"What if ..."

Justin had stayed home instead of going to Vermont?

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Notes: Written in response to What If Moonshadow Tribe Challenge...and my desire to write something that didn't make me want to drink after writing...so there...

Spoilers up to the episode where things start to go to hell in a hand basket for our boys,...second season, pre pod Justin...

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"Mother fucking closed off emotionally retarded bastard!…'I have to work!.. I am sooo important!.. I can't go with you, I need my Prada fucking tie! "  Justin muttered to himself as he scrubbed at the few remaining tiles on the floor of Deb's kitchen.  Earlier in the evening, after getting packed for the scheduled trip for Vermont, and actually getting into the taxi and directing the driver to the airport Justin's nerves and resolve began to peter out at about the same time.  He asked the taxi driver to take him over to the only place that he knew that someone would be home and have to listen to him rant.  Deb's.

Vic opened the door not expecting to find the fuming blond on the other side of it.  "Let me guess, Brian?"  he sighed as the blond fury pushed passed him into the house.

"I am supposed to be on a plane in half an hour, a plane with Brian! A vacation! A real vacation, just the two of us and no one else and where am I!  Huh? 

 Where!""In my living room?" Vic quipped.

"Yeah, in yours and Deb's living room, right back where I started,  back here at the old boarding house waiting for Brian to make up his mind if I made the cut today and `let' me be with him."

"Come on…" Vic said tossing a knowing arm around Justin's shoulder, "I just made a chocolate cake today, perfect for kevteching and cursing bad boy friends."  

************************************

Four hours later, after Vic had long gone to sleep Justin was on his hands and knees in the kitchen scrubbing the floor.  Deb was working the over night at the diner and Justin had no one to talk to.  He sat for a few minutes but fueled on chocolate cake and anger Justin s did what any good card carrying homosexual did, he began to compulsively clean the kitchen.  `Brian Kinney's How to be the Best Homosexual You can Possibly Be: Lesson 236, clean what is already clean.'  He did not know if he was wired for cleaning or what, he just knew that on one or more occasions he found Brian up at 3am scrubbing the immaculate kitchen in some sort of trance.  Vic had left him cleaning up the cake plates and things got out of hand from there.  It was a shame that the cleaning compulsion never seemed to follow him around the loft, picking up after himself.  That would cut down on the number of arguments between Brian and him about keeping a `tidy' house.  It probably had nothing to do with being homosexual anyway, it just seemed to relax Brian.  Justin found strangely it soothing
and relaxing, and time just whizzed buy, only occasionally pausing to rant and rave about the multiple injustices generated that lead to the ruing of their vacation.

Around 2:30 am Deb came home from the diner to find Justin contemplating how to defrost the freezer without letting the food spoil.  Deb, in her exhaustion, took off her wig with out any self consciousness and sat down at the kitchen table.  She simply smiled at her Sunshine and said, "spill."  

Justin took pity on Deb around 3:30 am, she was falling asleep sitting up after all.  She threw the keys to her boat of a car to Justin and told him to go home to his own bed and bring the car back in the afternoon or at least by 7 pm when her work day would start all over again.  "Feel free to use the car for errands, what ver you want sunshine.  I appreciate the job you did on the linoleum, I forgot that it was yellow! Ha!"  

Justin knew a hint to get out when he heard one.  He didn't relish returning to an empty loft with all of his packed belongings for what would have been the trip of a life time.  Strangely alert, Justin drove over to his favorite bagel shop knowing they would just be producing the first batch of hot, fresh bagels of the day.  Justin picked up a half a gallon of fresh squeezed orange juice, and three kinds of cream cheese, and a slab of salmon.  Brian had given him an `emergency' spare credit card of his and he justified his purchase  as being an emergency since there was no food at the loft because they were supposed have left town for a week.  Bastard!' he muttered to him self as he drove towards the empty loft.

Justin tried to drag everything he had packed plus the bag from the bagel shop into the loft in one trip.  While the Tremont loft address itself was built like a fortress, there was a reason for all of the security, Justin didn't want to tempt any passersby's into breaking  into Deb's car.  Better safe then sorry.

Struggling with his packages and the loft front door, Justin failed to notice that he wasn't alone.  

**************************************

Chicago had been more of a success then he even planed.  He had made partner, secured his job with a new plumb account, a new fucking huge salary and erased the fear his new boss had instilled in him in one day.  FUCK YEAH! Brian's brain kept saying on loop in his brain, replacing the look of disappointment earlier in Justin's face at the news they couldn't go snowboarding.  The excitement and feeling of  accomplishment pushed away any sense of self consciousness and doubt about how to act, or what to do, or how to be the best `Brian Kinney'  he could be.  He just wanted to be with Justin and be himself.  Tonight, that was good enough, he was good enough even for himself.  He stopped and picked up the most expensive bottle of champagne he could find and went straight back home.  Home, he thought, "FUCK YEAH!" was all he thought too.  His home, the loft, their home, together, his and Justin's.  Brian pushed away all the worry and stress of the day

Brain's enthusiasm had not damped much after the initial disappointment of coming home to an empty loft.  He quickly changed and went in search of his `partner.'  He didn't want to call Justin on his cell, he wanted to surprise him and then drag his beautiful, perfect, creamy white ass back to the loft and fuck him to within an inch of his life.  Fuck Vermont! With his new salary they would be snowboarding in Switzerland next year!

Brian's natural high went to desperate low after Mikey told him Justin had left for Vermont with out him.  The little fucker, he groused to himself as he attempted to cover up his shock.  

Michael watched his best friend try to mask his disappointment at his news that Justin had gone to Vermont.  He fought the urge to go after Brian as he left the gang at the entrance of Babylon.  Michael knew that there was no reasoning or talking to Brian when he was in this type of mood, it would only enrage him even more if he thought that the gang was looking at him with pity.  

Brian walked down the cold alleyway with his shoulders slumped.  He gave himself 30 seconds of disappointment and self pity .No one was going to take this feeling of accomplishment away from him.  No one.  It was an accomplishment, and accomplishments were meant to be celebrated.  Fuck Justin and Vermont.  Brian straightened up his shoulders and his resolve.  As he inhaled his cigarette deeply he mused on where to go celebrate, the Bathes perhaps? Back to Babylon?

**********************************

Brian just ended up back at the loft.  He didn't go to the Baths or Babylon.  He just came back to the empty loft, alone.  Back was the feeling of disappointment, his disappointment that Justin wasn't there and the look of disappointment on Justin's face when he told  him he had to miss the trip.  Grabbing a glass and bottle of `Beam  from the kitchen, Brian found himself on the couch trying to drown out all his feelings.  It had been one of the most stressful days of his life and soon Brian succumbed to the liquor and loneliness on the couch and fell asleep.


Brian noticed he wasn't alone first.  He woke with at start at the sound of the elevator door slamming open.  His eyes were drawn to the dvd clock, it was 4:16 am, "the little shit!" he hissed, realizing  Justin had missed curfew.  Probably out revenge fucking across the city.  `Wait, no, that would be me," he smirked to himself but then was hit with the realization that he was sitting in the loft. Alone.  Not out fucking.  Waiting for Justin.  He crept over to the front of the loft and waited for Justin to come in the front door.

"You missed curfew Sunshine."  Brain stated simply, angrily.  

"EEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Justin screamed at the top of his lungs throwing all of his bags and packages flying.  Brian hadn't prepared himself for Justin screaming at him and responded by screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!' and jumping about six feet in the air.

"Mother fucker Brian, you scared!   The! ….Shit out! ….Of me!…" Justin huffed trying to get control of his racing heart rate.  As Brain tried to do the same they looked at the mess, bagels, luggage and both of them scared like two little boys who just saw their first ghost.  

"You missed curfew." Brian said, trying desperately to get control of  the situation and his breath.

"You're supposed to be in Chicago." Justin said, leaning over to pick up bagels that were spilled all over the entrance floor and feeling relieved that Brian was back from his business trip.  

"So, I go to Chicago and you don't have curfew?"

"Ha! As if you would be following the rules!" Justin spat back,  remembering he was supposed to be mad at Brian.  Brian leaned over and grabbed Justin's arm roughly.  

"Where were you!" Brian demanded.  

Justin felt a gush of warmth rush through him. `He's jealous!, Brian's jealous.' He reveled in the feeling.  Brian looked at him and grimaced, `he can tell I'm acting like a jealous twat."

"Was he hot?"

"Oh, yeah…totally hot!" Justin giggled.  Brian looked angry. Oops!.  "and he makes one hell of a chocolate cake!"  Brian pushed  Justin away in disgust.  "Brian! It was Vic! I was at Vic and Deb's house, I had come cake and then I cleaned the kitchen."  Brian sniffed and put his hands on his hips.  He smelled cleaning fluid.  Justin held up a set of keys, adorned with four different rainbow key chains and a purple rabbits foot.  Deb's keys.  "I was there so late Deb gave me the keys to the boat and I came home. And then you scared the shit out of me!"  

Rubbing his face with his hands Brian looked down and noticed Justin's luggage.  "what's the luggage for?"

"I was gonna leave for our vacation"

"With out me?"

"Yep, but then I realized it wasn't going to be "Our" vacation if you weren't there to make up the "Our" part of it." Justin said, slowly stepping towards the angry giant in front of him.  He slipped his arms around Brian's waist and pulled him close, meeting no resistance to the act of closeness.  

Brian sighed and rubbed his chin on the crown of Justin's golden hair and whispered  "I wanted to go, you know that don't you?"

"I do now." Justin said nuzzling into Brian's chest and squeezing him tight.  "Vic showed me the announcement in the business section of the paper of Gardner Vance's purchase of the Ryder Advertising Agency and then promptly firing the entire management staff. "  Lifting his blue eye up he connected with Brian's hazel gaze.  "Everyone was fired except for you.  Brian, why didn't you tell me?"

"I did tell you, I had to make this business trip, I seem to remember a little conversation about paying for tuition, Armani etc.."

"No, you told me that you had to go on a business trip with out any explanation.  All week you had been talking about how the agency needed you and all that then wham, you left for Chicago. I'm not a mind reader Bri."

"I didn't want to worry you?" Brian said simply, hoping that was  enough.  Justin grabbed on to Brian even tighter if that was possible and Brian was returning the favor practically squeezing him to death.  Now Justin had two avenues of response.  One, blame Brian for not sharing, have a long talk about open communication, the futility of hiding things from each other or…Two, take path of least resistance with the most benefit to both of them.  

"Bri?"

"Yes?"

"Um, could we just skip the evitable conversation and argument and just go straight to the make up sex.?"

"Are we having an argument?"

"Um, yeah, but it's over now and it's time for the hotmake up sex."  Justin broke contact with Brian and grabbed his hand and started to drag him towards the bedroom.

"Yes dear!" Brian said, letting Justin drag him anywhere hewanted him to go.


(Author's note: If I weren’t so repressed and Prissy...I would have written a really hot make up sex scene here...hehehe)

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