The Yuck Factor



Warning: Body fluids and not the positive life affirming ones; no kink just snark and fluff.







“Brian!  I need help!” Justin yelled from the bathroom.


“So what else is new,” Brian muttered as he saved the new ad he was working on to do his master’s bidding. 


“What can I do for you, Sunshine?” Brian said with a forced smile plastered on his face as he walked into the bathroom.  The smile quickly faded as Justin turned toward him.  “Holy zit face, Sunshine!  What the fuck happened to your chin?  It looks like you have two of them.”  Just under Justin’s chin was a very large angry red pimple that looked like it was ready to burst.


“I don’t know, Brian.  I was fine yesterday although I think I nicked myself shaving,” Justin whined sadly.  His chin was throbbing. He was scared to touch it and it hurt like a motherfucker.


“I don’t know why you insist on shaving every day.”


“Hey, you’re not the only one who gets a five o’clock shadow,” Justin grumbled angrily.


“Justin, six blond hairs every five to seven days does not constitute a shadow,” Brian snarked. 


Justin gestured his reply. “Brian, this thing hurts.  My face hurts; I’m in no mood for your witty comments.”


“Fine.  So what do you want me to do?”


“Lance it,” Justin said as he held up a sharp tweezer.


“Justin, I’m an ad exec not a dermatologist.  At the very least you’re at risk for infection or I might scar you for life.”


“Can’t be any worse than the scars I already have.  Brian, please, do this for me.  I can only see it when I lift my chin but then I can’t see what I’m doing,” Justin pleaded as he waved the tweezer in front of Brian’s face.  Brian took a large step backward. “Please Bri.”


“You trust me?”


“With my life.”


“Okay, but I don’t think we have any disinfectant.”  They searched the medicine cabinet but came up empty other than a few band-aids, a tube of antibacterial ointment and aspirin.  “So now what do we do?  I can go to the drugstore.”






“Beam, it’s 80 proof.  That’ll kill just about anything.”


“You want me to disinfect the tweezer with bourbon.”


“You have a better idea?”


“Yeah, like me not performing surgery on your face.”


“Brian, I want this out.”


“You sound like you’re about to give birth.”


“Yes, I am and it’s a ten pound baby zit.  Here’s some cotton balls, now go get the Beam,” Justin demanded.


“Yes, dear,” Brian said in a falsetto voice, pissing off his partner even more.  Ignoring the cursing, Brian took his balls to the liquor cabinet.


Taking out one of his best bottles of Jim Beam Black and opening the bottle, Brian inhaled the smoky aroma.  He poured a small shot then dipped several cotton balls in the rich amber liquid.  Not wanting to waste the rest of the shot, Brian fortified himself by downing the shot in a second.  He thoughtfully poured a small shot for Justin then brought it and the bourbon moistened cotton balls into the bathroom.


“Took you long enough,” Justin complained.


“Here, drink this,” Brian said as he handed the shot glass to his impatient patient. 


“You think I need this?”


“I don’t think, I know you need it.  Drink up while I sterilize myself and the tweezer.”  Brian placed the cotton balls on some toilet paper while he washed his hands.  Justin threw back the shot then made himself comfortable on the toilet seat.


“Are you ready for this?” Brian asked as he wiped the tweezer with a cotton ball.


“Yes.  Hurry up before I lose my nerve.”


“Want another shot?”


“No, just lance the fucking thing.  I want to go to bed.”


“Feeling faint?”


“No, asshole, I want to fuck.”


“Why didn’t you say so?” Brian quipped as he got down to business.  “Ready?” Brian asked as he tilted Justin’s head, cradling it in his hand.


“Yeah,” Justin whispered as he mentally prepared himself for the pain.


Brian tightened his grip on the back of Justin’s head then gently nicked the edge of the zit.


“Ew,” Brian murmured.


Grabbing a wad of toilet paper, Brian quickly sopped up the gunk that oozed out.  Justin hissed as Brian applied a little pressure when the wound began to bleed.


“Do you think that got it?” Justin asked trying not to move his jaw unnecessarily.


“Not sure.  It looks like something’s poking out of the crater.”


“Crater?” Justin squeaked.


“The hole.  You know what I mean.”


“God, maybe I should have just left it alone,” Justin sighed.


“You’re just realizing this now?” 


“What do you see?” Justin asked as Brian gingerly dabbed the area with a bourbon cotton ball.


“There’s definitely something in there.”




“I think it’s...” Brian carefully poked around with the tip of the tweezer.


“It’s what?” Justin asked as he felt a slight tug then a stronger tug then...  “Fuck!  Holy shit, what was that?”


“This,” Brian said as he looked crosseyed at the ingrown hair that was the cause of Justin’s dilemma.  “Wow, look at the size of this thing.  It must be a mile long,” Brian said in awe.


“Let me see,” Justin said as he grabbed at Brian’s hand, bringing the hair into focus.  “Wow!  Look how thick that is.”  Justin all but forgot about the pain as he stared in fascination.  “What I don’t understand is how this thing grew in my chin.”


“What I don’t understand is why this hair is grey and not blond.”  Brian snickered.


“I do not have any grey hairs,” Justin exclaimed indignantly.  “It’s a blond hair.”


“Sunshine, I have spent years categorizing your hair in all it’s shades and nuances.  This hair is most definitely not blond; it is grey.”


“It can't be grey, Brian. I’m only twenty-five.”


“Justin, you’re an artist and one of the most honest people I know.  Look at it again and tell me what you see.”  Justin gazed at the abhorrent hair clutched within the tines of the tweezer.


“It’s grey.  But I’m too young to have grey hair.”


“It’s just a fluke, just like it being ingrown.  It may never happen again.”


“You think so?” Justin asked with hope.


“I’m sure.  You won’t have any grey hairs for a long, long time, Sunshine.” 


Brian dabbed at the wound again; the swelling appeared to be going down.  He then applied some of the antibacterial ointment and covered it with a bandaid.


“You still want to fuck?” Brian asked.


“Yeah but can I have another shot of Beam first?”  Justin was still a little sore and more upset than he cared to admit.


“Sure.  Go get comfortable in bed and I’ll bring it,” Brian said like a dutiful spouse.


“Brian?” Justin began with a lazy sigh.  He was now warm and comfortable thanks to Brian Kinney and Jim Beam.  Brian had brought the bottle with him to bed.  They both needed some consoling after being traumatized.




“Have you ever had an ingrown hair or a zit?”


“I’ve never had an ingrown hair; however, my omnipotence did not preclude me from getting a zit or two when I was an adolescent, Sunshine.” 


Justin giggled at Brian’s turn of a phrase. “Thank you for helping, it was kinda gross and yucky.”


“No yuckier than some of the other things I’ve done to you.  Gunky body fluids not withstanding.  I just hope I haven’t scarred you for life,” Brian said as he leaned over to kiss Justin’s temple, the one that had the tiny scar hidden under a lock of blond hair.  Some scars never went away.


“I’m sure it’ll be okay,” Justin said reassuringly.  “Um, you want to make some more body fluids?” Justin asked after a while. 


“The kind we can share?”  Brian smiled, reaching for the lube and a condom.


“Yeah, we can get ourselves really yucky.”


“Doctor Brian at your service, Sunshine!”  Brian rolled on top of his ‘patient’ and went to work.  No disinfectant required. 

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