Highway 281
Just When I Needed You Most
Brian sat in the waiting room, trying not to look worried, and certainly not looking scared. It was all happening again, and he didn’t want to have to deal with it alone, but the only person he really wanted by his side this time wasn’t here; he left to find his destiny without knowing anything about this. Pretending to read a magazine Brian thought back to that day.
“It’s raining. Think my flight will be cancelled?”
“Would you be upset if it was?”
“Brian, I have to go. I have to find out if I can do this. It’s not that I really want to leave Pittsburgh, leave everything I have here…leave you. I have to!”
Brian pulled Justin closer, kissing the top of his blond head. Justin’s arm circled Brian’s chest and he kissed the skin next to his nipple. A chill went through Brian’s body but he never said a word.
“Sure you don’t want me to take you to the airport?”
“No, I hate airport goodbyes. This is how I want to remember you.”
Brian struggled for something to say, but no words came to him.
And so Justin left with tears in his eyes, not even bothering to close the heavy loft door. Brian couldn’t believe how empty he felt at that moment, but he couldn’t deny Justin his destiny. After all, New York wasn’t that far away. It wasn’t the end of his life.
He stared out of the window at the rain, watching the taxi pull away and he wasn’t too sure that his life wasn’t ending.
He had almost gotten used to being alone but he couldn’t go back to what he was before Justin, no matter how much Mikey pestered him. He wasn’t that person anymore.
It had happened in the shower of all places, and the fear was back, only this time there was no one there to tell. No one he wanted to tell except Justin, but Justin was leaving and he didn’t feel he had the right to stop him. The last time he realized his mistake was when Justin became so angry at him. He promised to tell Justin everything, to let him know what was going on in his life, especially the bad stuff. The stuff that Brian always kept locked up in his own mind and heart.
“But you left me, and I needed you,” he murmured.
“No, Brian, I didn’t leave you. I left Pittsburgh for New York. I didn’t leave our life together. I left to give my art a chance.”
Brian looked up from the magazine, hoping it wasn’t all in his mind. But it was real. Justin was standing in front of him, in the waiting room of a doctor’s office.
“How did…?”
“I knew something was wrong so I came back. Don’t ask me how I knew because I have no idea. I went to your office and Cynthia told me where you were, so here I am.”
Brian just sat and stared for a moment. “Remind me to fire her,” he said, tongue in cheek.
“Don’t be mad at her, I made her tell me.”
“Intimidation, huh?”
“Whatever works.”
Brian nodded and stood, taking Justin into his arms. They ignored the looks from the other patients in the waiting room.
After a few minutes, Justin pulled away from the security of Brian’s arms. Brian stared down at him and knew what was on his mind just by the look on his face.
“The question is, why didn’t you tell me?”
Brian opened his mouth to speak, but Justin continued talking before he could even get a word out. “And don’t say you didn’t want to interrupt my New York adventure. You’re more important to me than my art and you always will be.”
Brian sat down, pulling Justin onto the chair beside him. He wanted to pull him down onto his lap, but figured he’d give the others in the room a break. Before he could respond, the door to the doctor’s offices opened.
“Mr. Kinney,” a nurse called out.
Brian stood, taking a step toward her. When he realized Justin wasn’t following him he stopped and held out his hand. Justin stared up at him and smiled one of his sunshine smiles.
Together they followed the nurse through the door. Justin was at his side and that’s all that mattered.
7/31/14