Still the One

Chapter 4

May 2025

Brian continued to stare out of the loft windows, trees were blooming everywhere.  Cars were covered in a carpet of green pollen.  He made a wistful smirk, someone would be sneezing a lot over the next few days.

A car passed by that reminded Brian of Ben’s reliable sedan.  No Jeep or Corvette for Zen Ben.  Brian made a genuine smile.  Ben was a good friend; a reliable friend.

***** 

February-March 2025

Ben parked his car in front of the Tremont apartment building.  As he turned off the ignition, he looked down at the set of keys in his hand.  On his key ring there were a few keys he rarely if ever used.  As he got out of his car, Ben spied Brian’s distinctive Jeep in its usual spot.  ‘The Lord and Master was in residence,’ Ben thought to himself.  Using one of those keys, Ben let himself into the building. 

“Same time next week,” Ben heard as he raised the gate on the repurposed freight elevator.  A very distinguished gentleman was leaving the loft.  Ben recognized the man and the man recognized Ben.  Saying nothing, the two gentlemen nodded to each other as they exchanged places.  Ben watched the slow descent of the elevator for a few seconds before entering the loft.

“Brian?” Ben called out as he slid the door shut.

“Coffee, Professor?” Brian replied as casually as he could.

“No thanks.  I’ll take tea if you have it,” Ben said trying to match Brian’s tone.  Their silence was deafening as Ben watched Brian fill a kettle then place it on the stove.  In a few minutes, Ben had a mug of tea placed in his hands.  Brian topped off his mug with coffee then gestured toward the living room.

“What brings you here?” Brian asked, somewhat defiantly.

“There’s been talk.  Not a lot of it but enough to get me concerned and...”

“Curious?” Brian supplied.

“Yes, I’m embarrassed to admit it but I am curious,” Ben stated honestly.  “And I miss you.”  That comment got a raised eyebrow.  Ben rolled his eyes.  “I miss our lunches.  I looked forward to our conversations and debates over lunch.  You’ve been busy, I’m still teaching, we rarely have a moment to ourselves.  Even when we stay at the cabin, Michael and I keep to ourselves.  I miss you.” 

Brian gave Ben an honest smile as he pulled out his cell phone.

“Honeycutt!  Do you have a table for two for lunch in that scrawny little bistro of yours?”  Brian quickly held the phone away from his ear as Emmett shouted his response.  Brian waited until the diatribe was over.  “Ben and I would like to have lunch.”  Brian grinned as he shook his head.  “We’ll be there in a few.  Later,” Brian said as he ended the conversation.  “Come on, Professor.  Let’s do lunch,” Brian said as he took Ben’s mug and his own to the kitchen to wash.

“Brian,” Ben softly began.

“Wait.  Not here.  I need some air and believe it or not Emm’s booth in his bistro is very private.”

“All right.  I’ll follow you over,” Ben said as he grabbed his coat then followed Brian out of the loft.

*****

“Welcome, gentlemen, although I’m not sure if that term applies to both of you,” Emmett said as he narrowed his eyes at Brian.  Brian gave Emmett his most innocent smile as he batted his eyelashes at him.  “Oh stop it,” Emmett said as he took their coats then showed them to the booth.  In minutes Emmett brought them a tray of neatly cut vegetables, cheese, and fruit to munch on while they waited for their main course.

“Sit,” Brian commanded before Emmett could flit away.  Grabbing Emmett’s arm, Brian pulled Emmett down next to him.  The two friends waited patiently for Brian to speak.  And in a few minutes, he did.

“For several months I’ve been feeling...”

“Out of sorts?” Ben offered.

“I guess that’s as good a phrase as any.  Confused works too.  Yeah, yeah, I know,” Brian added when he heard a gasp from Emmett.  “I’ve accomplished so much; we’ve all accomplished so much,” Brian said with a coy smile for his friends.  Brian took a nibble out of a piece of cheese before going on.  “Ted and Cynthia gave me an album with pictures of each grand opening of every Kinnetik.”

“It must be beautiful,” Emmett quietly gushed.

“It is.  You can see it the next time you’re on the lane.  There’s a picture of Old Joanie in it from New York.”

“She helped out with Briana, I recall,” Ben said.

“Yes, she did.  She helped us a lot.  I...”

“You miss her,” Emmett whispered as he slowly snaked his arm around Brian’s shoulders.

“And you needed a little help to sort things out,” Ben added.  “The Silver Fox,” Ben began as he touched Brian’s hand.  “I see him too on occasion.”  Brian searched Ben’s eyes.  “I’m fine.  My blood work is as close to normal as one can get but sometimes I get angry.  The Fox helps me with that.  And then there’s Michael.”

Brian snorted as Emmett smirked.

“Yes, he’s not the easiest person to love but I do love him.  The Fox helps me with that too.  The point is that it’s okay to seek out help.  Wilder’s a good man.  And it helps that he’s a part of the community.  He’s smart and has a good rep in his profession.”

Brian and Emmett gave Ben a look.

“I am a college graduate, you know,” Ben joked, making quotations in the air before getting serious again.  “I did some research on him before I made my first appointment.  The man could have practiced anywhere in the country but he chose to stay here.”

“Because he knows that the Pitts’ fags are all nuts,” Brian murmured.

“Something like that.”  Ben paused for a moment.  “Thank you, Brian.”

“For what?”

“For trusting me.  For trusting both of us.”  Ben indicated Emmett who was nodding his head.  “We know what a private person you are.”

“And Michael?  He thinks I’m tricking.”

“I’ll handle Michael,” Ben said.  Emmett and Brian gave Ben a look.  Ben chuckled as he shook his head.  “Let me rephrase that.  I will try to keep Michael under control.  He really is a very sweet person.  He just has this thing about you.”

“And don’t we all know,” Emmett automatically chimed in before Ben could finish.  “Sorry,” Emm murmured.

“And you,” Brian turned toward Emmett.

“Me?”

“Yeah, you.  Do you think I’ve gone soft?”  Brian scowled.

“Brian Kinney is never soft.  Or so I’ve heard.  I don’t have any personal experience in that area unlike someone at this table.”  Brian giggled when Ben growled out his own warning which Emmett completely ignored then continued on.  “Brian, we’ve become very close over the years, and yes, I know some people think I like to gossip and I do when it’s harmless.  I freely admit it.  But I would never betray your trust.  You’ve done so much for me over the years and never asked for anything in return.  I would be honored to help you in any capacity,” Emm said sincerely.  “You’re really one of my closest friends.  I love you.”

Brian took a deep breath then slowly released it, gathering his thoughts.  “Wilder comes to the loft.  I see him at least once a week.  Sometimes we find a small quiet restaurant and have dinner.  The man has expensive taste,” Brian griped.  “But it’s been worth it.  I feel almost like Brian Kinney again after our sessions.”

“Honey, you’ll always be Brian Kinney, make no mistake about that.  You’ll just be a more well adjusted Brian Kinney,” Emm said with a toothy smile.

“What he means is that sometimes we feel that things get disconnected; Wilder has a way of helping you to make those connections again.  Does Justin know?” Ben asked.

“Yes.  Not the details, but enough.”

“Good.  I’m sure he’s very supportive,” Ben said with confidence.  Brian nodded.  He wasn’t ready to share the proposal debacle with his friends.  He was hoping that in a few more sessions with his good shrink, Justin’s hesitation wouldn’t still hurt so much.

“There is something I’d like to know,” Brian stated with his usual gruffness.

“Yes?” both Emm and Ben asked.

“What the fuck does one have to do to get lunch around here?”  Brian narrowed his gaze on one Emmett Honeycutt.  Without further ado, Emmett jumped up to get their lunch.

“Don’t worry, Brian, you still got it,” Ben teased.

“Yeah, yeah,” Brian said nonchalantly as he waved a royal wrist.

*****

“Brian Kinney, as I live and breathe,” Max Jacobs said, touching Brian’s shoulder.  “And who’s your handsome companion?  I thought you were into blonds.” 

Gus and Ray were waiting to be seated at a local pub.

“I’m not Brian,” Gus stated as he turned to face Max.  Max quickly removed his hand.

“No, my mistake, but the resemblance is uncanny.  Are you his brother?”

“Gus Kinney, Brian is my father, and you are?” Gus asked as he politely extended his hand.

“Max Jacobs, I’m sure you’ve heard of me,” Max stated smugly.  Before he could get a reply, Max went on.  “Allow me to buy you boys dinner, I have a business proposition I’d like to discuss.”

Max confidently directed the boys to a table.

*****

"Hello," Justin said as he answered the phone at Edna's Treasures.

"So you're home.  I'll be right up."

"Deb..."

"No excuses, I'm coming over.  Make a pot of coffee."

Justin sighed heavily.  "Okay," he said grudgingly before hanging up and getting out the coffee.  He sniffed Brian's special blend, thinking how much he missed his husband.  Sometimes life was just the shits.

The doorbell rang as Justin turned on the coffeemaker.  Debbie had arrived in record time.  Justin went to the door and took a deep breath before opening it and putting on the best smile he could muster.

"Deb, that was quick," he said.

"How the fuck are you?" Debbie demanded as she brushed past him and headed for the kitchen.

"I ... I'm okay," Justin stammered as he closed the door and followed Debbie. 

When they reached the kitchen, Debbie whirled round and glared at Justin.  "Don't try to kid a kidder, Sunshine."

"What are you talking about, Deb?"

"You're not okay, and neither is Brian."

"How...?"

"I have fucking eyes!  I've seen Brian drive off and not return for days.  And don't try to tell me that he's away on business.  I fucking won't believe that for a second."

Justin shook his head slowly.  "Okay, okay, sit down.  The coffee's ready.  We can have a talk."

"Good," Debbie replied setting her butt on one of the kitchen chairs.

"Here's your coffee," Justin said handing her a mug of the hot rich liquid.

Debbie took a sip and let out a pleased sigh.  "Brian Kinney's personal blend.  He does have good taste."

"Yes, he does."

"I always used to think he had the best taste in husbands, but lately I'm not so sure."

"Deb..."

Debbie held up her hand to prevent him from telling her this was none of her business.  She already knew that, but she couldn't sit back and let things go to hell.  "You don't have to tell me the whole story ... if you don't want to, but I need to know if you two are going to be okay."

"I hope so," Justin said with resignation."

"Hope so, HOPE so!  That's no fucking answer.  What are you doing about this mess?"

"Mostly waiting."

"Waiting for what?"

"For ... Brian to get his ... equilibrium back."

"Equilibrium!  What the fuck does that mean?"

"Brian's been feeling ... off, lately.  It's hard to explain.  He ... he's trying to deal with some ... issues."  Justin didn't know how else to explain what Brian was going through.

"So, it's him, and not you," Debbie said frowning.  "I always knew Brian's former life would catch up with him one day."

"It's not like that."

"Then what is it like?"

"That's for Brian to explain.  I've told you about as much as I can."

Debbie studied Justin's face for a minute.  She realized she had pushed just about as much as she dared.  "All right, sunshine, but if there's anything I can do....  If there's any help you need..."

"I know, Deb, and thanks.  If I need you, I'll come knocking on your door."

Debbie smiled and squeezed Justin's hand across the table.  "You can call and I'll be up here in a flash."

"Just like today."

Debbie chuckled.  "Yeah, just like today."

They each sipped their coffee for a few minutes, not sure what they should say next.  Thoughts were swirling around in both their heads, but neither wanted to broach them.

"How's Bree handling all this?" Debbie finally asked, deciding that might be the safest topic at the moment.

"She's not happy that Brian's away so much.  I think she knows something's wrong, but it's kind of like she's afraid to ask.  And I don't really want to start it up with her.  I think she'll only be more upset."

"You're probably right.  It's not easy talking about ... difficult things," Debbie agreed slowly.

"That sounds like something you're personally experiencing," Justin stated looking at Debbie who couldn't quite meet his gaze.

Debbie let out a long breath.  "I didn't come up here to talk about me."

"Turn about is fair play."

"Whoever made up that stupid fucking rule."

Justin laughed.  "I don't think it's a rule," he admitted, "but I am willing to listen."

Debbie gnawed on her bottom lip, not sure whether she should spill the beans or not.  Justin sat patiently while she made up her mind.

"I'm beginning to wonder if we should have moved out here," Debbie said barely above a whisper.

"What?  You don't like it on the lane?" Justin asked in bewilderment.  That was the last thing he had expected to hear.

"I like it well enough, and I love the cottage, but..."

"But what?"

"It's so different from our life in Pittsburgh.  The cottage is small and we seem to be on top of each other all the time."

"That should be a good thing," Justin replied with a grin, trying to make a joke.  His joke obviously fell flat based on the look on Debbie's face.

"The difference between what should be and what turns out to be is often astronomical," Debbie said wisely.

"What's wrong?  Are you and Carl not getting along?"

Debbie sighed.  "I love him dearly, but we're always together out here.  I never get a break from him, and I'm sure if he's honest, he would like a break from me sometimes."

"What would you do in Pittsburgh to take a break from each other?" Justin asked.

"I don't know.  There were so many possibilities.  I'd go shopping or he'd go play pool or visit his cronies.  He was always dropping in at the police station to see what was going on."

"Can't he do that out here?"

"He could, but he would have to drive into Pittsburgh which means I'm stuck here without a car.  If I take the car, he's stuck.  It ... It's just not working."

"Maybe you both need to find things to do here that don't require a trip to Pittsburgh," Justin suggested.

"Like what?  I don't think farming or baking pies is going to cut it for me," Debbie said rather sarcastically.

Justin chuckled.  "There are other things to do in the area."

"Yeah, lay them on me," Debbie challenged him.

"You helped with the Halloween fair at Bree's school in the fall.  They need volunteers for other things.  Some people go to the school everyday."

"I couldn't handle every day," Debbie said with a frown.

"You could volunteer for something that was once or twice a week.  They always need people to read with children who are having problems."

"Really?"

Justin could see the wheels turning.  "I think they have pool tables, or maybe it's one pool table, at the community center in Bridgeton.  Carl could drop you off at the school and go play pool for a couple hours."

"That could work," Debbie agreed.  "Anything else?"

"They have other activities at the community center - card games and lecture series and movie nights and all kinds of things."

"Why don't I know about this community center?" Debbie demanded.

"Probably because you never asked."

Debbie made a face at him.  "I came up here to help you, and you may have helped me instead."

"It's my pleasure," Justin said sincerely.  "I really want you and Carl to be happy here."

"Thank you, sunshine," Debbie replied standing up and giving Justin a big hug.  "I really want you and Brian to be happy too."

"Me too," Justin agreed hugging Debbie back.  From your lips to God's ears, he thought.

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