Sins of the Father
Chapter 6
Justin could sense Brian's tension even in
the shower. Brian wasn't as playful as usual. Showering with Brian even when
they didn't have sex was always a playful and pleasurable experience. The boys
got out and began to dry off. Brian automatically began his examination of
Justin's skin. He wanted to make sure that all the sunscreen was working.
Noting a few pink spots on Justin's shoulders, Brian got out some aloe and a
healing salve for their nether regions.
"Mmm, thank you, that feels
good," Justin remarked as he felt the cooling aloe take effect. Brian
squeezed a dollop of the salve into Justin's palm and some into his own. Both
men uttered a sigh of relief as they each applied their salve.
"Bri, do we have any plans
today?" Justin asked hopefully. Apparently, Brian's dark mood wasn't
lifting any time soon.
"Well, last night's games have put a
temporary halt to the fuck part of our sleep fuck sleep plan. I could go for
some more sleep but I think I really need some coffee."
"It looks like rain. We could order
room service and stay here for a while. The balcony has an awning, we can sit
out there if it isn't too sticky."
"That sounds like a plan. Why don't
you call down to room service and I'll call for housekeeping. We wore out those
sheets and we can use more towels. We've been here for four days and each day
we get less and less towels. I wonder why that is?"
"Maybe that's a hint that they want
us gone."
"Nah, you paid good money for this
suite. And I for one am going to milk it for all it's worth." Brian smiled
at Justin and it made Justin feel a whole lot better. Maybe this day could be
salvaged after all.
Brian sat out on the balcony while
housekeeping came in to attack the bed and bathroom.
Room service came up with a cart of
edibles that was enough for five men. Brian smirked; Justin must be ravenous.
There were fresh juices, fruits and plenty of coffee. Justin dug into the
croissants, eggs and bacon and the melon. Brian was feeling so much better
after their meal.
Brian was sipping his coffee and smoking a
cigarette. He didn't smoke often but the anger and worry he was harboring
required it. The
"Justin, do you mind sitting out here
with me? I need to talk," Brian called over his shoulder and into their
room. Justin was sitting on the bed watching CNN. Justin did a double take.
"Talk? You, talk?"
"Yes, me, talk. I want to finish this
cigarette so can you come out here?"
"Sure." Justin went out to join
Brian. "Are you going to explain to me why there's a cloud over your head
and not just in the sky?" Brian ignored Justin's remark but not the
sentiment. He did have a dark cloud hovering and if he didn't get rid of it
soon it might ruin their vacation or worse.
"Justin, I don't really know why I
feel like this." Brian thought he could hide a little longer.
"That's bullshit; you know exactly
what you're feeling and why," Justin said with no anger; he wanted to
clear the air. "You're just afraid to say it out loud."
"I'm not afraid of shit," Brian
protested.
"You're right, you're not afraid of
shit. You're afraid of not being the one in control. You're afraid I might like
all these trips to the top that I've been taking lately and that I'll insist on
staying there. You're afraid to admit that sometimes being the bottom is not a
bad thing and you might just like it. You're afraid of change and how it would
affect your world. No, Brian, you aren't afraid of shit. You're afraid of
me!"
Justin got up and went back inside. He had
the balls to call Brian out on his shit. Justin wasn't a twink; he wasn't a
naive little boy. He was the one man that could top Brian Kinney, the only man Brian
would fuck more than once. They were supposed to be celebrating their fifth
wedding anniversary. Would it be their last?
Brian remained outside a few minutes
longer to finish his cigarette and to collect himself. Justin was right about
him. Justin was always right about Brian. Brian Kinney knew lots of things
about a lot of things and people, but it was Justin Taylor that knew Brian
Kinney. Deciding to face the music, Brian snubbed out the end of his cigarette
and went inside.
"You're right, Justin. From the time
I left Joan and Jack's house, I was in control. If I succeeded, it was my
doing. If I failed then it was my fault. I was in control, the top. No one
could top me; no one could ever best me. No one except for you. And when you
surpass me, when you no longer need me, when I can't satisfy you, will you
leave me? What if I'm no longer Brian Kinney, will you stop loving me?"
Justin was shocked into silence,
dumbfounded. Here he was frightened that he was growing older, no longer the
twink to keep the great Brian Kinney amused. Afraid that Brian no longer wanted
only him and it was the other way around all along. Brian was scared that
Justin no longer wanted him. Afraid that if Justin wanted to be the top that he
was, Brian wouldn't be able to cope. That if Brian further evolved, Justin
would no longer find him attractive. Stupid, stupid, stupid, the pair of them.
Fifteen years together and sometimes they knew next to nothing about each
other.
"Brian, does it really matter that
much to you that I always bottom because if it does, if that's the only way
you'll feel secure, feel in control, then I'll never ask again to top. I love
you. If I have to spend my whole sexual life as the bottom then I will. It
doesn't matter. What matters is that you know there will never be anyone else
in the world for me. I will always need you. You'll always satisfy me. No one
could ever surpass you. I can only strive to be your equal. I could never
surpass you; I'd never want to. You're my partner, my whole life. I'd be nothing
without you, Brian. Nothing."
Brian remained silent, digesting what
Justin proclaimed. He was an idiot sometimes. And Justin was really the grown
up, willing to make the sacrifice to please Brian. They were supposed to be
equal partners in all things. True, Justin needed Brian when he was a boy but
the boy was now all grown. Brian was doing that man a disservice by asking
Justin to remain the boy so that Brian wouldn't risk feeling any less than the
man he was. And that was unfair to Justin. Justin was right again.
"I'm sorry," was all that Brian
could utter. It wasn't enough, it wasn't what he wanted to say but it was all
that would come out.
"Sorry is bullshit. Say what you
mean, Brian." Justin, the man, was demanding that Brian, the man, take responsibility
for himself and explain himself. It was no less than what Brian would expect
from any other.
"You're my equal in all things and I
should be able to treat you like an equal. You deserve that and so much more.
Sometimes I still feel like I have to prove myself. Prove I'm the smartest
businessman, prove I'm the best fuck."
"Brian, you are the smartest
businessman. You prove it every day. Kinnetik continues to grow; every year
each branch exceeds its projected profit margin. And I can't believe you think
you aren't the sexiest man alive. I bet the sponsors of this year's Gay Days
will send us a special invitation for next year. You alone have made this the
most exciting Gay Days they've had in ages. Everyone's been talking about you.
I've heard them. The guys think you're the hottest man here and believe it or
not, the lesbians think you're the sweetest. They all want to be you, they all
want you and they envy me because I'm the only one who gets to have you."
Justin paused to let some of that sink
into his stubborn spouse's thick head.
"And I'm sorry too. I let my
insecurities get the better of me. You've grown so much more beautiful as
you've aged. I really mean that. Your exercise program has transformed your
already fit body into something spectacular. I was beginning to feel left
behind. I don't like lifting weights but I should take a page out of your book
and at the very least do the treadmill. Not just for you but for Bree and Gus.
They deserve parents who take care of themselves so we can be there for them as
they grow. I know you're never very comfortable when I ask to top but sometimes
I want to make love to you. You always give; you always make sure that I'm
completely and utterly satisfied. I want to be able to do that for you. I want
to be the one to make you completely blissed out, to be the one who takes care
of you after. To be the one who holds you as you fall asleep. You always take
care of me. I need to do that for you sometimes. Somehow I've always felt
selfish being the bottom all the time, making you do all the work. I want to
share that with you."
Brian needed a minute to understand.
According to Justin, top and bottom is not as simple as black and white.
"Brian, when you used to go out
trolling for tricks, did you ever really analyze why you were so much more
successful at it than most?"
"I never thought about it much. I was
a good fuck with a big dick."
"That's true. But you weren't just a
good fuck, you were a great fuck. Still are a great fuck."
"Yeah, so."
"You don't get it, do you?"
"Get what? I used to set my sight on
some trick, reel him in, fuck the hell out of him and then look for another.
That's how I was back then."
"And everyone knew it. All of
"Wha...what?"
"Being in control is all relative,
Bri. I give it to you freely because in so many ways you're so much better at
it than me. Let me ask you something? Why did you let me have full rein when we
were decorating the cottage? You decorated the loft, and it's perfect."
"I don't know; it just seemed right
that you should do it. And you did a magnificent job."
"And when you gave up that control,
did it make you feel any less of a man?"
"Of course not. There was no question
that you couldn't handle it."
"And when I make love to you, when I
penetrate you, do I do a good job? Do I satisfy you? Do I make you feel any
less than a man?"
"YOU..., you completely satisfy me,
no one has ever left me as sated as you. I've never allowed anyone to do to me
what you've done. What we've done together."
"And that's because we've shared the
control. You haven't lost anything. You've remained in control when you ALLOW
me to top."
"But then..."
"No, whether you knew it or not we've
always shared this. I love you so much. I haven't sacrificed anything that I
didn't want to because being with you is all I ever wanted."
"Justin..." Brian rushed into
his lover's arms to kiss Justin senseless. To give to Justin, to share with
Justin all that he had. Clothes flew everywhere as Brian walked them to the
bed. "I wish I wasn't so sore. I want to..."
"Shh, you are, you do please
me." Justin knew exactly what Brian meant. He didn't need to hear the
words.
"Then let me...last night, you made a
request. More fun with dildos."
"You don't have to."
"I know but I want to. You want a
demonstration, want to watch Brian Kinney go down on a trick."
Brian kissed a path down Justin's chest,
to his soft flat belly, then followed the treasure trail to Justin's cock.
Justin was so turned on that his dick pulsed with Brian's every breath. Brian
reached for their toy that lay freshly scrubbed in the bedside table. He rubbed
the fake cock over Justin's, letting the oozing precum flavor the tip. Brian
alternated sucking on Justin to sucking the toy. Justin closed his eyes in
ecstasy.
"Open your eyes, Justin."
"I, I can't."
"Yes, you can." Brian
concentrated on the toy, as Justin fought to regain control of himself,
allowing him to watch Brian go down on the toy. "Watch me, Justin. You're
the trick; you're in control. Tell me what you want." Brian's voice was
low and so breathy, Justin shook with desire.
"Suck him, take as much as you can
down your throat." Brian obeyed and Justin's eyes grew wide and glazed
with lust.
"You're phenomenal, my god! Lick it,
lick me." Brian lapped at the fake cock then switched back to Justin,
opening his throat to take all of Justin.
"Brian!" Justin shot streams and
streams of hot thick cum down Brian's throat then passed out.
*****
"Welcome back, Sunshine," Brian
whispered as Justin fluttered his eyelashes open.
"Hi, how long was I out?" Justin
stretched languidly.
"Not long."
"Mmm, Brian that was so good. God, it
only gets better and better."
"Yeah? You think so?"
"I know so." Justin snuggled
closer to Brian trying to burrow into the older man's chest.
"Justin, about what we were talking
about..."
"Shh, I love you. That's all I care
about and you better love me."
"I do, my bossy bottom."
"And you better not forget it."
"I won't. Jus?"
"Hmm?"
"Can I be the bossy bottom
sometimes?"
"Anytime, Brian, anytime."
"Justin?"
"Shh, we're still working on the
plan," Justin whispered into Brian's chest.
"Ah, the plan," Brian whispered
back with a smile as Justin fell asleep in his arms.
*****
"Hey, Bri, wakey, wakey," Justin
teased as he feathered soft kisses onto Brian's nose.
Brian stretched, wriggling his toes, the
burn at his ass a not so friendly reminder of the recent past indulgences.
"What time is it?"
"About four, we slept most of the day
away."
"Is it still raining?"
"No, but it's still cloudy. I think
we should go back to Downtown Disney."
"Not Disney again," Brian whined
and then tried to bury himself into the pillow.
"Big baby, not Disney. Downtown
Disney. Shopping. You like shopping. There's the Virgin Store and The House of
Blues. And the Lego Store and I hear they have a whole store full of
chocolate."
"Justin, I'm not that easy."
"Yes, you are. Besides I want to show
you off and maybe get something new in leather. You know how good you look in
leather." Justin waggled his eyebrows at Brian. Brian tried to keep a
straight face but failed. He pounced on Justin as the two of them broke out in
belly laughs. The clouds had been chased away.
Within the hour Brian found himself
surrounded by what seemed like a thousand screaming kids, all trying to find
their favorite Lego characters, and parents looking for their kids.
"Justin, why am I here?"
"Well, a long time ago your mommy and
your daddy..." Brian cut off Justin with a well placed hand to his lips.
"Brian, we're getting something for the kids. Patrick and Bree love Lego
and so does Gus."
"Gus? Isn't he too big for this
stuff?"
"No, he isn't. Didn't you ever play with
Legos as a kid?" Brian scowled as an eyebrow went up. "Forget I said
that, Brian Kinney never did Lego. Be that as it may, you're doing Lego now.
Come on." With that Justin took Brian by the hand and led him around the
Lego store. By the end of their spree they found the correct age appropriate
Lego sets for all the kids, including JR.
"Justin..." Brian was developing
a Mikey like whine.
"Can it, Kinney. The Virgin store is
this way and so is the House of Blues." Brian had no choice but to follow
the love of his life around the whole of Downtown Disney.
A few hours later and laden with what
seemed like hundreds of bags, Brian plopped his ass down on a bench and refused
to move like a stubborn mule.
"Justin, I don't give a shit that I'm
gay and supposed to like shopping. I refuse to take one more step. We have gone
into every store at least twice. I sneezed my brains out in that soap store and
we almost had a disaster in that store with all the glass and I think I have a
belly ache from the Ghirardelli Café. Justin, can we go back now?"
"Not yet. Here, I got us some water.
Drink this and you'll feel better."
"Nothing is ever going to make my
feet feel better. I think I have a blister."
"And I haven't heard this much
whining since Mikey thought Brett was going to kill off Zephyr. Man up,
Bri." Brian managed a convincing pout to soften Justin's heart. "Stay
here, you big Smoosh. I'll be back in a minute." Brian gathered all their
packages together, leaned back on the bench and rested his eyes. After a few
minutes, Justin returned with Simon and Ken in tow.
"Hey, Bri, look who I found."
Brian cracked open his eyes to see the three men smiling back at him.
"Let's go." Brian attempted a death glare. "To dinner, I managed
a reservation at Wolfgang Puck for all of us."
Justin reached out his hand for Brian to
help him off the bench. Brian groaned as Justin rolled his eyes. Simon and Ken
chuckled at the dramatics. They gathered their purchases and like a momma duck,
Justin led the three men to dinner.
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