Not So Zen Ben

Chapter 2

Ben walked along the path that led from the thinking rock to the edge of Brian and Justin's yard.  His chat with Dr. Alex had been helpful.  Ben knew what he was going to do, at least he thought he knew what he was going to do.  Dealing with Michael could be challenging, especially  when things weren't going the way Michael wanted them to.

"Hey, Ben," Brian called from where he was on his knees weeding his gardens.  He had looked up just in time to spot the hunky professor going along the path. There was no answer as Ben kept walking, apparently not hearing his name being called.  "Professor!  Earth to Professor Bruckner!" Brian called when no response was forthcoming.

Ben finally looked up and noted Brian staring at him.  He smiled grimly and shook his head.

"What's up, Prof?" Brian asked as he stood up and dusted off his knees.

"I ... I was lost in thought," Ben said not really wanting to tell Brian what was going on.  He would probably take Michael's side anyway.

"No shit!" Brian responded.  "Believe it or not, I had already figured that out."

"Yeah, I guess you would," Ben said with a sigh.

"So spill!"

"It's Michael," Ben said hesitantly.

"Isn't it always?" Brian asked with a smirk.

"He wants to go back to Pittsburgh," Ben said.

"And that's a problem why?"

"Because I don't."

"Oh?"

"Aren't you going to ask why I don't want to go back to Pittsburgh with Michael?"

"I figure if you want me to know, you'll tell me."

"I have some ideas for a new book.  I want to stay here and write."

Brian was about to say something, but thought better of it.  He remained silent and waited for Ben to continue.

"Is that too much to ask?" Ben stated.

Brian still did not say anything.

"You're not much help!" Ben finally declared.

"Never said I could be."

"Then why did you ask?"

"Figured that whatever was bothering you, you might need someone to bounce it off of."

"I guess I did," Ben replied slowly.

"So ... go tell him."

Ben looked in the direction of the log cabin, but he didn't move.

"What's the worst that can happen?" Brian asked.

"He's going to be furious."

"So..."

"I ... I don't like it when Michael's angry and unhappy."

"None of us do," Brian said sticking his tongue in his cheek.  Ben didn't seem to notice, however.  "Are you going to like it when you go back to the Pitts because that's what Michael wants?"

"No, no I won't like it."

"Then go tell him you're staying here."

Ben's jaw jutted out with resolve.  "Yes I will!"  He started to walk around the cottage.  Before he reached the corner, he turned back.  "Brian, maybe you could do some weeding in our gardens this afternoon?" he asked.

"I can do that."

"Thanks," Ben said before he disappeared around the corner of the house.

Brian watched him leave knowing Ben had silently asked him to be nearby when he broke the news to Michael.  He wasn't sure what he could do, or who he was supposed to support, but he'd be there.

*****

Ben walked down the lane toward the log cabin he shared with Michael.  He had resolved to stay on the lane for the rest of the summer; now he needed to break that news to Michael.  As he turned up the path toward his house, he saw Michael piling boxes and suitcases into their car.

"Where have you been?" Michael demanded when he heard Ben's footsteps crunching on the gravel.  "I called your cell at least four times."

"I turned the phone off," Ben said staring at the contents of the car.  He could see his suitcase among the other ones already loaded.

"I packed for you, so you'll just have to hope I got all the clothes and items you wanted to take with you."

Ben continued to stare at the loaded car.  "You better take my suitcase out of the car," he said calmly.

"Why?  You got some secret items you need to add?" Michael tried to joke.

"No.  No items.  I'm not going back to Pittsburgh."

"What?  I thought we settled this.  You're coming with me."

"We didn't settle it.  You just stated that you were going, with the implication that I would simply have to go with you," Ben said with a hint of sadness.  He couldn't believe Michael would assume that he would agree to the move, and then pack his bags for him.

"Well, you are coming, aren't you?" Michael asked with defiance in his voice.

"Michael, I just said that I'm not going with you."

"But..."  Michael didn't know what to say.  Ben usually went along with whatever Michael proposed.

"There is no but," Ben declared.  "Take my suitcase out of the car."

"Get it yourself," Michael commanded as he stood with arms crossed and an angry look on his face.  He didn't think Ben would actually do it, but Ben quickly shoved the stuff around in the car and pulled out his belongings.

"Ben?" Michael whined.

"I'm not going, Michael."

"How can you do this to me?" Michael whined again.  "I do everything for you."

"Guilt is not going to cut it," Ben said with resolve.  He picked up his suitcases and headed for the door of the log house.

"Ben!  Ben!"

Ben ignored his husband.  He didn't want to get into a shouting match with his husband.  At this moment he wished Michael would just get in the car and leave.

"Stop, Ben!" Michael demanded as he ran after his husband, grabbing his arm before he could open the door to the log cabin.

"Let go, Michael," Ben said trying to keep his temper.  He tried to pry Michael's fingers from his arm.  Michael was surprisingly strong for someone of his size.  When Michael wanted something, he usually got it, and he wasn't letting go until he got Ben to agree to go with him.  "Michael, stop it!" Ben shouted.  "Let go of me."  He finally yanked his arm out of Michael's grasp.  "Just go to fucking Pittsburgh and leave me alone."

"I don't want to leave you alone.  Please come with me," Michael wheedled.

"I'm not going, Michael.  How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Why?  You can write in Pittsburgh.  You don't have to do it here."

Ben sighed.  "There are too many distractions in Pittsburgh ... you included," Ben chose to add.

"I'm a distraction?" Michael asked genuinely surprised.

"Of course you are.  Usually it's the best kind of distraction," Ben added hoping to soften what he was telling his husband.  "But if I'm going to write, I need peace and quiet and no distractions."

"I can give you peace and quiet in Pittsburgh.  I'll go to work every day and you'll be by yourself to write.  It'll be very quiet," Michael promised.

"And very uninspiring," Ben said with a sigh.

"You find our life in Pittsburgh uninspiring?" Michael demanded.  His voice rose higher and louder with each word.

"I didn't say that.  I find it's much easier to think and write here ... on the lane.  Since I want to write, this is the place to be."

"How can you be so selfish?" Michael exclaimed.

"Me ... selfish!  Look the fuck who's talking!" Ben shouted at him.  The last shred of his patience was gone.

"Are you calling me selfish?  How could you?" Michael shouted back.

"I hate fighting with you but you take things too far.  Go to Pittsburgh, and leave me the fuck alone!" Ben screamed at his husband.

Michael took a step back at the vehemence in his husband's voice and words.  "I'll do just that," Michael stated, once he had regained some equilibrium.  "And I'll enjoy every minute of it without you."

"Good!" Ben yelled at him.

Michael ran to the car, slammed the trunk lid down and got behind the wheel.  He started the car and backed it out onto the lane.  As he did, he almost hit Glen who was wheeling down the lane in his chair.  Brian ran over from where he had been listening to the shouting match and trying to decide if he should intervene.

"You okay?" he asked Glen who nodded in reply.  He was quite shaken by nearly being hit by Michael's car.

"I'm in one piece," Glen said uncertainly.

"What the hell was that?" Drew called out as he ran over from Emmett's cottage.  "Was that Michael?  He damn near drove right into you."

"I know," Glen said.

Ben ran out from the log cabin having seen Michael nearly kill Glen.  "I'm so sorry," he told Glen as he watched Michael's car careening down the lane.

"It wasn't your fault."

"I made him angry."

"We heard," the three men said together.  Ben just shook his head.

Michael slowed at the bend in the lane.  He glanced in the rearview mirror and saw his husband standing with Brian, Drew and Glen.

"Fuck!" he shouted as he pushed the button to open the gate.

The guys stared at Michael’s taillights for a second before he disappeared.  Brian then suggested that Ben and Drew take Glen into the cabin while Brian sprinted across the lane to his cottage to get Alex.  Alex was “helping” with the cookie production.

“Hey, Squirt, do you mind if I borrow Alex for a while?” Brian asked as he entered the kitchen.  He had made a conscious effort to calm himself before entering the house.

Alex was sitting on the other side of the counter watching the cookie production.  Apparently his baking skills weren’t up to Bree’s (and Justin’s) standards so they thought it best that he supervise from the other side of the counter.  They did allow Alex to taste test some chocolate chips, several raisins and a few cookies which kept him satisfied.

“Sure, Dada!” Bree replied with a bright smile.  Justin looked up from his mixing bowl to give Brian a look.  Brian slightly shook his head while mouthing “later.”  Justin nodded with understanding.

“Thank you, Squirt.  I’m sure he’ll be back for your cookies a little later,” Brian promised.  “Come on, Doc, time’s a-wasting,” Brian teased as he casually took Alex’s arm to lead him out of the house.  Sensing that something was going on, Alex didn’t argue.  He smiled and allowed himself to be led.

“What happened?” Alex asked the minute they cleared the front door and were away from little ears.

 “Michael happened.  Move it!” Brian ordered as he tugged on an arm and began to run.  Alex had no choice but to follow.  A minute later they flew through the cabin door.  “Ben?” Brian shouted.

“Here!” Ben called out from the kitchen. 

“Babe?” Alex said the minute he saw Glen who was a bit pale from his ordeal.  Alex knelt in front of the wheelchair.  “Who do I have to kill?” Alex asked in a serious tone.  Glen smiled as he reached out to caress his lover’s face.

“No one, Babe.  It was a stupid accident and I’m really not hurt.  More scared than anything else,” Glen assured Alex as he explained.

“I’m so sorry,” Ben murmured, mortified at what had transpired.

“It’s not your fault.  I don’t think Michael even knew what happened,” Glen said; his eyes never left Alex’s.

“Maybe not but he should have been more careful,” Ben said sadly.  “What are you doing?” Ben asked Brian.  Brian was taking liberties rummaging through the kitchen cabinets.

“Looking for coffee,” Brian grumbled.  Ben pushed Brian aside as he took out the fixings for the coffeemaker.  Ben then pointed at a cupboard.  Brian took the hint, and opened the cupboard to find the coffee mugs.  In the meantime Drew called Emmett to let him know where he was and to fill him in.   Drew assured Emm that he wasn’t needed at the moment but Drew would definitely offer his services.  Drew slid a chair over for Alex which he gratefully accepted so he could sit next to Glen.

“Does this mean you’re a bachelor for the summer?” Alex asked Ben when he sufficiently calmed down.  He was only remotely kidding about the offer to kill someone.

“Yes, I think I am.  Michael should be halfway to Pittsburgh by now,” Ben remarked as he poured out the coffee.

“Are you okay with this?  You guys have been together forever,” Drew remarked.  “It’s bound to feel a little weird.”

“Just being with Mikey is weird,” Brian mumbled around his mug.

“Not helping,” Glen sing-songed.  Brian shrugged.

“Brian’s right,” Ben said with a sigh.  “Look, guys, I know you all think I’m nuts for loving Michael and for sticking with him all these years.”  Ben looked at the men in the room who were making a point of trying to keep blank faces except for Brian.  Brian rolled his eyes and sort of had a constipated look on his face.  The men stared at him.

“What?” Brian snapped. 

Ben patted his back.  “I can’t change what I am and I can’t change the fact that I love Michael Novotny with all my heart.”

“Even when he’s being an ass?” Glen asked.

“Even then.”

“Well that’s that.  You just better be prepared to kiss his ass when your book is published,” Glen declared as he raised his coffee mug.  The guys agreed.

Brian snorted.

***** 

“Ma?”

“Michael?  Where are you?”

“Home.  In Pittsburgh, I mean.”

“What are you doing there?  You didn’t say goodbye.  Wait just a fucking minute!  I just saw Ben outside about ten minutes ago.  How can you be home?”

“He left me.”

“What do you mean, he left you?”

“Just what I said; Ben left me!”

“How can he leave you when he’s here and you’re there?  And who did he leave you for, that is if he did leave you which he couldn’t have?”

“He left me for a book.”

“A what?  Michael, we must have a bad connection or something because I thought I heard you say he left you for a book.  And that can’t be right.  And how can he leave you when he’s still here on the lane?  Michael, you’re not making any sense!”

“Ma, will you listen to me, please!”

“Okay, Sweetheart, start from the beginning, slowly.”

“Ben wants to take time off from teaching to write a book and he wants to do it on the lane.”

“But that’s wonderful!”

“Ma!”

“That isn’t wonderful?”

 “No it isn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because he wants to stay on the lane!”

“Michael, I may be old but I’m not deaf; you don’t have to shout at me.”

“Sorry, Ma.”

“Why is it wrong for Ben to stay on the lane?  Didn’t he take time off to stay with you on the lane when you were sick?  You were here for a long time.”

“That’s different.”

“How is that different?  He practically quit his job for you.  He did everything he could to make sure you were comfortable and that the house and the store were well taken care of so all you had to concentrate on was getting better.  So what’s wrong with him wanting to take..., what do they call it?”

“A sabbatical.”

“Yeah, that’s it.  A sabbatical, so he can write and then who knows, if his book sells, maybe he’ll retire for good!”

“Oh great, then he’ll never leave the lane.”

“Oh for fuck sake, what bee crawled up your ass?”

“MA!”

“Well?  Why are you acting like an asshole?”

“Because you should be on my side.”

“Honey, I’m always on your side.  You’re my son and I love you.  But it’s time for you to man up.  If Ben wants to stay on the lane to write then you should support his decision.”

“Ma…”

“Don’t interrupt me.”

“Sorry, Ma.”

“You be supportive and give Ben his space.  I’m sure when he starts to miss you he’ll call.  Better yet, plan on spending some weekends here.  Maybe he’ll surprise you and have his bags ready to go back home with you.”

“Yeah, yeah!  Good idea, Ma.”

“Of course, it’s a good idea.  Now get some rest.  Everything will look better in the morning and give my granddaughter a big kiss for me.  Why doesn’t that rich girlfriend of hers bring her up here?”

“I don’t know, Ma, but I’ll find out.”

“You do that, Michael.  Love you, Sweetheart.”

“Love you, Ma.”

“That was Michael?” Carl asked as he put down the book he was reading.

“Some detective you are.  Of course it was Michael.”

“What happened now?”

“You weren’t listening?”

“I try not to.”

“Thank you, Honey, but I wish you had.  Short story, Ben is here planning on writing and Michael is back home in Pittsburgh.”  

“For how long?”

“Good question.  I don’t think Michael will do too well on his own.  He’s grown to rely on Ben.”

“I know, Babe.  But don’t sell Michael short.  Maybe he’ll surprise us.”

“I hope so.”

*****

“What happened this afternoon?” Justin asked as he gently rubbed a foamy puff across Brian’s chest.  It was late, the lane and their cottage were quiet; it was Brian and Justin time.

“Ben’s decided to stay on the lane to write.  He wants to take a sabbatical.  I think he’s earned it but Michael doesn’t see it that way.  Michael left in a huff to go back to the Pitts.”

“Sounds like Michael.”  Justin gently turned Brian so that he could wash Brian’s back.

“Yes, it does.  Unfortunately, when Michael was backing out of his driveway he wasn’t paying attention; he nearly ran over Glen.”

“Oh my God!” Justin exclaimed.  Brian turned, gathering the smaller man into his arms.

“It really was an accident.  He couldn’t see Glen.”  Brian took the puff, added more soap then gently ran the puff up and down Justin’s arms.  “Glen’s all right.  Shaken up but not hurt.”

“That’s why you got Alex.”

“Yes, I wanted Alex to check Glen out.  Besides, Alex needed to know.”  Brian became silent.

“What is it?” Justin softly asked.

“I don’t want anyone else on our lane, Sunshine.  It’s full.  We’re done giving out parcels of land to every tom, dick or asshole.”

“Brian, that’s your anger talking.”

“Maybe, but I mean it.”

“For now, you mean,” Justin said reasonably with a coy smile.  It was a smile that did things to Brian’s heart and to other important parts of Brian’s body.

Justin looked down between them to see just how well his smile worked.

“Now, want you now,” Justin whispered above the cascading water.  Brian reached for an ever present packet of lube to quickly prepare his spouse then drove himself home deep within Justin.

“Love you,” Brian whispered into Justin’s ear as he made love to Justin.

“Love you,” Justin repeated as Brian took them closer and closer to the edge and then over. 

Return to Not So Zen Ben