Killer Tofu

 

 There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.


*****

 


"If you say 'I told you so'..." Casey paused long enough to thunk a measuring cup down on the counter before turning the full power of his glare on Zeke. "I will paint all your shoes yellow." He turned back to the cupboard and extracted the canister of flour. It joined the other baking supplies as Casey added, almost mildly, "Sunshine yellow. With glitter."

"I've never been opposed to glitter," Zeke reminded him. He watched Casey dump sugar and flour into a mixing bowl, a small cloud of white
billowing up over the rim. "Except that one time--"

"We don't discuss the silver underwear incident. Ever." Casey splashed some vanilla into the mix, straight out of the bottle, frowned at the resulting puddle, then added more. Zeke watched in silence, still debating whether Casey was a brilliant chef, or a case of food poisoning waiting to happen.

"Be useful and hand me the chocolate chips. Without a side of commentary, please." Casey's words were still clipped, but his rigid posture had eased and his movements were more relaxed. He brushed his fingertips against Zeke's hand before taking the bag of chocolate chips. Zeke had opened the bag and snagged a few of the chocolates but Casey didn't object.

Silence rested between them as Casey haphazardly tossed ingredients into the bowl and mixed them together with a large wooden spoon.

"I don't know why I keep wasting my time," Casey confessed. "You'd think I would have learned by now."

Zeke leaned over Casey's shoulder and stole more chocolate chips. He pressed one into Casey's mouth before eating the rest. He put a hand on Casey's hip and spoke across the top of his head, letting his breath ruffle Casey's hair.

"Ever heard of Will Rogers? He used to say that 'there are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works'."

"He must have known Delilah." Casey gave the cookie dough a final stir before dumping in what was left of the chocolate chips. He frowned down at the bowl without seeing it. "She made me eat the lunch special." He turned to look at Zeke, wanting to share the horror. "There was tofu in it."

"Despite your insistence on using "Killer Tofu" as Delilah's ringtone, I don't think it's ever actually killed someone."

"Yet," Casey said darkly. He folded the chocolate into the dough. "There was only one customer and it was noon. She loves her vegetarian restaurant, but if she doesn't accept some help she's going to have to close it."

"You can't force her to accept our help, Casey. Would you accept hers if your situations were reversed?"

"I know you think my artzine is a vanity project, but I'd do anything to protect 'Transitory Steel'." Casey stabbed the spoon into the finished dough and let his hands drop. "The only thing more important is you."

"Maybe there's something more important for Delilah, too. You offered to help her, now you have to accept her decision - whatever it is." Zeke held Casey tight for a moment before the doorbell interrupted. He dropped a kiss on Casey's head before he went to answer the door.

Casey was spooning a portion of cookie dough into bowls when Zeke returned, a red-eyed and defiant Delilah at his side. She was carrying an insulated bag.

"I'm making you a silent partner," she said, making a face at the cookie dough as she set the bag down beside it and extracted a variety of cartons. "I won't accept your money any other way." She started opening drawers looking for silverware. "You don't get a say in the menu, the staff or the decor." She stuck a spoon into one of the containers and shoved it at Casey. "Deal?"

Casey set the dark green, suspiciously soupy concoction aside and offered her a firm handshake. "Deal."

"I'll have my people take care of the paperwork tomorrow," Zeke assured them both. He gave Delilah a quick one armed hug before giving Casey a sloppy kiss. Delilah fussed with the containers she brought and pretended to ignore them.

Casey leaned against Zeke and reached for his bowl of cookie dough. Delilah whapped his fingers with a spoon.

"I brought an assortment of good, healthy food. You are not eating cookie dough. It contains raw eggs. You could get sick."

"I'll eat your twigs and leaves at the restaurant. At home, I'll eat what I want - even cookie dough." He handed Zeke a bowl of dough. "Want to live dangerously?"

"Already do," Zeke teased as he accepted the dish. "Bad sci-fi-or explosions?" He went off to get the TV ready for a marathon of bad movies.

"Both!" Casey shouted as he took another bowl from the cupboard and waved it at Delilah. She was using a fork to prod something in one of the container's she'd brought, but her eyes were on the empty dish. With a huff, she took the bowl and filled it with a generous lump of chocolate chip cookie dough.

"I'm holding you responsible if I get sick."

"Fair enough. I'll feed you chicken soup. Out of a can." He gave her a bright smile and took a bite of cookie dough, wincing when she lightly punched his arm.

"Leave room for me," she called as she followed Casey out of the kitchen.

::end::

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