Haze

Clouds and light swirl in random circles around me. The cold air envelops me. Numbers enter my mind and leave, only to be uttered in the haze of a drugged and unfulfilled sleep. I was alone in the midst of these strangers to whom I’d entrusted my life. If he were here, I wouldn’t be alone. He would keep me warm in this frozen wasteland to which I’d hesitantly, but needfully been led. But he’s not here because I chose to keep him from knowing, thus keeping him away. His name sits on my lips, but I am unable to call him. I find that nothing is working and I wonder if I really died. Then I listen and can hear my heart beating. I concentrate on the coldness around me and I can feel my still warm blood rushing through me as the cool air fills my lungs. I am still alive.

Music and lights throb and echo in my head. My eyes open to a sea of humanity, beautiful and warm, smiling and touching me as I pass. I wonder how I got here, to this Mecca of men, from the cold and barren place I was. I’m surprised when a familiar face greets me. He shouldn’t be here. He’s equally surprised to see me. But this is my place, where I’m king. I look around at my subjects as the beat of the music changes to something still familiar, yet out of place, out of time. I look back at my companion, my friend, my mentor. And I know that we are in two different places, he and I. And I don’t want to be here, with all that it entails. All that I never wanted.

A voice is calling me back to...somewhere else. I want to say his name, but I realize the voice is not his, the one who doesn’t know, because I never told him. The voice is asking how I am. I take a moment to think of the answer to that question. I’ve changed, or rather I’m changed. I’m sure that’s not what he wants to hear. I guess I’ll tell him the truth. Well, my truth, anyway.

“I’m having a ball.”

Return to Cheryl's Fanfiction