Kindred Love: Boys to Men

The Letter

Last time, in Kindred Love....

Justin, age 12, and Brian, age 14, are next door neighbors, living in Philadelphia, PA. The two boys are best friends. Brian is a welcomed guest in the Taylor household. Brian's father is abusive, and he, as well as Brian's mother are alcoholics. After a brutal physical encounter from Jack, Brian is removed from his home and sent to live with his Aunt Debbie and cousin Michael, in Pittsburgh. While in Pittsburgh, Brian comes to realize that he is gay. Brian and Justin both stay in touch and the following summer Justin goes to visit Brian. Justin is surprised to learn that he and Brian are both gay. Justin carries the secret of being in love with his best friend, which comes to surface during his visit. The night before Justin is to go back to Pittsburgh he and Brian have an emotional and intimate encounter, which hold promises for their future.

4 YEARS LATER...

Justin sat upon his bed entranced in his own little world as he sketched; his hand flying across the paper. He wasn't even sure what he was sketching yet, he was just letting his hand go to work. He barely heard the knocking on his bedroom door.

"Come in," Justin called out, his eyes still focused on his task, not bothering to look up to see who was coming into his room.

"Hey," a voice said. Justin smiled as he looked up to see his friend Daphne. She smiled back at him sweetly.

"Hi, Daph, what's up?" he asked, looking at her strange expression and noticing an envelope in her hand.

"Well, it just so happened that the mail came when I arrived, and your mom asked if I could bring this up to you," she smiled nervously, as she held the envelope out for him to see. "It's from The Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts," Daphne told him.

"Shit. Did my mom see who it was from?" Justin asked. He hadn't told his parents that he had applied to the school in Pittsburgh. He knew that they preferred for him to stay closer to home. He had already been accepted to several Universities in Philly, and a couple out of the state. His parents seemed intent on him staying close to home.

"I couldn't say for sure. She didn't seem to notice." Daphne handed Justin his mail and he sighed as he stared at it.

"You never told me you applied there," Daphne said, trying not to sound too disappointed. She didn't want her best friend to leave her but she knew how brilliant of an artist he was and that he had a very good chance of being accepted to any school he wanted to attend. She had already decided beforehand though, that she would be happy for him no matter what.

"Yeah, I didn't want to say anything to anyone, in case I didn't get in. Not even Brian knows," Justin told her.

"Well? Are you just going to sit there and stare at it all afternoon or are you going to open it?" Daphne urged. Justin laughed nervously.

"What if I don't get in?"

"There's only one way to find out."

"Yeah."

Justin's hands started shaking slightly. He wanted to be accepted to PIFA so badly. It was his chance to finally get out on his own, and at the same time live freely as a gay man, and even better, he would be closer to Brian.

"Jus... do you want me to open it?" Daphne offered. He smiled gratefully at his friend and nodded.

"Thanks," he whispered and handed the envelope back to his friend. Daphne didn't waste any time tearing open the seal and pulling out the letter. Her face was emotionless as she read the letter, and Justin thought he might pass out from holding his breath in anticipation. Finally Daphne looked up at her best friend and smiled.

"Congratulations, you got in!" Daphne squealed, leaping into Justin's arms to give him a huge hug. Justin hugged her back tightly, and then the two friends started jumping up and down like giddy little kids.

"Oh, my God! I can't believe I got in!" Justin exclaimed.

"I can. You haven't been rejected from a single school you applied to, Einstein," Daphne smiled, giving her friend a playful push.

"Wow. Do you know what this means, Daph?"

"I'm assuming that's a rhetorical question."

"It means this is the beginning of my transition. Everything is going to change from this point on," Justin told her.

"Yeah, and it's going to take a lot of coaxing to get your parents to agree to this. You know they're expecting you to attend Philadelphia University," Daphne reminded him.

"I know. I don't want to hurt them, but I'm 18 years old now, and I can make my own decisions. They'll just have to accept it," Justin said, sounding more confident than he really was. He wasn't looking forward to that conversation with his parents any time soon.

"I'm sure things will turn out all right, Justin," Daphne told him, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"You know, it's not just because of Brian that I want to go to Pittsburgh. I have to do it for myself. I need to be on my own, and also need to able to finally be myself. My parents still don't know that I'm gay, and I'm not ready for them to know, yet. I'm sick of living my life in the closet here. That summer that I visited Brian - I had never felt so free in my life. I just want to live that way again. It will be like starting the beginning of my adult life." Justin smiled the more he thought about it. It felt like he had been waiting for this forever. He loved his parents so much, but they tended to be a little overprotective. He knew they were going to take this hard, especially his mom.

"What about John?" Daphne asked. Justin sighed.

"I guess I'll have to tell him soon," he said.

"He's going to be upset." Justin nodded.

"I know."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Taylor family had just sat down to dinner. Usually the conversation at meals were pretty lively, with Justin being the biggest motormouth of them all aside from Molly; but Jennifer noticed that night that her son was being unusually quiet.

"Justin, is everything okay? You haven't said much since Daphne left earlier," Jennifer said, trying to act nonchalant as she passed her husband the dish holding the mashed potatoes.

"They were hugging and kissing," Molly blurted out, before taking a bite of her meatloaf. Jennifer looked at Molly and then Justin, in surprise. Justin glared at his little sister.

"Mind your own business, Mollusk," he barked at her.

"Justin, please. Don't yell at the table," Craig said calmly.

"Come on Dad, she is constantly spying on me. Can't I ever have any privacy around here?"

"Molly, we talked about this. Justin has a right to his privacy," Jennifer told her daughter.

"But Mommy..." Molly whined.

"Enough; don't argue with your mother," Craig told his daughter with a stern look that made her stop whining. Molly then peeked over at her brother and gave him an apologetic look. Justin sighed and gave her a forgiving smile. He didn't mean to snap at her like that. He was just tired of the way things were. Molly spying on him was just another confirmation that he needed to be out on his own.

"So, is there something going on between you and Daphne that we should know about?" Jennifer asked Justin. He rolled his eyes at his mother.

"No, Mom. Nothing is going on between Daphne and I. We're just friends," Justin assured her. He avoided his mother's eyes, but could feel her looking at him, waiting for him to say something else. He knew that she knew something was going on.

"So have you heard from any more colleges, Justin?" Craig asked his son, hoping that a change of subject would simmer down the tense energy in the room. Little did he know, he just took it up a couple of notches.

"Uh, actually, yeah, I did. But right now is probably not the time to get into it," Justin said, trying to delay the inevitable. Jennifer frowned. She didn't like the sound of this.

"I don't see why not, we've talked about this subject many times over dinner," Craig said, not noticing Jennifer's strained look.

"Craig maybe we should wait until after dinner," Jennifer told her husband, sensing that this conversation should probably be had after Molly went to bed.

"Okay, whenever," Craig said with a shrug, focusing again on his dinner. Justin remained quiet the rest of the meal. He knew he had a long night ahead of him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night, they all sat in the living room. Molly was sitting on Craig's lap, and they were watching the end of an episode of The Simpsons on TV. Justin was sketching, as usual, and Jennifer was reading a book. She looked up at the clock and saw that it was 8:30p.m.

"Molly, it's time for bed," Jennifer told her.

"Aww," Molly whined, but couldn't help the yawn that escaped her mouth.

"Come on, pumpkin, let's get you to bed," Craig said. He carried his daughter upstairs, knowing that she was probably already half asleep on his shoulder as he reached her bedroom.

A while later Craig returned to the living room where his wife and son were waiting for him. He noticed then that they both looked nervous.

"Okay, are you two going to tell me what's going on?" he asked, taking a seat on the couch next to his wife.

Justin took a deep breath. "Here it goes," he thought.

"I got accepted to another college today," Justin said quietly. Craig smiled at his son.

"Well, there's really no surprise there, Justin, you're a bright boy. I can't tell you how proud I've been as all these acceptance letters have arrived, so which college was it? You know, you need to decide soon on which one you're going to; the clock is ticking," Craig said.

"Actually, Dad, that's what I wanted to tell you guys. I have decided which one I want to go to," Justin said. Craig and Jennifer looked at each other and then at their son.

"Are you sure, honey? Maybe you should take some time to think about it a little longer," Jennifer suggested.

"No, Mom, I don't need more time. I've decided that I'm going to attend The Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts."

Craig and Jennifer stared at him, stunned.

"What? Wait a second. Where is this coming from? I thought we agreed that you would be attending a college that was closer to home," Craig said with a frown.

"No, Dad. I said that I would consider it. If I didn't get accepted into PIFA then I was planning on going to Philadelphia University. But the acceptance from PIFA came today, and that is where I want to go." Justin looked at his mom, who was shaking her head in disbelief and looking away.

"Justin, can you please explain to me why you failed to mention to us that you even applied to a college in Pittsburgh?" Craig asked.

"It wasn't just you two who had no idea. I didn't tell anyone. That school is difficult to get into. I guess there was a part of me that knew that the odds were against me that I would get in. I knew you guys wouldn't be happy about it, so I figured, why upset you by telling you, when I probably wouldn't get in anyway," Justin told them guiltily.

"Justin, of course we're proud that you were accepted into such a great school, but you have to really think about the pros and cons of leaving home. Have you done that?" Craig asked.

"Yes," Justin told him. He knew things wouldn't be easy, but he was willing to take his chances. Jennifer decided to speak up.

"Sweetheart, have you thought about whether or not you're ready to live on your own? What about money? You've never really been in a situation where you had to manage money or pay bills..."

"Mom, I know I've kind of led somewhat of a sheltered life, but I'm not illiterate. And I know that I've never had to pay rent or anything, but I have had a job for over a year now, and I've been paying for a lot of my own stuff, plus my cell phone bill since I started working," Justin pointed out.

"Does this have anything to do with Brian, Justin?" Jennifer asked, sensing that the other boy was the real reason for her son wanting to go to Pittsburgh.

"What would that matter?" Justin asked defensively.

"I would just hate to think that you would possibly risk a better education and leaving your home just because you want to be with Brian all the time," Jennifer said.

"It's nice to see that you have faith in me," Justin said sarcastically.

"Honey, I want to. You know I love Brian; I didn't mean to sound as if I think you two would just goof off together and blow off your responsibilities. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of all of this. This is so sudden."

"I'm not going to lie. Brian is part of it. He's my best friend, and I miss him; but he's not the only reason why I want to go to Pittsburgh. I need to do this for several reasons, one of the main ones being that I need to prove to myself that I can make it on my own," Justin explained.

"Justin, I don't see why you can't do that here. You know that there is a wonderful art school located right here in Philadelphia. Why didn't you apply there? If you wanted to move out, we could have come up with an arrangement to help you with an apartment, or you could have moved into the dorms. You don't have to move all the way to Pittsburgh to prove you can make it on your own," Craig argued.

"It's what I want," Justin told his father. He stood up from the chair he was sitting in and looked at his parents. "I love you guys. I know that you want me to stay closer to home, but I have already made my decision, whether you approve or not. I'm hoping that I can have your blessing, because well, I'm going to be gone a long time, and I would hate to leave on bad terms with you guys."

"Justin, we'll love you no matter where you go to college," Craig told his son, putting his hand on his shoulder assuringly. "We don't want there to be any bad feelings among anyone in this house during your last couple of months at home," he said and then gave his son a hug, and smiled sadly.

"I guess you grew up when no one was looking," Craig chuckled.

"I had to sooner or later," Justin told him. He felt much better about the situation, but he knew that it wasn't completely okay. His mom hadn't said much, and he knew it was going to take longer for her to accept that her baby was leaving. He pulled away from Craig and looked at Jennifer.

"Mom?" he called out softly. Jennifer was crying silent tears, as she stood there looking back at her son. He leaned in and hugged his mother, and he felt her cling to him.

"You better behave yourself, young man," Jennifer said.

Justin smiled at her. "Don't worry, Mom," Justin said. He pulled away from her, and she gave him a look that said she knew him better than he thought, causing him to smirk.

"Your mother and I did take into consideration before that you might want to move out soon. We just didn't expect it to be so far away. I guess now is as good time as any to discuss this." Justin nodded.

"As you know, we started a college fund for you when you were still a child. We still fully intend to pay for your schooling; that's what the money is for; though circumstances have changed. Part of the money was always intended to help pay for some of your expenses, such as food, clothes and bills. However, the allowance won't be much, and we expect you to get a job. If for some reason you're short of money, depending on the situation, we may agree to give you a loan - which is exactly that - a loan. You are to pay all of it back. Is it a deal?" Craig asked, holding out his hand. Justin took his hand and shook it.

"Deal," he said, smiling, and then something occurred to him. "Oh, uh, what about the car? Do I still get the car?" he asked nervously.

"Well, the agreement was that when you started college that the Honda would be officially yours, since you would need it so much; so yes, you will still get the car. But you need to make sure it gets all the proper maintenance. You're going to be responsible for that." Justin nodded, the stress from earlier having melted away.

"Thank you," Justin said, hugging his father and then his mother, again. "I guess I've got to make some phone calls. I appreciate your support, Dad. It means so much." Craig nodded, looking at his son, who now somehow seemed older to him.

"Goodnight, son," he told him.

"Night," Justin smiled at his parents, and climbed the stairs quickly.

Jennifer turned to her husband, and finally let her sobs out immediately as he took her in his arms and held her as she cried.

"My baby," she cried.

"He'll be fine, Jen. He can do this," Craig whispered, rocking his wife.

"I know."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin lay on his bed and got comfortable as he pressed the speed dial and listened to the line ring.

"Hello, Sunshine. I was just thinking of you." Justin smiled at the sound of Brian's voice.

"It must be the ESP kicking in. Now tell me why I called," Justin teased.

"Sorry, blondie, my powers aren't that strong yet."

Justin laughed. "I have some news," he told him, trying not to sound overly excited.

"Did you finally decide which college you're going to?" Brian asked.

"Wow, your ESP really is kicking in!" Justin chuckled.

"Must be! Or it could be that every time you call you mention that you still haven't decided which school to choose. So, which one is the lucky winner?" Brian asked.

"Um... The Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts..." Justin said nervously, but smiled as he waited for Brian's reaction.

"Shit... you're going to school in the Pitts?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, looks like it," Justin said.

"Oh, my God, Justin this is so great! Why didn't you tell me you applied out here? Shit, how did you actually convince your parents to let you go? When are you coming?" Brian asked all at once, his voice full of excitement.

Justin laughed. He knew that Brian would be pleased. They hadn't seen too much of each other over the years. The last two summers Brian had been busy working and interning. The last time they had seen each other was when Brian flew out to Philly and stayed with the Taylors for 4 days during the Thanksgiving holiday, two years prior. The two boys had remained close friends though, and kept in touch by calling and emailing each other all the time.

Nothing intimate had happened between them since the first time, and even though they both had wanted each other during their last visit and the sexual tension was almost too much to bare, they had mutually decided that it wasn't a good idea. Brian was semi-involved with a guy back home and didn't want to complicate things by being with Justin, especially since his feelings for the blond had not changed. Justin preferred to keep things platonic because he knew it would just make it hurt even more when Brian had to leave him again and go back to the Pitts. But now... maybe they had a chance?

"Whoa, one question at a time," Justin laughed.

"Sorry. This is just... wow, I'm ecstatic that you're coming here," Brian said, and Justin's heart warmed at the sincerity in the brunette's voice.

"Me too. So to answer your questions, I didn't tell you I applied to PIFA because if I didn't get in I didn't want to disappoint you. Convincing my parents was hard but they finally agreed to go along with it, and thank God, they're not cutting me off. As far as when I'm coming to Pittsburgh, I haven't thought that far ahead yet to even figure it out. I just got the acceptance letter today. I was too excited to really read all the details about when I was supposed to be there and all. I don't even know where I'm going to be living," Justin told him.

"Oh, my God, this is so perfect! Emmett's roommate, Ken, is moving out in a couple of months because he is transferring to another college back in his hometown. Emmett's been trying to find someone to replace him but has had zero luck. Do you think you'd be interested?" Brian asked.

"Maybe... how much is he asking for rent?" Justin asked.

"I think Ken pays $215 a month. Do you think you could swing that?" Brian asked hopefully.

"Definitely. I have some money saved up, and I'm getting a small allowance from my parents. Also, I'm sure if I got a job as a waiter I'd be fine. I do pretty good with the tips here at Fay's Cafe," Justin said.

"Well, I guarantee if you worked at Aunt Debbie's Diner you'd be pulling in a lot bigger tips. A bunch of horny queers would be more than happy to support a starving artist/college student with a hot ass - trust me. It has sure kept me afloat," Brian said simply.

Justin giggled. He knew that Brian's gorgeous body and handsome looks were a sure way of getting big tips at the Liberty Diner.

"Do you think your Aunt Debbie would hire me?" Justin asked.

"Are you crazy? You know you're like family. Of course she will," Brian said confidently. Justin smiled with relief. Everything was falling into place.

"God, I wish I could leave now. Everything and everyone has been fucking driving me insane. I'm so ready to get the hell out of here so I can start my life," Justin sighed.

"Yeah, I also bet you can't wait to finally start being a full time fag without having to look over your shoulder."

"Hey, I've been a full time fag - it's just that not very many people know," Justin said innocently.

"Speaking of... have you told your secret boy toy that you're leaving yet?" Brian asked. Justin rolled his eyes.

"Stop calling him that. John is not a boy toy," Justin argued.

"Yeah, yeah. So does he know you're about to break his heart and leave him all alone in the closet to fend for himself?"

"Stop being an ass. You know it's not as easy for some people to come out. You're lucky that your family and friends accept you. That's not the case for everyone, you know," Justin told him, feeling defensive.

Brian had never come right out and said it, but Justin knew that the brunet was somewhat bothered by the fact that he was still in the closet and was involved with someone who was also in the closet. He knew how happy and free Justin had felt his first summer in the Pitts, just being himself. He had confessed as much. He hated to see Justin have to sneak around and pretend to be something he wasn't. He knew that it got to his best friend, and that it stressed him out, even though he hadn't really mentioned it too much. He didn't need to, because Brian knew him well.

"Maybe not for him, but you know, I don't think you give your parents enough credit. They love you, and something tells me that they wouldn't just write you off because you like cock."

"I know you're probably right, it's just that I'm not ready to come out to them yet. Can we please drop this?" Justin sighed.

"Okay, then, back to the original question. Have you told Mr. Wonderful that you're coming to the Pitts?" Brian urged. He was curious as to how Justin really felt about leaving this guy behind.

"No, I haven't told him yet. I was going to talk to him after I called you. That's one conversation I'm not looking forward to having. As if this day hasn't already been stressful enough," Justin said with a frown. His nerves were a mess. He was dying for a cigarette, and started eyeballing his pack that sat so invitingly next to him on his night stand.

"So he has no idea?" Brian asked.

"No, he thinks that I'm going to Philadelphia University, which is where I was going to go if I didn't get into PIFA."

"Oh. Well, if you need to talk later, I'll be up late. I have this Chem. final I'm studying for. Just give me ring if you need me," Brian told him.

Justin smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."

"All right, later," Brian said.

"Later," Justin said, and was about to hang up with he heard Brian speak.

"Oh, and Justin... congratulations," Brian told him.

"Thanks," he said, and hung up, his smile still plastered on his face. "He so cares about me," Justin thought happily as he analyzed their conversation. It was something he did often since he and Brian had a habit of saying things without really saying them.

He suspected that Brian had been a bit jealous of John since he found out about their relationship. Brian would often make snarky or sarcastic remarks about Justin's boyfriend whenever he brought him up. He couldn't deny that it made him feel good that Brian cared enough to be jealous. His thoughts were interrupted when his cell phone started ringing. He looked at the Caller ID and his eyebrows furrowed. He closed his eyes and sighed before answering it.

"Hey," Justin said softly.

"Hey, beautiful. What are you up to?" the voice asked.

"Actually, I was thinking about going for a drive and having a smoke. Are you doing anything right now?" Justin asked.

"No. I can be ready in 5 minutes."

"Okay, I'll see you soon," Justin told him, and hung up.

He was nervous, but in a way, he was glad he was going to have this talk with John because he realized that some of the things he planned on saying to him were long overdue. Justin slipped on his shoes and grabbed his cigarettes and keys from his nightstand before heading out the door.