Wedding Bell Blues
Chapter 6
April 2007
"Justin, staring out of the window all afternoon isn't going to make it stop."
"I thought if the big man upstairs heard a prayer from little Mary Sunshine, maybe he'd stop the rain."
"Sunshine, I think you must have pissed him off big time, cause right now you are definitely little Mary Go Fuck Yourself."
"Damn, Brian! It's been three weeks, three fucking weeks of rain. I'm beginning to feel waterlogged."
"Yeah, but think of how pretty the clearing will be in time for the wedding."
"Pretty? What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Oh, come on, Sunshine, I thought you were smarter than that. You know, April showers bring May flowers. When we get there the wildflowers will all be in bloom, the grass will be green, the trees lush and your allergies in high gear."
"Why, Mr. Kinney, you old romantic fool, you."
"What have I told you about that old shit? Now, come away from the window and join me on the sofa. My lap is getting very cold and lonely."
"We can't have that, can we?"
"No, we can't. So sit with me and we can relish this quiet afternoon together."
"Brian, it has been quiet, hasn't it?"
"I just said that."
"No, I mean really quiet."
"Yeah. So?"
"I mean as in no frantic phone calls from the bride from Hell and his equally annoying partner. Come to think about it, what time is it?"
"How should I know what time it is? You're the bloody cuckoo clock."
"Wait, fuck, it's after two."
"Which means what?"
"Which means we haven't heard from your brother or Bobby in over twenty-four hours! Something must be wrong. The loft phone hasn't rung, neither has my cell."
"Mine neither. Do you think we should call Claire?"
"No. John may answer. I'm beginning to like the John and Bobby free day."
"Use my cell and call Hunter. I'm not sure if he has your number programmed in yet; he may not recognize your number."
"Okay. Brian, can I ask you something?"
"Can I stop you? Ask."
"Hunter's phone, why are you paying for it?"
"Jealous, Sunshine?"
"Kind of."
"Justin, don't be ridiculous. Let me explain."
"This better be good, Kinney, cause our bed isn't big enough for another blond twink."
"Put a sock in it, Justin, and preferably one of yours. Mine are too expensive."
"The point, Brian."
"You remember how difficult it was to get your first cell phone when you moved out of straight city and into queersville. The last time we went up to the farm I helped Hunter get his own phone. It's on my plan, just like yours is and he pays for it just like you do."
"Don't tell me he has access to your bank account!"
"I'm not that stupid. He sends me the payment via Paypal, just like you do."
"But I still don't understand why you're doing this. He has parents."
"Yes, he does and although Ben is very supportive of how Hunter has turned his life around and has made this commitment to his education, Mikey is still being his bitchy little self. You have to admit that Claire, John and Bobby have done a lot for the kid."
"True."
"And now Steve and Bill are working on getting Hunter some decent transportation. Steve is retiring one of the farm's pickup trucks and is going to sell it to Hunter. The truck may be too old to haul bales of hay but not too old to haul one skinny assed blond teenager. You did a hell of a good job setting up Hunter's Spring class schedule to coincide with John and Bobby's schedule but you know as well as I do that next semester may not go as well."
"You're right. I hated it when I had two or three hours in between classes and no car to get off campus."
"Exactly. And PIFA is close by. Just think how Hunter feels. Plus he feels like a burden asking them to drive him around all the time. I just wanted to help the little shit. Ben knows about it and Mikey kind of knows but he's in denial. Now, are you okay with this?"
"Yes, I am."
"Good, now call."
"Yes, master."
#####
"Hello?"
"Hi, Hunter."
"Justin? Why are you using Brian's phone?"
"He told me to. Hunter is everything okay up there?"
"Why, you guys missing the hourly panic calls?"
"Something like that. We did notice it was a little quiet around here lately."
"Well you guys can thank me for that."
"You?! Hunter, what did you do to John and Bobby. Wait! Brian, stop that."
"Justin, put it on speaker."
"Hold on, keep your shirt on. There. Okay Hunter, we both can hear you. Now what did you do?"
"I did what any man who was on the verge of committing a double homicide would do."
"What!?"
"I had a family conference with Claire, Steve and Bill and we all agreed that desperate times called for some desperate measures."
"Hunter, it's Brian. My brain isn't working quite accurately right now; I happen to have one hot blond boy sitting on my lap. So, speak slowly and enunciate."
"Okay, for the old man and his slut. It's been raining so much that our little serene stream looks more like the Colorado rapids. Between the Spring thaw and the rain the clearing is a marsh."
"Holy fucking shit!"
"Now don't bust a gut about it, blondie. I have it on good authority that this happens every year. And every year by mid May the water recedes and the clearing is dry."
"Who's your authority?"
"Claire is, big guy. And she should know; she's lived here all her life. And so have John and Bobby. But that hasn't stopped them both from making complete assholes of themselves. We caught them arguing about hiring industrial water pumps to drain the clearing, uh, marsh, whatever the fuck it is. Believe me when I say, it wasn't pretty up here. Claire and I couldn't take it anymore; we left them staring at the big rock. Which, by the way is half submerged, and we fled to the farm. We had a pow wow with Bill and Steve and came up with a plan. A brilliant one if I do say so myself."
"So, are you going to tell us or do we have to wait for the evening news?"
"Patience, patience, oh god-like stud. Bottom line, we locked them in the barn and without their cell phones."
"You did what!?"
"Don't have a cow, besides, Flossie may get jealous. Claire cooked and packed up enough food for a week. Steve set up a portable potty and Bill and I made it romantic with twinkling fairy lights. They have sleeping bags, wine, all the makings of a romantic getaway."
"Romantic getaway? With Flossie and Bossie?"
"No, asshole, the other barn. The barn where we store the hay. I cleaned it out myself and it has fresh hay."
"Hunter?"
"Yeah, Jus?"
"If I remember correctly, that barn has two doors. Wouldn't they have walked out the back as you were shutting the door?"
"Not with a tractor barring the doors. And the second one in the front."
"Shit!"
"Yup. Two days of peace and quiet while those two reconnect and get their heads back to normal."
"Hunter?"
"Bri?"
"Are you sure they're okay and not plotting your demise?"
"Nope. Bill climbed up to one of the windows and took a peek. He said something about them doing something that looked humanly impossible and then laughed his ass off. I got the impression he was going to try that with Gary."
"Shit, the Acapulco thing."
"One of you guys gonna fill me in on that one?"
"When you're a little older."
"Shit. Listen guys, I'm going to take advantage of the quiet to do some studying. I'll call you when we release the prisoners."
"Good. Give everyone our love and I'm sure we'll talk to you soon."
"Will do. Bye guys, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
"Yeah, right."
"Bye, Hunter."
"Goodbye, blondie, and don't break the big guy. I'm still waiting for him to cum to his senses and take me on."
"In your dreams!"
"Well, what do you think of that, Sunshine?"
"I'm thinking that we should call Emmett."
"Call Emmett, why? You want him to come over?"
"No, no, no. But he may have also noticed the quiet and call us while we're doing the Acapulco thing."
"Good thinking. I need to concentrate when we're doing that or one of us could get hurt."
"Or stuck. Why don't you start the shower, I'll call Emmett and then join you."
"Your wish is my command."
"And you know what I'm wishing for."
"So get your ass in gear, blondie."
"Fuck you, Kinney!"
"You got it, blondie."
!!!!!
"That was incredible!"
"You sure were, Sunshine."
"That was barely humanly possible."
"And you pulled it off."
"And off, and off and off. I don't think I ever got off that much in my whole life."
"Sure you have, the last time we did that."
"Made me hungry too. You getting hungry?"
"Yeah, hungry for you but let's rest a while then I'll call out for dinner."
"Bri? What Hunter said about your coming to your senses and wanting him?"
"Justin, don't go there. There isn't room for any other blonds in my life."
"How about red heads?"
"No red heads either."
"Bri?"
"Justin, I know I'm a stubborn idiotic asshole sometimes, okay, most of the time and I know I don't have the romantic sense that god gave a bullfrog but I do know that there isn't anyone else I want in my bed but you. Now, will you shut up and let me rest so I can call out for dinner."
"Yes, Brian."
"Thank the gods for small mercies."
"Brian."
"Shit, what is it now?"
"I love you."
"Yeah, yeah, now shut the fuck up."
"Yes, Brian."
"I mean it, Justin."
"I know you do."
"Fucking little twat."
"Asshole."
"Damn, will I ever get the last word around here?"
"Yes, Brian."
"Oh, never mind."
"Okay, Brian."
******************************************************************
"John, do you think they're going to let us out of here soon?"
"Getting sick of me already?"
"Of course not, but I could use a shower."
"Me too. And I wish I could reach a window. The barn smells like..."
"Sex?"
"Big time. Bobby, we've been acting like a pair of lesbians."
"No need to insult our sisters, but I agree, we've been acting like idiots. You know as well as I do that the water will recede soon and the clearing will be dry in time for the wedding."
"I guess we've been getting on their last nerve."
"Ya, think? John, I don't care if we get married naked in a swamp. I just want to marry you."
"Me too, Baby. You ready to do that Acapulco thing again?"
"Oh yeah!"
******************************************************************
"Sam?"
"Yes, Emmy."
"Um, there's something I'd like to try with you, something Justin told me they did when they were all in Acapulco."
"Oh? What?"
"I don't think I can say it out loud, it's rather outrageous."
"Then whisper in my ear."
"Okay..."
"Is that possible?"
"Not sure, but we can have fun finding out."
"Let's go for it, sweet cheeks."
"Mmm, I'm lovin' that man of mine!"
******************************************************************
Same month, a different day.
"Brian?"
"Hey John, and how is my devastatingly handsome look-a-like big bro' doing? All right in the world up there, now that it's stopped raining?"
"Um, yeah. We're better now. We've groveled to my mother, Hunter and to Steve, Bill and Emmett, now I'm groveling to you and Justin. We're sorry. I know Bobby and I have been a bit..."
"Irrational?"
"I was going to say foolish but irrational is more like it. I've always prided myself on being mature and you know how logical Bobby is but..."
"Get a pair of fags together planning a wedding and stand back and watch the fur fly."
"Something like that. Shit, Brian, I can't believe my behavior lately. I'm surprised it took this long before someone snapped. You know that it was all Hunter's idea to lock us in the barn. He had help but it was all Hunter."
"Got to give it to the little scamp; he's more devious than I am."
"Scary, isn't it? Anyway, I just wanted to call to say it's safe now up here. You can visit without reservation. Or better yet, Bobby and I will drive down and take you guys out for dinner. Some place high brow, on me."
"You sure you want to do that? You know how Justin likes to eat."
"I'm sure, it's the least we can do. I'll call you later in the week to confirm."
"You got it, big bro. Later."
"Hey Bri! Was that John on the phone?"
"Yup. He called to grovel, his word not mine and to ask us out to dinner. He'll call back with the details."
"Cool."
"And how's my little Sunshine doing today?"
"Very well, thank you, now that I can actually see the sun. Can I ask you something?"
"Uh oh, not another Hunter question."
"No, I'm over it, I think. This is a John question."
"Shoot."
"Brian, you like having John for a brother, don't you?"
"Justin, what kind of a question is that, of course I do. I love that man."
"Why? Cause he looks so much like you?"
"Now you're being a twat. That may have something to do with it. He grows more beautiful with time. At least I know I won't look like a dog when I get to be his age."
"Vain asshole."
"Shut. Up. But it's more like, I finally have a family. Something that's really mine."
"But Brian, you've always had a family."
"With Joan and Jack, not."
"No, I mean with Michael and Debbie."
"Justin, I just borrowed them. I know how that sounds and as much as I know Debbie loves me she's still Mikey's mother, not mine. And Michael is not my brother as much as I always wished he was when we were kids. It may seem selfish but John is mine. It was scary when we first found them and it could have been a complete disaster but it wasn't and now I have my very own family with John."
"And me?"
"And you, of course, you. Always you, Sunshine. No matter what, you've always been there, watching my back."
"I'd like to do more than watch your back."
"Don't push it, Sunshine. You get one or two trips to the top per month, now get in bed and make like a bottom boy."
"Yes, master!"
"Sometimes I wonder how I ever survived without you."
"You didn't."