I feel like a total shit for making him go off to the supermarket by himself, but it had to be done. This situation has gone on long enough. I need to do something about it today. I just hope the guy gets here so we can do what needs to be done, and I can get him out of here before Justin gets home.
I can not believe that Brian flatly refused to come with me to the supermarket. Okay, I know he hates going there on Saturday. We both prefer to go at night during the week. But last week neither of us had the time, its probably going to be the same next week, and theres no food in the house. Not even his guava juice.
Its okay for him to say that he has to work. So do I. I have a shit load of study that I have to get through this weekend, and now I have to get all our groceries as well. If Id known he was going to do this, I could have ordered them on line last night. But now they wouldnt deliver them till Monday, and we do need some fucking food no matter what he thinks! And its going to take forever. If wed both come, we could have split up and it would have taken half the time.
Hes just in a shitty mood because we kept getting interrupted this morning.
First of all Deb marched in demanding to know if hed heard from Michael because theyre not back yet and he hasnt called her since Monday. Ben has called a couple of times, to talk to Hunter, so she knows that hes alright, but she just wants to know whats going on. So she barged in on us just as Brian was starting to rim me. We were on the couch, not even in the bedroom.
Shit! I was so embarrassed, and her going on about nothing she hasnt seen before, Sunshine did not make me feel any better.
Shed only been gone about half an hour and Brian was just starting to make me feel much better, only this time with his mouth on my cock instead of my ass, when Lindsay pranced in, wanting to know if we can take Gus tomorrow so that she and Mel can do some family lunch thing.
Fuck! I hate it that everyone feels they can just come in and out of the loft like its some sort of hotel lobby. Shit! Lindz and Mel even charged in one night when Brian was spanking me. It was months before we heard the end of that - not until Id gone off with Ethan. And then Mel actually mentioned it in front of Ethan once. Making it out like Brian was some monster who beat me and that I was lucky to escape. When actually, wed only been playing and if they hadnt arrived it would have been really hot.
And now after such a shitty morning, Im stuck here. Its times like this I wish I was back at Daphs. At least wed do this together and laugh about all the straight couples and their terrible kids and it wouldnt be so bad.
Still, I guess with all the screaming kids here, its probably just as well Brian didnt come. He wouldnt have last five minutes without getting really prissy about it and making comments about the kids and then the parents would get all antsy, and it would just be more aggro. Im probably better off doing it on my own.
At least I can buy whatever I want without him pulling faces because its not the fat-free variety.
And if I get some icecream, maybe he can make it up to me when I get home.
Hed just better be there when I get back is all. I suppose I should be grateful he made me take the car. At least that probably means he wont be going out. And hes promised, no tricks in the loft.
Well, thats done.
I know hes going to be pissed with me when he gets back, but hell! we are not some fucking pair of breeders who have to be joined at the hip. If thats what he thought he was getting when he moved back in, he can just
Okay, stop right there, Kinney. Dont do that dont do it to him. Dont do it to yourself. You asked him to move in because you want him here. Dont fucking push him away again as soon as you start to feel like people might actually consider that the two of you are a fucking couple.
You are. Get used to it.
Fuck! Why is this so fucking hard?
I do want him here. I want him to know that I want to be with him.
I just dont want anyone else to know.
How fucked is that? Since when do I give a shit what other people think?
Since forever, you sack of shit. Like the crack some dickhead in a supermarket made that time about used to be a real stud that made you take the zucchini man home. That proved you were still a stud, right? And burst the bubble of Justins little relationship fantasy, didnt it? Taught him his place.
Yeah. Yeah, Kinney. That worked out real well. So well he took off with the fucking fiddler and that was just what you wanted. Got your fucking life back didnt you? Except that it turned out the only life you really wanted was the one with him in it. Which youd fucked up royally.
You cant do that this time round. If you do, if you fuck this up, thats it. Youll never have another chance at this.
Hes your chance.
Dont fuck it up.
I wont. This time I wont.
Hes down here almost as soon as the car pulls up. He must have been watching for me. Hed deny it if I said anything, the shit, but he must have been. For some reason, that makes me feel better, but Im not going to let him off the hook. I am still seriously pissed off with him for pulling this shit.
He doesnt say anything, just takes the bags out of the car. He takes nearly all of them and when I try to get some off him he just shrugs.
We get into the elevator and he grins at me.
Get everything we need?
I nod. Thinking about the super rich chocolate icecream. And the mango. And the French vanilla. I couldnt decide. I find myself licking my lips, and when I look at him, hes watching my tongue. I can feel myself start to get hard, and although I want to play hard to get, its a lost cause. I cant wait to get inside.
We get to the door, and I try to fit my key into the lock. Im really impatient now, and the damned thing just wont go in.
He puts down the bags, and takes his keys out of his pocket.
You might need this.
He hands me a key and I stare at it. Its brand new. I look at him trying to work this out.
Arent you going to open the door?
Automatically I put the key in the lock and it turns easily. Thats when it finally sinks in. Why he sent me off alone to the supermarket, making me mad as hell with him, and why he had to be home alone, the twat.
I turn to him and meet the eyes of a man who has done this to please me. A man who hopes that he has; hopes that Im getting his message about who is on the inside of his life, and who hes prepared to push away a little. His message about whose home this is now.
My heart does a major flutter. I guess under the circumstances Im just going to have to forgive him. Id like to get the message across to him that he could have just told me, that he doesnt have to make everything a big production number, and spring surprises all the time. But thats Brian. This is going to be life with Brian. He likes to do things that way. Maybe its to make up for all the nice surprises he didnt get when he was a kid. Who knows? Its just how he is, and I might as well get used to it.
Just like hes going to have to get used to the idea of eating carbs after seven and sharing tubs of non-fat-free icecream every now and again. Compromise. Thats what its all about.
I throw my arms around him and he grins down at me and then presses his forehead to mine.
Just us, he promises. No more interruptions.
Then he kisses me and its a while before I remember that the icecream will be melting. Then I figure, let it melt. Its better when its soft anyway.
Now where are the spoons?