Highway 281
I Am a Rock
December in Pittsburgh. Brian stared out of his window at the bleak, cold night. The snow covered street below was empty. It was as if he were alone in his own little world.
The trouble was, he was alone. But he had no one to blame but himself. The walls he’d built around himself, around his heart, were stronger than ever.
There was a time that they had cracked, maybe even chipped a little, a brick or two missing here and there. And he was scared of the feelings that went with it.
Love. That feeling he was so afraid of.
Love. That feeling that he fought even though he wanted to welcome it.
Love. That feeling that lingered in his memory even though the object of that feeling was no longer part of him, of his life, of his world.
His world was now lonely and cold like the world outside of his window.
Brian closed his eyes and images flashed before him: blue eyes, blond hair, soft pale skin…and a smile so…so perfect that he would have given everything he owned to keep it as part of his life if he had only known.
Now the walls were back up. All the bricks had been replaced; the cracks had been sealed and reinforced. He made sure no one would ever be able to penetrate them again.
No one…ever.
No one would touch him again and he would touch no one. He loved once and when he lost that love, he cried for the first time in his life.
He would never let that pain into his life again. His armor was in place, his walls were up.
Turning from the window, he looked around the room. Looked at his life, the life he had made.
Expensive Italian furniture, only the best for him.
A computer he used for the work that consumed the long days.
An empty bed, the blue lights above it turned off forever.
This was his life now.
A book of poetry sat on the coffee table, left there when the loft door slammed shut that final time. He had left it where it lay when the blue eyes turned dark and the perfect smile became a frown.
He told himself he was a rock. A rock feels no pain.
He told himself he was an island. An island never cries.
But the pain was there, deep inside the impenetrable walls firmly situated around his heart.
He turned back to the window and the snow still falling on the empty street below.
And a single tear fell from his eye.
6/16/14