"What if ..."

Justin sent the Birthday Trick Away.

Author's Notes: I wish it really did happen this way. But at least, I can pretend it did! Thanks to Shannon Marie – the best beta around.

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"No way, no fucking way," Justin was thrilled. He couldn't believe that Brian had actually gotten him something for his birthday. All the bullshit the older man spurted was for nothing.

Brian turned his lover around and pulled him back against his chest. He wrapped one arm across the boy's chest and the other over his eyes. He didn't want the surprise revealed until he was ready. Carefully, he led Justin through the loft, towards the bedroom. The younger man squealed. Not being able to see where he was going made him feel out of control, but he trusted that his lover would not let him fall. Brian maneuvered them up the stairs and stopped when they reached the bed.

The older man looked at the surprise and had second thoughts. It seemed like a good idea a few hours ago when he'd made several calls to ensure he got exactly what he wanted. Now, he wasn't so sure about it. But, he was there and Justin was all excited, so there was no turning back. He took a deep breath and raised his hand slowly, letting his lover see his present.

"Happy birthday," the naked man lying on their bed said. His groin was covered with a big red bow.

"Well, what do you think?" Brian asked. He still had the younger man pressed against him and felt his body instantly stiffen. `Not a good sign,' the older man thought. `Fuck'.

Justin was speechless. He didn't answer. He couldn't. The only response he could summon was a gentle patting of the older man's hand. It was the best he could do as he stood in total shock.

He remained stunned as he let his eyes travel across the bed, taking in the form of the naked man lying spread out for him. Justin's mind couldn't wrap around the fact that this was his surprise, his birthday present from his lover. He didn't understand what the fuck Brian had been thinking.

"He looks just like that underwear model you like, don't you think?"

Justin didn't answer.

Brian knew he'd screwed up, but the boy's deafening silence told him just how badly. He still thought that maybe he could salvage it and pressed further. "Well, go on, aren't you going to unwrap it?" He motioned for Justin to join the man on the bed.

Still, the blond had no words. He just looked over his shoulder at his lover and tried to muster a smile. Brian shrugged his shoulders, smiled awkwardly and motioned with his head towards the bed.

Not sure what to do, Justin turned back towards the trick, who was slowly moving towards him. He didn't want to embarrass himself by acting all freaked out, but on the inside he was. He pulled on the bow and it fell away, exposing the trick's cock.

The sight instantly shook Justin from his daze, bringing him back to reality. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want this trick and there was no way he was going to fuck him just to appease Brian. He wasn't a whore and refused to be treated like one.

Gathering his strength, he abruptly moved back off the bed and away from the approaching man. He looked back at Brian, whose eyebrows were drawn together in a questioning stare.

"What's wrong, Justin?"

The young man's eyes flickered down to the floor, searching for the right way to handle the situation. But what he realized was that there was no right way. It was a fucking lame, pathetic attempt from the older man at what he thought a birthday present should be. Justin's anger continued to grow the longer he attempted to figure it all out. Finally, he just exploded.

The fury in the narrowed blue eyes was evident as they raised and met the questioning hazel ones. `Oh shit,' Brian thought.

Justin turned his focus on the naked man on the bed and let loose. "Get up now, get dressed and get the fuck out of here," he said in a tightened voice as his eyes burned into the tricks.

"But, I thought…" the man looked at Brian, obviously confused by what was going on.

Justin cut him off before he could finish.

" I SAID GET OUT NOW!" Justin lost his control. His head whipped around to see what Brian had to say about it. The older man was silent. `Right move, for now,' Justin thought.

Intimidated by the younger man's fury, the trick scrambled off the bed, grabbed his clothes, quickly dressed and flew out of the loft. "Fucking freaks," he called out behind him before he slammed the door shut.

Brian and Justin didn't move as they followed the trick`s quick retreat.

As soon as he heard the loft door shut, Justin turned to his lover and exploded.

"What the fuck kind of present was that? Do you think I'm a whore? That I want you to pay someone to have sex with me? Should I seriously believe that you giving me a fuck from some goddamned ugly stranger is the best way you knew how to say happy birthday? Is that your way of showing you care?" Justin started off controlled, but by the time he finished he was shouting.

Brian didn't know what to say. He saw the anger, disappointment and sadness in his lover's eyes. He just didn't know how to respond to it. He understood that it was probably the worst present he could have given the boy, but this was all so new to him. He wasn't used to caring about someone else and trying to make them happy. He searched his mind for the right thing to say, but couldn't figure out what that would be, so he said nothing, which infuriated Justin more.

"You don't have anything to say? Nothing? You're just going to fucking stand there and say nothing?" Justin grew more and more disheartened as each word left his mouth. His eyes glistened with unshed tears, threatening to spill over.

The older man knew he had to say something to try to lessen his lover's pain. He didn't mean to make the boy feel like this. It was just a stupid mistake. He never did apologies, thought they were all bullshit, but maybe this time it wasn't.

"Justin, I'm sorry," he said remorsefully.

He saw Justin's eyes widen and raised his hand to stop the blond before he could lash out.

"I know, I always say that sorry is bullshit. But this time it's not. I really do mean it. I didn't mean to hurt you or make you think all those things you said." Brian tried to gather all the confidence he could. He wanted his lover to see that his words were genuine.

Brian's voice softened and he looked down at the floor as he continued. "I just didn't think it through." The older man raised his eyes to meet the intense blue ones again. "I don't think you're a whore and I would never want you to feel like that. You have to know that I care." Seeing his lover's eyes soften slightly he asked, "You do know that I care about you, don't you?"

Justin was still so furious, but he couldn't help being affected by the man's vulnerability. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and released it. He tried to let go of some of the anger he felt. He tried to understand that Brian was so new to all this. That anything that involved someone else's feelings was foreign. But he was trying, even if it came out all fucked up sometimes.

He opened his eyes and looked back at Brian. The man's remorse was evident. Justin's anger dissipated further and he shook his head in disbelief of the man he loved. Life was not easy with Brian, but it was never dull either.

Brian's face fell as he watched Justin shake his head. He thought it was in response to his question. Justin didn't know how he felt? He thought he didn't care about him? He couldn't believe he'd hurt his lover so much.

"You don't think I care about you?" Brian asked in disbelief.

Realizing that Brian mistook his actions for an answer and seeing how affected his lover was he immediately lost his anger. He moved closer to Brian and wrapped his arms around the older man's slender waist. Brian didn't move. He just stood silent, his head hung in sadness.

"Brian," Justin said, but the older man didn't acknowledge him. The blond put his hand on the side of his lover's face and raised it to look at him. When the hazel eyes locked on his, his heart fell. The defeat was so evident in the usually defiant eyes. He knew that what Brian had done was stupid, but it wasn't done to hurt him. He should have known better, but he didn't. He was never taught how to express his feelings properly, because as a child he wasn't allowed to feel.

With his eyes still locked on his lover's, he tried to make him understand.

"Brian, I don't think that. I know you care about me. Just sometimes, you need to think things through. I'm sure you could have thought of lots of different ways to show me you cared other than having a naked man in our bed." There wasn't a trace of anger left in Justin's words. He spoke softly, trying to ease his lover's pain.

Brian wrapped his arms around Justin's back and pulled him tight against his chest. He was so overwhelmed by his feelings for his lover. He wanted to tell him how much he meant to him. That he never wanted to hurt him and didn't ever want to lose him. But the words wouldn't come. He just didn't know how.

He tightened his embrace, kissed the top of his lover's head and prayed that he'd get another chance to prove how much he cared.

"Just one more chance," Brian whispered, the words fading into Justin's golden hair.

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