Kindred Love: Boys to Men

Dishonesty

"We were never in a relationship."

"Are you telling me that I imagined it all?"

"I'm saying that we were never together, in the sense of being 'together'."

"You're so full of shit."

"And you're still as hot as ever when you're angry."

"Fuck you."

"I'd love to."

"Brian," Michael called out for the second time.

Brian turned to his cousin suddenly, realizing that he had been talking to him. "Hmm?"

"I said, this one looks like it could be good," Michael told him, holding up the newspaper ad.

"Oh. What does it say?" Brian asked.

Michael noticed that Brian seemed distracted. "You okay?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, just a little tired. I didn't sleep well last night," Brian told him.

"A certain guy keeping your thoughts occupied at night?" Michael teased with a smile.

"You could say that," Brian answered, cryptically. "So what does the ad say?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Large, one bedroom, new carpet, refurbished kitchen with a dishwasher. There's laundry facilities and it also has air conditioning, so that's a definite plus. Oh, and there's indoor and outdoor parking," Michael told him.

"How much a month?" Brian said, his interest piqued.

"$475," Michael answered.

"I can live with that. Where is it located?"

"Over on Benson Street, near the Big Q," Michael answered.

"Let's call and see if we can go look at it today," Brian said.

Michael nodded at him and wrote down the contact number from the ad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So what did you think?" Cameron asked.

"I think I'm going to like going to school here," Justin beamed. "This place is incredible," Justin told him, as he looked around campus while they walked. "I'm sooo looking forward to starting next week," he said, the excitement evident in his voice.

"It's the best art school in Pittsburgh. It's definitely a privilege to be accepted into PIFA. And it's not easy to get in, you know. They turn down hundreds of applicants each year. You must have really impressed them, because they only take the best," Cameron said.

Justin blushed. "Um, I'm starving. What about you?" he asked, wanting to take the attention off of himself.

"Famished. I could go for a chicken Cesar salad. What about you?"

"I was thinking double bacon cheeseburger with a side order of onion rings and a large cherry coke - extra cherries," Justin said.

"Wow, you are hungry," Cameron laughed.

Justin nodded. "How about the diner?"

"Perfect. Let's go," Cameron agreed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Sunshine," Debbie beamed, as she saw him enter the diner.

"Hey, Deb," Justin smiled back.

Debbie looked over at Cameron. "Who's your friend?" she asked.

"This is Cameron. Do you remember him?" Justin asked.

"Sure, I remember. Chicken Cesar, no crutons," she said, with recognition.

Justin and Cameron looked at each other and then at Deb in amazement.

"You remember him by his order?" Justin asked with amusement.

"With the hundreds of people I see every day, it's a Hell of a lot easier than remembering names, that's for sure," she laughed as she smacked her gum.

"Well, aside from being a Liberty Diner customer, Cameron was also at the goodbye party you guys threw for me during my first summer visit here," Justin told her.

Debbie looked at Cameron again more closely. "Well, I'll be damned. What a handsome young man you turned out to be! If my son weren't already spoken for, I'd set you up," she smiled.

"Well, that's okay. I've kind of got my eye on someone," Cameron answered with a grin, and then quickly glanced over at Justin, who pretended not to notice the subtle look.

"Well, I hope it works out for you, honey," Debbie smiled, pinching Cameron's cheeks. "Come on, let's get you two a table so you can get some food in you. I don't like my boys to be starving," she said, leading them to an empty booth.

As the two young men sat and ate their lunch, Justin tried to shrug off Cameron's flirting and tried not be nervous by the looks he was giving him. He knew he needed to tell him about Brian, but he just didn't know how to bring it up.

"So, Justin, I was thinking..."

Justin's pulse immediately quickened. He knew what was coming. "Hmm?" he asked, trying to act casual.

"I wanted to --"

Can't get you out of my head.

Boy your love is all I think about.

Justin was almost startled by his cell phone. He looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Brian. Justin almost laughed at the irony. This is the second time Brian had called his phone when he happened to be out with Cameron.

"Sorry," Justin apologized.

Cameron just nodded and gave him a small smile. It was apparent that he was a little annoyed about being interrupted, but he didn't say anything.

"Hey," Justin answered.

"I just found the perfect place for me to move into," Brian's voice said.

"Really? That's great. You already went to see it?" Justin asked.

"Yep. Mikey and I are just now walking out of the complex. I've already filled out an application and gave it back to the manager," Brian said. Justin could hear the excitement in his voice.

"I wish I could have gone with you," Justin said.

"Well this was a spur of the moment thing, and you had your orientation to go anyway. By the way, how did it go today?" he asked.

"It was good. The campus is amazing," Justin said.

"Where are you right now?"

"I'm at the diner."

"I thought you were off today?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, I am. I'm here eating lunch... with Cameron," Justin said.

"Oh..." Brian responded in a tone that Justin didn't think sounded too happy. "Did you run into him there or something?" Brian asked.

"Um, no. He met me at the orientation," Justin explained. He started getting nervous about Brian's reaction to his being with Cameron. He glanced over at his lunch companion who was trying to look really interested in his salad.

"Hasn't he already been attending PIFA for a year? Why would he be at the orientation?" Brian asked, almost accusingly.

Justin was alarmed by Brian's attitude, and realized that he had forgotten to tell Brian that Cameron would be meeting him at PIFA for the orientation. He winced as he also realized that Brian probably thought he had purposely kept it from him.

"Well, he offered to meet me there so he could show me around campus and introduce me to some people," Justin said.

"I see," Brian answered quietly, and then there was an awkward silence.

"Um, yeah, so now we're here at the diner having lunch. You want to come by and join us?" Justin knew it was a long shot, but nevertheless asked anyway.

"Uh, no, Mikey and I already ate. I'll just talk to you later," Brian said.

"Okay..."

"Well I'll let you get back to your lunch date," Brian said, with just enough resentment in his tone that Justin knew that even though he sounded like he wasn't pissed, he really was.

"It's not --"

"Later," Brian interrupted, and then hung up.

Justin frowned and then closed his phone.

"Something wrong?" Cameron asked.

"Apparently," Justin muttered. Justin shook his head. "I'm sorry, you were saying?" he asked, completely forgetting that he knew what Cameron was getting at before they were interrupted.

"I was about to say that I would like to take you out again," Cameron told him.

Justin sighed, and knew he had to say something. "Cameron... I'm sorry. I should have told you this sooner, but it didn't happen until after you and I had our date, and well, it's still kind of new..." Justin tried to explain.

Cameron looked at him like he knew what was coming and nodded his head slowly.

"I like you, and had a really great time with you when we went out, but --"

"But you're with Brian," Cameron said, finishing Justin's sentence. "Right?" he asked. He was clearly disappointed, and he took a sip of his ice water to help with his suddenly dry throat. He felt foolish to think he even had a chance with Justin when he already knew that Brian was still number one in the blond's life. He should have known that those two would be together once Justin moved to Pittsburgh.

"Yes. I'm with Brian," Justin said softly.

Cameron nodded again. "Well, I apologize if I seemed to be coming on too strong. I didn't know that you were with him," he told Justin.

"I know. It's my fault. I should have said something. I just... well I didn't know how to bring it up," Justin told him.

"Well, I won't lie; I'm disappointed, but if he makes you happy, that's the most important thing, Justin. You deserve to be happy," Cameron said, offering a small smile.

"Thanks, Cam. I am," Justin replied.

"I'd still like to be friends. Is that okay?" Cameron asked.

"Of course," Justin told him with a smile, and feeling some of the tension melting away.

"So, I'm assuming that was him on the phone?" Cameron asked.

"Yeah," Justin nodded.

"Let me guess - he's upset because you're here with me?"

"Oh, no," Justin denied.

Cameron stared back at him knowingly. He could tell by listening to Justin's side of the conversation and the expression on his face that things hadn't been peachy keen with the caller on the other end.

"Well... maybe. He didn't say anything, but he just sounded upset and then he practically hung up on me," Justin admitted.

"I'm sorry, Justin. Do you want me to talk to him? Maybe that would help."

Justin doubted very much that Cameron talking to Brian about this would help at all. It would likely just piss Brian off even more. "No, that's okay, but thanks for the offer."

They made small talk as they finished their lunch, but Justin's mind was still on Brian the whole time. He kept thinking about the way Brian had sounded and how he had ended the call. He really just wanted to get out of there so he could call Brian back and talk to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well if it isn't our favorite blond angel," Vic grinned as he stood face to face with Justin, who smiled back at him.

"Hey, Vic. Is um, Brian around?" Justin asked.

"Yeah, he's up in his room," Vic said, allowing Justin to enter the home. "I hope you're hear to turn that frown of his upside down. He's been in a real mood for the last couple of days," Vic said.

Justin nodded. "I've noticed," he muttered, and climbed the stairs that led to Brian's bedroom. When he reached the closed door, he could hear music playing. He knocked and waited but there was no response. He knocked harder, and then the door opened.

"What are you doing here?" Brian asked. Justin noticed that his tone didn't sound harsh, only a bit surprised.

"Well, I tried calling your cell but you didn't pick up. I figured I'd take a chance and see if you were at home. We need to talk," Justin said.

Brian had a blank look on his face, and Justin couldn't tell what he thought about him being there. Brian stepped away from the door, leaving it open for Justin to walk in, and went to sit on his bed. He scooted back and sat with his back against the headboard.

You can't feel my anger.

You can't feel my torment.

Driving me insane.

I can't fight these feelings, they will bring you pain.

The Staind song played on Brian's stereo, and Justin tentatively walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it.

"Brian. Let me just say this - and you can believe me or not. I wasn't trying to sneak around behind your back. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was going to meet Cameron at the orientation. Honestly, I just forgot to tell you," Justin said.

"Look, it doesn't matter. You don't need my permission to hang out with anyone. It's fine," Brian said. Justin wasn't convinced.

"If it's fine then why did you hang up on me, and why wouldn't you answer your cell when I called you back?" Justin asked with a frown.

Brian looked back up at him. "Well did you honestly think it wouldn't bother me that you were out with a guy whom we both know wants you so bad that he can taste it?" Brian asked.

Justin didn't say anything. What could he say? He shouldn't really be surprised that Brian would be upset about his meeting Cameron. He knew that the young man liked Justin. Then add to the fact that he didn't tell Brian about their plans to meet, made it look even worse.

"Did he try anything on you?" Brian demanded, his anger rising.

"No. All he did was ask me out again," Justin admitted.

"See? What did I tell you? He wants you, Justin," Brian said, his voice cracking.

"I don't give a shit! I'm with you, and I told him that," Justin said.

"Do you really think he cares? Just because he knows you have a boyfriend, that doesn't mean he's not going to try to lure you away," Brian pointed out. His expression was so fragile looking. Brian was jealous and he was scared. He didn't want anyone to take Justin away from him.

Justin scooted closer to his boyfriend, and then leaned in and kissed Brian gently on the lips, feeling that now familiar tingling he felt each time they kissed, after pulling away. He looked deeply into Brian's hazel eyes.

"He's not going to lure me away. I've waited too fucking long for us - as in, you and me, to be together, and I'm way too happy with you to consider giving it all up," Justin told him, sincerely.

Brian melted at the look Justin was giving him. "Really?" he asked.

Justin smiled and nodded. "Of course. I love you, Brian, and I'm not going anywhere," he said.

Brian suddenly felt a wave of guilt. He had thought before that Justin had lied to him, and hadn't given him enough credit as to how much he valued their relationship.

Brian knew that Cameron was a handsome, intelligent and talented man, who also came from a wealthy family. Justin had gone out with him once already, and had admitted to Brian that he had liked Cameron. In fact, if Brian hadn't made his move when he did, it was possible that Justin would be Cameron's boyfriend right now instead of his.

Then there was all this shit with Carter. He felt guilty that he still had feelings for the older man. Not that he felt anything less for Justin now, it was just that Carter had stirred up his emotions and he was having a bit of trouble sorting them out. He wanted to tell Justin about the lunch disaster with Carter, but how could he do that now, when he just got pissed at Justin for not telling him about Cameron? He believed Justin's explanation about that. The situation with Carter was different. He deliberately didn't tell his boyfriend about that lunch with Carter or anything that was said between the two of them.

"Brian, what's wrong? What is it?" Justin asked, sensing that something else was bothering Brian.

Brian sighed. This was it. He could come clean right now about everything.

"I'm... really sorry for acting like such an asshole. It's just that you and I just started our relationship, and I was afraid I might lose you," Brian said.

"Was afraid?" Justin said, with a raised brow.

"Am afraid. We're finally together now, and I really want things to work out," Brian said sincerely.

Justin smiled. "Me too," he answered. He then leaned in and hugged his boyfriend. After a moment he pulled away and said, "I'll forgive you, if you forgive me."

Brian smiled, and as he looked at him, he flashed back to when they were just kids and had gotten into one of their little spats. Justin, with his cute little innocent face would always say that exact phrase to him. Of course he always agreed to forgiveness and they went back to being best friends. Right at that moment, his expression looked just as it did all those years ago, and Brian's heart swelled with the reminder of how much they'd always meant to each other.

"Come here," he whispered, and gathered Justin into his arms, and then kissed his tender lips soundly. Once the tingles started again, it was hard to stop, and neither one of them wanted to pull away from the other.

As things continued to get hot and heavy, Brian's cell phone started ringing.

"Aren't you going to get that?" Justin asked breathlessly. They were both now laying on the bed entangled in each other's limbs.

Brian shook his head. "Fuck 'em," he muttered, and continued kissing his boyfriend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin sighed with a smile as Brian held him in his arms, and looked up at his boyfriend, who seemed to be glowing. Even all sweaty and flushed, Brian's beauty didn't falter. In fact, Justin loved it when he looked this way.

"Mmm, you're a quick study, Taylor," Brian purred and kissed his blond.

"I'm glad to be up to your standards," Justin chuckled, intertwining his fingers with Brian's.

"I like you like this. You feel good laying in my arms," Brian said softly, kissing Justin's temple.

"I like it too," Justin said, his level of relaxation starting to make him sleepy. "I don't want to get up," Justin groaned.

"Well, I was thinking that maybe --"

Can't get you out of my head.

Boy your love is all I think about.

"Fuck," Brian groaned. We should have turned off our phones. We can't ever get a moment of privacy without being interrupted at least a couple of times," he grumbled. Justin reached for his jeans that had been tossed onto the floor and dug into the pants pockets to retrieve his phone.

"It's Emmett," Justin said, as he looked at the ID. Brian sighed, and Justin answered the phone. "Hey, Em," he said into the receiver.

Brian sat up in his bed and ran his fingers through his hair. He wished he could smoke a cigarette, but his Aunt Deb would kill him. Just another reason he was looking forward to having his own place. He frowned as he heard the one-sided conversation.

"Where are you?... What?... No shit?... Oh my God... Sorry, Em, I don't mean to laugh, it's just... Okay, okay. Just sit tight. I'll be there as soon as I can," Justin said, and closed his phone. He immediately started pulling on his clothes. Brian frowned at him.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Emmett is on the date from Hell with that guy - you know, the cute one with the buzz cut and goatee?" Justin said, now tying his shoes.

"The guy he met at Woody's the other night?"

"Yep. Anyway, Em's calling for backup. Turns out this guy is a hardcore vegan, and throughout the whole date he's been talking nonstop about veganism and also happens to be an activist. For the last 2 hours he has been trying to get Emmett to 'see the light', and he's really freaking him out."

"I hope Emmett didn't wear his faux fur tonight," Brian laughed.

Justin laughed with him. "Poor Em, he's about to go out of his mind. Anyway, he wants me to come pick him up at the restaurant so he can ditch the guy," Justin explained.

"Aww, but I don't want you to go," Brian pouted.

"It's okay, I've got some things to take care of before tomorrow anyway, so it's probably good I'm leaving now or else I wouldn't leave until late and then I'd get nothing done," Justin smiled.

"I was actually thinking that we could, you know, have a sleepover," Brian said with a suggestive smile.

"A sleepover? What are we, 10 again?" Justin teased.

"Well, of course things will be a little different now that circumstances have changed," Brian said with a grin.

Justin slipped on his jacket and then leaned in to kiss Brian's soft lips. "Some other night, okay? Preferably one that doesn't require us to get up early the next day. You know how much sleep we'll get if I spend the whole night," Justin laughed.

"I guess," Brian pouted again.

"You know I want to stay. Stop giving me a guilt trip with that look," Justin told him.

"No way, it's working. You want to come back here and spend the night with me," Brian said.

"You're right, I do," Justin smiled. "But it's not a good idea. I've got to be at the diner at 7:00a.m. tomorrow," he said. "Now, I've really got to go. Emmett's waiting. Why don't you call Michael and see what he's up to tonight? That was probably him who called earlier when we were... busy," Justin grinned.

Brian smiled back at him and kissed him again. "Okay, go rescue our friend. See you tomorrow?" he asked.

"Of course," Justin said with a wink, and then rushed out the door.

Brian sighed. He had really wanted Justin to spend the night with him, but the blond had a point. They would probably be sorry. He wanted them to be able to stay up as late as they wished and to sleep in the next day without worrying about having to get up and be somewhere.

He got up and picked up his cell phone from his dresser. One missed call. When he looked to see who it was that had called, his heart beat a little faster, and then he frowned. Fucking Carter. He hated the fact that it excited him just a little bit that he had called him. Couldn't that man just stay the Hell away from him like he asked?

He decided to call up Michael to see what he was doing.

"Hey, Mikey, where are you?" Brian asked.

"Ted, Josh and I are at Babylon. Why don't you and Justin come on down?" he suggested.

"Well, Justin went to rescue Emmett, but I can be there in 20 minutes," Brian told him.

"Great, we'll see you then."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian made his way through the crowded club and scanned the room until his eyes landed on Todd sitting at the bar, sipping a beer, and leaning in close, as he talked to a good looking guy Brian had never seen. They looked cozy, and he figured Todd was probably about to make a trip to the back room.

"Hey," Brian said, walking up to him.

Todd looked over at Brian and smiled, then kissed him on the lips hello. "Didn't expect to see you tonight. I thought you'd be bundled at home with blondie," Todd smirked.

"We were, but he had to go pick up Emmett," Brian said.

The trick Todd had been talking to licked his lips as he looked Brian up and down. "Who's your friend?" the man asked Todd, as he stared at the other gorgeous man in front of him.

"Don't even think about it. He's married," Todd said.

Brian rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. "Have you seen Michael?" he asked.

"Yeah, he and Josh are dancing and Ted is probably somewhere else getting his 127th rejection of the night."

Brian shook his head, trying not to laugh at the comment. He liked Ted, and it annoyed him that he and Todd were always at each other's throats.

"By the way, I saw your former flame in the back room about 20 minutes ago. He was fucked up on something, probably 'E'," Todd recalled.

"I really don't give a shit," Brian said, dryly.

"Yeah. Sure you don't," Todd smirked, giving his friend a knowing stare. "Speak of the devil," Todd said in a less enthusiastic tone. Brian turned around and saw Carter who was obviously drunk or high or both, stumble up to the bar to order a drink.

Brian sighed. Despite his ex-lover/friend being gone for the last two years, things hadn't really changed with the man. Todd looked at Brian, knowing that he would walk over to Carter, and shook his head in annoyance.

"Hey, DJ, just give him an Evian," Brian told the bartender. DJ looked at Brian and nodded.

"What the fuck? I don't need you take care of me, I'm a big boy," Carter frowned, his words slurring.

"Yeah, I can see that. What are you on?" he asked.

"None of your fucking business," he snapped. "Go home, Brian."

"So now you've changed your mind about talking to me? I know you called my cell earlier," Brian said, folding his arms across his chest.

"Yeah, I did. You didn't answer, so I came here. I came here to feel better, and it was working until you showed up," Carter frowned.

"That doesn't even make sense," Brian said.

"A lot of things don't."

"What the fuck happened?"

"I had a run in with my ex-father," Carter said. "Fucking asshole," he muttered, and drank some of the water that had been placed on the bar for him.

Brian's face softened, and he sighed. He didn't have to ask what had happened between Carter and his father, he already had a pretty good idea.

Carter stood up from his barstool to leave, and almost fell over. Brian quickly grabbed hold of the man to help steady him.

"Come on, lets get you home," Brian said, resting his hand on Carter's shoulder.

"I don't have a home," Carter slurred, his voice full of sadness.

"I meant let's get you to your hotel," Brian said.

Carter didn't fight Brian, and allowed him to lead him away from the bar. Brian spotted Todd, walking towards the back room with the guy he had seen him with earlier, and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Can you tell Mikey that I had to leave - that something came up?" he asked Todd.

"Brian, what the fuck are you doing?" Todd asked with a frown.

"Look, you wouldn't understand. I just have to do this, okay? Just tell him for me, please?" Brian asked again.

"Fine, whatever," Todd said, and turned around to lead his trick to their destination.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Carter, which floor is it?" Brian asked, as they stepped onto the elevator. Carter could barely stand without falling over, and had it not been for Brian, he wouldn't have ever made it as far as they had. It was a good thing that Brian worked out. Carter was like dead weight, leaning on him.

"The 9th floor. Room 925," he mumbled.

Brian pushed the button for the 9th floor, and when the elevator opened, he helped Carter to his room.

Once they entered the suite, Brian led him to the king size bed. Carter fell back onto the bed and laughed when his head landed on the soft pillow.

Brian went to remove the man's shoes and socks first.

"Just like old times, eh, stud?" Carter chuckled.

Brian didn't say anything. He just continued to undress the man, stripping him down to his underwear. Once all his clothing was removed, he helped him get settled underneath the covers. He looked at Carter, whose eyes were now misty as he looked back at him.

"Never been worth a God damn. Worthless piece of shit, faggot," he whispered, and a tear fell from his eye.

Brian shook his head at him. "Fuck Gary. It's not true," Brian answered softly, wiping away the tear with his thumb. "It doesn't matter what he thinks. He's a fucking asshole. You're not worthless, Carter." Brian told him.

"You've always known that," Carter sniffled.

Brian stared into his gray eyes. They were filled with such pain. He wished that he could take it away. He never could bear it when Carter was hurting like this. It made him hurt too.

"Brian..." Carter, grabbed Brian's hand and squeezed it lightly. "Help me. Make me forget," Carter pleaded.

"I..." Brian was cut off when Carter suddenly grabbed the back of his neck and pulled his head down to his, covering his mouth with his own. It took Brian by surprise, and for a moment, he allowed himself to give in to the warmth and familiarity of Carter's lips and taste. His head started spinning, and then he broke free and pulled away.

"No, I can't," he said firmly. "I'm with Justin... I love Justin," Brian said.

"Not like you love me, Brian. That night... remember that night that I let you fuck me? You said you loved me," Carter said.

"Carter - that was two years ago! You left. You fucking left me, and I moved on. I may have loved you, or thought I loved you at the time, but I don't anymore. It's over. It's been over, and I'm happy now. I'm in a relationship with someone that makes me happy," Brian said.

Carter didn't say anything. He stared back at Brian, reading his expression, and knew that the other man meant what he said and was not going to give in.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he whispered.

Brian stood up and walked over to the mini fridge and opened it. He pulled out a cold bottle of water and set it down on the nightstand next to the bed. "Drink that. You're probably dehydrated from that shit you took tonight," he told him.

"Brian..."

"I've got to go," Brian told him, and then left the room. As he closed the door behind him, he quickly wiped away a tear that was about to fall down his cheek. He took a moment to get himself together, and then went home.