*****
“What do you want?” Joan demanded brusquely
as she opened the door of her house.
“I … I thought maybe we could talk.”
“I have nothing to say to you.” Joan started to close the door on her son.
“I told Justin this was pointless,” Brian muttered as he turned away.
“Justin? That … that child that you’re molesting?”
Brian cringed in spite of himself. He knew that was what a lot of people
thought, because Justin looked so young. He opened his mouth to refute Joan’s
words, but nothing would come out.
“A remark usually hurts in proportion to its truth,” Joan said sanctimoniously.
“I see that you have no response.” A self-satisfied smirk curled the corners of
her lips.
“My only response is that I … care about Justin, and he asked me to do this. I
knew it was a mistake.”
“If you cared about that child, you’d leave him alone.”
“Mother, Justin is not a child.”
“Not anymore, you’ve taken that away from him.”
Brian wondered why the fuck he was doing this. He knew it would be pointless,
but Justin had this grand idea that if Brian merely held out an olive branch to
his mother, everything would be fixed. Brian knew Joan was more likely to chop
off the hand holding the olive branch than accept the branch.
“Mother…” Brian began. He sucked in a deep breath. This was so fucking hard, but
he told himself to reign in his temper.
“Brian, it’s not too late to repent your evil ways,” Joan interrupted, her voice
softening when she suspected that her son’s resolve was weakening. Maybe this
was the moment to set him back on the right path. “Come to the church and be
cleansed of your sins.”
Brian shook his head. “I can’t, I won’t repudiate what I am,” he said
softly.
“You’re perverted!” Joan stated bitterly. “God did not make you this way. You
can still change your evil ways.”
“God has nothing to do with it,” Brian snapped.
“Blasphemy!”
“Yes, mother, I’m a blasphemer and a homosexual, and to top it all off, I’m
still your fucking son!” Brian stated through clenched teeth. He should never
have let Justin talk him into this. He turned to walk away.
“You’re going to Hell, you know,” his mother stated with all the certainty of
her religious fervor.
“At least it will be better than spending time with you.”
“That’s a very cruel thing to say,” Joan accused.
“Yeah, like nothing you’ve just said was cruel.”
“I said it for your own good.”
“Thanks ever so much,” Brian said sarcastically.
“Brian, you must change your ways, please.”
“That’s not going to happen. Enjoy your life, mother. I won’t bother you again.”
“Send that boy away, Brian. For his good … and yours.”
Brian turned back to face his mother. “Justin is the best thing that ever
happened to me, and the fact that you can’t see that he makes me happy, that he
made me come here today to try and reconcile with you…” Brian shook his head.
“It’s your loss.”
“No, Brian, it’s your loss. God will punish you both.”
“I don’t believe in your God, mother, and if he chooses to punish me, so be it.”
“I don’t understand how you can be so reckless with your soul.”
Brian chuckled bitterly. “I don’t have a soul, mother. Ask anybody.”
“You are a wicked, wicked man and you will burn in Hell.”
“And you are a miserable, unforgiving, sanctimonious bitch, and if you are going
to Heaven then it makes Hell look very inviting.” Brian saw Joan shudder at his
words. Then she started to close the door of the house. “Did that hurt in
proportion to the truth?” Brian asked in a loud voice, just before Joan slammed
the door closed.
Brian walked slowly down the driveway to the street. He felt numb. Justin had
been so sure that if Brian merely talked to his mother their differences could
be resolved. So much for that idea. Brian felt empty. His mother had always
known how to gut him. Why did he allow himself to seek her approval? He knew he
was never going to get it, yet he tried again and again. He was one fucked up
asshole, and his dear old mother had a lot to do with that.
Brian strode along the street turning the corner to where the Corvette was
parked. He could see the familiar blond head sitting in the passenger seat. At
least Justin was someone he could depend on … most of the time.
Brian opened the driver side door and slid into the seat. Hopeful blue eyes
looked at him when he turned towards his partner. Brian merely shook his head.
“Fuck!” Justin muttered with bitterness in his voice. “Are you okay?”
“Debatable.”
“I’m sorry I put you through that,” Justin said as he leaned over and hugged
Brian. “I really thought…”
“It doesn’t matter. Let’s go.”
“Home,” Justin said hopefully. He knew how these things could send Brian into a
binge of drinking, drugging or fucking. He really didn’t want any of those
things to happen.
“Yeah, home,” Brian said with a sigh as he started the car. That seemed like the
best place to be. He didn’t think he could face Woody’s or Babylon tonight. He
did need a drink, however.
“I’m here,” Justin said softly.
“What?”
“Just know that I’m here and I have faith in you.”
“Faith in a perverted blasphemer?”
“Is … is that what she called you?”
“More or less.”
“That must have … hurt a lot.”
“Directly in proportion to its truth,” Brian said bitterly parroting his
mother’s words.
“But it’s not true.”
“You know that, and I know that, but she thinks it's true, and she’s sure that I
molested you. I’m supposed to send you home to mommy and daddy so we both can
save our souls.”
“Shit! She’s nuts.”
“I tried to tell you that.”
“I’m so sorry,” Justin said squeezing Brian’s thigh.
“I’m sorry too. Sorry I went anywhere near the evil bitch.”
“You didn’t call her that, did you?” Justin asked, his eyes growing big.
“Worse.”
Justin shook his head and looked down at his feet. This had not gone at all the
way he had expected. After a few minutes his head came up and he turned in his
seat so he could look at Brian. He reached out and took Brian’s hand in his,
forcing his partner to drive with his left hand.
“I love you. Your mother doesn’t know what she’s doing. What she said may have
hurt you, but it isn’t true. There’s no truth to it. What is true is that I love
you. I will do my very best to make it all right when we get home.”
Brian was silent, but Justin could see that he had really heard what had been
said.
*****
Hours later as Justin lay in exhausted sleep, worn out by his creative and
multiple expressions of love, Brian thought about his mother’s words. She
thought she had hurt him with the truth, but Justin had soothed that hurt with
his body, his words and his soul. Brian knew only too well that his mother had
no one to soothe her hurt. He also knew that she would not be able to hurt him
in the same way ever again. Justin had seen to that, and for that Brian was very
grateful.
Brian spooned his long body along the back of his lover. This was right, and his
mother’s words were so very wrong. With that thought, sleep captured him.
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