Finding Your Own Way Back

Chapter 20

On Monday, Cynthia was surprised and relieved to see her boss in a fairly good mood; or what passed for good in the world of Brian Kinney. Still, it was a good morning when he walked into the office and didn’t growl or bark at her. This morning, he walked past her desk without barking at her. Judging from his demeanor, she needn’t worry about a pink slip in her future. She’d fretted all weekend about that, unable to enjoy the episode of Sex and the City she looked forward to every weekend.

Her euphoria lasted until around eleven when Brian finally buzzed her. She was unable to prevent the wariness from creeping into her voice as she responded to his brusque summons. Pausing in the door to his office, she found she couldn’t look him directly in the eye. From behind his desk, Brian was fully aware of his assistant’s discomfort. Finally looking up from the proof sheet which, in his considered opinion, was for shit, he said, “Close the door.”

Hastily complying, Cynthia thought for a fleeting moment about just fleeing through it. Oh, shit, she thought, here it comes. My dreams of going to Vegas for a girls’ weekend are out. Deciding not to forestall the inevitable, she said, “Shall I clear out my desk?”

Ah, yes, he thought, power is fucking good. Not as good as an orgasm but nearly as seductive. The look on his assistant’s face was priceless. “Don’t know. Should you?”

Asshole. “Brian----” she began.

“Relax, Cynthia. I’m not firing you.” He paused a moment, then said, “That’s not to say I appreciate you fucking around in my personal life. There’s a reason it’s called a personal life. I don’t ask you about yours.”

No, she thought, you don’t. Though there are times when I see the humanity underneath your façade of cool arrogance. “I’m sorry,” she found herself apologizing.

Brian arched a brow. “Sit down.”

She stared at him; the way a cornered field mouse studied a cat, knowing that you’re about to be someone else’s next meal. “Um.”

Deciding to put her out of her misery and save himself the aggravation, he said, nearly choking on the words, “Thank you.”

Huh? Did Brian Kinney just thank me? But she knew better than to question it. There were reasons she’d survived for five years as his assistant. Questioning his moods was not one of the reasons. “Uh, you’re welcome.”

“Know how you can repay me?’

Of course. There were also costs in Brian’s world. Slowly she shook her head. Brian’s lips curved slightly as he looked at the slight blonde. “Get me a copy of Vance’s schedule for the next couple of weeks. I want to know when he’s out of the office.”

“You’re aware that Felicia hates my guts. That she’s a bitch. I think she eats ground glass for breakfast.”

“Cynthia,” Brian said, slowly. “You eat women like Felicia for breakfast. Deal with it. I don’t care if you have to pull the stick out of her ass yourself. Just get me a copy of the fucking schedule.”

He was aware of the irony of his words. “Planning a coup?”

At that he smiled. “Something like that.”

“Little afternoon delight?” she teased.

“Haven’t I always said that orgasms are the key to making me happy?”

No, she thought, but it was clear that he’d been well and truly fucked over the weekend. Lucky him, she thought somewhat bitterly. “Yeah, Boss. Is that why you fucked the Xerox repair guy over the copy machine last week? And the Fed Ex guy the week before?”

“No, that was for fun. Besides, he needed to be oiled up.”

Only Brian Kinney, she thought, in wonder. But then Brian said, “Dismissed.”

Cynthia turned on her heel to leave, then turned back, hesitating a moment before speaking. “Brian.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad everything worked out. You’re lucky.” And you seem happy, she thought, realizing it had been a long time since she’d seen her boss so, well, content.

Brian smirked at her even though he privately agreed with her. So he simply nodded, not bothering with an answer. After Cynthia left, closing the door behind her, he reached for his cell phone. Dialing a number, he waited for the person to answer.

“Doctor’s office.”

He hesitated a moment, then said, “Miranda Jameson, please.”

“May I tell her who is calling?”

Normally, he appreciated crisp efficiency and cool professionalism, but now it simply irritated him. “Brian Kinney.”

“One moment, please.”

As he waited for Miranda to answer, he pulled his laptop towards him and pulled up his private e-mail account. Clicking on the icon for new text message, he typed:

J,

        Loft tomorrow night. Shower first.

B

Clicking send, he sent it to the realm of cyberspace. As he waited, his impatience began to grow. Finally, he heard Miranda’s voice, with the faint lilt of the Irish mingled with Bostonian aristocracy.

“Brian Aidan Patrick Kinney. What do you need?”

He hesitated. “Hey, Doc. I need an appointment.”

“Why don’t I just meet you at Pappagano’s?”

He couldn’t help smiling. “Because I need your professional advice. Not a dinner with an old friend.”

“So you don’t need me as a friend?” she asked, leaning back in her chair, studying her French-tipped nails.

Brian nearly sighed with frustration. What is it with women? “Well, that too. But I really need to see you in a professional capacity.”

“You want an early afternoon appointment or a late afternoon appointment?” She knew better than to ask him if he wanted a morning appointment. Brian didn’t do morning appointments unless it was with a trick.

Brian looked at his schedule and said, “Late afternoon.”

“You okay, Brian?” she asked, letting a little of her personal concern slip through her crisp voice. “You sound different.”

Ah, that’s what you get from having one of your oldest friends as a shrink, he thought. “I’m fine. It was a long weekend.”

“I thought you fucked ‘em and sent ‘em home without a shower. In and out. No repeat customers.”

At that, he couldn’t help the sigh he emitted. “It wasn’t a trick.”

Her eyebrows rose and she reached for the enameled box on her desk which contained her cigarettes. Lighting one, Miranda said, “Six o’clock.”

“How much?”

“Gratis.”

“No fucking way,” he said. “I’ll pay your hourly rate without insurance.”

“I know you’ve got insurance,” she pointed out.

Of course I do, he thought. “I don’t want this on Vanguard’s tab, Miranda. How much is your hourly rate sans insurance?”

“$250/hr.”

He nearly whistled then realized he’d spent that much on hustlers each time in the past few months. Who was he to bitch about the cost of therapy? “Fine. Six o’clock. You want me to bring dinner?”

“Can’t be accepting gifts from patients,” she pointed out.

“Don’t pull a Melfi on me.” He referred to the therapist on The Sopranos who had made such a big deal out of Tony bringing her coffee for their session.

Miranda laughed, a hearty sound that resonated in his soul. “Chinese, Brian. And don’t forget the crab Rangoon. I love those things.”

“Why on earth would anyone waste good Atlantic crab by mixing it with cream cheese?”

“Not everyone has such epicurean tastes as you, Bri. Besides, I’m not the one who subsists on a steady diet of cum, poppers, and E chased with a bottle of Beam. With a line of coke as an entree.”

Not wishing to debate the issue, he simply said, “I’ll see you at six. Sesame chicken, right?”

“Uh huh.”

Around three o’clock, Brian was busy fixing the problems that his art department had created. With the exception of Justin, it was a nearly talent-less bunch. So when his intercom buzzed, he nearly snarled, “What?”

Then his expression and voice softened as he heard Justin’s voice say, “Hey. I got your message. You busy tonight?”

For an instant, Brian thought about saying no and asking him to come over. But then he realized that it was better to ease into things than to jump without looking down to see if there was water to cushion the impact of a fall. Besides it wouldn’t do to seem too needy. “Just hanging out. Come over if you want. But make it around ten o’clock.”

“Have a trick coming over?”

Brian didn’t but he also didn’t want to appear too eager. And he didn’t feel it was time to tell Justin about Miranda yet. Not the time to spring his oldest female friend on his newly rekindled relationship with Justin. So he said, “No. I’m just kind of tired.”

“You going to Woody’s after work?”

“Nope. I’ve got some errands to run.”

Sensing Brian’s reluctance, Justin didn’t push any further. “Give me a call at Daph’s if you want to get together.”

“ ‘kay.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Justin said, wondering at the reluctance in Brian’s voice. He couldn’t help wondering if he’d done something.

Brian was aware that he hadn’t handled that in the best possible way but didn’t have time to think much about it when he heard the knock on his office door. Half hoping it was a certain blond, he barked, for form’s sake, “What?”

Cynthia poked her head in and said, “I’ve got Gardner’s schedule. I also managed to figure out when the conference room isn’t going to be used. You know, we should look into soundproofing your office.”

“And hear I thought you liked listening to me. Thought you got a vicarious thrill out of hearing me fuck.”

Cynthia’s face turned bright red and then she stalked out of his office in a manner that could hardly be deemed dignified, slamming the door behind her. Brian laced his hands behind his head and leaned back in his office chair. Best not to rush things with Justin, he thought, since I don’t know if this is going to last. It was simply going to take time for him to be able to trust him again. He hated that he was still questioning things but he didn’t intend to get fucked over again. And the events of yesterday had been beyond the pale, even for him. Especially for them.

While Brian was trying to determine where he thought things were going with Justin, the blond in question was trying to figure out just why the story boards were so bad.

“Hey, Taylor,” Matt Newmark said.

Justin turned to glance at one of the rising stars within Vanguard. He wasn’t too bad looking but it was clear that he was emulating Brian. And he wasn’t succeeding. “Matt.”

“Kinney working you hard?”

Justin bit his lip. Not in the way you mean. “He’s not so bad.”

“He’s a fucking asshole,” Matt said. “And you know he likes dick.”

So do I. It took a lot for him not to respond and defend Brian. But he simply remained silent. His eyes met Matt’s and Matt said, “He wants those on his desk by four. I heard about what happened in that meeting with Eye-Conic. He ripped you a new one didn’t he? Kinney doesn’t like anyone cutting his balls off like that in front of a client. He thinks the world revolves around him.”

“She asked me a question,” Justin said. “Besides Mr. Kinney is a perfectionist and I should have just done my job.” And Brian’s won three Clio Awards and two Atlas Awards, he thought. What the hell do you have to show for it? And, he thought, the world does revolve around Brian.

“Just be careful. You don’t want to fuck with Kinney.” Newmark walked out of the office leaving Justin staring after him.

He felt his cell phone buzz and looked at the caller ID display which read Daphne. Shit. “Hey, Daph. What’s up?”

He held the phone away from his ear while she proceeded to launch into him about the debacle of yesterday. “Daph, I’m sorry. It was a bad idea.”

He listened a moment. “We sent him to Babylon. Figured it would be a good introduction for him.”

Then, he said, “Daphne, it’s not my fault if he likes dick.”

“Grr,” Daphne said, then he heard the dial tone in his ear.

He jumped when he heard a voice say, “Girl trouble?”

Turning, he saw Brian standing in the door. “Hey,” Justin’s voice softened as he looked at his lover. “Have a long day?”

Meeting Justin’s eyes, Brian said, “Meet me in the supply closet in fifteen minutes.”

Justin’s eyebrows arched towards his hairline and Brian smirked at him. “I’m a very demanding boss, remember?”

Fifteen minutes later, Justin stole down a deserted hallway towards the supply closet. Opening the door slightly, he was stunned when he was pulled inside and up against Brian’s chest. “Hey,” he said, as Brian unzipped him and fondled him through his briefs. Brian turned him around and opened his own slacks, proceeded to lube his dick, and squirted some lube into the tip of the condom before rolling it on himself.

“You ready,” Brian asked, as he lubed the area around Justin’s hole, feeling it pucker around his finger.

Justin could only nod. “Yeah,” he said, groaning slightly as he felt Brian begin to slide in, his hole opening to allow him greater mobility.

As Brian began to move, Justin bit down on his lip to keep from moaning. “Fuck me,” he whispered. “Fuck me, Brian.”

Hastening to comply, Brian began to thrust harder, his strokes in and out matching the motion of his hand as he jacked Justin’s dick. When they both came, Brian rested his forehead against Justin’s back for a moment, regaining his breath. He turned Justin around to face him and then kissed him, saying softly, “I’ve wanted to do that all day.”

“Do this often?” Justin couldn’t help asking.

Brian didn’t know quite how to answer that. Then he settled on honesty because Justin knew who he was and how he operated. That the casual fucks didn’t mean a goddamn thing when it was Justin he came home to. And now that Justin was living at Daphne’s, Brian couldn’t help wondering about the rules but would rather endure a visit to the proctologist than ask about them. They hadn’t worked so good the last time around so he was willing to work without them. “I, um, I fucked the Xerox repair guy last week in the copy room.”

“So that was who I heard shouting, Praise Jesus. For a second, I thought Emmett had paid us a visit.”

“No,” Brian said, “Mrs. Schmidt did not come by. Or come at all. He shot all over himself. Not a bad dick, either.”

“Really?” Justin queried.

“Not as good as yours, Sunshine.” Brian pulled up his slacks and said, “Maybe you should bring a spare set of pants to work. And you might as well forget about wearing briefs.” He said the last with a knowing leer.

He’s assuming a lot, Justin thought. But if he asked me to bend over again right now, I wouldn’t hesitate. “So you want me to go commando? Do you want me to hide under your desk and suck you off while you’re in a teleconference?”

“Not a bad idea,” Brian said. “I know I was a dick earlier. But I’ve got an appointment tonight that I can’t miss.”

“Trick?” Justin asked, confident that his voice didn’t betray any hint of hurt or incredulity. Besides, he didn’t have any room to be jealous. They hadn’t set down any ground rules and, quite frankly, Justin wasn’t in any hurry to lock Brian down.

Brian suppressed a sigh. “No, it’s not a trick. It’s personal.”

Curiosity piqued, Justin did not press him further. If Brian wanted him to know, he’d tell him. So for now he wasn’t going to push. “Okay. We still on for Wednesday night at Babylon?”

Brian nodded. “Yeah. And I’ve got to have lunch with your mom tomorrow.”

“Dreading it?”

Brian sent him a look like he’d recently undergone a lobotomy and had his brain replaced with that of Anna Nicole Smith. “I always have to make sure that my balls are intact after I see your mom. So yeah, I’m dreading it.” He glanced at his watch and said, “Shit. I’ve got to go back. Your very demanding boss is happy with your work performance. ”

Justin grinned. “I’d be happy to return the favor.”

Understanding immediately the implication of Justin’s words, Brian smiled at him. “Maybe.”

At least it wasn’t a direct shot down, Justin thought. He didn’t say no. That, in itself, was progress. He wasn’t in any rush to top Brian. He was content to play the bottom, for the moment, knowing that was what Brian needed from him.

Brian left the supply closet first and a few minutes later Justin returned to the art department. When he saw Matt Newmark at the drafting table, Justin bit back a curse. Fuck, he thought. “So, Taylor, where’d you go?”

“I went to piss, Matt. Was there something you needed?”

Newmark gave him a knowing look that made Justin’s skin crawl even as he met the other man’s eyes. “Yeah, Kinney needs this storyboard. He just walked by on a tear. You know, if I’d didn’t know better I’d think he just got his dick sucked.”

Christ, Justin thought, hoping his face didn’t betray his thoughts or his guilt. Still he hesitated for a moment before looking at Matt. “He do that a lot?”

“What?”

“Fuck at the office?”

“Shit, man.” Matt said, looking at him. “You know he almost got sued for sexual harassment. Some puissant named Kip Thomas sued him after Kinney fucked him because he wouldn’t promote him.”

Justin remained completely still. Of course, he knew about it. He’d been the one to pull Brian’s nuts from the fire that time. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Newmark said. “Seriously Kinney needs this storyboard. He’s a lucky motherfucker. Too bad he’s gay.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because,” Matt said slowly, as if he were talking to the mentally challenged, “Gardner will never make him a senior partner. That’s for real men. And Gardner will never share full partnership with Kinney because he doesn't like or understand fags.”

Justin bit the inside of his cheek, so hard nearly tasted copper. “And what is Mr. Kinney?”

“Well, he sucks dick. So that makes him a pansy. Besides, can you imagine the parties? All the partners and their wives and Kinney with his lover. Yeah, right.”

Justin couldn’t believe this shit. “I’m going to go take him the storyboard, Matt. You want to tag along to make sure it gets to him?”

“No, man. Just wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. I understand he can be a real asshole.”

You have no idea, Justin thought, as he picked up the storyboard and made his way down the hall to Brian’s office. He looked at Cynthia who gave him a shy smile. “He’s not in a bad mood,” she said, quietly. Then she whispered, “You must have made him happy this weekend.”

Justin lit up at that. He smiled brightly at her. “And this afternoon,” she added, with a conspiratorial wink.

He knocked on Brian’s door and saw Brian beckon him in. “Taylor, what’s up?” Then he said, “Oh, close the door behind you.”

Justin did so and met Brian’s inquisitive gaze. “Newmark said you wanted to see this storyboard right away.”

That little fuck, Brian thought. “Yeah, I did. But I told him to bring it to me. What did he do, just pass it off to you?”

Justin nodded. “Mr. Kinney,” he began, seeing the light go on in Brian’s eyes.

God, I love hearing him call me that, Brian thought. “Yes, Taylor.”

“I think Newmark was born to cause trouble. He mentioned the Kip Thomas debacle and the fact that you’re gay.”

Really? “That’s not news.”

“Brian,” Justin began softly, seeing the warning in Brian’s eyes. “Mr. Kinney,” he started over. “He told me to watch out for you.”

“What did you say?”

“That you’re a good boss and that you’re brilliant. That I’m learning a lot from you. He called you an asshole.”

“I’ve gone to a lot of trouble to cultivate that image,” Brian said, pressing his tongue into his cheek. But he was aware that Matthew Newmark could be trouble in more ways than one. “Did he tell you he hit on Cynthia a while back?”

“No,” Justin admitted. “I take it she shot him down?”

“Big time,” Brian said. “We’ll talk about it later. Now, let’s look at that storyboard.”

Thirty minutes later, Brian had informed Justin of the revisions that needed to be done and let him know to watch himself around Newmark. That night when Brian left the office to go to his appointment with Miranda, he made a mental note to check and see just how frequently Newmark talked to Vance. It would be interesting, he thought, to see just how often those two got their heads together.

So Brian left the office at an unusually early time surprising everyone including Cynthia and Justin who were used to him working long hours, deep into the night. He sent Justin an e-mail and then determined to buy Cynthia the bottle of Coco that she’d been talking about. Hell, he figured she deserved it for putting up with him and getting him and Justin back on the right track. It was the least he could do for such a loyal employee.

He pulled the Vette into the parking lot at Miranda’s office, a recently renovated Colonial, and sat there for a full five minutes before pulling himself together enough to go in. This ought to be interesting, he thought. Can’t wait to hear what she has to say about my reconciliation.

Feeling as though he were a Roman slave being tossed to a hungry lion, Brian got out of the car and headed into the building.

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