Rule number one: Always be prepared!
But I wasn't. I really didn't expect to get laid on the first day.
Justin does things to me. He turns me on. He makes my heart thump. He makes me feel. I didn't know I was capable of feeling like this. I want to hold him in my arms. I want him to be mine. I want to be his.
But right now, I want a fucking condom.
I walk up my driveway and look down at my crotch.
"Erection, erection, go away. Come again another day."
Great, I'm singing to my fucking boner.
I shake my head and open the door to my house. I ignore my parents and run straight up to my room. I grab my toiletry bag and dump it out on the bed. I rummage through it. I grab the condom box and open it, shoving my hand inside.
No! Say it isn't so!
I packed an empty box of condoms. I am the worst person ever.
I curl up in my navy blue blankets and think of Brian. He's so sure of himself. He's funny. He's sweet. He's gorgeous. He's perfect.
I wish I could have that bravery. I wish I could just stand up and say, "This is who I am."
But I can't.
I admire Brian so much for that. His parents seem so understanding. Mine could never be. Brian is everything I'm not. He's everything I want to be. He's everything I want.
I'm going to give myself to him. All of me.
I hope I don't disappoint him. I hope he comes back soon.
I can't believe I'm going to do this.
"Dad! Come here!" I call from the bottom of the stairs. He walks over with an eyebrow raised. Hey, that's my move.
Maybe I stole it from him at birth.
"I thought you were at Justin's?" I roll my eyes at him. I want to be at Justin's, in Justin.
"Yeah, um, shit." I feel my cheeks get hot. I can't do it. I can't ask my dad to give me a condom he'd use to fuck my mom so I can go fuck Justin. I just can't.
Hey, my erection went away.
"What is it?" He looks amused. He crosses his arms and leans against the wall, looking up at me. I take a deep breath.
"Do you have any condoms?" I whisper, looking around to make sure my mom isn't near. He starts laughing, a loud, gut busting laugh.
"Thanks." I cross my arms and huff. Just give me a fucking condom.
"There's such desperation in your eyes!" He laughs harder and grabs his stomach. I tap my foot and roll my eyes.
"I'm glad to see you're playing safe. As I've always told you. No glove, no love."
Oh. My. God.
"Joan, come here!" Oh god no. Not my mom. Oh god. She walks over to us, wiping her hands on a dishtowel.
"What is it?"
"Brian has met himself a little friend already." He tells her, an evil gleam in his eye. That's him. Evil.
"Oh? That's lovely."
"Yep, our boy has fallen for the boy next door." I sit down on the bottom step and bury my face in my hands, shaking my head back and forth.
"Aw, that's so cute! A typical boy meets boy story." You can stop talking any time.
"He wants to know if we have any condoms. Do we, honey?"
Holy fucking shit. I look up at him and glare. Can you see the hate in my eyes, dad? Fucker. I think I might be permanently red. My dad just asked my mom for a condom so I can go deflower the boy next door.
I pound my head against the wall. Can I die now? Please?
"You guys sure work fast," she laughs.
"Yeah, yeah." I stand up and roll my eyes. "Where do we stand on the condom situation? Yay or nay?"
"We haven't gotten around to buying any yet," my dad tells me. He could have just fucking told me that. He's so fucking lucky I love him.
"All that? You could have just said no and I would have gone to buy some. I could have been halfway up his ass already! Jesus!" I grab my wallet and keys from the table by the door and storm out. Their laughter follows me out to my car.
I should be comforted by the fact that my parents don't have an active sex life. Instead I'm just annoyed. I want a fucking condom.
Now where is the nearest store?
Who cleans their room naked?
That's what I'm doing. I can't just sit there. My mind is working too fast, thinking up ridiculous shit. I'm thinking of the most disastrous situations.
What if my parents come home, and my dad walks in and sees Brian's dick up my ass? Oh shit.
Or what if I scream so loud in the throes of passion that the nosey bitch across the street calls the cops? Stop it, Justin!
I change my sheets. I want to lose my virginity on the red ones.
That's stupid. The sheets are going to be dirty again anyway.
What will happen after we have sex?
Will we be boyfriends? Will he be done with me? Will he expect me to be out and proud with him? I just can't.
Can we be in a relationship while I'm still in the closet?
I like him so much already.
I close my eyes. Stop thinking, Justin.
This is entirely unfair. Most people just make a snap decision in a moment of passion and boom, virginity gone. I have all this time to think about shit while he's running around getting a condom.
Ok, what the fuck? There must be a condom shortage in the greater PA area.
The first two gas stations were a no go. How could they not have condoms when I am this horny.
That's not even right.
I park the Jeep in front of this little grocery store and I'm tempted to leave the engine running. I put it in park and run inside. I jog along the aisles until I spot them.
Condoms, oh glorious condoms.
Aisle five is my salvation.
Thank god. They have the good kind. After all the hurry, I stand there staring at the selection.
Why are the condoms always right next to the tampons and pregnancy tests? Bleh.
I find myself wondering what kind of lube would feel the best for Justin. I examine four bottles before finally choosing one. I've never cared about that shit before.
But with him, how he feels is incredibly important to me.
Holy shit. This lube is eight dollars. Oh well. Only the best for my blond.
This is the most boring job ever.
I sigh and lean against my register, studying my fingernails. An old lady with six hundred cans of cat food and even more gallons of milk starts unloading her cart onto the conveyor belt.
God damn you, old lady.
My eyes move away from the tuna and chicken flavored cat chow and to the guy in line behind her. He's bouncing up and down and he keeps rolling his eyes.
Hey, I know that guy.
He's the new guy. He's in my English class. What's his name? Shit.
Oh yeah, Brian. He's so hot, but totally gay. What a shame.
What the hell is he doing? His eyes look like they're going to pop out of his sockets. He's staring at the old lady with pure disbelief. That's when I see the items he's waiting to purchase, a box of condoms and a tube of lube.
I almost laugh out loud. No wonder he's so antsy.
He's got a boy waiting for him somewhere. How cute.
I check out the cat food and milk as fast as I can, just for him. I swear I see tears in his eyes when I tell her the total and she pulls out a bag of change. Poor guy.
He's muttering something under his breath and I smile. I keep count with the lady because if she loses count, I'll smack her myself.
"17.56 17.57 17.58 "
If I feel like killing myself, I can only imagine how he feels.
"59, 60, 61, 62 and that's it! Thanks and have a great day."
"Wait, I have a coupon." Brian slumps against the candy rack and lets out a whimper. I start to giggle and I look over at him. He meets my eyes and I see recognition flicker across his features.
"Sorry," I mouth to him.
Lady death finally leaves to go feed her kitties and Brian slams the items down on the register. He pulls his wallet out of his back pocket and forces a smile.
"I could make this like a bad movie, and call for a price check over the intercom on these condoms," I tell him.
"Yeah, but if this were a bad movie, the condoms would be pee wee sized. And these definitely aren't." He smirks at me and I ring up his purchases.
"Would you like a bag with that? Or I could gift wrap them for you." He glares at me and I laugh.
"Just let me pay for the damn things," he snaps. There's amusement in his voice. I like him. He's nice.
"That'll be 12.49." He hands me a debit card and I swipe it through the machine. It beeps. I bite my lip and do it again. It beeps again. Uh oh.
"It says your card has been denied." I give him a sympathetic smile and he slams his head against the counter. I pat his head awkwardly. This has to suck.
Where the fuck is he? My hard on went away like fifteen minutes ago.
My room is immaculate. Mom will be proud.
Shit. I wonder when they're coming back. As if on cue, the phone rings. I pad into my parent's room to pick up that extension.
"Hey Justin." Oh no. It's my mom. And I'm sitting on their bed. And I'm naked.
I jump up and stand in the middle of the room.
"Hey Mom. What's up?" Well, this is awkward.
"What have you been doing all day?" Oh nothing. I met a hot guy, brought him over, and I got a lesson in giving head. We're going to have sex as soon as he gets his hot ass back here. Just the usual.
"Nothing. I played some Tomb Raider and did some homework." Wow, my life was boring before Brian.
"But it's a Friday night. You should be out doing something exciting." I'm sure I'll think of something. "Do you think you could survive on your own until Sunday night? Molly made the finals and we're going to stay here." I feel the grin spread across my cheeks.
I am absolutely giddy with excitement.
"I suppose I'll manage. Is there enough food?"
"Yes. And if you need anything else, there is a credit card in the bottom drawer of your father's desk. The pin is on the back. You can use that."
Well, I'm definitely filing that bit of information away for future use.
"I'll be fine, Mom. You guys have fun. Tell Molly I said congrats. Love you."
"I love you, too. Be good."
"I will." Yeah right. I hang up the phone and run back to my room with a huge grin on my face.
Life is good.
I pray to the god of gay virgins, please, be good to me.
One little condom. That's all I want. Is that so much to ask?
"Fine." I stand up and sigh. "Shit."
Denise looks around. There's no one in line behind me. There's no one around. She smiles devilishly and pushes the bag of beloved objects across the counter to me. I raise my eyebrow at her.
"Go get him." She cocks her head towards the door and I swear I feel my lip tremble. Denise is now my favorite person ever. I run around the counter and wrap my arms around her in a tight bear hug.
"Thank you, thank you thank you!" I kiss her cheek and she giggles. "You're the best. See you in class on Monday." I kiss her cheek one more time and grab the bag. I sprint out of the store and dive into my car.
Time for sex!
Ok, now I'm nervous.
Is it going to hurt?
Will everything change?
Do I really want to do this?
I hear my front door slam shut and I smile, even as my stomach twists up in knots. I'm so fucking scared.
But then Brian comes into my room, so gorgeous, beautiful, and naked.
Any doubts I may have had disappear as soon as he leans over and presses his lips to mine.
"Where are your clothes?" I laugh.
"Somewhere between my car and here. I'm pretty sure my left shoe is in your front yard."
He smiles at me and dumps the condoms and lube onto my bed. My eyes lock onto them and widen. I gulp.
Oh shit. It's really going to happen.
Brian leans over to kiss me, and I lean back on the bed. His hands run up my bare sides and my heart thumps against my chest.
This is it.
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