Persistence of Memory

Chapter 2 - Photographs and Other Things

Early March 2018...

Over the next few weeks Gus and Sunny spent almost every weekend at Britin tending to the horses in the stables when it was too cold to ride, riding sometimes for hours in warmer weather and watching Brian's collection of classic movies in the family room. Gus had seen many of them multiple times with his father; while Sunny hadn't even heard of most of them, save for one or two.

One Friday afternoon in March after watching "Casablanca", they were discussing the movie and its famous end.

"I know it's supposed to be romantic, but I think it's just stupid, Gus! If they truly loved each other, they should have figured out a way to stay together, if not right then, then in the future. They should have found a way to hang onto that supposedly great love. 'We'll always have Paris' ? 'Here's looking at you, kid'? Bullshit! If I were Ilsa, I would have slapped him silly and told him to go fuck himself."

Sunny's comment sent Gus into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Once he calmed down a bit, he tried to explain. "It's supposed to be this big sacrifice on his part to let her go, for her own good, Sunny. A gesture, a great gesture of...of love, of personal sacrifice..."

"Of unmitigated, patronizing bullshit! She's not a kid – she's a grown woman and he should have treated her like one. Sacrificing on her behalf, for her own good is supposed to show how much he loves her? I don't think so! If sacrifices were to be made, he should have sacrificed on their behalf, for their love and for their future together, just like she wanted to do, when she wanted to stay behind with him. Or they should have compromised in some way, but then it would be reality and not a movie."

"So you didn't like it?" he asked, frowning.

"Oh, I did, on the whole. There were just some things I liked better than others."

"Such as?"

"Have you ever noticed how people kiss in black and white movies, especially in Film Noir? It's like the absence of color heightens emotion. When they kiss, just kiss, with all their clothes on, it still looks incredibly erotic – it's unbridled passion personified! Their entire bodies are involved in a simple kiss, not just their lips... and, suddenly, that kiss is no longer simple. I think modern Hollywood has lost the art of a perfectly affecting, thoroughly mesmerizing, completely arousing and incredibly romantic, fully clothed kiss."

She sighed deeply and closed her eyes. Gus, who was sprawled a few feet away from her on the floor, was looking at her as if hypnotized. A minute later she opened her eyes, stood up and slowly walked towards him, without words compelling him to stand up. She moved as close to him as she could without actually touching and whispered huskily looking up into his face, "Gus...I want you to kiss me... I want you to kiss me like they kissed in 'Casablanca'... I want you to kiss me in black and white..."

He moaned and caught her face in his hands. As his face descended slowly towards hers, his fingers got caught in her hair, and as their lips met, their eyes closed. Then, they forgot all about the movies (both black and white, and in color) and they kissed, fully clothed, standing in a darkened family room, in a quiet house and hearing nothing but each other, and the sound of their rapidly beating hearts.

~*~*~*~

They lost track of time kissing in the family room, it could have been minutes or a couple of hours, it was too hard to tell. Thinking back on that amazing make-out session, both Sunny and Gus concluded that if Gus's cell phone didn't interrupt them, they probably would have continued kissing until the second coming of Christ.

The phone call turned out to be from Brian, who was stuck at Kinnetik longer than usual on a Friday night.

"Sonnyboy, I need you to find a file for me; it's pretty urgent. It should be somewhere in my office. It's in a red and white 'confidential' envelope and says Wagner Communications. Take a look and call me back as soon as you have it, OK?"

"Sure, Dad. No problem." He turned back towards Sunny and grinned, spying her mussed hair and puffy lips. "Dad needs me to find a file for him. Wanna help?"

"Yeah, lead the way," she said, grinning right back.

They spend the next twenty minutes combing his office, but the file was nowhere to be found. Gus called Brian back and gave him the bad news.

"I might have left it at the loft, actually. I'll get Cynthia to look for it there. Thanks for checking, Sonnyboy. I might be a while here yet, so don't wait up for me."

"I wasn't going to stay this weekend anyway, too much shit going on. Sunny's here also, so I'm going to take her home in a bit and then go home myself."

"OK, later then. Love you."

"Love you too, Dad."

While Gus was talking to Brian, Sunny was admiring the mahogany desk taking center stage in the home office. When Gus hung up, she asked, "Hey, have we checked the desk? The drawers?"

"I don't think so, at least I haven't. You?"

"No." It seemed they concentrated looking on the shelves, in the filing cabinet and among the dozen or so stacks of paper all over the room, but somehow missed the 'main attraction' of the office. They took each side of the desk going from the top drawer to the bottom, but the file was still missing. Then Sunny came to a locked bottom drawer; it was one of those deep, wide ones that usually contain hanging file folders.

"Gus, this one's locked. Maybe it's locked in here, if the file's confidential. Is there a key?" Gus looked through the desk again and saw a small key under a bunch of papers in the little drawer in the middle.

"I think this is it. Let's try it." Sunny opened the locked drawer; they both looked in and were surprised that it did not, in fact, contain file folders. In their stead was an envelope full of pictures that spilled out when the drawer was jostled open, a couple of framed drawings lying on the bottom and a file folder with the word "Will" written across the top. Gus took the pictures in his hands and started to look through them one by one.

"Oh, my God, Gus, who is he? He's gorgeous!" Sunny held up a photo of Justin's laughing face.

"My dad's ex, Justin Taylor. They almost got married when I was five. Then something happened...I don't know what exactly, but he moved away to New York City and about a year later they broke up for good. My moms and I moved to Toronto that year also. He was almost like another dad to me, and at first he stayed in touch, but after they broke up he called once to say goodbye, then he stopped calling and writing. I haven't heard from him since and neither has my father."

They looked at the photos, most of which were of Brian and Justin together and a few of Justin alone. One was of the two of them dancing at a club that someone took without them being aware – they were wrapped around each other, foreheads pressed together and eyes closed. One was taken of them at a bar; a neon sign said Woody's. Justin was sitting on a bar stool, Brian was standing behind him and leaning on his shoulders, both held beer in their hands and were laughing into the camera. A couple of shots were of them together with friends. One picture in particular stood out – they were both dressed up in beautiful suits and it looked like they were attending an elegant party.

"I think this is their rehearsal dinner, for the wedding that didn't happen. I think I've seen this picture before... a long time ago," Gus said quietly.

"Look at this!" Sunny exclaimed, pulling out a beautiful, mahogany colored box from the corner of the drawer; it containing two platinum wedding rings. Too curious to stop now, they continued to rifle through and pulled out the file with the will and learned that Brian had bequeathed Britin Manor to Justin, with the rest going to Gus and various members of their family in the event of his untimely death.

Lastly, they took out the drawings. The first one was of Brian and Gus together. Brian was lying asleep on the couch, holding a sleeping baby Gus, who curled up like a kitten on his chest, protectively with one hand. It was a beautiful portrait, done with incredible skill and a lot of love. The other drawing was of Brian asleep again, but here, he was lying in bed in the nude, in all his magnificent glory. Both Gus and Sunny looked at each other quickly, blushed and laughed nervously.

"Well...if this is a preview of coming attractions, then I'm first in line to buy a ticket," she joked.

"Ah, Sunny... that's my Dad...MY. GAY. DAD..."

"I know!" She laughed. "But you are practically identical, so this drawing might as well be you, but much younger...or so I assume," she continued, teasingly, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Uhm...thanks, I guess." Gus blushed again. "My Dad... naked... this is just too weird." He mumbled and carefully put both drawings back in their hidden place on the bottom of the desk drawer.

"Wow!" Sunny said, looking at the photographs again. "If they broke up a dozen or so years ago, why would he hang on to all this stuff for so long and leave his house to him?"

"I wish I knew. When I was younger I kept pestering my moms and my father about Justin and what happened. I stopped asking dad pretty quickly though because it made him upset. He tried to hide it, but I could always tell. And with moms...it made my mom angry and mama super sad and... embarrassed or something. None of them would talk about it and neither would the rest of my family. I almost got Grandma Deb to spill the beans once, but at the last second she clammed up and said my parents will tell me when I am older. Eventually I just gave up and stopped asking."

"Did you know he kept this stuff?" she asked curiously.

"No. I haven't seen a picture of Justin or of the two of them together since I was a kid. If I didn't Google him out of curiosity on occasion, I wouldn't even know what he looks like now. It's like they all conspired to erase him from our lives and removed all memories of him. We have his paintings, but no pictures."

"Paintings?"

"He's an artist. Those drawings are his. He's a pretty famous one too, especially if you are into abstract art. He's well known in New York, but from what I've read online he's pretty huge in Europe. He lives in London now. I wish I knew why he had to move across the ocean from us." Gus's voice was wistful as he talked, looking at a picture of Justin standing in front of an easel, painting.

"Maybe he needed to erase you too?" she said thoughtfully.

"Maybe. I read he got married to some gallery dude a few years ago, Daniel somebody. I think they even have a kid – I saw a picture of the three of them online a couple of years ago."

"I hate being nosy, but I can't help it – I wonder what happened? They look so incredibly happy in this picture, so in love..." Ironically, she was looking at their rehearsal dinner photograph, not knowing that the snapshot was taken mere moments before they announced that the wedding would not take place.

"Yeah, me too. Maybe it's time I found out. I'm almost 18, not exactly a kid anymore, so they can't use that as an excuse to avoid the subject. And I think I damn well deserve some answers finally!"

~*~*~*~

Sunny fully supported Gus in his desire to get answers, partly because she would have wanted to do the same thing, if she were in his place. She was also extremely curious and hoped Gus would share with her what he found out. At this point she had met most of Gus's unconventional family, except for his mother Melanie who stayed in Toronto after the divorce from Lindsay and still lived there with his sister JR. Therefore, Sunny suggested that Lindsay would probably be the best place to start digging for answers.

Gus briefly considered contacting his mom in Toronto, but ultimately decided against it. It wasn't a conversation one wanted to have over the phone. He decided to leave talking to her as a last resort. He did agree with Sunny that Lindsay would be the best person to start with and he decided not to waste any time.

That same evening, when he got home for dinner, he casually asked his mother about Justin and the break up between him and his Dad. Lindsay fairly shocked Gus with her reaction. She got extremely upset and refused to discuss any of it, saying that Brian and Justin's relationship and subsequent break up was no one else's business but theirs. Gus did his best to diffuse the situation, telling her that he meant no harm and was just curious. He calmed her down and thought that maybe he should have started with one of the available primary players in that drama instead – his Dad.

~*~*~*~

A week later, he arrived at Britin to stay for the weekend and spent a couple of hours that Saturday morning gearing himself up for a difficult talk. By noon, he realized that he has been wasting time and if he wanted to get answers, it would have to be now or never. He knew that the best way to approach his father was head on, honestly and with no bullshit. He told him simply that Sunny and he saw the photographs, that he has been thinking about Justin and wanted to know what happened between them. Brian was dismayed by Gus's question and then his expression changed and was anything, but amused.

"Those photographs were in a locked drawer, which means they were private. Why the fuck were you snooping through my private space, Gus?" he asked angrily.

"I wasn't snooping, Dad! You asked me to look for a file for you; you told me it was urgent. After I talked to you, Sunny and I realized that we hadn't looked in your desk. When we saw the locked drawer we thought the file might be locked in there, since you said it was confidential. I admit we looked through the stuff, once we opened it, but we weren't intentionally snooping."

"OK, I'll concede that your thinking was logical, but next time, do not open locked drawers unless I specifically tell you to do so. Is that clear, Gus?"

"Well, he's pissed!" Gus thought. His father always called him Gus, and only Gus, when he was upset, otherwise it was mostly Sonnyboy.

"Clear, Dad. As crystal," he answered. "You didn't answer my question, though, about what happened between you and Justin."

"I don't want to talk about it, Gus. It's not important. It's all in the past. A distant, long ago past..."

"Then why the hell do you keep this stuff locked up in your desk, near you always? Why not put it in the safe or stash it in the attic? If it's so unimportant, why keep the pictures? Why keep the rings, when you never even married him? If Justin is so in the past, why are you leaving him Britin in your will, not that you'll ever die?"

"I keep the pictures to remind me of my mistakes and what they've cost. I kept the rings so that you could use one or both of them at your wedding, depending on whether you married a man or a woman. I'm leaving the house to him, because I bought it for him to begin with and once I am gone, he should decide what to do with it – live in it, sell it or burn the place to the ground! Now this discussion is over, Gus! I am not talking about this anymore – it's all in the past. Now, I'm going back to work."

He walked out of the room, walked into this home office, slamming the door with a force that rattled the windows. Brian stayed there for the rest of the evening. Gus, who usually ate like a kid on a constant growth spurt, wasn't very hungry for once. His stomach churned unpleasantly ever since the conversation. As much as he wanted to understand the past, he didn't want to hurt anyone, especially his Dad.

He made them a couple of sandwiches anyway, as a small peace offering and to have at least something to eat that evening. He quietly walked up to Brian's home office door and knocked.

"Dad, can I come in? I made you a sandwich."

Silence, then a quiet voice said, "I am not hungry, Gus. Thanks. You can have it if you want."

"I am not that hungry either, Dad. I'll leave yours in the fridge, if you get hungry later."

Silence again, then, "Thanks, Sonnyboy." Brian answered, still through the door.

"Sonnyboy...so I am forgiven," Gus thought, somewhat relieved and slightly happier went back to the kitchen.

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