Offers and Offences
By the time wed finished up the pasta and the wine even I decided to pass on the cheesecake for a while. We were in that drowsy, lazy, mid afternoon after a big lunch sort of state, so we headed for the bed. Not that we intended to sleep.
But I guess we must both have been more tired than we thought, or maybe it was just the wine, because, although we started making out a little, in the end we just sort of snuggled up and went to sleep.
Brian was hilarious when he woke up. He was all if you tell anyone about this and mumbling about dickless fags. I started laughing and then he got seriously pissed off. He went stomping into the bathroom with his hair all standing on end and I heard him clanging about and then the shower coming on.
I gave him a couple of minutes, and then went after him. It was funny to me, but I know that he feels really threatened by anything that he thinks might undermine his self image - age, me, having a boyfriend - if thats what I am. Anything.
So I go in and hes in the shower but when I join him the waters nowhere near as hot as hed have it if it was just for him, so I know he was waiting for me. His back is to me, so I scoop up a handful of the gel he uses instead of soap and start rubbing it over his shoulders and down his sides. He takes a breath and lets it out in a woof, then just relaxes under my hands, putting his head forward and letting all the tension slip out of his shoulders and neck.
I love his neck. Its one of the most beautiful things about his body, one of the things that make him such a perfect model for an artist, his long elegant neckline. I run my hand up the very back of his neck into his hair, and then draw my fingers down, caressing each vertebrae on the way, all the way down his spine.
He hisses as I reach his tailbone and sucks in another breath. I keep my hand going, sliding my fingers down his crack, across his hole and down further. He hunches a little and spreads his legs as my hand keeps moving down between his thighs till I can cup his sac in my palm. I squeeze gently, and juggle his balls a little. He gives this little grunt of satisfaction as if thats just what he was wanting and I feel myself smiling.
I kiss his shoulder blades while my hand continues to squeeze him in soft rhythmic pulses for a few seconds, then I let go so he can turn to me and I can get what I really want.
When he does turn, though, he takes both my hands and pulls them to his chest, just holding them there for a moment. Then he slides his hands up my arms and tangles them in my hair and then were kissing and the world expands to be just him and me and the sound of the water and the taste of each others mouths. Were outside time, and outside space, and those are the only things that exist, that are real.
Then his cock touches mine and suddenly its all urgency and need, want, must have, must have now.
Weve got shower fucking down to a fine art. If there was an olympic event, wed be gold medallists for sure, with a different routine for every day of the week. This time its routine number three. I grab the condom and start rolling it on his cock, while he reaches round me with the lube and starts opening me up. Then he lifts me. I press my shoulders against the slippery tiles, and wrap my legs firmly round his hips, while he lowers me onto his cock.
This is my favourite position for shower sex, and he knows it. But it takes a lot of energy, so its not one we use a lot. I dont know whether he feels like he has something to prove after his nap, or whether hes just woken up refreshed and raring to go, but either way Im not complaining.
I feel his cock at my hole and then its pressing up into me. His shoulders are straining with the effort of not just letting me slip down onto it until Im ready, but today that doesnt take long and I feel the initial stinging give way to a jolt of pure aching pleasure as his cockhead nudges my prostate on the way in and then Im fully impaled and his pubes are brushing my ass and I can take most of the strain with my thighs now as I lift up and then sink down again, slowly, so slowly, and it feels so damned good.
I catch at the walls, at the top of the screen, trying to take some of the weight, but hes not worried about that. Hes bucking his hips up into me as I ride him and I cant believe the strength in his thighs and calves. He looks skinny, but slender as he is hes all muscle.
Im working myself up and down on his cock, angling myself to make sure it hits me in just the right place each time and meanwhile squeezing hard as I pull myself off him to make sure that hes getting as much pleasure as I am.
I meet his eyes and he grins at me, an almost feral grin of pleasure and lust and desire and it drives me wild. My thighs are screaming off somewhere where I can hardly hear their message as I drive myself up and down on his cock, harder and faster and harder. My cock is pulsing and I am close, so close.
He comes first and I feel his cock jerking inside me and for some reason that does it for me and my cum joins the water thats running down between his chest and my belly. He somehow finds the strength to lift me off him and we lean into each other and prop each other up and just breathe for a few moments.
I dont know about him, but my legs feel like jelly and I can hardly stand upright, but hes there and as I ease the condom off him and toss it out the shower to the bin hes touching me - soft stroking caresses over my arms and chest and back and thighs and then Im in his arms and hes in mine and were trying to climb inside each others mouths and then with a sort of laugh he reaches for the shampoo and starts washing my hair. My head falls forward against his chest and I let him while my lips and tongue lazily caress whichever bits of his skin come within reach.
Until a streamlet of shampoo winds up in my mouth and I splutter and toss my head back. He moves back a little as well and we stand just looking at each other for a moment, and words are beyond unnecessary. We both know. We know what we feel, and what we have and this time were both heading in the same direction. Together. And choosing to be. Thats all that matters really.
He turns off the water and then takes my hand and leads me out the shower, and I follow like I was going to say like a puppy dog, or a sheep, or something else fucking pathetic. But it doesnt feel pathetic. It feels like - sometimes I lead, and he follows, and sometimes its okay for him to lead. And okay for me to follow.
Especially when what he leads me to is a warm fluffy towel that wraps around me and dries all my little nooks and crannies and then gives way to a warm wet mouth that touches some of those nooks and crannies in a way that should probably be illegal - shit! it already is in some States - and gets me hard again much faster than is reasonable and then spends aeons or a few seconds, Im not sure, bringing me off again.
I want to return the favor, but he shakes his head and says we dont have time. I try to persuade him that theres always time for a blow job, but he gets all prissy about keeping the Senator waiting.
Thats the first time that I realise just how long we slept and I begrudgingly accept that we have to motor if were going to get to the restaurant on time.
The Grand Concourse isnt the sort of place that Id normally go if left to myself (and anyway, its better for brunch than dinner), but its okay. At least the food will be good and enough of it to fill the bottomless pit, him with the hollow legs and arms and backside. (I swear his body uses that bubble butt of his to store excess food to get him through the unbelievably long time between supper and breakfast!)
Its heart breaking to take him to a new restaurant and find out its one of those places where you get a tiny portion of meat on a spinach leaf set in the middle of a huge plate. His face drops and he scarfs it down as if he hopes hell get more if he empties his plate, and then the same sort of thing happens with dessert and you wind up filling him up on McDonalds on the way home. I know, because its what happened when his mom took us out for his birthday a few weeks back. There were Molly and Daph as well as Jenn, Justin and I and we all wound up at McDonalds. I have to admit even I ate a few fries. Justin force fed them to me, of course, but they went down okay. If I was still ready to eat more, he must have been starving.
At least that wont be a worry tonight. Ive taken some of our more conservative clients there a few times and the serves are big enough to satisfy even Justin.
Anyway, by the time we both get ready we have no choice but to take a cab to the restaurant. Justin is huffing and puffing about it, but it does make sense. Anyway, after today I feel like maybe the money thing is going to work out all right and tell him to stop fucking fussing.
He looks at me for a moment and then takes a deep breath and smiles. Youre right. Lets have a good night out, and just relax and enjoy ourselves.
I raise an eyebrow at him. With the Senator? But he
just grins. We can go to
As it turns out thats just what we do, because
she gives me a lot to think about, and I dont feel like doing that
tonight. So we head for
We head for the back room and I have him up against the wall, hard and fast, amid all the grunts and sighs and groans from the other losers there who arent the ones fucking him, arent the ones who are going to take him home and have him all night long, arent the ones wholl wake up tomorrow with him lying close alongside and ready to start all over again.
The losers who arent the one he loves.
So when we finish, before I even get the condom off, I pull him round into my arms and kiss him long and deep, so he knows what he needs to know.
Its funny how sometimes things feel so familiar and yet theyre so different. Brian was still sleeping when I woke up and my mind started going through all that happened yesterday, so I knew Id never get back to sleep. I crawled out of bed like I used to do all the time and got my sketchpad and started to draw him. Just as Ive done what seems like a million times before.
But that was back then.
Back when I was either the trick who wouldnt go away, like Michael used to call me; (or adopt a trick; or your little stalker: anything to dismiss me and make me feel not important, not welcome, not a part of Brians life). Or else I was the pathetic little fag I felt myself become after the bashing. I couldnt even draw, let alone be strong enough to deal with really being part of Brians life. Yet I had to pretend I was; had to hang on at all costs. He was the only thing I had. My family had split up, my dad hated me, my sister blamed me, and I didnt even have my art. Well, except for the fragments that Brian rescued for me with the computer, and he pissed all over those. Brian was the only thing I had left. So I hung on desperately, letting myself become more and more pathetic until Ethan happened and the whole pretence that I was okay, that I was fine, that I was capable of making a real relationship with Brian fell apart. It went to Hell in a handbasket and that was the best thing that could have happened.
This time its very different. I dont have to fight to be part of Brians life now. I am. I have my own place inside the Kinney fortress, and dont have to keep storming the walls. Whats more, he wants me here. And we both know its where I belong.
So this morning while I sat and sketched him, it was the same as before, but totally different at the same time.
Just as hes the same, but different.
The same Brian.
But this time it was me he took to the back room. And me he took up against the wall. And me he took in his arms afterwards and kissed and kissed and kissed until our lips were swollen and red and Id forgotten totally where we were.
I think he had too, because when we finally fell apart, desperate for air, he looked round sort of dazed.
He wasnt the only one. People were staring at us.
In the backroom at
I know what they were seeing too. They were watching Brian Fucking Kinney kiss someone like it meant something. Like he felt something, other than another twitch of his cock. Like I meant something. Because I do. I know it now. I know thats what he was telling me.
I thought he might freak out a bit then, but he just laughed. Really laughed. And pulled me against him and kissed me again before he got rid of the condom and did up his pants.
I got dressed and we left then, and got a taxi home. I didnt even protest. It wasnt far. And we needed to get home.
We fucked again when we got home of course, but we havent talked yet. Not really talked about what the Senator had to say. I hope we can today, because theres a lot to consider.
The Senator wants him to work for her - either to join her Campaign Committee or to take her on as a client. She says that the combination of his talent and his integrity make him the ideal person to shape her next campaign. He tried to tell her what he thought of politicians in general, but she headed him off by saying that if there was anything about her policies or her practices that he didnt like, and didnt feel comfortable promoting, she would discuss it with him, and if they couldnt agree, he could opt out, no hard feelings, no contract problems, nothing. Coming on top of the stuff today about the opportunities that would open up for him if he could sign just one decent client, I know it gave him a lot to think about.
I have my own thoughts about it, but its his decision and Ill be there right beside him no matter what he decides. And Ill fight anyone who tries to stop me. Brian included.
The damned phone woke me. Who the fuck ?
Mikey. Of course.
I cut him off yesterday when he called because Justin got home and I needed to talk to him. So of course he thought hed punish me by ringing first thing in the fucking morning.
, but thats first thing
when youve been at
Of course, Mikey wasnt at
I let him tell me all the latest shit in the Hunter
saga while I lie there trying to wake up. He was going on about needing the
car for a few more days because the lawyers office is up on
I was just going to let it go. A few days is hardly going to make a difference in the scheme of things, but then he said in a that snarky voice he uses when the subject turns to the one person he shouldnt talk about at all, Or does Justin need it to run errands?
And I lost it. Just lost it. The way I never do with Mikey.
Well, once. I did once.
And I did again today. For the same reason. He just cant keep his mouth shut where Justin is concerned.
I thought of Justin uncomplainingly taking the fucking bus to and from that shitty job at the diner. And to Daphs. And dragging bags back from the supermarket to save the fucking delivery fee. Using the hand that still isnt strong enough for that shit. And I heard Mikey coming out with yet another of his bitchy little comments trying to make Justin out to be some sort of spoiled fucking princess, and I just let loose.
Among other things I told him that he was a selfish fucking prick who didnt have a clue what friendship and loyalty were really about. That he spent more time worrying about how it would look if he and Hunter had to go to the lawyers by bus than he did worrying about whether I might lose the fucking loft if I cant pay off some of this debt. That the whole fucking world did not revolve around him and if he wanted a car he could go on ebay and sell of some of his fucking collectables and pay for one of his own. And that I didnt want to hear him mention Justins name again until he could do it with respect because Justin was worth a dozen of the lot of them.
Then I hung up.
I guess Justin must have heard me yelling because when I looked up he was standing in the doorway to the bathroom. He looked shell shocked. His eyes really were like saucers - small ones, anyway. And theyd gone that dark dark blue that they do when he gets freaked about something.
I must have looked pretty freaked myself because after a moment he came and sat on the bed beside me and put his arms around me. Thats when I felt myself shaking.
Shit! What have I done? Poor Mikey. He must have wondered where that came from. I dont really know myself, except that I just cant do it anymore. I cant be in the middle. Justin never puts me there. Never has. But Mikey he wants Justin gone so much. Still.
He has Ben and even Hunter, but he still doesnt want me to have anyone.
And I just I need I need
I feel Justins hand on my hair, but suddenly I cant sit there any longer. I get up and step away.
God. Away. I dont want to walk away. I turn and look at him, and he just looks worried. Its that look again. The concerned look. The I care look.
I feel my face smiling at him.
Come and scrub my back, I say.
He looks at me and he smiles and I smile back, and suddenly the world is spinning again and everything is okay.
Dont ask, I said as we got into the shower.
I wasnt going to, he said.
I sighed and started kissing him. He seemed willing enough to let it go, so it must have been sheer perversity that made me stop and say, Hes still jealous of you.
He nodded, kind of sadly. I know.
Then he turned away to reach for the shampoo.
Hes going to have to get over it, Justin. I pulled him round to look at me. I dont plan on changing things any time soon.
He was trying not to smile then. Trying not to let me see how glad it made him to hear that. Which is sad. Truly sad. And my fucking fault, of course. Shit!
So I smiled wide enough for both of us and letting my tongue touch my lips briefly, asked, What about you?
His attention had focused on my tongue, and when he looked up his eyes were already glazing over in that way they have, Huh?
I smacked his butt to get his attention off his cock, which I could feel thickening against my thigh.
Are you planning on changing things any time soon?
He looked into my eyes then and must have liked what he saw there, because he smiled, a genuine Sunshine smile, and said softly, Not a thing, Bri.
What else could I do after that except slide down to my knees and show my appreciation?
When Im done, I send him out to get the paper.
The Senator said a lot of things last night, and Justin and I still need to talk about them. But the last thing she said was the strangest. She told us to watch the papers in the next few days, because there could be something that would interest us.
I didnt hear most of what Brian said to Michael. I just heard him yelling. I stayed in the bathroom till he stopped to give him some privacy.
When I came out he looked so shocked. Like hed just murdered someone and couldnt believe hed done it. Thats the worst thing about any fight he has with Michael, it just kills him afterwards.
I sat down and put my arms around him and he really started to shake. I thought for a moment he was crying. Then suddenly he stood up and moved away, away from me, and it hurt. It literally physically hurt somewhere in my chest. Because it brought back so many bad memories. All the times that something bad would happen, something would upset him, and rather than let me share it, or hell! even let me see it, hed walk away. Usually to Mikey. Or to the Baths or the backroom or
I was telling myself that it didnt matter. That even if he did that, things were different now. That this time round I was not going to take it personally. That I could
Then he stopped.
He turned and smiled at me; and suddenly the pain gone. There was just this warm glow inside me instead.
Because this time he hadnt walked away or shut himself off. Hed somehow hung in there with me, for me. And damn! that felt good.
What he said later, in the bathroom, just before he gave me that totally mind-blowing blow job, that was the nearest thing to a commitment that I ever expect to hear from Brian Kinney. But somehow it was the earlier moment, when he could have walked away and didnt, thats the moment that meant more to me, the one I want to remember. I guess I finally have learned that its actions that count, especially where Brian is concerned,. Words are just optional extras.
Anyway, after hed rocked my world I left him to finish his shower and get the coffee on and I went down to get something to eat and the paper. We both want to know what the Senator meant.
Of course, with all the stuff I had to carry, the bagels, and the muffins for Brian (I was hoping hed eat two, and if he didnt I could always freeze one), and the milk for his coffee, and some more guava juice and the paper, I didnt get much of a chance to check it out before I got back to the loft.
So we spread it out on the floor - one thing about no furniture is that theres lots of room - and couldnt find a thing that might have been what the Senator meant.
I left him to do go through the jobs pages, and turned on the little portable TV that I used to have in my room at home. Mom unearthed it from some storage bin somewhere. Youd think shed have gotten rid of it by now, but shes as bad as Debbie about hoarding things.
Anyway, I was just channel flipping to see if there was anything interesting on when I heard Stockwells name mentioned. I clicked back onto the channel, and there he was, leaving Police Headquarters and hustling into a car, dodging cameras and reporters as he went.
And the tickertape across the bottom of the screen read
9th Sept 03
9th Sept 03