The Language of Love

“Ooh, I love this song.  Dance with me, Ben.”

Mikey dragged his partner to the dance floor at Babylon leaving his words ringing in Justin’s ears.

He became pensive as he considered how many times he’d heard that word in the last couple of days.

Lindsay had “loved” the artwork he’d given her for her birthday – a charcoal sketch of her and Gus and a an obviously pregnant Mel to which he’d added just the faintest hint of colour to highlight the blonde of her hair, the ambiguous hazel of Gus’ eyes and the glow of color in Mel’s cheeks.  “I love it, Justin.  It’s beautiful.  Thank you so much.”

There was no doubting the sincerity, or that she was genuinely touched by the gift...but “love”?

Then there was Emmett, excited over plans for his latest party creation.  “It’s a Beach Party movie theme – everyone will be in Hawaiian shirts and board shorts and the decorations will be fake grass huts and surf boards propped against the wall.  I’m even getting a Frankie Avalon look alike to dj.  It’s going to be fabulous.  They’re just going to love it!” 

Again, Justin had no doubt that the party would be lots of fun for the couple who’d booked Emmett’s talents (although what sort of retards would want a Beach Party theme, he didn’t care to imagine) but that they’d “love” it?

Gus “loved” the ride on the toy truck his father had at last been allowed to buy him now that he was actually old enough to use it.

Ben “loved” a new book outlining with an holistic healing approach for AIDS and other diseases which attacked the immune system.

Michael “loved” the second Matrix movie; Deb “loved” Ian McKellen, Vic “loved” ‘Death in Venice’; and apparently everyone in the Diner had “loved” the dress Nicole Kidman had worn to the Emmy’s.

It seemed that love was in the air.  ‘So where,’ Justin wondered, ‘does that leave me?’

Two days earlier:

He’d been walking down the street with Brian when they’d been confronted by the last person that either of them wanted to see. 

Ethan had looked scruffier and more unwashed than ever.  And he’d been angry.  Word on campus at PIFA was that he’d missed out on a lucrative scholarship and that he blamed his failure on the loss of “his muse”.  He’d taken one look at them together and had begun to spit bile.

 

Brian had wanted to punch him out, but Justin, feeling obscurely guilty where Ethan was concerned, since there had never really been any hope that Ethan might have replaced Brian in his heart, had held him back and just allowed Ethan to rant.  Amongst all the bitterness that spilled from his mouth, the only words that Justin really remembered came towards the end, and it was those words that finally made Justin snap out a retort.

“I bet he still hasn’t told you he loves you, has he?”  Ethan had demanded.  “And he never will!  Don’t you get it, Justin?  He built up this whole image based on this ‘I don’t believe in love, I believe in fucking’ bullshit, and now, even if he does feel something for you, his ego won’t let him back down. You could wait a million years and he’d never even say the words.  What does that tell you?”

“That’s he’s not full of shit like you!” 

“Look, I know that I hurt you ...”

“You fucking wanker!”  Brian by that time had had enough.  “You’re the last one to talk about egos you little prick.  You think you’re something special?..How much were you caring about his feelings when you fucked the first fan that came along?” 

“Brian, let me deal with this.  Ethan...you know nothing about Brian and me.  Nothing.  And to be honest I don’t want you to.  I just want you to get this...you mean nothing to me, except a mistake I once made.  That’s it.”  Justin shook his head, unable to find words to express his complete lack of interest in this man whom he’d once thought he might have loved.

Ethan, with one last outraged glare at Brian, had finally pushed past them. 

“You know, you’re as pathetic as he is.  You really do deserve each other,” he’d choked out.

Justin and Brian had walked in silence for a couple of minutes, and then Brian had said slowly, “He’s right, you know.  I never will say it.” 

And Justin had taken a deep breath and said calmly, “I know.”

But since then maybe the word had been preying on his mind because suddenly he was hearing it everywhere.  Well, everywhere except, of course, from his lover’s lips.  And hearing it so often, applied in so many ways, suddenly not hearing it from Brian wasn’t so big a deal.  He wasn’t sure that he wanted what was between them to be compared to a movie, or a toy car or a party theme.  He suspected that at least part of Brian’s reluctance to say it stemmed from the same feeling. 

“I don’t like that look.”

Brian’s voice shook him out of his reverie, and the noise and lights of Babylon suddenly crashed in on his private musings.

“What?”

“You look like you’re thinking.  That’s not a good sign.”

Justin smiled suddenly. leaning backwards slightly and resting his elbows on the bar so that his hips were pushed provocatively forwards.  “Going to do something about it?”

Brian pushed his tongue into his cheek, and gave him a long slow look which melted gradually into a grin.  “Did you have something in mind?’”

Justin’s own eyes lit with a delectable mix of lust and laughter and pushing himself upright, he snagged his fingers in the front of Brian’s belt and tugged his captive towards the backroom.

Finding a corner, he pushed Brian hard against the wall and immediately sank to his knees and freed the man’s cock.  With no foreplay, words, or warning his mouth plunged downwards over the semi-erect organ till he was nuzzling deeply into Brian’s pubes.  Then slowly he drew back, allowing his teeth to scrape ever so lightly against the sensitive underside.  Brian sucked in his breath in a hiss, his cock hardening fast.

For long ages after that, Justin’s tongue traced delicate patterns over the length of his cock, now following the path of a vein, now moving gently round the rim of his glans, or lapping at the precum which was starting to spill from his slit.  Just when Brian thought he was going to break down and beg, that delicious torment ceased and once more his cock was encased in the warm wetness of Justin’s mouth.

This time he drew back only to suckle sensuously on the tip.  As he did, he raised one hand and pressed his fingers against Brian’s mouth.  Voraciously, Brian sucked them inside and twisted his tongue around them, laving them wetly.

He gave a soft moan of protest when they were withdrawn, but then Justin’s mouth moved down again on his cock, and he felt the head knock against the back of Justin’s throat.

As he fought to keep control, wanting to spin this pleasure out as long as he could, he felt Justin’s hand reach between his legs and first one and then two fingers were pressing firmly up into him.  He leant back more and spread his legs as far as he could to give his lover better access and then the fingers brushed across his prostate and he let out a deep grunt of pleasure that made Justin smile around his cock.

“Mmmm,” he hummed, knowing what the vibrations would do to Brian.  He felt the man’s cock pulse and redoubled his efforts, moving his mouth up and down faster now, and using the gag reflex at the back of his throat to further caress the head.  He felt Brian’s fingers clutch his hair and then the sweet salty taste of cum filled his mouth and he swallowed greedily.

He licked the cock clean and tucked it tenderly away before allowing Brian to pull him to his feet. 

The man gave him a slightly quizzical look before kissing him deeply.  Cupping his hand around Justin’s neck, he rested his forehead against his lover’s and asked quietly, “Here or home?”

Justin smiled at him and leant a little against his shoulder.  “Home.”

They paused briefly on their way out to say goodbye to Em who was the only one in sight, and then made their way out into the freshness of the night air.

Tonight there was no debate over walk or taxi, they just wrapped arms round each other and strolled home.  It didn’t really matter if it took a while.  They had all night.

Later, relaxed and sated after a particularly satisfying fuck, Brian lay back and stretched his arm out on the pillow above Justin’s head.  Taking the hint, Justin moved slightly so that his head was resting on the man’s shoulder.  The arm curled round him casually, reaching down to drape across his chest. 

Idly, Justin began to play with the man’s fingers.  “Brian, ...”

“Uh-oh.”

“What?”  Slightly indignant.

“You want to talk in bed.  That’s never a good sign.”

Justin sighed, not sure even now if Brian was only teasing or if there was an element of truth in there somewhere.

“It’s just about … what Ethan said the other day … about you never saying …”

“Justin.”  This time there was no mistaking the note of warning.

Justin rolled onto his side to face him, propping himself on one elbow.  “I just wanted to tell you that it’s alright.  I mean really alright.  I know you’re never going to say it.  And I understand.”

Brian lay staring at the ceiling for a moment and then turned his head to look into Justin’s eyes.  “You do?”

He didn’t sound entirely convinced.

“Well, I’m not sure that I really understand all your reasons.  But I wanted to tell you that it’s okay.  That maybe I have reasons of my own for not wanting to say it to you, either.”

Brian sucked his lips in.  He gave a slight snort.  “I knew that talking in bed was a bad sign.”

Justin smiled at him fondly, and brushed a lock of hair back from his forehead.  “No, it’s nothing bad.  It’s just … people say it all the time, and it doesn’t mean anything really.  They love this, they love that.  There’s no way that one word, any word, can cover what it means to me to be here with you.”

Somewhat to Justin’s surprise, Brian continued to regard him steadily. 

“There isn’t a word that can cover it.  It’s just …” he hesitated and then leant forward and placed a soft kiss on Brian’s lips. 

“I.”

He kissed him again, this time teasing those lips apart with his tongue and slipping it briefly inside. 

“You,” he said, his voice soft but deep with feeling.

Once more his lips brushed Brian’s, then he rested his forehead against his lover’s. 

“Us.”

His voice cracked a little on the word, and silently, Brian drew him down into his arms, seeking his mouth in a kiss that went on for a long long time.

Eventually, he drew back and, shaking his head a little, smiled at Justin somewhat shakily.  “You,” he said softly, his eyes holding Justin’s intently.  “You.”

That was all, but no eloquent speech could ever have been more meaningful to its hearer.

Naturally, they celebrated their new understanding with a prolonged bout of fucking – or making love if that’s what you’d prefer to call it; it’s not all about the words.

Next day – the Diner

Justin was working when Brian came in and headed to join their friends at the usual table. 

Brian waited till he was free and coming towards them and then called out to him somewhat rudely, “Hey!  You.”

Justin's eyes flew to meet his.  Brian met his look with one of tongue in cheek mischief, but deep in his eyes shone something else entirely.

To everyone’s bewilderment, Justin blushed deeply, and slid almost shyly into the seat beside Brian.  There was nothing shy about the kiss he gave his lover, though, and like Brian’s greeting, if you understood the language, it said everything that needed to be said.

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