Alternative Lifestyle Experiment
Brians
Report:
Well, okay so this is just an experiment. I just
want to see if I can do it, see what its like. Its not a big
deal. No one needs to even know that its happening.
Least of all Justin. Because
hed make it into a big deal. I think. Or maybe
not. Once he would have, but now maybe not. I just dont know,
and the last thing I need is any pressure, so Im going to just keep
it to myself.
But I want to do it properly, which means recording
things as I go, so that Ive got some sort of record of what happened
throughout the experiment. That way, if it goes off the rails, I can at least
prove to myself that I tried.
So here goes.
Day One:
Thursday
Nothing to
report. Perhaps a trace of anxiety,
but I guess thats natural. Everything else is pretty normal. Justin
was here last night, which I have to admit helped. With no car, hes
been staying here more. Its saves hassles.
So that means hes on hand if I need him. Shit!
when I need him. Because I
did. And I will, the longer this experiment goes on. But its
only for a week. So Im sure itll be okay. I want to see if I
can do this, and having him here just makes it
easier.
Day Two:
Friday
So far no
problems. Well, there was one moment
at Woodys where I wasnt sure that I could handle it, but then
Ben made a great pool shot, and that distracted me, so it was okay. Justin
turned up a bit later and we went home and had an early night. Well, we got
to the loft early, but it was a while before we got to sleep.
Its funny. Hes always been a little
hottie, right? I mean, I was never going to spend any time with some troll.
But tonight when he walked into Woodys I thought Fuck! He is
so fucking gorgeous! I just wanted to drag him back to the loft right
away. Even the backroom wasnt going to do it for me. I wanted time
to savour him, not some quick fuck up against the wall. That just wouldnt
have been enough, so when we did get back here I wanted to make the most
of it.
Wed fucked twice before we ever made it to
the bed, and after that it was long and slow and torturous, and so fucking
good. Id always thought that being with the one guy over and over would
just be paralysingly boring, but Id never envisaged anyone like Justin.
Hes not only as hungry for sex as I am, he
knows all my sweet spots and just what to do with them to drive me crazy.
And the sounds he makes when I stroke his can drive me over the edge
all on their own.
The funny thing is that to be honest (and I might
as well be honest here, right?), from the moment he walked into Woodys
tonight I forgot all about the damned
experiment.
Day Three:
Saturday
We got home from
For someone of his body type, Justin has a big cock.
Hell, Justin has a big cock, period. Its just really unusual for someone
with his body type. I dont bottom often, so Im pretty tight,
and after a session with him, I am very aware that Ive been well fucked.
This morning I was still feeling sore. Not that Id ever tell him that.
Hell! he can take it as often as I can get it up,
and my cocks bigger than his. Im not going to squeal about how
sore I am after one fuck like some pussy little fag. But I have to admit
its been one reason why I havent let him top me all that often.
After last night, though, I might have to rethink
that, because it was certainly worth a bit of soreness this morning. We did
it on that ratty old couch that his mother dug up from somewhere. (Personally
Id rather go without than have that thing in the loft, but it does
have its uses.) I was on my knees on the seat, which put my ass at just the
right height for Justin, and gave me the back of the couch to brace myself
against; which, god knows, I had to do. He rimmed me first, and took his
time opening me up with two or three well lubed fingers. He even took his
time pushing that great bloody cock into me. In fact, I was ready to start
screaming at him to fucking hurry up.
But once he got started he rammed my ass good. Gave
me what the Brits would call a thorough seeing to: hard and fast, and then
slowing it down to the point where I wanted to beg for more (I didnt,
but I had to bite my tongue to stop myself), and then, when he was ready,
it was wham! bam! while
I held onto the back of the couch and prayed it didnt give way. When
he decided it was time for me to come, he didnt even touch my cock,
just pressed his up against my prostate for a few seconds, so that I went
onto overload, and then pulled back and gave it two tiny nudges and I came
so hard we might never get the stains out of the
couch.
This morning we blew each other in the shower before
I went to the gym. He did the supermarket shopping while I was out and I
got home before him. I jumped his bones as soon as he walked in the door
but he made me wait till hed put the cold stuff away, then we gave
the couch another work out. Unfortunately, we were due at the Munchers
so we didnt have time for more, but we made up for that when we got
home.
Day Four:
Sunday
Okay, so it was my own stupid fault for leaving
this lying around. I just needed to go to the bathroom. When I got back,
Justin was packing it into his bag with his sketchbooks. He said he thought
it was some of his school stuff. Of course, when I claimed it back he got
all curious. And this is Justin, right? The single most
persistent person on the planet. I knew he wasnt going to let
it go until I told him what it was.
I guess I could have made up some bullshit. Or even
just told him it was a journal, or an ideas book, or something, but
its not like Im ashamed of it.
Be honest, Kinney. The truth is, maybe I did want
to let him in on it. Just him, though. I made that real clear to him. That
I trust him to understand, and not to rag on me about it, but hes the
only one I can trust that way. And I did my best to make it clear that its
just an experiment. For a week. One week. Thats
all. Just to see. The thing is, though
He tried so hard to stay real cool about it, but
I saw the look in his eyes.
Shit! Damn! Fuck! I knew that he was going to read
something into it.
But he says its okay. He insists that hes
fine with it. That he knows that its just a sort of personal dare.
That after the end of the week it will be business as usual. He laughed and
said, I know you, Brian. I told you. I know what I can expect from
you. I know this is just a personal thing that youre doing for you.
It doesnt have anything to do with me. Im okay with that and
Ill still be okay with it next week and the week after. Dont
worry about it.
The thing about that is,
that I dont know whether to be relieved or pissed
off.
Isnt that a killer?
So maybe that was why I did something totally out
of character and took him out to dinner. True, finances being what they are,
it was only to the Chinese place down the road (within walking distance,
how pathetic is that?) where the food is good but the décors
pretty cheap and nasty. But I have to admit, it was a date of sorts. We even
walked there and back hand in hand. I knew this whole relationship shit would
turn me into a fucking dyke!
Maybe it was the date thing, or maybe the experiment
is getting to me, or maybe its just Justin whos getting to me,
but when we got back, all I wanted to do was climb into bed and make
Shit! see what I mean?
make love for fucks sake! Its
fucking. Just fucking. Isnt
it?
Anyway, whatever you want to call it (a fuck by
any other name would feel as hot?) I just wanted to do it slow and sweet
and fall asleep all curled up round him. And he seemed to be feeling the
same way, so thats what we did.
The thing is, thinking about what we did last night,
doing that, with Justin, thats hotter than any sex Ive had with
any trick. Or, not hotter, exactly, but more
satisfying. Thats it. I feel more satisfied after a quiet fuck
like that with Justin than after the wildest sex with any trick Ive
ever had. Fuck! I am turning into a dyke. And I am so not going to let him
read this entry. I should never have written it down. Except that I do want
to know, at the end of this experiment, what I was thinking and feeling while
it was going on, and how can I do that unless Im honest in what I write
down here?
Day Five:
Monday
Justin insisted on going back to Daphnes this
morning. He said hed come over tonight if you really want me
to. Like Im going to call him after that and ask him to come
over. Shit!
Maybe hes just ramping things up for the
experiment. I bet thats it, the little fucker! He figures him being
here makes it too easy for me. Well, I can do this with or without that little
bastard.
Who am I kidding? I kept myself occupied during
the day by researching some companies that Im going to contact about
possible openings for an advertising genius whos so talented he managed
to take on a client and place him on top of the heap and then knock him right
off again just to show I could do it. Whatever.
Anyway, just like normal when Im working,
I was fine and focused till it was time to turn off the computer and think
about food and playtime. Only then my playmate wasnt here.
So the options were to go over to Debs or
Mikeys or the Munchers or to say to hell with the experiment
and just go out and play.
Yeah, alright, I guess I could have gone to
Woodys or to
And the problem with going over to someones
place, is that they would have wondered why I
wasnt either with Justin or at Woodys or
So in the end I decided to catch up on my pop culture
and watch some TV.
Justin didnt call. I thought he might. Okay,
I hoped he might. But I guess he didnt want me to feel like he was
checking up on me. So eventually I called
him.
Hell, now that he knows about it, hes my research
assistant, so I have to keep him updated on the results, dont
I?
I guess the phone sex part was a given, really,
and it was surprisingly hot. But it really wasnt the reason I called.
Partly I guess that I did want to let him know that
the experiment was still progressing, even without his
presence.
But a lot of it was just that I wanted
yeah,
okay. A lot of it was that I just wanted to talk to him; to hear his voice.
Is that what this experiment is doing? Turning me
into a total dyke?
Maybe. But if thats it, how come I feel so good about it?
Even
good about me. Jesus!
where did that come
from?
But you know, I do. Im
sitting here totally beyond broke, in debt up to my long sexy eyelashes,
without a job a total deadbeat. And talking to this little twink makes
me feel
No, see, thats it. Hes not a little twink any
more. If he ever was. Hes this incredibly
beautiful, sexy, intelligent, talented man who wants me. Who wants to be
with me. Who chooses me.
Every night at
So when Im talking to him; whether hes
here or whether its like last night and were on the phone, just
laughing about something dumb someone said (with our friends, theres
always something) or making plans for how were going to handle this
mess our careers are both in, or just comparing notes on some dumb TV show
and should they really have tried to get that overweight straight guy into
that shirt?; whenever we just relax together, I feel good. I feel good about
me. About who I am. Just because of how he sees
me. Like, I dont have to be some ultra- smooth successful suit, or
some super-stud, or some kind of super hero.
Just Brian is enough for him. Which means that,
for the first time in my life, I feel like just Brian is okay. He may not
be the greatest guy in the world, but hes
okay.
Day Six:
Tuesday
I was getting maudlin so I stopped last night. Honesty
is one thing, drooling drivel is something
else.
After going without all day yesterday, (the phone
sex hardly counts), I thought today was going to be tough, but it turned
out okay.
I went to the diner for breakfast.
Nothing to do with the fact that a certain non-twink was
working the early shift. Just that Deb takes pity on the poor and
makes sure that I get endless refills on the coffee and tries to load me
up with carbs as well, without troubling the cash register over
much.
Anyway, I was hoping to persuade him to come home
as soon as his shift finished, but, wouldnt you know, hed
promised Lindsay Id help hang some stuff for the GLC art
show.
I can not believe that thats come around again.
It feels like they have one every couple of months. Anyhow, I know Ive
got no chance of competing with that, but I decide if I tag along I can at
least spend some time with Gus while the two banes of my existence share
their little artsy moment.
I guess maybe one side effect of the experiment,
especially after being Justin-less all day yesterday, is that my usual calm
and placid demeanor is a bit more easily ruffled than usual, because the
cretins at the GLC took only about 10 mins to drive me to swear at them long
and loudly and cart Gus off to the park. Of course, without a car, it had
to be the nearest one to the Centre, and I wind up getting cruised by about
fifty guys in the space of a couple of hours.
Seriously. Not to mention the dykes falling over
themselves to hit me up for sperm donations.
Youd think at this stage of the experiment
that Id be at least tempted (by the cruising, not the dykes!) but it
was pretty much a turn off. I mean, I had Gus with me. What did they think?
I was going to park him in his push cart outside the toilet block while I
let some guy suck my dick inside? Or did they imagine Id use them as
a sex ed demonstration for my two year
old?
Whatever. There sure as hell wasnt any risk that the experiment was
going to be scuttled by any of those losers (although some of them were kinda
hot).
Actually, I just kept wondering how long it was
going to take before I could drag Justin away and get him back to the
loft.
Once we finally got there, I had him pressed up
against the door as soon as he pulled it shut. I grabbed his hands and pinned
them over his head and ground my pelvis into his so that he could feel my
hard on while I just stared into his eyes for what seemed like a long time.
I was already really hard and from the feel of what was jutting into me,
he was pretty much the same way. Eventually he pulled one hand free and wrapping
it round my neck, pulled me down to kiss me.
Id been so intent on being the
aggressor, that I hadnt really considered
that he would be as horny as I was. It was touch and go who got rid of whose
clothes faster, and by the time Id managed to get a condom out and
roll it on my cock, he already had his back to me and was shoving his fingers
up his ass to lube it ready for me. I damn near came on the spot just watching
him.
That first fuck was really wild. He was shoving
back against me, and making this incredible noise sort of guttural
and shrill at the same time, and I felt like I couldnt get enough,
couldnt get deep enough, even when I was buried in him up to my balls.
I remember that at one stage I hooked my arm round his waist and hoisted
him off the floor just in an effort to plough deeper into his ass.
We wound up down on hands and knees rutting like
a pair of fucking animals. Literally. It was
amazing.
Afterwards, I pulled out of him and he just collapsed
onto the floor. Hed been taking most of our combined weight and his
arms just gave way.
I got rid of the condom and helped him up and then
suddenly I was holding him, and he was holding me, and it felt so damned
good.
The sex had been great and I knew Id want
more soon, but for that moment, just holding each other felt so
perfect.
Then he turned his head and kissed me. Just gently,
not like the wild biting and sucking of a few minutes before, just his lips
pressed so softly against mine. And the feeling went from perfect to even
better.
Yeah, I know.
Dyke.
Or maybe
not. I told him once that Id
wanted to make him the best homosexual he could
be.
Maybe now hes helping me make myself into
something; something more than I was.
See, thats the thing. I always felt that being
with one person, being monogamous meant being something less.
Less than the super stud. Less than the guy who
could pull any trick he wanted. Less than the Brian Fucking
Kinney legend.
But just maybe I got it
wrong.
Its too early for me to say that. Too soon
to let go completely of what Ive believed for so long. But I am beginning
to wonder
Anyway, Justin cooked something and we ate, and
we discussed the companies Id researched yesterday, and talked about
what Justins options might be if PIFA dont rescind his suspension.
I think they will. Hes too talented, and,
honestly, he could kick up too big a stink about them caving in to political
pressure. Hes finally going to contact Senator Baxter, which Ive
wanted him to do ever since it happened. Political pressure can work both
ways and its time he got some mileage out of that connection. I reckon
theyll be glad now the elections over to just quietly take him
back.
We even tossed around some ideas about the future,
about maybe one day being able to start our own marketing company. Until
I can get the debt sorted, its a bit of a pipe dream, but its
something to think about. We are a good team. We work well together, because
we respect each other, but we challenge each other, too. Thats healthy,
I think.
We talked for hours, and by the end we were on the
computer (the one I bought him he wants to sell it, but hes
still going to need it when he goes back to school, so weve agreed
to share it) arguing over company names and designs for a logo, and shit
and all of a sudden we just stopped talking and looked at each other and
bingo! we were tearing off each others clothes
again and rolling around on the floor.
Who knew talking could get you so
hot?
Day Seven:
Wednesday
After last nights talkfest, and the fuckfest
that followed, we had a quiet start to the day. A lazy sixty-nine session
followed by a long nap and then coffee and pancakes. (Hes killing me
and I dont even have the treadmill anymore to work it off.) Justin
was working the evening shift tonight, so after hed left for work I
did a bit more research on demographics and stuff for our possible future
company and then headed down to the diner for a late
dinner.
Mikey and Ben came in about nine and wanted me to
go with them to Woodys, but I told them I hadnt finished eating
and that Id catch them there later.
Then Emmett came in and we talked for a while.
Hes really working hard at building up this party planning business,
so we tossed some ideas around about marketing it more effectively. He actually
wants to pay me to put together a sort of mini campaign, but
that
would just be too weird. He can pay Justin to design a proper logo and stuff
if he wants. Not that Justin would take money from a friend. Hell, I had
to fight to get him to take money from the
GLC.
Anyway, that kept me occupied until Justin was finished.
We did go over to Woodys for a while then, but it wasnt a lot
of fun.
Money, of course, is an issue. Im allowed
to buy one round of drinks for Justin and I, and hell do the same,
but after that if I even think of heading for the bar, I get this feeling
in the back of my neck and when I turn around, there he is, giving me that
look.
Its hard to describe the look. Its not
exactly disapproving, or threatening; its not even really a frown.
Its more a sort of anxious look. No, not anxious, concerned. He worries.
He worries about whats going to happen to me. He tries to take care
of me. Hes not like Mikey, all Brian can you really afford
?. He doesnt say anything. Hes
just there, looking out for me, and caring.
Once that would have driven me straight into doing
whatever it was that he was worried about me doing. But for some reason,
that just seems dumb now. Mind you, back then he probably couldnt have
resisted saying something to try to stop me either. Im not the only
one whos got smarter.
So now when he gives me the look, I just take a
breath and let the warm feeling I get from having someone care about me like
that, from having Justin care about me like that, wash over
me.
And after that, all I wanted to do was take him
home and
show him I care about him,
too.
You know, at that moment, that really was what I
wanted to do more than anything else in the world - just to find a way to
show him. So I did. Several ways, in
fact.
I still may not say all the stuff he used to think
he wanted to hear, but I think hes getting the message, just the same.
He seemed to last night anyhow, from the appreciative noises he was making
and the way he held me afterwards, all warm and sticky in his arms, till
we both fell asleep.
And that was the end of the
week.
Which means, I guess, that the
experiment was a
success.
I wanted to know if I could go a whole week without
tricking, and I did. No problem. In fact, looking back over it, it was kinda
weird, because I didnt even think about it much. I mean, theres
hardly anything in here about the tricks I missed out on or stuff like that.
Its mainly about Justin.
So Im thinking that maybe a week wasnt
really that much of a test.
A month, now
4th Sept
03