What Do You Get...?


‘What do you get for a man that has everything and wants nothing?’ Walter pondered as he stood in the middle of a posh men’s store in New York City. Walter was asked to be a panelist for a law enforcement seminar. It was a three day seminar so Walter decided to tack on an extra day to do some Christmas shopping. It wasn’t often that Walter made it into the ‘big city;’ he figured he might as well take advantage of it.

But that still didn’t answer the question of what to get for Alex.

He and Alex had been together for several years now as lovers and living in peaceful retirement. Well, semi-retirement. Every once in a while the FBI called upon Walter Skinner, Assistant Director, retired, to shake off the moth balls and come to Washington, D.C. especially when it involved little green men. (Little grey men actually, but that’s nitpicking.) Or to wherever Walter’s commanding authoritative presence was required.

Alex, on the other hand, never seemed to be retired. He kept himself physically toned, exercising daily and ready for action. He kept mentally sharp by translating obscure texts into English and then into Russian, just for the fun of it. Deep in the woods beyond their ranch, Alex set up a combination obstacle course and firing range to keep his senses and reflexes sharp.

Walter knew Alex had a limitless source of funds somewhere which Alex used when he wanted the latest computer or other electronic gadget that Alex deemed important to keep them (and possibly the world) safe. All Alex wanted was not to have to use any of it for the rest of his life.

“But I still have no clue what to get the man for Christmas,” Walter grumbled to himself as he left the store and went back to his hotel to pack for the return trip home.

Christmas Eve arrived and Alex found himself amused by Walter who was frantically cleaning and decorating. Since Walter did not request Alex’s help, Alex decided the safest course of action was to stay out of the way.

“Alex, go chop down a tree,” Walter commanded in his best AD voice as Alex attempted to slink out of the living room toward the kitchen.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, go take the axe and chop down an appropriate tree. Mmm, maybe a seven-footer,” Walter said as he dragged the tree stand out of the hall closet.

“A seven-footer,” Alex mumbled. “Do I look like Paul Bunyan to you?” Alex shouted in a voice an octave higher than his usual tone.

“No, you look like a man with nothing to do. Now, git!” Walter pointed toward the woods.

“It’ll take me over an hour to get to the forest tree line to find the right trees! And that’s on horseback.”

“Then I guess you’d better get going,” Walter growled like a big ole bear. Alex gave Walter an incredulous look but he ‘git.’

Several hours later, Alex Krycek, super spy, ex(?)-assassin and all around bad guy, was snarling his way back to the ranch house. About a half a mile from home his horse lost his footing on the snow covered ground. Alex went tumbling off his saddle landing in the snow. He stood up, dusted himself off then checked out his horse. The horse was okay but it would have been cruel to allow the horse to carry him and drag the tree. So Alex unhooked the ropes that tied the tree to the saddle and tied them around his waist. He then led his horse to the barn, rubbed him down, tended to his leg then went to ‘tend’ to Walter.

“Not one word about being late or the quality of the tree, Walter!” Alex shouted as he slammed open the back door and began to pull the tree through the kitchen.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Alex,” Walter said sweetly, handing his mate a mug of hot cocoa topped with plenty of whipped cream.

“Merry Christmas, Alex!” came shouts from the living room.

“What?” Alex was dumbfounded as he looked around the room. There, surrounded by boxes and bags of ornaments just waiting for a tree to adorn were Mulder, Scully, their son, William and the Loan Gunman. Two of which were dressed in the most horrendous seasonal sweaters known to man.

“What’s going on, Walter?” Alex remained stunned.

“I had no idea what to get you for Christmas. So I got you the only thing you never really had, a family,” Walter replied softly. “I hope it’s all right,” he said, not wanting to spook Alex any further.

Alex looked around at their faces, all of them actually smiling at him not cowering in fear or murderous with rage. Alex couldn’t help but smile back.

“Thank you, Walter,” Alex said sincerely, raising his mug in salute to his ‘family.’

After much hugging and back slapping, it was time to decorate the tree.

“Come on, Walter, ‘git’ a move on, this tree isn’t going to decorate itself,” Alex quipped.

Walter gave his rat a discreet kiss on the nose then he ‘git.’

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