Addressing Sandwiches
“Hey Case,
your Warhol painting is upside down.”
“What? Hey, what was that for?”
“Your mug shot.”
“Why do I need a mug shot?”
“Why are you making tuna salad?”
“Because it’s lunch time. What about my Warhol?”
“You do know it’s a federal offense.”
“Not. It's dolphin safe.”
“But you don’t eat tuna salad and neither do I.”
“We need more variety in our diet.”
“Says the man who still eats Cap’n Crunch for breakfast.”
“It’s part of a well-balanced breakfast.”
“You just like the sugar rush. Is that tofu?
“Maybe.”
“How did we acquire that?”
“Probably the same way we got tuna.”
“I’m revoking your online grocery shopping privileges.”
“Fine. That means we’ll have to eat out all the time again and the only food in
the house will be in doggy bags. And no more 2 a.m. popcorn fights.”
“A persuasive argument. You’ll need that skill at your trial.”
“Will I? You mean you’re not going to hire a shark to defend me?”
“Can’t. I’ll need him to prove I’m not an accessory.”
“A salad accessory? Does that make you a crouton?”
“You’ll be a crouton if you get caught mailing that.”
“Who said I was going to mail it?”
“The envelope was a giveaway. You shouldn’t have addressed it until the sandwich
was inside.”
“Too squishy. I want the address nice and clear.”
“You spend way too much time reading blogs.”
“I like reading blogs.”
“Even the ones that describe your artzine as an ‘injustice to trees’?”
“How does the saying go? Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people
have.”
“Speaking of bacteria, give me that mixing bowl, it’s disgusting.”
“I guess I’m not going to the post office this afternoon.”
“No. You’re cleaning this up and then taking me out to lunch at Delilah’s
restaurant.”
“I hate vegetarian. You sure I can’t send the sandwich?”
“I’m sure. You can take her the rest of the tofu instead. And if you don’t
mention her blog, I’ll bring you home afterwards and show you some interesting
uses for diced celery.”
“Sounds crunchy. Now what was that about my Warhol?”
::end::
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