Persistence of Memory

Chapter 5 - Emmett's Story

 


Gus couldn't stop thinking about what he found out at Grams's and at Red Cape Comics. He thought of it constantly for an entire week. Sunny and he discussed it all ad nauseum every day. He was glad he finally had some answers, but there was still a lot he didn't know. Sunny and he agreed that they needed more information. Gus decided that his next stop would have to be Emmett.

So, that Friday after school, he walked into the small and colorful, yet elegant offices of Premier Occasions, the party/wedding/charity event planning service that Emmett had been running for almost 15 years with great success.

"Hey Em, are you really busy? Do you have time to talk to me about something important?" Gus asked hopefully.

"Of course, baby! For you, I'll make time. Rest your tushie, relax and tell Auntie Em what's on your mind." Gus took a deep breath, but before he could start speaking, Emmett put his hand up dramatically and squealed, "Wait! Oh God, you didn't get your delicious morsel of a girlfriend pregnant, did you? Or get someone else pregnant, did you? Oh God, baby, please tell me you are having safe sex. If you ever need condoms, lube, spermicidal foam, I'll..."

At this point, Gus had had enough. He jumped off of the magenta loveseat Emmett stuffed him in and erupted, "WHAT THE FUCK! Why does everyone think I'm either fucking around on Sunny, getting her or someone else pregnant? I've gotten the proverbial 'birds and the bees' lecture, the safe sex lecture, the sexual positions lecture, the monogamy versus non-monogamy lecture and the honesty in relationships lecture from each, and I mean EACH, member of this fucked up family once a year, and I mean ONCE A FUCKING YEAR, since I hit puberty! And I get the same song and dance AGAIN every time I start dating someone new. I am pretty damn sure I know how to use goddamn protection and I am perfectly capable of buying my own condoms, for fuck's sake! Why all the scrutiny of my sex life? Tell me, Em, why?" Gus roared in anger and sheer frustration.

Emmett thoroughly perturbed by the outburst answered without thinking. "Because next to the definition of promiscuity in any dictionary you'll find the name and picture of one Brian Kinney."

"What?" Gus thought that he completely misheard what Emmett said.

"Your dad is, or rather was, a bit of a horndog in his...ahem...youth...yeah, youth," Emmett explained reluctantly.

"God, Em, I know he slept around!" Gus sighed in exasperation, "It's not exactly a secret. He owns Babylon, for God's sake. You can't grow up around Liberty and not hear the rumors about the Stud of Liberty Avenue, God's gift to gay PA, but Jesus..."

"You don't understand, honey. I was being...nice. The word promiscuity pales in comparison to your father's sex-capades. He, most would say and he would agree, redefined the word. Granted, that hasn't been the case for a long time, but people around here have long memories. That's especially true for this family."

"So fucking what? I am NOT Brian Kinney! I may look a lot like him, but I don't act like he did and I don't plan on it. I love my Dad, but I am Gus fucking Peterson-Kinney and I am damn tired of being judged for something I haven't even done yet, at least not with Sunny..." He suddenly trailed off.

"You are waiting?" Emmett asked incredulously. Gus blushed in response.

"It's not like I haven't had sex before, I haven't been a virgin in over a year. She's just so different, Em..." Gus sat back down on the loveseat, then got up again and started pacing, a dreamy look coming over his face, "I don't know, she makes me feel better, she makes me want to be better, she... I don't know, Em. We like each other so fucking much! We might even be in love, though we haven't said it yet. We've been close a few times, but neither one of us wanted it to be just another fuck, so we always stopped at the last possible second. I don't know how, but we did. We thought it would be better if we waited, at least until prom or something. Make it more special. It's only a few more weeks, it's not that big a deal to wait for a few more weeks, is it?"

"No, it isn't. I'm proud of you, baby," Emmett said softly with tears in his eyes. "And I am sorry for jumping to conclusions. You are right, you are definitely not Brian Kinney – you just look like a younger carbon copy of him. You are only 17, still so young, so it's OK to be unsure about whether or not you are in love. A word of advice, though, when you do figure it out and whenever you realize that you ARE. IN. LOVE don't waste time on being afraid of it, or on rejecting it, or on running from it. Embrace it! Shout it from the rooftops! Hold onto it for as long as you fucking can and fight for it for all its worth! That's where your Dad made his biggest mistake. Don't do the same."

"You are talking about Justin, aren't you?" Gus suddenly stopped pacing and sat back down onto the loveseat.

"You remember him?"

"Yeah, and Justin Taylor is about whom I came here to talk. I want to know what happened between them, Em."

"You may not like what you hear, baby. It doesn't exactly paint any of us in a very good light. Are you prepared for that?"

"I can handle the truth, Em. Please, tell me," Gus urged.

"Well, here's what I know..." Emmett stood up, came around his desk and sat next to Gus on the loveseat. The loveseat was small and the fit was a bit on the tight side for the both of them, but for some reason, Gus was glad of this proximity. Emmett's nearness gave him courage to hear the rest of the tale. Emmett continued and the quiet, soothing lilt of his Southern voice soon captivated him and took him straight into the past.

"Justin went to New York sometime in April, found a place to live with a friend's cousin. He got a job somewhere to help pay the bills. I can't remember where, though, and it's not all that important. What's important is that Justin was and I'm sure still is, extremely independent. He hated the idea of not making it on his own, of using Brian. Brian wanted to help, get Justin a nicer place to live, help pay the bills, so that Justin could concentrate on his art, take the New York art world by storm and still have time to have a relationship with Brian. Brian thought that since they were partners, they should share and share alike, as they say. He thought that his money was half Justin's even though they didn't get married. Justin outright refused. He wanted to do this on his own, make it on his own, get as successful as Brian through his own hard work, sweat and tears. Admirable, but, in my opinion, a little unnecessary. They didn't compromise, which was a mistake. At first, they saw each other as often as possible, but it was getting harder and harder. Justin was working all the time – he hardly slept, hardly ate. He either worked, painted or pounded the pavement going from gallery to gallery, and office to office, trying to get an agent or a gallery to represent his work. It was months before it paid off, but when he finally got representation and got some paintings accepted in a show, he started working even harder. Brian was already a workaholic, but not having Justin around made him even more of one. I'm pretty sure that year was one of the most successful for Kinnetik, at least up until that point. But, somehow, they were making it work. They were both miserable with the distance, with not seeing each other regularly, but they were hopeful and...faithful...That one was hard to believe considering their past open relationship. It was especially hard to believe about Brian, who for the longest time considered monogamy to be a disease, but, shockingly, it was true. They were in contact all the time – phone calls, emails, that sort of thing – but as months went on they saw less and less of each other in person. They were just too busy. Anyway, about a year later it was Justin's turn to come for the weekend. That weekend was also kind of rare because everyone in the family was together again, even the girls were here from Toronto."

"Wait, WE were here? I was here?" Gus cried in utter surprise.

"Yes, didn't you know?" Emmett frowned.

"No, I...Somehow, I was under the impression that we were in Toronto when it all went down. But if we were here, why don't I remember any of this?"

"When the whole disaster happened that evening at Deb's, you and JR were upstairs in Mikey's old room sound asleep. I guess you kids were both tuckered out from all the excitement earlier that day. Anyway, I can't remember why the girls were here that week, but for the first time that year we were all assembled. It was like old times and things were going amazingly well. We all had breakfast at the diner and Deb invited everyone to her house for a family dinner. Ted and Blake were going away for the weekend to see some opera or other in Harrisburg, so luckily for them they couldn't go to Debs."

"That's what everyone is saying – they were lucky not to have been there." Gus nodded in agreement.

"It was a goddamn mess, so yeah, they were lucky. In retrospect, though, I wonder if things would have turned out differently if Ted, with his analytical mind, and Blake, with his counselor skills, could have diffused the situation somehow. Who knows..." He fell silent, thinking about the past.

"Uncle Ben's pretty mellow. Dad even calls him Zen Ben sometimes, why didn't he help calm things down?"

"Ben's priority has always been and always will be Michael, and well, Hunter as well. So, when things went south, he was concerned more about Michael and Hunter getting themselves into trouble, than about either Brian or Justin. Though in the end that didn't help much." Emmett quieted and got lost in his memories again.

"What happened that night, Em?" Gus asked again, bringing him back to the present.

"Oh...We were pretty much done eating, you kids were asleep upstairs and we were all drinking wine and Beam, talking, laughing, joking, teasing. Then conversation turned to Justin's show and his incredible success and then...then...Lindsay asked Justin how Ethan was."

"Mama? Ethan? Who the hell is he?" Gus asked in confusion.

"A blast from he past." Emmett sighed heavily, "Let's just say he was one of the reasons for one of Brian and Justin's past break ups. He was apparently in New York for a concert – he's a violinist – and heard about Justin's art show. They didn't part on good terms, Justin and Ethan. So, Ethan, from what I understand just wanted to bury the hatchet and congratulate Justin on his success. They had dinner, just dinner, once, just to catch up on each other's lives. Problem was that Justin didn't say anything about it to Brian or to anyone else for that matter. I don't know how Lindsay found out or why she brought it up. And it wouldn't have been as big a deal if she said things in a different way, but the way she said it made it seem like Justin kept things from Brian on purpose, like he was cheating, or getting ready to cheat or, at the very least, wanted to."

"Why would she do something like that?" Gus was shocked, he never would have thought his mother would ever be malicious. "Why would she hurt Dad like that? Or Justin?"

"That, baby, you'll have to find out from her. I have my suspicions, but that's all they are – suspicions. None of us ever talked about it again. So, you can guess from here that things spiraled out of control pretty quickly. Brian was hurt, accused Justin of not trusting him at best and of betraying him at worst. Justin tried to defend himself and accused Brian of not trusting him either...and that's where we all made the mistake – we all jumped in with our opinions and we took sides, when we should have let them talk it through. It just added fuel to the fire. Mel didn't help by making vague comments and insinuations that Brian wasn't exactly faithful either, which wasn't true. Instead of refuting that bit of bullshit, Brian let his stubborn pride take over, got his back up and clammed up. He decided that after everything they'd been through, Justin shouldn't mistrust him. Justin wanted some sort of confirmation and neither one of them would bend. That just pissed everyone else off. In the end, we were all arguing on their behalf amongst ourselves, while they stopped talking. Then Michael shot his mouth off and said..."

"I know what he said, Em, he told me," Gus interrupted quickly. "It was a pretty fucked up thing to say." Gus didn't want to hear those words again, hearing it once was more than enough.

"Yeah, it was. It was like a bucket of icy water was thrown on us all because we all suddenly shut up. We were all paralyzed with...I don't know...angry fear? You could hear a pin drop, it was so quiet. If it was a painting, I would have called it 'Still Life With Adults and Anger'. Then Justin let out a keening sound as if he was physically hurt, he told Brian it was over, he told us he wanted nothing to do with any of us and left. Brian said a few harsh things, but when Justin walked out he looked like he was collapsing in on himself. Oh, he was still standing tall, doing his best to be Brian-fucking-Kinney on the outside, but his heart was breaking. It was all in his eyes. I could see, but no one else was paying attention. A couple of minutes later, Brian told us all to basically go fuck ourselves and to stay out of his life and walked out too. We were all still standing there shell-shocked."

"You said everyone had a part, said some things they wished they didn't. What did you say or do?"

"Thankfully, I didn't put my foot in my mouth quite like Michael did, but I did make the mistake of picking sides. I picked Justin, when I should have been on both their sides, trying to stop the madness. Actually, I shouldn't have waded into the fray at all. Brian didn't speak to me for months. When he started speaking to me again he called me Emmett, ONLY Emmett, if he addressed me by name at all. It was a year, a full year before he called me Honeycutt jokingly, which he knows I hate. It took even longer for him to call me Auntie Em, which he knows I sort of like. The day he called me Auntie Em again, I cried like a baby because I knew I was finally forgiven."

"Yeah, I know exactly what that's like, Auntie Em." Gus smiled and took Emmett's hand in his and lightly squeezed it in understanding, Emmett smiled back. "Have you been in touch with him, with Justin?"

"He didn't return any of my calls and then changed his number pretty quickly. I got one email from him, thanking me for everything, for being a good friend and wishing me a good life. Then my email was blocked and anything I sent came back as undeliverable. I understood that he wanted to be left alone, so that's what I did. But you know what? In his way, he keeps in touch."

"What do you mean?" Gus asked curiously.

"I get a surprising number of artsy-type clients out of New York that have heard of my services from a 'friend'." Emmett dramatically used air quotes and smiled widely. "I'm certain there's enough party planning businesses in New York City to go around that no one would ever need to 'import' from out of state. But every year, there's at least two new New York clients that just have to have Premier Occasions do an event for them. Some have become regular customers and very good friends over the years."

"Are you sure it's him?" To Gus, this sounded rather far-fetched and he was a bit skeptical.

"Oh, positive! His name is never mentioned specifically, but I heard and recognized the names of the galleries where his work has been shown and the names of the people he has worked with. The internet is also a wonderful resource, if you want to find out something, so I too keep in touch, in my way," Emmett explained.

"I Googled him also. You know he got married?" Gus asked gently.

"Yes. When I read that online, I got a bottle of champagne and toasted his happiness, because he deserves it. Then my nelly-ass cried, because I wasn't toasting their happiness – Brian and Justin's," Emmett answered sadly, tears shimmering in his eyes again.

Emmett and Gus grew quiet thinking about the story and its incredibly sad end. Then Gus shook his head vehemently and wondered:

"Emmett, I don't understand. Why did they give up so quickly? One fucking argument? One! Over what, sex? That's such bullshit! Especially, if none of the cheating comments were true."

"I don't know, Gus. I've thought a lot about it over the years. I don't think it was even about sex, in the end. I think it was about trust..." he said quietly and fell silent for a few minutes and then continued. "Trust and pride, and stubbornness. You'll have to talk to Brian and Justin themselves to find out their thinking that night. Personally, I think that the separation was a bigger problem than what either of them let on. I think that they were tired of being apart, they were on edge. I suspect neither one of them wanted to admit, at least to each other, that the long-distance thing was as hard as it was. I think it all became too much and they just let that stupid argument get to them. And the family taking sides over vague accusations from someone who was neither in New York, nor in Pittsburgh at the time, didn't help in the slightest. Michael's comment was just the last straw, at least for Justin."

"Why didn't he just tell everyone to just shut the fuck up?" Gus implored.

"You'd have to have been there and seen it to understand. Think of it from Justin's point of view. He watched the entire family get on the bandwagon and fight amongst each other over who's at fault in his relationship. Then one person essentially says 'oh, it would be so much better for everyone, if you were dead' and suddenly everyone stops arguing! The man you love doesn't say anything, doesn't contradict anything, neither does anyone else. Everyone's just standing there silent, looking at you. No one's taking the words back, no one's apologizing, especially not your partner. What would you think?"

"Right then and there? Probably that they and he agreed with those words."

"Right..."

"But, Emmett... Later, what about later? Why didn't my Dad do something to fix things? He's Brian-fucking-Kinney, he can fix ANYTHING!" Gus cried in frustration and jumped up again to pace.

Emmett let out a quiet laugh at hearing those words and said, "I don't know, baby. You'll have to ask him about that. The one time I dared to mention Justin and that night to Brian after he started speaking to me again, he stormed out and I didn't hear from him in a month. Brian's friendship was important enough for me to apologize and promise to him to leave the past alone and, well, in the past."
 

~*~*~*~*~*~
 

Gus left Premier Occasions completely overwhelmed. There were so many thoughts running through his head all at once that he couldn't focus on anything. So, now he knew the truth; at least as much of it as it was possible to find out from others. He decided that talking to Uncle Teddy or Blake wouldn't help him much, since neither of them were actually there. Like he, they would be outsiders looking in and could only provide background information, which, at this point wasn't important. He briefly thought of talking to Carl - as a retired policeman, his granddad was extremely observant and could probably give him more details of that night. In the end, however, Gus decided that he didn't need any more details, what he had already learned was painful enough.

In the muddle that was his brain one thing became suddenly clear - that what he wanted to know and understand now were the motivations behind the actions of the three main players in this drama. And in order to figure that out he had to go straight to their respective source - his mother, his father and Justin.
 

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