Composition
“Play it again,” Eric urged, moving his chair closer to the piano.
Billy didn’t acknowledge him – not with a smile, or a nod, but he started the
piece again and played it all the way through without hesitation. When he
finished, he placed his hands in his lap and bowed his head. He didn’t cry this
time.
Long after the last note had faded, Eric leaned over and lowered the cover over
the keyboard. That was the moment he knew Billy dreaded, and no matter how
tender he was, how gently he loved this fragile young man, there was nothing
Eric could do to make up for taking Billy’s music away.
“Get ready for bed. I’ll join you as soon as I can.” Eric watched as Billy made
his way slowly up the stairs; he was favoring his left leg again. Eric did his
best with the first aid kit, but there was no safe way to get Billy the medical
treatment he needed.
After double-checking the locks and turning out the lights, Eric hurried
upstairs. He’d left his uniform on the bed when he’d changed earlier and had
forgotten to put it away. He wanted to get it out of sight as quickly as
possible. He was surprised to find Billy holding his jacket, studying it as if
it was something he’d never seen before.
“I never thought I’d be afraid of a piece of clothing.” Billy’s hands tightened,
wrinkling the material, and Eric had to force himself not to snatch the jacket
away. “But now...” He looked up, hollow-eyed and haunted. “Sometimes I think
going insane would be a mercy, since I’m too much of a coward to kill myself.”
He looked up at the ceiling. “When I’m hiding up there all day, waiting for you
to come home. Trapped with little light, no music...” He laughed bitterly and
looked at Eric, “Trapped in my own home, waiting to be betrayed.”
“I'm not going to betray you, Billy.” It hurt Eric to have to say this again.
All these months and Billy still doubted him.
“He did.” There was no emotion in the statement and that worried Eric more than
Billy’s too-thin form or his broken leg that hadn't healed properly. Eric loved
Billy’s intensity, his passion; if that faded, it wouldn’t be long before
Billy’s body followed.
“I’m not him.” Eric made it a promise, and he sealed it with a kiss as intense
as he was capable of giving. He’d been trained as a soldier almost since birth,
trained to obey orders without hesitation or question. Finding this man had
turned Eric’s whole life upside down. He’d give anything to keep him safe.
Some nights he stayed awake, holding Billy in his arms and thanking whatever
forces that had brought them together. As an elite officer, he’d had his choice
of houses. As soon as he’d seen the piano, he’d known this was the one he
wanted. It didn't matter that he couldn't play. It wasn’t until nearly a week
later that he discovered he’d acquired a pianist too.
He could still picture his first sight of Billy, the emaciated young man sitting
at the piano, fingers barely pressing the keys but his hands and body moving as
if he were giving the concert of his life. When he finished playing he turned
towards Eric and held out his hands, wrists together in silent surrender. For
the first time in his life, Eric disobeyed an order.
Instead of turning Billy in, he fed him, bathed him and bound his injured leg.
And then he lay down beside Billy and spent the night watching him sleep. In the
morning he carried him up into the attic where he’d been hiding, and discovered
the source of the scratching he’d been hearing since moving in – Billy had been
carving musical compositions into the wood.
“It’s all I have left to give,” Billy told him as Eric placed him on a pile of
blankets and left him with food and water and strict instructions to hide until
Eric returned. Billy had slept in Eric’s bed ever since. But the first time
they’d had sex, it was on the floor next to the piano.
Billy was needy tonight, clinging more than he usually did, as Eric lay him down
on the bed. They’d been together like this many times, but Eric treasured each
time as if it was their first. He didn’t know how Billy felt, and didn’t have
the courage to ask, but sometimes, when he was almost asleep, he felt Billy
tracing music across his body.
::end::