Homecoming
*33*
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Some Days You Eat the Bear
Brian
It's nearly one o'clock before I get things sorted enough to make it home. By
that time I've spoken to Gus three times and Justin twice. Sonnyboy sounds full
of beans, Sunshine not so much. I'm guessing he had some kind of run in with
Linds, but if it's important he'll tell me later.
In the meantime I've had blow by blow accounts from one of them on how the whole
fucking bakeoff thing is going: "I helped Dus mix the cake and now it's baking,
Daddy"; "We're waiting for the cake to get cool enough to put on the frosting,
if you put it on when it's hot it will all melt and go gooey"; "We've finished
the frosting and I did the pur
um, the best bit all by myself". And from the
other one I've had repeated assurances that they haven't totally fucking trashed
the place.
But at least they're there together with no sign of either Lindsay or the
she-wolf, so now the only thing I have to worry about is what the fuck Gus was
going to say when he cut himself off after the "pur" bit. 'Perfect'? 'Purr' like
in purring pussy fucking cat? Or
I can hardly bring myself to think this
was
he going to say fucking 'purple'? If he's picked purple frosting to decorate
this fucking cake then my Sonnyboy must be queer as a fucking three dollar bill.
Or maybe it's just the effect of being raised by fucking munchers.
Guess it doesn't fucking matter.
He's here and he's safe and he's happy and they're the only things that fucking
count with me.
It's a shitload more than poor Mikey has right now. A stop off to see him on the
way home was one of my tasks of the day. He wasn't all that glad to see me walk
in the door of his little empire, but he's at least wised up enough to know that
I'm not the fucking one he needs to worry about. Seems when Mel went to see him
yesterday she didn't mention the fact that she's tied the knot with her Toronto
tottie, and it wasn't until after I called and he confronted her about it that
she came clean. But she still kept saying that 'of course he's JR's father, and
nothing's changed' and all that shit. But when he said he thought it was time
that either JR came down for a visit or he went up there to see her, she went
ballistic, threatening that if he tried to force her to agree to either of those
things then she'd make sure that the Canadian courts cut off all his access to
his daughter. Fucking cunt!
So we commiserated about the wicked witch of the north and he told me what the
lawyer has said about it (basically they're pushing for a hearing here in
Pittsburgh while Mel is in town); and also what Ben's lawyer has said about the
possibility of Ben getting out of the slammer soon - seems like it might even be
in the next week or so. So between his happiness and relief that he's going to
get Ben back soon, and his fear that he might never see his fucking daughter
again, Mikey was so fucking all over the place that he actually agreed to let me
pick up the tab for the civil suit at least.
He's still going to have some financial problems, because he's been trying to
pay off the mortgage on just his salary, as well as picking up the legal bills.
But I managed to convince him that as I was prepared to help Linds fund her
fight for the right to be recognized as JR's parent, I should do the same for
him. He got all emotional then, but fuck it! Mikey and Deb were the only real
family I had for fucking years. I can't just stand aside and let the bigots and
bitches of this world flush his whole life down the toilet.
Anyway, at least he's listening to his lawyer, and he's actually letting me
help, so that was my aim for the day achieved and as soon as I could I escaped
from all his Italian/drag queen sentimentality and headed home.
I'm expecting the loft to look like a fucking bomb site, but it's not too bad.
If I look closely I can see traces of activity around the place, including (to
my despair over what those women have done to my son's taste buds) a smear of
bright purple frosting on the side of the refrigerator door, plus a few traces
of flour or some shit on the floor near the counter and a DVD cover over by the
entertainment unit. And, of course, about a dozen artworks for me to look at and
admire.
Gus pounces on me as soon as I slide open the door, but then he stops and seems
to hesitate. Not sure what that's about but I don't like it. It's almost like,
just for that second, he's fucking afraid of me all of a sudden. I drop my
briefcase by the door and sweep him up in my arms, tossing him in the air a
little. I won't be able to do that for much longer that's for fucking sure. But
I can right now and he squeals like a drag queen in heat but then he's laughing
and after giving him a great big wet kiss on the cheek, which makes him giggle
even more, I tuck him under my arm and walk over to kiss the other half of the
Ace of Cakes duo.
Gus is still laughing and squirming so I set him down and when I look up
Justin's eyes are shining at me like I'm the eighth fucking wonder of the world.
Maybe I am. Or at least, the fact that I seem to be fucking getting some things
right with these two at least qualifies for that title.
But then Sonnyboy is back, clutching his artwork; so while the blond pastry chef
pours me a cup of coffee, I lift the smaller one onto one of the kitchen stools
and take a seat beside him so he can show me his masterpieces.
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Justin
Whatever fears those bitches might have planted in Gus's mind vanish once he's
actually with his father. Brian mightn't be everyone's idea of Father of the
Year, and he might not be good at verbally expressing his emotions, but no one
seeing him with Gus could doubt how deeply he loves his son.
And I'm sure that when Brian's actually there, Gus feels that love. He's a
perceptive kid, and you only have to look at the two of them together to know
that they have a real bond between them. I guess it's just when Brian isn't
around that the doubts creep in. I can relate to that; but my doubts
I was going to say that they were different, that they were honestly come by,
but you know what? They weren't. They were planted, pretty much from day one, by
the same people who've planted the same poisonous seeds in Gus's brain. Well, in
my case, those two women were aided and abetted by good ol' Mikey, but Linds and
Mel definitely had a prime role.
All the 'dont expect too much' shit and 'he's an asshole and he's never going
to change' and 'he only thinks about himself' - all that shit that I heard from
them about Brian practically from the beginning. I mean, I used to think they
were just looking out for me because I was so young and inexperienced; but now I
wonder.
I mean, when you think about it, that whole thing at my "birthday" concert
what was that about?
Anyone who was really Brian's friend wouldn't have been harping on about what he
hadn't done for my birthday, they would have been reminding me of all he had
done for me - like piecing my whole fucking life back together for a start.
And anyone who was really my friend wouldn't have been encouraging me to flirt
with Ethan, they would have been asking me if I really wanted to risk losing
everything I had fought for with Brian over some stupid yearning for fucking
"romance".
I mean, it's not like they even knew Ethan. They didn't know if he was a good
guy or a shallow self-absorbed asshole who would cheat on me the first chance he
got. The thing is, they didn't care. They just shoved me towards him anyway,
practically pushing me into his arms, just like they had a hand in pushing me on
that damned plane to New York.
Because it was never about me, about looking out for me.
It was all about Brian. About them deliberately setting out to undermine him -
his happiness, the security he was starting to find with me. They did it for
different reasons, but they did it. And they did it deliberately.
Twice.
And I let them.
Twice.
Fuck!
I have no fucking idea how I'm going to be in the same room as Lindsay this
afternoon and not rip her smug, manipulative little WASP face off.
I guess I'll just have to try to remember that it's not about me, and it's not
even about her, it's about Gus
and about Brian. And try my damndest not to let
anything spoil this day for them.
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Brian
I can tell he's stewing about something, but it's clearly not anything I've
done, and it probably involves one or other of the fucking women in our lives,
so with Gus here all I can do is to not make whatever it is any fucking worse by
pushing him about it. Sweet little Sunshine can be as fucking passive aggressive
as the worst hormonal pregnant woman, so instead of buying trouble I concentrate
on trying to guess what all of Gus's drawings are and eat the salad he's made
for my lunch while he and my son chow down on toasted sandwiches made from some
disgusting processed shit that masquerades as cheese.
We finally persuade Gus to have some "quiet time" by putting on one of his DVDs
and sitting with him while he watches the beginning. He must be pretty worn out
by all the dramas in his life over the last few days because he's out like a
light within fifteen minutes. We move him to the bed without him stirring an
eyelid, make sure he's not going to roll himself out if he gets restless and
then head out to the living area where Sunshine finally gets the chance to
unload all the shit that's got him so worked up.
I'm not even surprised when he tells me the stuff that Mel has apparently said
to Gus. For someone who claims to love my son, she's never hesitated in
bad-mouthing me in front of him with no regard to the fucking damage she might
be doing to him. I don't give a shit what she says about me; given my opinion of
her, what she thinks of me could hardly fucking matter less to me. But that she
regularly put my son in that position - that's fucked.
I try to be surprised at what Gus has apparently reported about Lindsay, but
it's fucking typical of her weak-assed manipulations that she would come out
with that shit. She probably didn't even mean it seriously. It's the sort of
thing she'd say if he was being fucking "difficult" just to get him to settle
down. She just never thinks about the effect that the things she says might have
on the people around her.
Her and Mikey, they're two of a fucking kind in many ways.
Well, I've at least temporarily sorted things with Mikey, but I just don't have
it in me to deal with Lindsay. Especially today.
Sunshine can have at her with my blessing.
But before Gus wakes up, I take time to call Ms. Fucking Hershell and fill her
in on the latest. As usual, I can hear her pursed lips expression even over the
damned phone. But she doesn't say much, just that she'll take a note and keep it
on record. And she reminds me again that Mel is completely fucking banned from
having any contact with any of us, especially Gus, and that we should be
vigilant in enforcing that. For Gus's sake, if nothing else.
Who the fuck knows what she'd say to him, what poison she'd try to plant in his
head?
What a fucked up bitch-whore she is!
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Justin
Brian's amazing all afternoon. He doesn't tell me to calm down, or to take it
easy or any of that shit. He just sort of gives me that 'a man's gotta do' look
of his and calls his lawyer. Then we get on with preparing for the gang to
arrive. Of course, we're in the middle of doing that when Gus wakes up. He's a
bit grizzly. I think he's kind of confused about where he is at first. Then he's
thirsty and I'm pouring him some milk. But he's too impatient to wait and he
grabs at it and knocks the whole fucking huge bottle that I only bought this
morning all over the kitchen floor. Before I can say anything, Brian steps in.
He sends me and Gus up to the bedroom to change because we're both soaked with
milk - Cleopatra would be proud - while he cleans up the kitchen.
Once that's done, I head off down to the local store to get some more.
I'm on my way back, just about to the doorway of the building when a taxi pulls
up and Lindsay gets out. I'm congratulating myself on timing things so perfectly
that I'm going to get a chance to talk to her away from Gus and Brian when I
realize she isn't alone.
Fuck me if Mel doesn't climb out right after her.
"Mel just wants to say goodbye to Gus," Lindsay says before I can start the
yelling.
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