Where I Belong

Getting The 411

Brian's day had been pretty busy with meetings, so when he glanced at the clock and saw that it was already 4:30pm, he was surprised by how fast his day had went. He was about to start shutting down his computer when Cynthia came into his office.

"Hey, boss, I believe I have some information that you've been waiting for," she told him with a bright smile.

"You have no idea," he said, his eyes glued to some papers she held in her hands. "What were you able to find?" he asked.

"Well, I wasn't able to find too much on Daniel Jenson myself. However, I did find out his place of business. He is the owner of O 'Connell's Bar and Grill. Because I couldn't find anything else on him, I called in a favor to my brother-in-law, who happens to be a P.I. He faxed me a bunch of information on this Jenson guy, including his home address." Cynthia handed over the papers, and Brian accepted them, holding them in his hands nervously.

"Thanks, Cynthia. Look for a little added bonus in your next paycheck," he told her with a smile.

"All I did was make a phone call, Brian. It was nothing," she insisted.

"Don't discredit yourself. This information is very important, and you really came through for me. So, stop being so modest and think of me when you buy something really expensive," Brian said, winking at her.

Cynthia just smiled at her boss and left his office. Brian could be a real asshole sometimes, but most people had no idea that he had a softer, generous side to him. Though some may have found it hard to believe, Brian Kinney did indeed have a heart. It just didn't surface very often.

Brian stared at the papers in front of him, not reading anything except the name of the person whose information he wanted. Though he was dying of curiosity, there was a small part of him that felt a little guilty about looking into this man's personal business. He started to wonder if maybe he shouldn't look through it, and just write down Daniel Jenson's house and business address and throw the rest of the information away. Sighing, he stuffed the papers into his briefcase and finished clearing off his desk before he left for the day.

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A few hours later, Brian sat on his sofa, a glass of Jim Beam in one hand, and Daniel Jenson's information in the other. He still hadn't looked through it. He sighed, and then downed the liquid in his glass. He quickly stood up in search of one of his notepads and a pen. When he found what he was looking for, he jotted down two addresses and some phone numbers, then crumpled up the papers Cynthia had given him and tossed them into the trashcan. Anything he wanted to know he could ask the man himself. He went into the bathroom to take a quick shower, then got dressed and was out the door of his loft.

The Jeep pulled into a parking lot that belonged to O'Connell's Bar and Grill. He stayed seated in his vehicle for a few minutes contemplating on whether or not he should be there. "Maybe I should have called instead of just showing up," he thought. He then thought about what he was going to do once inside the establishment. What would he say? He decided to just go in and play it by ear.

Brian entered the restaurant and was immediately greeted by a pretty brunette in her early twenties, he assumed. She gave him a warm smile.

"Hi, welcome to O 'Connell's. How many people in your party?" she asked.

"Oh, uh, I just thought I'd grab a seat at the bar," Brian told her.

"Sure, it's right through there," she said pointing to the bar, which was a large room off to the side, separated from the restaurant. "They serve dinner in there too, so if you want something to eat, be sure to ask for a menu," she told him.

"Thanks, I might do that," he told her as he walked into the dim lighted room. He took a seat on one of the barstools. It was pretty quiet in there, since there weren't too many people. It seemed most everyone was in the restaurant part of the place. The parking lot had been pretty full.

As he looked around the room, he immediately noticed a large framed black and white picture on the wall of a young man. Under the picture the name Patrick James O' Connell was engraved. He wondered if that man was of any relation to him.

"What can I get you?" A voice asked. When Brian turned to the man to respond, he found himself staring into the most bluest eyes he'd ever seen. His cock stirred in his pants as he drank in the blond's beautiful features.

'Your phone number, for starts,' Brian thought, as he eyed the handsome bartender. "Um, I'll have a Guinness," he told him.

"Sure, coming right up," the blond said, smiling. Brian watched the young man's ass swaying as he walked away. When he returned with the beer, Brian handed the man a $10 bill. When the bartender turned to get his change, Brian stopped him.

"Keep the change," he smiled.

The blond looked at him suspiciously. "It's a big tip..."

Brian raised an eyebrow at the the man, and he guessed from the expression on his face that the younger man knew it was no use arguing over it.

"Thanks," he told Brian with a flustered smile.

Brian only smiled in response. "This is some place," he said, trying to strike up conversation.

Justin nodded. "I've never seen you here. First time?" the blond asked.

"Yeah. It's nice. Is that the owner?" he asked motioning toward the picture he had been looking at.

"Mr. O' Connell was the original owner. After he passed away 10 years ago, his grandson took over. He's been running it ever since."

"I see. He isn't here by any chance, is he?" Brian asked casually.

"No, Daniel left for the day. Is there a problem?" the blond asked with slightly furrowed brows.

"No, nothing like that. I'm actually in advertising, and I thought I could talk to him about maybe giving his business a boost," Brian said, handing him his card. The man stared at it for a moment.

"Well, Brian Kinney, that would be up to him, but I really don't think he'd be interested. We get pretty good business as it is. I doubt he'd take you up on it," he said and put the business card in his pocket.

"You seem to know him pretty well," Brian observed.

"Yeah, you could say that." That statement roused Brian's curiosity, but he decided not to push the subject. He didn't want the young man to get upset by his asking too many questions.

"Well, I think I'd like to meet the man, nevertheless. It never hurts to ask," Brian said.

"He'll be here tomorrow evening. But, I really do think you're wasting your time, mister," the blond replied.

"Thanks for the warning. Can I have a menu please? The pretty girl at the front door said that you guys serve dinner in here."

"Sure," the blond replied, pulling a menu out from under the counter and placing it in front of Brian. "The Ribeye steak sandwich is the Special tonight. It's pretty good," he suggested.

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," Brian said as he skimmed the menu. He looked up at the young man and noticed that he was looking past him and frowning.

"Shit," the man spat. Brian turned around to see what the blond was looking at, and saw a tall, good-looking man with dirty blond hair walking towards them. He sat a few barstools away from Brian.

Brian watched as the bartender immediately walked over to the man who had just seated himself.

"Alex, what are you doing here?" the blond demanded, obviously upset.

"I came to see you. I know your shift ends soon, and I thought we could talk," the man said quietly.

"I don't see what there's left to talk about, Alex. I told you I needed some time. I'd appreciate it if you left me alone," he told him.

Brian pretended to be interested in the menu, but he couldn't help eavesdropping. He listened to the men talk as he continued to stare blankly at his menu.

"Justin, please. I just want to talk. Will you please just give me 5 minutes?" the man asked, his voice desperate.

Justin leaned over the bar and lowered his voice, trying not to arouse people's interest in what was going on. Brian strained to hear what they were saying.

"Alex, just go home. I'm at work. This is not the time or place for this," Justin pleaded.

"I miss you," the man whispered. Justin sighed and looked away from the other man. "We need to talk," Alex urged, earning him a glare from Justin.

"If you want someone to talk to, I suggest you call the guy you were fucking for 6 months behind my back, while you played me for a fucking fool," Justin spat.

Brian's ears perked up at that, and suddenly he felt like grabbing this Alex guy by the collar of his shirt and kicking his ass out the door.

"I said I was sorry," Alex said in a muffled angry voice.

"Your apologies don't mean shit to me right now. You lied to me. You fucked up. Now just leave," Justin said.

"But... I love you. You still love me too, I know you do," Alex said.

Brian rolled his eyes at that. Obviously the guy didn't love Justin if he fucked around on him for 6 months. Justin probably only found out because he caught the fucker in the act.

"Yes, I love you. I can't just shut that off. I just don't fucking like you anymore," Justin told him sternly.

Brian peeked a look at Alex and saw that he had tears in his eyes. Suddenly, the hostess that Brian saw when he first came in the door was over by them.

"Alex, I think it's best if you leave," she said as she stood next to Justin.

Defeated, Alex slumped his shoulders and started to walk away. He turned around once more and said "I love you, Justin," and left. The girl hugged Justin.

"Thanks, Katie," he whispered, accepting the girl's hug.

"I'm so sorry, Jay. Greg was covering the front, so I didn't see him come in..." she said.

"It's not your fault," he told her.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Justin nodded and sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just wish he'd stop doing this."

"Look, your shift just ended. Why don't you go on home. I'll see you when I get off," she said, giving him a warm smile. He kissed her on the cheek.

"Actually, I'm exhausted, I'm just going to crash. We'll talk in the morning, okay?" he told her.

"Well, if you need to talk, you know where I live," she said with a smile and they both laughed. She then left to go back into room where the restaurant was.

Brian had curiously observed the two. They were obviously close. He figured that they must have been roommates.

Justin seemed lost in thought for a moment as he ran his hand through his hair.

"She makes an excellent bodyguard," Brian said, breaking him away from his thoughts.

Justin walked over to Brian, and looked at him with a slightly embarrassed expression. "I know you probably saw and heard everything that just happened. I'm sorry about that," Justin said in a soft voice.

"Sorry's bullshit. You can't help it if your ex is an asshole. I think you handled yourself quite well, actually," Brian said.

"Really? It didn't feel like it. I thought I was going to lose it," Justin admitted.

"Well, it's a good thing you didn't because I might have had to step in and help you kick the guy's ass and risk getting blood all over my $300 Gucci shirt," Brian smirked. Justin laughed at him, and raised an eyebrow.

"$300 shirt? You're kidding, right?" he asked incredulously.

Brian shook his head. "It's true, I'm a label queen. My friends love to give me a hard time about it. But, I have the money, and I work hard for it, so why deprive myself of looking anything but my best?" he said, flashing his sexy smile.

Justin shook his head and smiled back at him. "Whatever floats your boat, I guess," he said. "Did you decide on what you wanted to eat?" he asked.

Brian closed the menu. "Actually, I changed my mind. I'm not really that hungry." He stood up from his barstool. "I'll probably stop by again tomorrow to talk to your boss," he told Justin.

"All right. Well... have a good night," Justin told him with a smile. Brian's breath caught in his throat as he saw the blond's beautiful smile again. He'd never seen one so vibrant before.

"You too," he answered, and left. He would come back tomorrow night, and hopefully Justin would be there again. In the meantime, he needed to find some relief. He got into his Jeep and headed straight for Babylon, where he knew he would be fantasizing about a certain blond in the back room while plowing into some faceless trick's ass.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin walked into his living space and threw his jacket and keys on his desk just before falling face first onto his bed. He covered his head with his pillow and felt like screaming. He had been feeling so stressed out the last couple of weeks because of everything that had happened in his relationship with Alex. He had school and work to help keep him busy and his mind off his problems, but lately he couldn't even do those things without getting stressed out, because Alex constantly called him and started showing up outside of his classes. This was the first time Alex had shown up at the restaurant while he was working.

He could hear his answering machine on his nightstand beeping, and knew some, if not all of the messages would be from Alex.

He sighed and then pressed the play button on his machine. There were three messages on there. One from Daphne, and sure enough, the other two were from Alex. His frustration took over and he grabbed his phone and dialed a number and waited for an answer.

"Justin," Alex answered, his voice full of relief.

"Yeah. You said you wanted to talk. So if this is the only way to get you to leave me alone for a while, then just say what you have to say so I can live my life in peace," Justin said.

"I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. For everything. I never wanted to hurt you. I don't love him. He doesn't mean anything to me," Alex said. His voice was cracking and Justin could tell he was crying.

"Alex, if he doesn't mean anything to you, then why did you cheat on me with him for so long? I could maybe understand if it happened once, or maybe just a few times. But you were fucking him for six months. Six months! How the fuck can you even say you love me after that? That is not love, Alex. You lied. You know how important honesty is to me. I told you in the beginning that I despise liars, and that if you ever felt trapped in this relationship, or started to stray away, to just fucking tell me! And do you remember what you said to me?" Justin asked.

"Yes," Alex whispered.

"I don't think you do."

"Justin, please," Alex sobbed.

"You fucking promised me. You promised me that that would never happen. You said I had nothing to worry about. It's really my fault for being so naïve. I shouldn't have trusted you. You know, if you would have said you wanted an open relationship I might have been okay with that. At least you would have been honest about it." Justin felt a throbbing in his temples. This headache had been with him the whole day, and it was really starting to get unbearable.

"Do you think you can eventually forgive me?" Alex asked. Justin almost laughed.

"I really don't think so. No. I want to, but I just don't think I have it in me to go through this again. Once a cheater, always a cheater; and the same thing goes with liars. I can't trust you. I know that if I stayed with you it wouldn't work. I would be second guessing everything you did and said. It would drive me insane, and it would piss you off because you would be forever trying to prove your loyalty. Nothing can ever be the same between us again," Justin told him quietly, and felt his eyes start to tear up.

"Look, Allie, this isn't easy for me. I was in love with you, you know. We were together for over a year. I thought that I made you happy. I really thought that you wanted to be with me. We even talked about maybe moving in together this summer," Justin choked. He was afraid of this. He knew once he allowed the tears to fall again that he would have trouble making them stop.

"I love you, baby. You did make me happy. I swear to God, it wasn't you. It was me. I was a fucking idiot. I've never felt for anyone what I feel for you. I just... I couldn't say no to him. But I couldn't lose you, either. I would give anything to take it back, but I can't. It's done. I did it. Justin, I would still at least like to be friends. I don't want you out of my life." Alex sniffled.

"Allie, it's been a long day. I can't talk about this anymore. I'm going to go to sleep. Please, just stop waiting for me after class, and coming into my work. If and when I talk to you again, it has to be on my own terms. I can't deal with this right now. Just give me time to get through this, and we'll see whether or not I can handle being friends with you. Okay?"

"Whatever you want, Jus. Whatever it takes. I love you," Alex whispered. Justin hung up without answering. The tears flowed freely now, and his head hurt so bad. He heard a knocking on his door, and ignored it.

"Justin," a man's voice called out. Justin quickly grabbed some tissues and wiped his face and blew his nose.

"Just a minute," Justin called out. He took a quick look at himself in the mirror and frowned. He looked horrible. His face was all flushed and his eyes were puffy and bloodshot. He finally opened the door and avoided the eyes of the man standing in front of him.

"Christ, what happened? You look like Hell. Are you okay?" the man said all at once, his face full of concern.

"Oh, it's nothing for you to worry about. Alex stopped by work and I just had to call him to tell him to leave me alone," Justin told the older man. He opened the door wider to allow him to enter.

"Do you think that maybe you should get a restraining order on him?" The man asked, pulling out the chair from Justin's desk and taking a seat.

"No, I don't think he'll come back. At least I hope not. Besides, I have Katie to protect me. She came to my rescue tonight," Justin smiled.

"Well, that's my daughter. Always looking out for the people she loves."

"Yeah, she's just like her father," Justin said, giving him a knowing look. "You've always been there for me, Daniel. You don't know how much I appreciate everything you've done for me," Justin said softly. Daniel stood up and went to sit next to the younger man.

"Yes, I do know. You've always shown your appreciation, Justin. You're just as much my child as the twins and Peter are. Even if we had never legalized it, you'd still always be like a son to me," Daniel told him, resting his hand on Justin's shoulder. Justin nodded and was silent for a moment. Daniel looked at him and could tell that the blond was seriously thinking about something.

"Justin what is it?" he asked.

"Well, I've been thinking. Maybe I should move out this summer. Get my own place," Justin told him.

"Justin, I've already told you that Alice and I don't mind you living here. In fact, we're glad you're here. With Peter being grown up and having his own family now, and Ryan living in Harrisburg, it's just you and Katie left here at home. I know a room over the garage may not be much, but at least you don't have to worry about rent. With your car payments and school expenses I know it's one less thing for you to have to worry about. Just know that you're always welcome to stay here."

"Thanks, Daniel. I'll think about it and let you know, okay?" Justin told him. Daniel nodded.

"By the way, there was a man at work tonight asking for you," Justin said, suddenly remembering his conversation with the man at the bar.

"Really? Who was it?" Daniel asked curiously. Justin dug out the business card from his pocket and handed it to him.

"Brian Kinney. He is in advertising and wanted some business," Justin told him.

"Kinney. I know that name," Daniel said thoughtfully, staring at the business card. He wondered if this Brian Kinney was in any way related to the woman he had known so many years ago.

"Nice guy. A little too materialistic for my taste, but nevertheless a nice guy," Justin said.

"Hmm. And he said he wanted some business? Is that all?" Daniel asked.

Justin nodded."Uh-huh. I told him that you most likely wouldn't be interested, but he insisted that it wouldn't hurt to ask and said that he'd come by again tomorrow night."

"Well, I guess I'll hear him out and see what he has to say. Did he seem legit?"

"I couldn't be absolutely sure about that... however, he did say that if I had lost it with Alex that he would have risked tarnishing his precious $300 shirt to help kick his ass. So in my book, he seemed like a trustworthy kind of a guy," Justin laughed. Daniel laughed with him.

"You're kidding. Now I'm really curious to meet this Brian Kinney," he chuckled. He stood up to leave and walked to the door.

"Hey, son," Daniel called out to Justin. The younger man looked over at him. "I'm sorry things didn't work out between you and Alex. I know how much you cared about him," Daniel said softly.

"Thanks. I'll be all right. I just need some time. Before you know it I'll be up to my old tricks again," Justin said with a smirk.

"Okay, that's more than what I wanted to know, kiddo," Daniel said with a small laugh. "Goodnight," he called out.

"Goodnight," Justin replied. Daniel opened the door and heard Justin called out to him once more "Hey." Daniel turned to look at him.

"I love you, Dad," he said softly, warming Daniel's heart. He loved it when Justin called him Dad. He mostly called him by his first name, even after he had legally adopted the boy at the age of 15. He meant what he had said to Justin. He loved him like his own son. He couldn't imagine any parent wanting to throw their kid away just because they were different. The fact that Justin was gay didn't make Daniel love him any less. It just so happened that his biological son, Ryan, was also gay. He was proud of them both. Ryan had befriended Justin in the beginning of high school, and he had almost instantly become part of their family.

"I love you, too. Get some sleep," Daniel said. Justin nodded and watched the man leave his little apartment.

Justin sighed as he reached into his mini-fridge and grabbed a bottle of water, and chased down a couple of Excedrin. Hopefully his headache would be gone soon.

After stripping off his clothes he crawled into his inviting bed. It had never looked so good. He reached over to his nightstand and switched off his lamp, and lay in the dark for a while just thinking.

He thought about Alex. His ex just didn't understand how much it hurt every time he saw him. Every time he saw his face he was reminded of what he did to him, and he had to relive it all over again. He wished he could erase it from his mind. He even kind of wished that he could forgive the man. He missed him. He missed what they had. He missed their joking nature and long conversations about art and history. And now it was over. He guessed he really didn't know Alex all that well. He would have never in a million years thought that the other man would deceive him. He probably would have gone on thinking that if he hadn't walked right in on the two men and saw it with his own eyes.

"Fuck," Justin mumbled, and a fresh set of tears started falling down his cheeks, dampening his pillow. Upset that he was letting the situation get to him again, he angrily wiped his tears away, and tried to move his mind to other things. He found himself thinking about the handsome ad man with the amazing hazel eyes. There was something oddly familiar about the man that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Justin smiled as he thought about their conversation. Brian was quite the charmer. And gay. The "label queen" comment had tipped him off. Well, that, and the way the man kept staring at him. He was pretty sure Brian had checked out his ass when he went to get his beer.

Justin laughed out loud at his next thought. $300 for a fucking shirt? That was almost equivalent to his car payment every month! He was obviously way out of Brian's league. He probably only liked guys with money and fancy cars.

Justin had never been interested in those things. He had grown up in an upper class neighborhood. His parents were the ever-stereotypical WASPs and were into the whole country club scene. He never could stand the way all those stuck-up snobs flashed their money around and thought that they were so much better than everyone else.

The Jensons were so different from his own family. They weren't rich, but they worked hard for what they had and they had always treated him like one of the family. They made sure he always had everything he needed. Best of all, they loved him for who he was and never expected him to change, unlike his own parents.

Justin smiled again, thinking about how grateful he was to have gotten away from his family and was adopted by the Jensons. He never would have thought that his parents kicking him out at the age of 15 would end up being a blessing. With that last thought in mind, he drifted off into a deep sleep, but not before noticing that his headache was completely gone.