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Chapter 11:  Surprises Don't Always Suck

 

Justin

When we introduce Ms. Davies to Gus and Daphne, Gus kind of goes into his shell a bit. He clings onto Brian's leg and won't look at her. He seems to sense that she's some kind of threat to the security he's starting to feel with us. I guess he's picking that up from Brian and me; we need to be more careful.

We sit down in the main room, except for Daphne who says she needs to study, so she goes into Brian's office. Ms. Davies comments, of course, on the windows, and I tell her who did them and that he used to live in the house. Then for a few minutes we just talk about the house and the renovations. Ms. Davies says that she had her kitchen re-modeled a couple of years back, so she and I talk about how awful it is working around that. By this time, Brian is getting pretty antsy, but Gus seems more relaxed. When Ms. Davies asks him if he likes the house he nods enthusiastically. "I got my own room," he says.

"I have my own room," Brian corrects automatically.

"I have my own room," Gus repeats carefully, then he gives Brian a look and giggles before he says teasingly, "Daddy doesn't though. He has to share with my Dus."

He gives this really mischievous grin and then laughs even louder when Brian starts tickling him.

Ms. Davies doesn't blink. "Do Daddy and Dus have a nice room, Gus?"

Brian lets up and Gus wrinkles his nose. "It's okay. But it's real big. I like my room better. My room's like on a pirate ship. Do you want to see?"

He jumps down from Brian's knee, all ready to go and Ms. Davies stands up and says, "I'd love to. Why don't you show me the way."

He takes her hand, apparently having decided that she's okay, and leads her to the stairs. On the way he tells her solemnly, "You have to go slow on the stairs, or you could hurt yourself."

She nods, and smiles. "I'll be careful," she promises.

Brian and I share a look. It will be kind of crowded up there, with all four of us, especially in Gus's room. And it kind of looks like we're worried about what he's going to say. On the other hand, we can't just leave him alone with this stranger.

"You go," he says, and turns back towards his office.

So with my heart beating so hard I feel sick, I follow Gus and his new friends upstairs. Please don't let me fuck anything up. Brian is trusting me with this.

Gus shows her our room first, and then takes her into his bedroom. At first I wish Brian could hear how proudly Gus tells her all the features of his room, but then I realize he's probably listening in on the monitor. Which is great because it's all "my Daddy got me these great drawers for under my bed to put my toys in", and "my Daddy and I sit here when he checks my homework" and "my Daddy says that when I get to this line" (on the Bob the Builder height chart we hung on his wall) "we won't need the gate on the stairs anymore".

He heaves a put upon sigh after that last one. "They always put the gate on when I go to bed at night like I'm a little kid."

Then he giggles. "But I know how to open it. I don't though," he says with a quick glance at me. "Mostly I just sleep."

He sucks in his lips for a moment, an expression so like Brian that my heart gives a weird little flip, then says proudly, "I can open the one on the outside steps, too."

He sighs. "But not the gate on the fence to the river. I guess I won't be able to open that for like years."

I have to bite back a grin. Pure Drama Queen in training. Apple didn't fall far from that tree.

"Do you like living near the river, Gus?"

He nods again. "It's cool We go out on our boat. My Daddy drives and Dus and I feel the wind and see the water sparkle and everything. It's great."

Ms. Davies nods and picks up a book lying next to Gus's bed. It's one of the Moomin books.

"Do you like these?" she asks.

"Yes!" He bounces over and points at the picture on the cover. "That's Moomin Papa. And that's Snufkin. My Daddy reads this to me at bed time. Or sometimes Dus does. But my Daddy's better 'cos he does proper voices."

He comes over to where I'm leaning against his chest of drawers and pats my knee. "But Dus draws better than Daddy. My Dus draws better than anyone."

I smile down at him. "Thank you, Gus."

"You're welcome, Dus," he giggles. It's a little routine that has become kind of a private joke between us.

Megan laughs and stands up. "I think we should go downstairs now," she says. "I need to talk to your Daddy."

Gus looks unhappy to be leaving his little kingdom, but I suggest that he should show Megan where he stores his toys downstairs, and that cheers him up and sends him scampering towards the stairs.

"Slowly!" I say automatically, but he's already slowed down and he goes down carefully, the way Brian taught him the first day we moved in here.

I move in front of Megan, the way my mother taught me on stairs, and turn to see that she's following me. She smiles. "He seems a great kid."

I find myself beaming. "Yes, he really is," I say, and I can hear the pride in my voice.

She smiles wider and gestures for me to get moving so I make my way down the stairs to where Brian has come out of his study and is waiting for us.

 

*****
 

Brian

They come down, Gus jumping the last two into my arms. I catch him and hug him.

Then he wriggles loose and as soon as Ms. Davies has hit the bottom he takes her hand and tugs her into the media room. I hear him telling her about his toy stash there and how he has to remember to put them all away at night before he goes to bed.

"Speaking of which," I say, following them into the room. "It's time for your bath."

He pouts. "No, Daddy, I want to show the lady …"

"You can show Ms. Davies the rest of your stuff next time she comes to visit."

He sighs. "O-kay. But can I have the paints in the bath tonight?"

I sigh. Those things might be made for the bath, doesn't mean they don't make a fucking mess that has to be cleaned up. But my hero rides in to the rescue as he so often does.

"Yes, you can, and if you're quick I'll even come up and draw something for you."

If Dus is supervising at least there won't be suds all over the fucking place. Or not by the time I get upstairs, anyway.

Gus squeaks and heads for the door.

"Gus!" I remind him. "Say 'goodbye' to Ms. Davies."

He turns and comes back and to my surprise and maybe hers as well, he goes over and lifts his arms up for a hug.

"Bye, Ms. Davies," he says. "Come back soon and I'll show you my best truck."

She smiles at him. "I will. Thank you, Gus. Good night."

He turns and leaves again and Justin follows him with one last look at me to remind me to stay on my best behavior.

I'm about to say something more when young Daphne comes in. "Brian, will you and Justin be home tonight? If you're going to be here, I might just go."

I nod at her. "Yes, thanks, Daphne. But before you go, you should meet Ms. Davies properly. She might be dropping in some time when you're here."

She smiles and shakes hand with the old girl and then says, "You don't need to, you know. Gus is really happy here, and he's really well-looked after."

Ms. Davies sits down and looks like she's making herself comfortable. "Mr. Kinney, I don't suppose you keep any of that herbal tea here at home, do you?"

Of course I fucking do. It's what my near-as-be-damned mother-in-law drinks. I know when I'm being got rid of, but I nod and go to make some fucking tea.

It doesn't take all that long and when I bring the cup back – on a tray so I can carry coffee for Daphne and myself as well – I hear, "Well, you know, Brian set things up so I even have insurance."

Ms. Davies gives me a look as I walk in. I shrug. "It makes sense," I say. "Officially, Daphne is employed by my company so that I have the support network I need in place if I need to work late, or if I have to go on any overnight business trips."

She nods. "Yes, that's very sensible. So how does it work, exactly? Do you pick Gus up every day from school, Daphne?"

Daph shakes that mane of hair. "No, I come over around 5.30 and help with dinner. Then we all eat together and get Gus organized and then once he's in bed, I'm here if Brian or Justin needs to work or if they just want to go out."

"So who looks after Gus after school?"

I take over from Daph. "We have a time share arrangement," I tell the old bat, trying not to sound defensive. "Most days, Justin's mother picks Gus up and he stays with her till around 5, 5.30 when one of us collect him. One day a week, I take the afternoon off to be with Gus and Justin picks him up one day as well.

"Gus seems to like it," I tell her.

She just gives one of those closed mouth little smiles.

"Daphne, I'm sorry, you were looking to get away," she says.

Daph can take a hint and puts down her cup. "Ah, yes. I'll see you tomorrow, Brian."

I nod and she leaves. Leaving me with Ms. Davies.

"Mr. Kinney … Brian … may I call you Brian?"

I shrug. She can call me a fucking asshole like everyone else does if she likes, as long as she leaves Gus alone.

"And I'm Megan," she says like I'll have fucking forgotten. "Brian … I think you and I need to understand each other."

I try not to glare at her. Keep cool, Kinney. Keep it together.

"I can only imagine how intrusive it seems to have a stranger come into your home and to feel that they're judging you."

I shrug again. I can't trust myself to fucking speak. I might start screaming and never fucking stop.

"But the only judgments I'm called on to make are whether Gus is well-cared for, whether he's happy and whether he is physically and emotionally safe with you."

I find myself stiffening at those words and I'm about to really let her fucking have it when she says, "And clearly the answer to all those questions is 'yes'."

I blink at her, and can hardly take it in when she goes on, "Brian, Gus has all the hallmarks of a child who is loved and cherished and who knows it. That he feels like that with you and Justin after such a short time, and after the various upheavals that he's gone through in his short life is … well, it's very impressive."

I can only stare at her. I feel like my mouth is gaping, but then I realize that my lips are clamped tight shut, and in fact are really dry. I slide my tongue over them, trying to find a way to respond that doesn't involve me behaving like some totally lame little faggot.

She smiles at me, and I swear to fucking God that if we were sitting closer to each other, she'd pat me.

"Brian … most people who become parents have months, if not years, to plan for how they are going to manage things. Even if their pregnancy is a surprise they still have a few months. You and Justin became parents of a five year old boy virtually overnight. That you've managed to put such effective child-rearing structures into place so quickly and so effectively that Gus feels the level of security he does is amazing. Quite amazing. I can only congratulate you. "

I stare at her some more and manage to nod. Then I get my voice to work, "Justin is great with him," I say.

"So are you," she smiles at me. "So are you. And that son of yours adores you."

I take a careful breath, then I nod again.

Fuck! She's going to think I'm a complete fucking moron.

Fortunately, I'm saved again.

"You're up, Dad," he says, appearing out of nowhere. "I've been dismissed because I don't do the voices right."

 

*****
 

Justin

I don't know exactly what Brian and Ms. Davies were discussing, but I heard the last bit, so I guess everything is kind of all right.

Brian gives me a long look as he stands up and then a quick nod as he heads upstairs.

Ms. Davies sips what looks like herbal tea. Shit! Brian must have loved making that. Or maybe Daph did. I wonder if she's still here. One thing about this sound deadening stuff that Stephane says is in the walls, you can hardly hear anything from outside or inside the house. Which is sometimes great, but it doesn't give you many clues when there's stuff going on that you want to know about.

I take a deep breath.

To my surprise, Ms. Davies laughs. "Oh, Justin … may I call you Justin? Brian and I have moved to first name terms so I hope we will also."

"Ah, yeah." I kind of shake my head and sit down. Ms. Davies … Megan … is sitting on the sofa. Brian had been sitting on one of the recliners, but I sit near her on the sofa.

"Justin," she smiles at me. "I've been telling Brian that I think that you two are doing an amazing job with and for Gus. He's clearly a very happy little boy right now."

I frown a little, trying to work out exactly what she means by that "right now" bit.

She must realize, because she says, "I suspect that for quite a while he hasn't been very happy."

I take a breath, and try to believe that's what she was referring to, and that it wasn't some kind of threat. I nod. "I don't think he liked the move … it took him away from … well, everyone he knows, really."

It's her turn to nod, and I go on. "And Mel and Linds … well, you know … they'd had problems before and just running off to Canada … "

She gives another nod and smiles again, but this time it's kind of grim. "If they expected that to fix their problems they were being highly unrealistic."

"Exactly," I agree. Glad to have someone I can talk about this stuff to who might really understand. I mean, I don't say much to Brian, it's such a hot button with him because he feels guilty that he let them go, especially Gus.

"And I think the problems actually got worse really quickly up there because they didn't have proper jobs or anything."

"So for a long time Gus has been exposed to stress and anxiety between his mothers," she says. Not exactly a question, more confirming that she understands where I’m coming from.

"Yes, and … he didn't have anyone. I mean, he's just a little kid … it's not like he could go and have a drink and confide in the bartender, you know?"

She nods.

"And those cu …" I cut myself off guiltily. "They told Brian he should stay away and let Gus settle in up there and that coming to visit would just upset him. They didn't even tell Brian when they split up. Linds and Gus were living in some kind of shelter for a while. Then in some tiny crappy apartment …"

I break off, realizing just how angry I still am at both Linds and Melanie, but especially at Lindsay, because she's Gus's mother and she's supposed to be Brian's friend.

Megan nods. "Yes, poor Gus must have had a very difficult time. It's no wonder that he's so happy to be back."

She breaks off and takes a look at me. "And he's clearly very happy to be living with his Daddy and his Dus."

I can feel myself blushing. "That's … it's his word for me. We thought he just couldn't say my name, but it's … he …"

"It's his word for his other Daddy," she says and that tells me that she really does understand.

I feel tears pricking my eyes, but I smile at her. "Yes. Yes it is."

She sips her tea again.

"Justin, there is just one thing that has me a little concerned."

I stiffen and she shakes her head. "No, I'm not saying it's anything you and Brian need to worry about, just something you need to be aware of."

I give her a look and she says, "It's the way Gus says 'my Daddy' all the time. When he's referring to Brian it's hardly ever as just 'Daddy', it's always 'my Daddy'. It may indicate that he's still feeling a little insecure that he has to … lay claim to Brian that way."

I'm so relieved I almost laugh. "Oh, it's not that," I say. "Not exactly. It's just … he and JR … his sister … have different fathers, so when they were all together he used to say 'my Daddy' so that everyone knew which Daddy he was talking about. I think he just hasn't got out of the habit yet."

And here I really am surprised, because she puts her head back and laughs really loudly. Practically a guffaw. I can only look at her kind of astonished.

She gives one last chuckle and then says, "Well, you live and learn. We're trained to look for deep meanings in the things children do and the way they speak and sometimes we seem to forget that they are children and much more direct and clear cut than we are. Sometimes they really are saying exactly what they mean and doing it for quite obvious reasons if we only stopped and thought about it."

"Oh, dear," she says, still looking like she wants to laugh and I suddenly realize that I like her. I really like her.

"I thought when I first read the reports that either my job was about to get very difficult or that I was really going to like your little family." She smiles at me like she means it and says, "I like it when my job is this easy."

She stands up and we're just moving into the hallway when Brian comes down the stairs.

I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Out like the proverbial," he says. "Which is just as well, because I saw Marty's car pulling up."

"He's kind of our decorator," I tell Megan. "We still need some furniture, and he's helping us find it."

She gives me another smile and shakes my hand, "Well, it was very good to meet you, Justin."

Then she turns to Brian and to my complete amazement, she reaches out and touches him very gently on the shoulder, just above his heart. "I meant what I said," she tells him. "You are on the way to becoming a very good father. Keep it up."

We open the door and she turns to say one more thing. "I am obligated to make several calls, but I don't think you'll find them too intrusive. My only complaint is that I don't particularly like that brand of tea. Try Twinings."

Then she's gone and we're left staring after her till Marty arrives on the porch.

"Darlings, I think I've found just the setting for your dining area," he tells us.
 

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