Highway 281
Nights Are Forever Without You
Brian looked at the clock next to his bed. Not even five o’clock in the morning. He had gone to bed at midnight after an evening at Babylon where he drank a little too much. Not unusual. Made a few trips to the backroom. Also not unusual. What was unusual is that he was ‘just looking’ but nothing struck his fancy…which was becoming the usual.
The usual ever since Justin left for the bright lights and possibilities of New York.
Now Brian was just lying in the big bed he had shared with Justin while music played in the background. A window in the corner of the large room just down the stairs let the moonlight shine through, casting ever moving shadows on the shiny wood floors.
The sun would be rising soon and Brian would have spent another sleepless, restless night. A night that lasted forever, just like all the other nights since his Sunshine had left.
Nights spent wondering how Justin was doing in New York. Was he happy there? Has he made friends? How was he doing with his artwork?
Nights spent wishing he were here. Here in his arms, in his bed, in his life again.
Looking back, Brian had no idea what it would actually be like without Justin. Yeah, there was that Ethan thing a few years ago, but Brian knew that Justin would be back. The violinist wasn’t right for him; it just took Justin some time to finally realize that. Besides, he wasn’t that far away and he still worked at the diner so he could see him whenever he wanted. Whenever he was brave enough to walk in there when Justin was working. He did though. He had to make sure he was okay, to see for himself. Debbie dropped hints every once in a while, but it wasn’t the same as seeing him first hand.
And Los Angeles. Brian really hoped it would all work out for him, but he was a little more realistic. I mean, really, making a gay superhero movie for the general audience. It might have worked…but then again …
Now it was New York. Bright lights, big city and his name in an art magazine. How proud Brian was and how scared.
Brian took a deep breath. Scared.
The first time he was this scared about Justin was after the prom when Justin was in a coma for two weeks. They were probably the worst two weeks of his life, and he had some ‘worst’ times. Even then he could stand at the window and watch him, which he did, every night. He wanted to touch the pale skin, caress his face, tell him how he really felt. But he didn’t.
And the bombing at Babylon while he was on his way to Australia. What if he had already gotten on the plane and was thousands of miles away, flying over the ocean? That thought sent chills through him. The not knowing would have…would have what? He remembered calling Justin’s name as he made his way through the rubble that was the ruined shell of his club. He remembered a short while later, outside, arms around his Sunshine and knowing he had to say the words.
And he did. And he never meant anything so true in his life. He loved Justin, his stalker, his lover. His Sunshine.
Now all he could do was wonder.
Sleep wouldn’t come with his thoughts.
Nights not sleeping really did seem like forever.
Nights without him were forever.