Thoughts

CHAPTER 1

BRIAN'S POV

As I looked out at the sunset, I couldn't help but think of the years that we spent together. Holding each other close and whispering words of care and affection. Those times were some of the most wonderful. It amazes me how he can still melt my heart when I think about everything we shared. God I miss him.

The lonesome Texas sun was setting low

And in the rearview mirror I watched it go

I can still see the wind in his golden hair

I close my eyes for a moment

I'm still there

I finally get up the nerve to ask him to move in. But he had to do the noble thing and follow the Hollywood dream and go to California for 6 months and work on Rage. Who was I to hold him back when he told me that he would give up that opportunity? The day we parted at the airport I looked into his blue eyes and I almost spoke those words he wanted to hear, but I was just to chicken shit to do it. Later I told him as I stared deep into his ocean blue eyes. Later he responded.

The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight

Like the stars that fill the midnight sky

His memory fills my mind

Where did I go wrong?

Did I wait too long?

Or can I make it right?

The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight

He called me a few days after he got in and settled. He seemed distant but I didn't really think anything of it at first because after all he was still adjusting to the time change and having a full time job. Also the hours that he puts in on the set of Rage working on the art are countless. A few days later he seemed even more distant. I know that I pushed him to move or he would regret the decision, but now I was beginning to regret mine.

Another town, another hotel room

Another dream that ended way too soon

Left me lonely waiting for the dawn

Searching for the strength to carry on

So now I am sitting in the Dallas/ Ft Worth hotel room thinking about him and how his eyes burn straight through to my soul. I also think about how he opens his soul to accept the ways I show my love for him. Damn layovers I need to feel him in my arms hold him close and actually tell him how much I love him.

The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight

Like the stars that fill the midnight sky

His memory fills my mind

Where did I go wrong?

Did I wait too long?

Or can I make it right?

The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight

I'm definitely paying a price with my emotions as I fight back the tears and struggle with the way to find words to express my love and apologize for forcing him, and hope that I can pull him into my heart and life again.

For every heart you break you pay the price

But I can't forget the tears in his blue eyes

As I walk through LAX I smile to myself at the thought of surprising him. I make my way through baggage claim grab my bags and head towards the hotel. I have already arranged to have a fake meeting arranged with Keller's people at the hotel and I am going to meet him instead. I sit nervously in the booth in the back of the hotel restaurant and when I see him walk in my breath catches. When he finally sees me his eyes lock on me, and he smiles a little.

The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight

Like the stars that fill the midnight sky

His memory fills my mind

Where did I go wrong?

Did I wait too long?

Or can I make it right?

The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight

I wait for him to walk over and we embrace. Before he even has a chance to speak I drop to my knees and say, "Justin before you say anything please just let me do this." My voice is thick with emotion and I slowly say, "Justin Taylor you mean the world to me, and I know that I forced you to come out here and fulfill your dreams or those dreams that everyone else had for you. I have missed you since you left and I know that things have been kind of off lately. I know that I may never have told you but I need you to know that even though I can be an asshole sometimes and a very difficult person to live with I am madly in love with you…" I fumble nervously in my jacket pocket and pull out the small box that I have in there and pop it open revealing a set of platinum wedding bands as I watch his ocean blue eyes grow wide. "I know that I have always said that I don't do boyfriends or commitments but you are the one thing that broke all my rules. I don't trick anymore because of you and you are all that I can think about. I love you, and I would like you to marry me. Will You?"

"YES" He whispers as I place one of bands on his left hand, and he crushes my lips in a kiss. That's when I know that everything in the world is right and complete.

CHAPTER 2

JUSTIN'S POV

I was sitting in my office just staring at the art for Rage thinking about how much he means to me and I'm thinking about that question to move in with him. Why did I have to say I would move to California without talking to him? I miss him so much.

Well I'm sittin' here all alone wonderin' how you are.

And the thoughts of you spin around my head like wheels on a car.

And I wish you were beside me, dreamin' up at the stars.

The night before I left was amazing, and the love that we shared was rough and passionate at the same time. I wish that night never would have ended and thinking about the way his hazel green eyes with the flecks of gold seemed to stare straight into my soul still makes me shiver. Why did I come out here ?

Well the times we had together, well they just blew me away.

And I think about your soft, green eyes every single day

And how my plans for us just seemed to fall and fade into the grey.

We talked about me moving and I said I wouldn't but he insisted that I move out here and do the noble thing and follow my dream. The day we parted at the airport I looked into his hazel eyes and I can swear up and down that they were screaming those words that he could never bring himself to say. Later he tells me. Later I respond.

I guess I didn't see it comin'.

How could I have been so blind?

And as I cry myself to sleep,

I wonder do I ever cross your mind?

We talked on the phone tonight. I know he knows something is up because our conversations have been distant, but it's not because I don't love him or am angry with him like he might think. I'm just so overwhelmed with emotion that I don't want him to hear how miserable I am.

So won't you smile for me my Texas Angel, It'll be alright.

You just lay your head beside me and dream of me tonight.

And I promise I'll watch over you till' the morning light.

I'm packing the last of my suitcase. I am miserable here and all I want is to be back in his arms. As I grab my plane ticket to go back to Pittsburgh my phone rings and its Keller's office saying that there is an impromptu meeting at the hotel restaurant. I toss my ticket on the bed and head out the door.

Well, I'm headed back to the west coast, lookin' for my soul.

Tryin' to mend the pieces that shattered years before.

And the ocean takes my pain away, as it comes rollin' ashore.

As I walk through the restaurant I can't help but notice that I don't see the typical business types in there, and that's when I see him sitting in a far corner booth in the back of the restaurant. His hazel green eyes lock onto mine and I give him a weak smile for fear that I'm going to break down.

So, if you see me walkin' down the street, baby don't turn away.

I just wanna see your smilin' face lookin' my way.

And I never wanna see you go...See you go away.

He comes over and grabs me, but before I can tell him anything he drops to his knees, places a hand to my lips, and says "Justin before you say anything please just let me do this." His voice is thick with emotion and I am slowly beginning to shake because I don't understand what's going on. He then says, "Justin Taylor you mean the world to me, and I know that I forced you to come out here and fulfill your dreams or those dreams that everyone else had for you. I have missed you since you left and I know that things have been kind of off lately. I know that I may never have told you but I need you to know that even though I can be and asshole sometimes and a very difficult person to live with I am madly in love with you…" He begins to fumble around in his jacket pocket like he has misplaces something extremely important, and that's when I realize what he's doing I look down and there he is kneeling with a small box. He then pops it open revealing a set of platinum wedding bands. My eyes instantly go huge locking into his gaze. He continues, "I know that I have always said that I don't do boyfriends or commitments but you are the one thing that broke all my rules. I don't trick anymore because of you and you are all that I can think about. I love you, and I would like you to marry me. Will You?"

"YES" I whisper hastily and almost tearfully, and as he places one of bands on my shaking left hand, I crush his lips in a kiss. That's when I know that everything in the world is right with us.

CHAPTER 3

BRIAN'S POV

I can't believe he said yes. I know that that is all he always wanted but after everything that has happened in the last few months I can't help but think about why he did. After all I am a complete asshole who didn't want help with anything. I was self sufficient and confident and didn't want to admit to love. I was determined to do everything alone.

I can stand with the weight of the world on my shoulders

I can fight with the toughest of the tough

I can laugh in the face of all my insecurities

Anytime, Anywhere, Anything

I'm strong enough, but

What is it about his touches that make my heart melt? He broke down my walls and I am weak and vulnerable. We take it slow letting the passion take over reveling in each others taste, scent, and touch because this is the first time we will truly make love. With all the emotions that don't come with just a simple fuck. He kisses and teases my skin with his tongue and lips, and as he runs his hands along my chest and neck massaging all the stiffness out of each muscle I notice the ring on his hand flash in the dim lighting and thinking about what that means makes me shiver. When he looks into my eyes making sure I'm ok I crush his lips with a deep and tender kiss. I slowly start to run my hands over his chest and neck as I suck on his ear. I slide down in the pillows as I brush my hand against his cock causing it to jump just slightly at the tender touch. I also feel him doing the same thing to mine. He then straddles my waist positioning his fully erect cock close to my mouth. I read these signals and slowly continue to brush his dick ever so lightly with my tongue. I feel his breathing suddenly become quick and pulsing on my hard cock. I then start teasing his inner thighs and treasure trail in the same way that I just did his cock causing chills to run through his body. I then take him all the way into my mouth and lovingly suck him off sending waves of orgasm through his body, as I to take that plunge. I lay there holding him and running my hands through his golden locks while our tongues entwine savoring the sweet mix of each other's cum. "I want you inside of me," he whispers when we break for air, and without hesitation, I lube my cock and enter him raw. The mix of sensations that fill my body are so much stronger, and I don't know if it's the closeness from making love to him raw or the emotional attachment that he has on me, but as we both reach the peak once more I know that this is perfect.

But when you're holding me like this

I'm carelessly lost in your touch

I'm completely defenseless

Baby it's almost too much

I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly falling in love

JUSTIN'S POV

He finally admitted his love, and asked me to marry him. It feels wonderful. Not that I ever doubted any feelings that he had for me except for that phase with Ethan, but if that, my bashing, and cancer cant tear us apart I'm ready to face this relationship and marriage head on cause I know we can make it through pretty much anything.

So let consequence do what it will to us, I don't care

Let the stars stand as witness to it all

Say the word and tonight I will follow you anywhere

I just can't pretend anymore

I'm too sturdy to fall 'cause

Every time he kisses me or touches me I tremble. Tonight is the first time that we truly make love. Even that one night after I relived the bashing, there was too much emotion and hesitation to truly be love making. But tonight we take it slowly savoring each other's movements and taste and scent. I can see the walls on his emotions slowly melt away as I massage his chest and neck solely stroking and kissing as massage all the stiffness out of his muscles. As my hands brush up and down his neck and chest I feel him shiver, and as I stare into his eyes for permission to continue he leans down kissing me hotly and deeply and as we savor this moment. As the kiss intensifies, he slowly starts sliding down on the pillows and brushes his hands against my torso and thighs slightly brushing my dick making it jump. I then straddle him so that my dick is close to his mouth. He continues to tease my thighs and treasure trail with his tongue as I blow gently on his cock. I stroke my tongue in circles nibbling the sweet spot that he enjoys so much with my teeth. He grazes my cock one more time with his teeth, and chills run up my spine as I take him in and suck him off as the waves of orgasm pass through us both. As we lay there catching our breath, he runs his fingers through my hair and we kiss deeply allowing the taste of cum to mingle in our mouths. I whisper that I want him inside me, and he reaches for the lube and without hesitation, he slides into me raw. The sensations that run through me from the raw entry are powerful. I don't know if it's the feel of the skin on skin contact or the emotional vulnerability but as we ride out the waves of pleasure I know this is where I belong.

'Cause when you're holding me like this

I'm carelessly lost in your touch

I'm completely defenseless

Baby, it's almost too much

I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly

Falling in love

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