.

When Ben got home from work he assured Brian that Michael and Hunter were just fine. Neither of them told him that anything happened to the car and he said he’d be sure to ask them about it the next time he talked to them. Brian told Ben to tell Michael that he owed him thirty thousand dollars and Ben and I laughed but Brian had that look on his face that said he was being totally serious. That, of course, made us laugh even harder which made Brian mad. All I had to do, however, was remind him that at least Michael wasn’t in the car when it went into the lake and he dropped it.

Time flies by really fast when you’re not paying attention. The next thing I knew it was Christmas. I hadn’t done any shopping for anybody and Christmas was a week away and for some reason I honestly just hadn’t noticed. I felt kind of bad because for just a split second I wished that Brian hadn’t gotten fired because then I’d have the money to buy everybody exactly what I wanted to. Brian always insisted on buying everyone’s gifts, even my mom’s, so money was no object. But then I remembered that it wasn’t even my money to begin with and that it was at least partially my fault that Brian got fired and I felt totally dick for thinking that.

I asked Debbie for a day off so that I could go do my shopping. School was already out for winter break and I had picked up extra hours at the diner because I didn’t have anything else to do. She gave me the time and I went shopping. I tried to get everyone a little something. I made sure to get something for Daphne for putting up with me. I found this sweater that I knew she would totally love. For my mom I got this glass vase that was a cheap imitation of the crystal one that I broke when I was ten. I never thought I’d find another one in a million years let alone a cheap version of it.

I got a book for Ben, one that he’d been wanting for a while but hadn’t had the time to pick up. I got the newest Barbie I could find for my sister. She’s only ten so she still loves that stuff. For Vic I got a new cookbook that I know he didn’t have. I figured he could use it in helping Em with the catering business. For Emmett, I got this gorgeous shirt that I saw that would look just fabulous on him and I know he’ll love it. I got Debbie a t-shirt that says, “I’m gayer than you are and that’s saying something” and a button that says “Honorary Queer.” I thought she’d really like those. After about three hours of shopping I looked down at my list and had everyone crossed off except for Brian.

My mind went totally blank when I tried to think of what to get for Brian. I had no clue. To top it off, I only had about fifty bucks left on me to spend. I decided to give Brian’s gift some thought. I bought gift bags and wrapping paper and then went home to wrap them all. Of course I wrapped Daphne’s first because I certainly didn’t want her sneaking into my room and finding out what I was getting her. By dinnertime I had everything done. Brian had to work so I went to the diner for something to eat. Once I was done eating I went to the back to talk to Brian.

“Hey.” He was once again outside smoking a cigarette. He wasn’t wearing a jacket and I chided him for that but he just shrugged. We chit chatted for a minute about this and that. “So what did you do today? Deb said that you asked off work.”

“I had to do my Christmas shopping.”

“You haven’t done that already? I thought you would have done that months ago.” He smirked at me and I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed. “You get it all done?”

“Everyone except you.” I decided to be honest with him. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “I can’t decide what to get you.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He smiled and gave me a kiss as he stomped out his cigarette.

“I want to get you something.” I grabbed his hand before he could go back inside and he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“I don’t need anything for Christmas, Sunshine.” His lips were almost touching mine and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and I started to breathe a little faster and I honestly almost passed out when he said the next words that came out of his mouth. “I’ve got everything I could possibly want right here.”

 

*****
 

I have to say that I was honestly ready to drop to my knees and give Brian the most amazing blow job the world has ever known when Debbie came through the back door. She saw the look on my face and I know that she knew that look because she just laughed and looked at the two of us and shook her head.

“You can do that later; Brian needs to get back to work.” My face felt really hot after she said that and I must have turned about three different shades of red. Brian laughed softly and kissed my forehead and leaned in close to whisper in my ear that he’d see me later and then he went back inside. I just stood there not believing what he’d just said. Those words filled me with a determination to find Brian the best Christmas present ever. The only problem was coming up with something.

I started working extra shifts and trying to earn as much money as possible because I had found exactly what I was going to get for Brian. During his cleaning house and moving and everything Brian had to sell a bunch of his clothes. This was before he got the money for the loft and before he decided to sell it. Well, among the things that went was his absolute favorite leather jacket on the planet. He was able to get six hundred for it but that was little consolation considering that he’d originally paid almost fifteen hundred.

While I was shopping I passed by this leather store and I saw an exact replica of that jacket, only about a third of the cost. Five hundred dollars is still a lot of money for an art student with bills to pay, but I worked as many extra hours as I could and I kicked the flirting into over drive and I had the money in no time. I went and bought the jacket at the first chance I got and even had enough money to have them gift wrap it for me and I set it under the tree.

So Christmas morning came and I went to pick Brian up with all of our presents in the car and we went over to Lindsay and Melanie’s house. Ever since Gus was born he’s spent every Christmas over there, even though this was the first year that Gus would actually be able to open the presents himself. Brian felt bad that he couldn’t get his son everything he wanted, but he was able to get him something. I didn’t know what it was I just knew that Brian said it was a very special gift for his sonny boy.

We sat around drinking coffee while we watched Gus unwrap his gifts and then the adults took turns unwrapping ours while Gus played with his toys. Everyone was amazed at the gift Brian had given Gus. It was a beautiful honey colored teddy bear with button eyes and a sewed on mouth and nose and it had a bright green ribbon around its neck and a shamrock embroidered on its chest. The bear looked like it had been well used but it was still in very good condition and we all came to find out that the bear had actually been Brian’s when he was a child. Lindsay and Melanie both almost cried when they found out the origin of the bear, both women giving Brian a hug.

I had gotten Lindsay and Melanie a joint gift of a new tablecloth and matching place mats and napkins and napkin holders. I know it’s not the best gift in the world but I’d found out that Melanie’s parents had given them a new dining room set so I thought it would be perfect. They loved it. Brian sat there looking a little sad and we thought that maybe he hadn’t been able to afford to get them anything. We all just smiled and tried to make him feel better until he pulled an envelope out of his pocket. It was a one hundred dollar gift certificate. Being unable to decide what exactly to get them Brian decided to go with a general, all-purpose gift of an American Express gift certificate that could be used anywhere they wanted. They thanked him and said he didn’t have to do it and he said it was fine. It turns out that Brian only actually paid for about thirty dollars of that. The man that he’d gotten it from had owed him some money and covered the rest of the hundred.

Finally it was my turn to give Brian his gift. I was a little afraid to give it to him because I know how he is about money. Especially about my money. Brian has this “It’s your money, spend it on you” philosophy and I didn’t want him to get mad at me for spending five hundred dollars on him. I just took a deep breath and handed over the box. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow and opened it and I swear to God I saw a tear roll down his cheek. He looked at me and smiled.

“Thank you.” He leaned over and kissed my cheek and Lindsay and Melanie smiled and commented on how beautiful the jacket was. After all was said and done, we kissed Gus good-bye and went back to Brian’s. Ben was spending Christmas with Debbie so we had the place all to ourselves. After possibly the most amazing sex ever to occur, we lay there in bed just kind of holding each other and Brian was running his fingers up and down my arm and it was great. “You didn’t have to spend that much on me.” Brian commented.

“I wanted to.”

“I told you I didn’t need anything.”

“I know. But like I said, I wanted to.”

“Well, thank you.” He kissed the top of my head and was quiet for a minute and then he started to get up. He went over to his dresser and pulled something out and came back over to the bed. “While it didn’t cost me as much as that jacket did, I got you something too.” He said as he held out a small wrapped box. I looked at it a minute and smiled and took it. “Now I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. This is just……it’s not what I know you’re going to think it is.” That little speech got me so curious I couldn’t wait and so I tore the paper open quickly. My eyes went wide when I saw there was a simple sterling silver band with little blue Austrian crystals in it. It was beautiful. I looked up at Brian.

“It’s gorgeous.”

“Like I said, it’s not what you think. I’m not proposing or anything like that. I just……I saw that ring and I thought of you and so I got it.”

“Thank you.” I gave him a big hug and when I went to put the ring on I noticed it was fitted to my right ring finger. I nodded in understanding and kissed Brian.

“You’re not mad?” He asked me and I looked him in the eye and once again I saw that scared little boy that’s just looking for love and approval. I smiled at him and took his hands.

“Why would I be mad?”

“Well, I mean…it’s not…” I held up a hand to stop him.

“Brian, you’ve said more than once that marriage is for dykes and straight people. Why would you suddenly change your feelings on that? I love the ring because it’s from you. That’s what counts. I don’t care that you’re not proposing and I honestly never expect you to. The fact that you want to be with me is enough for me. That’s all I ever wanted.” I smiled and leaned in and kissed him and when I sat back he smiled back and kind of nodded and then we had more amazing sex.

The next few days just kind of flew by. We spent New Years with Debbie and the gang and had a blast. Brian and I kissed at midnight and I swear the kiss lasted half an hour. Debbie said she was getting close to throwing cold water on us. Vic insisted it would have been vapor before even touching us because the kiss was so hot. That made me blush and everybody laugh. I think I even saw the tiniest hint of a blush on Brian.

Well, the dreaded day came that I had to go back to school. I didn’t really want to but Brian insisted that I had to finish my education because I needed to get a really good job so that I could support him in his old age. I recognize a double-edged sword when I see one. While part of me was happy that he was planning on us being together for a while, I felt bad that he felt that I was going to have to support him. I knew that he was starting to give up all hope of ever finding another advertising job. Though I wanted to smack him upside the head and tell him to stop thinking that way, I just laughed and went to class.

I had to get time off work because of a major project that I had due and I needed to be able to work on it so Debbie gave me the time off and I stayed home and worked. Around eight I got really hungry and my hand was starting to give me fits so I decided to take a break and I went to the diner to get something to eat. I was a little scared when I walked in the door because I saw Brian standing at one of the tables, order pad in hand listening carefully and jotting down the order.

I watched him for several minutes as he worked and the only word that would come to my mind as I did was happy. He looked genuinely happy to be doing what he was doing. He was joking around with the customers, and with Debbie. He was moving around like he actually wanted to be there. I found out that one of the other waitresses had called in and nobody else was around to take her place so Brian volunteered rather than letting Deb get run ragged trying to handle the dinner rush by herself. So they called in the other dishwasher to take his place and Brian went to work.

Turns out that his fears about not getting any tips were very unjustified. Someone made a comment about Brian Kinney waiting tables and I expected him to just go off on them, but he didn’t. He just laughed and joked around with them and they laughed and it was amazing. This was a side of Brian I’d never seen before. He was even doing a little shameless flirting with some of the customers that had given him the eye. Now this wasn’t the usual Brian Kinney style flirting where he walks up to you, looks at your crotch and says “Let’s fuck” This was totally different. It was……well, it was a lot like the way I flirt with the customers. But it also kind of reminded me a little of the way Emmett flirts. It was like he was a totally different person.

Another thing that seemed really weird was that the diner was almost packed. Usually by eight the rush is starting to die down and the diner starts to clear out. But this place looked like it usually did around the beginning of the dinner rush. To make it that much better it seemed like people were actually disappointed when they had to sit in Debbie’s section. All of these men were coming in and they actually WANTED Brian to be their waiter. It was like the twilight zone or something. I felt the tiniest little surge of jealousy because nobody ever seemed to want to sit in my section that badly. Of course, I wasn’t the stud of Liberty Avenue.

When I was finally able to get a seat it was in Debbie’s section and I found myself just the smallest bit disappointed. When she came over to me I gave her my order. One of the tables erupted into laughter and we both looked over and Brian was obviously telling a joke or something because they were all laughing. Debbie just shook her head and laughed.

“Just like old times.” She said thinking I didn’t hear her.

“What?”

“Oh nothing.”

“No, what did you mean?” Debbie looked over her shoulder at Brian a minute, then she looked back at me.

“Brian worked here when he was a kid. Through most of high school and a lot of college. Up until he had to start full time interning at Ryder. And the place was always just like this. Whenever he was working, the rush never stopped. Everyone came in to be waited on by Brian. I guess some things never change.” She shook her head again and I couldn’t help but smile. I think the best part about it though was that Brian was actually enjoying himself.

“Well if it isn’t Brian Kinney.” Someone said and we all looked up to see Ted walk through the door. After he’d gotten cleaned up in rehab apparently someone that knew nothing about his crystal problem had recommended him for a job as an accountant for one of the leading law firms in Pittsburgh and he’d gotten it. He was bringing in more than Brian did as a partner at Vanguard. He’d let the money go to his head, from what I’d heard and I started to see what everyone meant.

“Theodore Schmidt, what brings you here?” Brian asked. Ted hadn’t been seen on Liberty Avenue since before he went to rehab.

“I came to see Debbie and get a bite to eat. I didn’t realize you’d be here. And working no less. I have to say I’m rather shocked. I thought you’d consider this job beneath you.” The diner was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. Everyone was glaring at Ted. You could hear in his tone that he thought that Brian had sunken to the lowest of the low and that he was so much better. He was almost gloating and it made me want to punch him. And I wasn’t the only one feeling that way. But Brian just smiled at him with this sickeningly sweet smile.

“At least I went out and found a job instead of going on a self pitying trip that ended up turning me into a crystal queen.” The smile never wavered from his face. There was a round of “ooh” from the diner patrons and Debbie had this proud grin on her face and I had to smile too. Ted looked totally flustered. He never could take it when someone cut him down.

“Well, that doesn’t matter now because I’m making more money than you ever did.” Ted finally commented. He wasn’t ever very good at returning cut downs either. I was a little shocked when Brian made his way over to where I was sitting. He pulled me up and held my hand and looked at Ted.

“There’s more to life than money, Theodore.” He grabbed me and he kissed me hard and I just melted. The kiss was so amazing. I vaguely heard some catcalls and whistles while we were kissing and then Brian let go and he looked Ted square in the eye. “I may not have the best life right now, but at least I have someone to share it with. What do you have?” Ted just glared at him and muttered something in that way he does and stormed out of the diner. The place exploded in a round of applause and Brian looked at me with this huge grin and then went back to work.

“Did he just say what I think he just said?” I asked Debbie after my brain finally resolidified.

“I do believe he did.” She said with a smile. I couldn’t keep the sunshine grin off my face. It was amazing, the feeling I got from that one moment. Not only had Brian come so extremely close to saying “I love you” that I could almost hear the actual words coming out of his mouth, not only had that happened on more than one occasion, but he had pretty much just said it right in front of a diner full of people on Liberty Avenue.

And not only that, but he didn’t care. And nobody else cared either. They were all smiling and talking and the only thing that was really being discussed was how stupid Brian made Ted look.

After that night Brian decided to continue with waiting tables. He said that he was doing it because it was fun and because it gave Debbie more time off. When she insisted that she needed the time working to pay the bills, Brian told her not to worry about it. It turned out that what he was doing was giving over a percentage of his tip money to the owner so that he would give Debbie a raise. That way he was helping her and she didn’t know it so she couldn’t tell him to stop and refuse to take it. It also meant that she was making the same amount of money for working fewer hours. Have I mentioned how much I love this man?

The nights that Brian and I worked together were the best. People would actually give us better tips if we practically made out right there in the middle of the diner. Brian said he didn’t do it for the money; he did it because he just loved kissing me.

“You know how much I like sex in public places.” He said with a smirk. I laughed. Just think of the tips we’d get if that actually happened. More than one person said they would pay a month’s salary to see the golden couple of Liberty Avenue fucking. I would just laugh and tell them that we didn’t do shows and that would make them laugh. It’s really great working with Brian. At Vanguard he was kind of an asshole but that’s because he had to be. He needed to be tough so that people would listen to him and do what he said when he said. He had to be in charge. At the diner it was different. He could just relax and have fun and just be himself.

He’s always joking around and flirting with the customers and making dirty jokes and innuendos. After a month or so my curiosity got the best of me and I had to ask someone that usually sat in Brian’s section but his area was full when they came in. I had heard someone say something about one of the customers actually grabbing Brian’s crotch and I thought that he would like that and probably end up fucking the guy later.

I listened to the conversation feeling a little bad about eaves dropping and feeling a little sad because I thought I was hearing about one of Brian’s tricks. I just about dropped the plates I was carrying when one of them said that Brian told the guy “Look but don’t touch.” He had apparently set into place a “hands off” policy when it came to the customers. So here was Brian Kinney, Lord of Liberty Avenue, fuck ‘em and leave ‘em, Mr. No Excuses, No Apologies, No Regrets telling people to keep their hands to themselves.

“Is that true?” I asked him when I had a minute. He was setting some dishes down on one of his tables.

“Is what true?” He asked me with a raised eyebrow.

“That you’re telling people to keep their hands to themselves? Look but don’t touch?” I asked. He looked at me a minute wondering where in the hell this was going and then he just kind of nodded hesitantly. He looked almost afraid to admit it. He had just finished setting down the last plate and he turned to look at me. I grabbed his face and kissed him hard, holding him there for a couple of minutes. After the initial shock wore off he got into the kiss and we once again practically made out right there in the middle of the diner. People cheered and catcalled and we ended up bringing home almost six hundred in tips between the two of us. It was a great night.
 

On to Part 2