Breaking The Rules

The Rules

Over the years, I have learned a lot of things about life. One of the major things that I have learned since an early age is that mistakes are part of a big learning process. So, I made it a goal of mine to try not to make the same mistakes twice. When something goes wrong, I immediately start trying to get to the root of it; how it started and what I did wrong. As soon as I come to realize exactly what it is that I did wrong, it's branded in my brain as a blinking red warning sign, so that I don't do it again. Then I try to manage a way to fix the situation as best as I can, in whatever way that I can, and then move on. It is all about survival. Surviving the shitty things that can happen to a single person in life. Things that even make you feel so fucked up about your own existence to the point that you don't even want to be here anymore.

Yeah, sure, it's lonely in this place sometimes. It would be so nice to trust again and to not have to be so fucking guarded. But I won't do it. I won't live that way again. It will not ever happen. Not for me. I made too many mistakes that way. I was hurt so fucking bad. So now, this is the only way I know how to protect myself. I am only 23 years old, but most of those younger years were rendered to hurt and betrayal. I've grown accustomed to this lifestyle, and it works for me.

When it comes to anyone getting close to me, friendship-wise or relationship-wise, it's a battle that most will not win. I've had a few people whom I've let get close to me over the years, but it's very limited. I have only had one serious boyfriend, but since our break-up 4 years ago, I have not pursued any other relationship with a man, and I really don't have any plans to in the future. I don't see the point.

Of course there is a small part of me that wants what others have when I see how happy and in love they seem. I think that is only natural. It has been a while, but I do remember what being in love feels like. Warm. Happy. Safe. Complete. It was the happiest time in my life I could ever remember. But the betrayal, the hurt, the tears, the stress; the feelings of worthlessness and anger; the embarrassment of being made a fool, by far outweighs the precious "high" of love.

Who really knows if it's really love that they are in, anyway? Some say that love doesn't exist. That simply, when you are attracted to someone, your brain releases the drug dopamine, giving the same reaction that taking cocaine or speed would create, which is why people are constantly obsessed with seeking it out. How fucked is that?

So, I made up my own rules as far as men go. I would have used the word "relationships" but it's my first rule to not have any, and I haven't. Although there are some exceptions, I don't usually sleep with anyone more than once. I don't particularly care for getting to know any of the tricks I'm with, nor do I volunteer information about myself to them.

More rules:

I don't like to exchange phone numbers. That became a rule after one guy started calling me all the time, hounding me to get together with him again for another fuckfest. The asshole wouldn't go away and finally I had to threaten him with a restraining order to get him to leave me alone.

I don't usually let men spend the night if I take them home with me. I like my sleep, my privacy, and having my bed to myself. After a good fuck, I just want to stretch out on my 500-thread count sheets, pass out and not have to worry about the whole "morning after" horror - or whore. There's something about sleeping over at someone's house that makes people feel closer to them and makes them want to come back. I need a clingy trick about as much as I need a pussy. Bleh, I just said the words "need" and "pussy" in the same sentence. *shudder*

I think about all of this as I sit alone in my apartment working on my latest painting. I can see that having thought about all of those things has affected the colors that set the mood for this piece. I stare down at the swirling mixtures of brown, black, red and dark blue on the large canvas. Art always has been the best way of getting out my emotions. It was better than talking about it. I mean, who really wants to fucking hear all that shit? No one wants to hear someone's sad life story. It's depressing. All it does is create pity and awkwardness with that person.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when I hear my doorbell ring. I frown, wondering who could be at my door this late in the evening. I walk to the door and open it, and immediately smile as I look at who is standing there.

"Hi," Daphne greets with a warm smile. I open the door wider.

"Daph, what brings you to my humble pad at --" I pause to look at my watch. "11:07p.m.?" I finish.

She smiles at me and walks into my apartment. "Well, in case you haven't noticed, I look fucking hot tonight. I was planning on going out to Babylon. I was wondering if you might want to come," Daphne tells me.

I look at her clothing and whistle. She does look cute tonight. If I was straight, I definitely would want to fuck her.

"Well, I've been painting for the last 3 hours. I could probably use a break. Would you mind giving me 15 minutes to get ready? I've got to take a shower. I've got paint all over me," I explain, showing her my paint-stained hands.

"Sure. I'm just happy to get you out of this apartment. It is Friday night, you know," she pointed out with one eyebrow raised. I had to laugh at that look. She's such a character.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry I haven't really been going out much the last couple of weeks, but you know how busy I've been with school and everything else that has been going on in my life," I tell her.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean that you have to become boring," Daphne says with a smirk. I laugh at her again.

"I'll be ready soon," I tell her, and head for my bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daphne and I walk into Babylon and immediately head for the bar, and the realization hits me that I've been kind of stressed lately and have really needed to just wind down. I have every intention of doing just that first and foremost, with good ol' Jim Beam. After that, I plan on heading straight for the dance floor with the intention of dancing with as many hot guys as possible before making a few trips to the back room.

I down a few double Beams and then lean back with my elbows on the bar and scan the room for any potential tricks for the night. Daphne takes a chug of her beer and then points to a tall slender guy with a buzzed cut.

"He's hot," she says.

I look at the man for a moment and then wrinkle my nose. "He's all right, but I like guys with hair long enough for me to pull on," I tell her with a naughty grin. She giggles at me and rolls her eyes, before scanning the room again.

"Okay, okay. How about him?" she asks pointing to a red head with no shirt on. Nice body, definitely cute... but...

"Not tall enough. Plus, it's really annoying to make out with a guy when he has one of those lip rings. I'm always afraid I'm going to accidentally rip it out," I tell her with a disgusted face and shiver.

Daphne sighs and then looks around the room one more time. Her eyes finally land on someone, and then go wide. She looks like she's about to drool all over herself. I follow her line of vision to see who she is looking at, and my breath catches in my throat, as I see a gorgeous man dancing with whom I assume are his friends. They are all dancing together, and are smiling and laughing.

"Do you see him?" Daphne asks.

I don't answer her, I just nod my head and I feel my smile slowly spread across my face. I have found my guy for the night. He is beautiful. He's tall, with auburn hair. He's wearing these tight blue jeans that hug his ass in the most delicious way. The black tank top he is wearing shows off his perfectly sculpted chest and abs, along with his muscular arms. They aren't too big, but perfect for his frame. He's fucking hot. He may be the hottest guy I've ever laid my eyes on. Speaking of eyes, I can't tell what color his are from here. No better time to find out.

"See you later, Daph," I tell her, my eyes still glued on my target. She giggles at me.

"Go get 'em tiger!" she says and pushes me towards the dance floor. I smile back at her and start dancing in the direction of the hottie. I casually dance my way over by him until I am directly behind him, with my back to his back. I continue to dance with my back to him for a few minutes before slightly bumping against him with my ass, to get his attention. I look over my shoulder at him, giving him my infamous, sexy Sunshine smile. He looks at me and we make eye contact, and he smiles back at me. Damn, looks like he's got his sexy smile down pat as well. Fuck, he's even hotter up close.

I see the shorter dark-haired man he was dancing with smile, roll his eyes at us and shake his head, then move away from us, dancing closer to his other friends. They all give a knowing look, and eye me, checking me out, and talk amongst each other, chuckling as they dance.

I turn around and start moving my hips provocatively to the beat of the trippy trance music that is playing, and he turns his body towards me and starts dancing close, then starts grinding his body against mine to the beat. I stare into his eyes, and see that they are hazel, and I can't stop looking into them. They are so fucking beautiful. He continues to smile at me as we're dancing together, and before too long I can feel his hard cock against my leg, which instantly awakens my own.

I see him lean in towards my ear. He smells so fucking good. It's a mixture of cologne, cigarettes and vanilla. I close my eyes and deeply breath in his heavenly scent.

"I'm Brian," he says loud enough for me to hear over the music. I smile at him.

"Justin," I reply.

He nods at me and then I feel his arms grab me and pull me closer to him as we continue to dance. I don't know how long I can be close to this man before I cum in my pants. Although I'm versatile, I mostly top... but right now, I want this man's dick in my ass so bad I can taste it.

He's giving me this incredibly sexy look, and I can't help but stare at those full, red, luscious lips. He leans his face into mine, and brushes his lips against mine softly. They feel so smooth and soft. We pull away from each other just slightly and smile at each other. His eyes are glued to my lips as I lick them, and then he grabs the back of my neck and pulls me in for a much deeper kiss. This time I can feel his tongue moving all around my mouth, finding mine and massaging it with his. He tastes like Jim Beam and cigarettes mixed with his own unique taste. It's so fucking good.

The hand he had on the back of my neck moves up to my head, and starts massaging my scalp and then I feel his fingers running through my hair. It feels great. Too great. I don't know if I've ever been this hard in my life.

The kiss is getting more intense by the second, and we are both breathing hard through our noses, trying to get enough air without having to pull away from each other's mouths. He finally pulls away from me, both of us panting hard. There's the sexy smile again.

"You wanna get out of here?" he asks me, his eyes staring into mine.

"Sure," I say, returning a smile. He nods and quickly waves goodbye to his friends, and grabs my hand, pulling me towards the door. I see Daphne dancing down and dirty with a tall brunet woman. Fucking bisexuals. Can't they make up their mind about what they want? I just saw her making out with some hot guy last week. He was yummy-looking. How could she ever give up dick for pussy? Eww.

I let go of Brian's hand and he immediately turns to face me in confusion.

"Just a second," I tell him, and he nods.

I tap Daphne on the shoulder and she looks at me and smiles and nods. She knows me well enough to know that I'm leaving with this guy.

"Call me," is all Daphne says, and then turns her attention back to the woman she's dancing with, and grabs her ass.

I feel Brian grab my hand again, and pull me out the door. Shit. He must want me as much as I want him. We get outside and he looks at me.

"Your place or mine?" he asks me.

"Where do you live?" I ask.

"Not too far from here," he answers.

"Okay then, let's go to your place. Why don't I follow you in my car?" I say.

"All right," he agrees and then gives me a small peck on the lips before walking to his Jeep. I lick my lips and think about how it's probably a good idea that we're taking separate cars. I'm not sure I could have kept my hands to myself while he drove. In my experience, screwing around with someone while they drive is almost always a bad idea.

I walk to my own car and follow Brian's Jeep to a huge building. I park my car on the street, and then jump out to meet Brian at the entrance of the building. He smiles at me as he puts his key into the door and opens it, gesturing me to walk in first. I'm a little surprised when he starts walking towards the elevator instead of the staircase.

"Which floor is it?" I ask.

"The top one," he answers simply, and grabs my hand and pulls me onto the elevator. My stomach does that flip flop feeling as we ride up to the top floor. We glance at each other a couple of times and share a smile on the ride up, both fully aware of the sexual tension.

We step off the elevator when it stops and my fingers unconsciously twitch in anticipation. I'm hard again, just thinking about what's going to happen in a very short time from now. I anxiously watch as Brian punches in his code to his loft, and wrap my arms around his waist and kiss his neck softly. He moans and it's music to my ears. He fumbles with the door, and I giggle.

"Having a hard time with that?" I whisper into his ear with my hot breath. He turns his head around and smiles at me, grabs my hand and places it on his cock, which is clearly up and about and ready for action.

"Hard... being the key word," he says huskily, and I start panting, loving the feel of his hardness under my hand. He turns back towards the door and finally gets it open. I follow him inside, and look around his loft, impressed with what I see. Obviously this guy had some bucks coming in. He definitely had expensive taste.

"I like your place," I say to him. He nods, like he's heard the compliment a million times. I have no doubt that he has. As hot as this guy is, I'm sure countless men have been here, standing where I am right now.

"Have a seat," he gestures to the Italian leather sofa. I sit down on it, and lean back, watching him walk towards the kitchen.

"Can I get you anything?" he asks me as he opens his refrigerator door.

"Uh, you got any Beam?" I ask. He smiles and nods, closing the fridge and walks to the sofa with two glasses and a bottle of Jim Beam. He hands me my glass and pours me my drink first and then his own. He then raises his glass in the air as if to make a toast.

"To a fabulous night," he says. I smile and nod at him, clanking my glass against his and we both down our shots in one swallow.

"Another?" he asks.

"Yeah," I answer, and we each take another shot. I'm already feeling the alcohol take its effect through my body. I had already had several shots of Jim Beam at Babylon, and am now feeling a nice buzz.

Brian takes my glass from me and sets it on the coffee table in front of us. I look at him, and am still amazed at his beauty. He was beautiful under the lights at Babylon, but sometimes those lights can be deceiving. Now we are in a well lit room and I can see Brian's face very well, and he is even more beautiful now. I look over every detail of his face and suddenly I start to wish I had my sketchpad with me. Oh, well. It's a good thing I have a photographic memory, because I can file memories away, and sketch them out later, if I have to.

He's looking at me with kind of a strange expression now. He's probably wondering why I am staring at him like that.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asks, and I almost laugh.

"I'm sorry, I promise that I'm not a freak... at least not in a bad way," I smirk. He laughs and waits for my explanation. "I'm an artist. It's a habit of mine to pay close attention to detail in everything I look at - especially if it's a subject as good as you," I tell him with a sweet smile. Yeah, put on the charm, Taylor.

He smiles widely at the compliment, and I've noticed that he does that a lot... smile. It's contagious I guess, because I feel like my own smile has barely left my face since I met this man. It's nice.

Brian is looking at me like he wants to devour me. Well, come and get it, stud. I'm ready for you.