Father Issues

The royal trio's evening began a steady decline following Justin's gift. Soon after returning to his party, Tony announced that he wasn't feeling well, and needed to go back to The Plaza. He insisted on going home alone, leaving Brian and Justin to celebrate without him. "I really fucked things up," Justin said sadly.

"You certainly did, Little Twat," Brian tossed his shirt aside, and stepped out of his jeans.

"I didn't mean to," Justin whined. "I thought Tony would be happy to find his father. How was I supposed to know that he had father issues?"

"The man was raised in foster homes for Christ sakes! How could you not have known?" Brian pulled back the covers, and hopped into bed.

Justin still couldn't believe his mistake. "I thought finding Tony's father for him was the greatest gift in the world," he said.

"Did it ever occur to you that Tony has enough money to find almost anyone he wants to? If he wanted to find his father he would have done so years ago," Brian pointed out.

"Man, I really fucked things up," Justin said again.

"Yes you did. Now come to bed," Brian said.

"Did you see the expression on his face? It was as if I had punched him in the stomach with a sledgehammer……"

"It's all over Justin. Take your clothes off, and come to bed," Brian said again.

Justin slipped his shirt over his head. "Stupid me, I should have known! I've seen those places on the evening news, foster homes where the kids are beaten, and starved, and sexually abused. Do you think that happened to Tony?"

"I don't know, Justin. Can't we talk about this tomorrow? Right now I'm tired, and I need to get some sleep. I have to get up early, and go see Michael in the morning. Now finish taking off your clothes, and come to bed." Brian held the covers open.

Justin continued to talk as he undressed. "Tony has never really gone into his childhood in depth. The only thing he ever said was that he kept moving around from home to home, and that he never knew what horror to expect once he got there. Horror. That was the exact word that he used. Wouldn't that be even more reason to want to find your birth parents?"

"Why, so that you can be reminded again that your parents didn't want you, and that they didn't give a shit about what happened to you?" Brian asked.

Justin finished undressing, and climbed into bed. "I didn't mean to hurt him, Brian," he anguished.

"He knows that, baby," Brian said.

"We shouldn't have let him go home alone. Maybe we should call him," Justin suggested.

"He'll be alright. Just give him some time." Brian pulled the sheet up over them both, then rolled over onto his side.

Justin snuggled close against Brian's back. "How could anyone not want to know his own father?" he still wondered. Even with their current estrangement, Justin couldn't imagine growing up without his dad. Craig Taylor had been a driving force in his son's life more than he ever knew. In fact Jennifer had often said that the reason the two were presently still at odds was because they were both so much alike. Indeed, if it wasn't for Craig empowering his son to go for whatever he wanted in this world, Justin would have never had the courage to venture out onto Liberty Avenue alone that first night, and he certainly would have never gone with Brian. That kind of daring came from Craig Taylor, a man who instilled in his children a sense of pride that required them to remain true to themselves. Unfortunately Justin's truth wasn't what the proud father wanted to hear.

What a blow it must have to been for a man with an ego the size of Craig Taylor's to find out that his only son was gay, that there would be no traditional wedding for him to attend, and no grandsons to carry on his name. Justin secretly hoped that Proposition 14 would be shot down, and one day he would be able to give his father that dream of seeing his son married, and maybe even adopting a grandson to carry on the Taylor name, because, after all, deep down inside Justin never stopped loving his father, and he knew that his father still loved him too. No, Brian was wrong this time. Justin could tell by Tony's reaction to the business card that deep down Tony loved his father, and Justin was banking on the hope that once they found each other, even after all these years, Tony's father would love him too.

Unbeknownst to Justin, Brian was still wide awake. He laid silently staring off into the darkness of the loft, trying to rebury his own old father issues the earlier evening fiasco with Tony had inadvertently dug up. Brian painfully recalled the time when he was ten years old, and how determined Jack Kinney was that his son would make the local VFW junior bowling league. Jack had spent weeks teaching Brian how to hold the ball correctly, the proper stance, and release. To this day Brian still remembered the tightness in his gut on the day of the tryouts, and the look of disappointment in his father's eyes when every single ball Brian rolled landed in the gutter. "Fucking pansy," the older man shook his head in disgust.

Then there was the time Jack found out that Brian had fucked the high school jock in his neighbor's garage. Word of Jack Kinney's son taking it up the ass had spread quickly throughout the neighborhood. Brian still remembered the beating from that one. Jack's blows had been particularly vicious that day, as the humiliated father resolved that he was going to make a man out of his son even if it killed him, and for a time it did. Jack Kinney's disdain killed his son's spirit, driving Brian deep into a closet that remained closed between father and son until shortly before Jack Kinney died. "Fucking pansy," the older man shook his head in disgust.

Brian couldn't help but wonder if Tony had suffered similar treatment at the hands of his various foster parents. Would things really have been any better if he had been raised by his birth parents, or heaven forbid, would things have been worse? No, Brian concluded that perhaps it was better to just let long lost fathers remain lost.

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Sunday morning found Michael at his comic book store, restocking his shelf with the latest edition of "X-Men". The new implied gay storyline was causing quite a stir that had the comics flying off the shelves, requiring Michael to reorder another hundred copies. Michael looked at the rippling muscles underneath the colorful costumes that set his boyhood fantasies ablaze. To hell with implied gay characters. What the comic book world really needed was an in-your-face, unapologetic gay superhero that young gay boys could look up to. Michael's thoughts were interrupted by his shopkeeper's bell. "Hey." Brian walked through the door.

"We're closed," Michael said.

"Then you shouldn't have your door open, especially in this neighborhood." Brian strolled over to the candy jar on the counter, and seized a stick of red licorice for himself.

"What are you doing up so early? Where's your boyfriends?" Michael asked.

"They're asleep. I came to see you," Brian said.

"Why? You didn't have time for me last night," Michael reminded him.

"That's why I'm here this morning. So, what's been going on with you?" Brian took a bite of his licorice.

"You know, the same old thing. ONE boyfriend, going to rallies with my ma and Ben to defeat Proposition 14," Michael said.

"My, haven't we become the politically correct one?" Brian teased.

"I'm sorry if it's not as exciting as your life, but some of us believe in the equal right to marry the person that you choose, and actually look forward to spending the rest of our lives with ONE person," Michael said.

"Count me out of it." Brian shivered at the thought.

"That is sooo like you. It's all about whatever Brian wants. To hell with everybody else. Did it ever occur to you that maybe Justin would like to get married one day?" Michael asked.

Brian appeared to be dumbfounded. Actually that thought had never occurred to him.

"Uh-huh, I didn't think so," Michael continued. "It's a new day, Brian. Being a gay man is more than about how many guys you can fuck in one night. Gay men and women are looking for the same thing breeders are looking for, family, and commitment. Our only hope for that is the defeat of Proposition 14, and you're not helping!"

Again, Brian appeared to be dumbfounded. "What the hell has Proposition 14 got to do with me?" he wanted to know.

"It has everything to do with you, and gay men like you who insist on dehumanizing us into fuck machines who prey on underage boys!"

"Fuck machines. I like the sound of that." Brian smiled.

Michael continued. "If gay men want acceptance into mainstream society, then we're going to have to adapt to mainstream behavior, and that does not include some gay version of polygamy. How can we expect anyone to take our relationships seriously if we're unable to sustain mature monogamous relationships?"

"Alright, who are you and what have you done with Mikey?" Brian said mockingly.

"To hell with you. You're a lost cause." Michael turned, and resumed stocking his shelves.

"Michael, what Justin, Tony, and I have is a mature 'monogamous-ish' relationship. We're just as committed to each other as you, and Ben. We don't need a marriage license," Brian reassured his frustrated friend.

"Do you use condoms with him?"

"What?"

Michael turned around to face his best friend. "Don't play dumb, Brian. I know you, and Justin don't use condoms. Are you fucking Tony bareback too?" he demanded.

Brian studied Michael's face before he answered. "So that's what this is all about. You're jealous," he concluded.

"JEALOUS? Jealous of what?" Michael laughed. "Am I jealous because you're placing your life in the hands of a man that you hardly know, and who's probably an even bigger whore than you? You're such a fucking hypocrite, Brian. You're the one who always hounded me about being super-safe, and now you're…….."

"Having the time of my life." Brian finished his friend's sentence. "Mikey, you knew when you decided to become involved with Ben that you would never be able to experience with him what Justin and I have. That's the sacrifice you have to make for dating an HIV positive person."

There was a long silence as Michael summoned up the courage to ask the question that was weighing so heavily on his mind. "What's it like, Brian?"

Brian thought for a moment. "It's like nothing you could ever imagine," he said. "It's every cheap paperback porn and sleazy video you've ever seen. It's wet, and sticky, and salty, and sweet all at the same time. I know now why men are willing to die for it, but I don't want you to be one of those men, Michael."

"I don't want to live my whole life without experiencing that," Michael said.

"Then you know what you have to do. You're going to have to give up the professor," Brian said.

Brian and Michael's confrontation with reality was interrupted by Brian's cell phone. "Yeah?" Brian answered.

"HE'S GONE!" Justin's frantic voice came on the line.

"What?" Brian pressed the phone closer to his ear.

"I'm here at The Plaza. Tony's gone!" Justin said again.

NEXT WEEK: Father Issues, pt 2

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