In Sickness and In Health

Chapter 1

John's POV:

Brian is just standing there, his hand looks bloody, and he's barely breathing.  Justin's arms are wrapped around him but he's trembling, scared shitless.  This normally fearless man is standing there, in the bathroom, trying to remain strong for his lover.  Any second now, they're both going to lose it.

"Bobby, take the kids down to the lobby and have the car brought around.  We're going to take them to the loft."

"The loft?  Why not home?"  My beautiful redhead asks me, not following the plan that I have cooking in my head.

"I'll explain later.  I just want to get them somewhere safe and private."  Bobby nods, accepting what I say at face value.  He knows it will all become clearer later.

Bobby ushers the children out of the hotel room.  Now it's time to get my brother and his lover outta here.

"Come on, little bro, let's get you cleaned up, then we're going to the loft."

I'm not sure if they hear me but Justin turns on the tap then gently guides Brian's hands under the water, he places the small bar of hotel soap in his hands.  I watch as Brian methodically begins to scrub his hands as Justin secures Brian's pants.  Brian moves as an automaton.  I'm not sure if he's fully aware of what's around him.  Justin, on the other hand, is a time bomb ready to explode.

Somehow I get them out of the bathroom, coats on, down to the lobby and out the main doors where Bobby is waiting with the car.  Please, Lord, just let me get them to the loft in one piece.  Baby steps.

*****

"Bobby, honey, what are you all doing back here?  I thought you'd be halfway to the country by now!"  I hear Emmett ask Bobby as I hustle Brian and Justin into the lobby of the loft apartment.

"Um, we have a problem," Bobby says with hesitation, unsure of how much to reveal.

"Can I help?" Emmett asks with all sincerity, looking at me and Bobby.  Drew peeks his head out of his door just as we get the kids inside.  "Drewsie, I think I still have some of those special cookies I made, could you entertain the kids for a few minutes while I consult with John about our cottage?"  Emmett pleads with his eyes. 

Drew is a very perceptive man, for a jock.  "Of course and I can't possibly eat all those cookies by myself.  Bree, Patrick, can you help me with Emmett's cookies?"  Drew smiles handsomely at the kids, putting them at ease.  The children nod their little heads enthusiastically and follow their Uncle Drew into the apartment he shares with Emmett.

Slowly, the freight elevator takes us up.

*****

"What's going on?"  I hear Emmett whispering into Bobby's ear.  Bobby just shakes his head. 

Brian looks lost.  I have never seen him look as shocked as he does right now.  Not even after that time with the airplane or just before my wedding when they got into the accident.  My brother always takes charge.  Now, nothing.  Damn it!

"Brian, your doctor is here, in Pittsburgh, right?"  My brother nods.  "Okay, this is what we do.  Brian, I want you to call your doctor now." 

That remark seems to wake up Justin.

"Now?  John, it's Sunday.  No doctor is going to answer a call today," Justin snarks.

"Under normal circumstances, that's true.  But we don't need a call back right now.  Brian calls to leave a message with his doctor's service.  Best case scenario, the doctor calls us back.  At the very least, you'll get someone to tell us the office hours so we can call first thing in the morning to make an emergency appointment."

Justin snorts.

"Then I want you and Bobby to take the kids home."  I wait for that little tidbit to sink in and for the fallout.

"Wait just a fucking minute!" Justin yells.  "Where are you going to be while Bobby and I drive the kids home?"

"Here, with Brian.  I'll stay until he has his appointment then we come home together."

"No!  I'm staying.  You and Bobby go home."

"Justin, listen to me for a minute.  Most likely Brian will get an appointment in a day or two.  Bree and Patrick have school tomorrow.  Christmas break isn't until the end of the week.  And you know that Bobby has to be at work tomorrow.  Bree is going to be scared.  You and Brian can't both be away.  The wedding disrupted our lives for the past few days.  You know as well as I do the kids need to go back to their regular routine."

I pause hoping some of this is getting through that stubborn blond head.

"And then there's Beau.  Rachel told us how upset he was the other night.  Some of us have got to go back and soon, before he thinks we've abandoned him.  This is my slow season.  It makes sense for me to stay with Brian.  You guys go back, finish decorating for Christmas.  We'll be back before you know it."

"But how will you get back?" Justin asks, sounding so young and vulnerable.

"I think I can help," Emmett begins.  "Drew and I can take you."  Emmett is smiling brightly, offering help and support and not understanding why.  "We were planning to spend our first Christmas at our new cottage.

"John..."  I can see the tears welling up in Justin's eyes.  The tears are momentarily waylaid as Brian puts down the phone receiver.

"I left the loft number and my cell.  The office opens at eight," Brian says softly with a defeatist tone.  Justin immediately goes to him to give him a hug.  "Sunshine, John is right.  You and Bobby need to take the little ones home.  Get things back to normal.  Go get us a tree.  I promise to be back by Friday."

"Justin, John and Brian are right.  We have to go home.  John will look after Brian."  Bobby tries to be convincing with little success.

"But what if it's...I can't say it."  The tears now start streaming down Justin's face.

"It won't be."  I try to reassure them both.  "Brian just had a scan last month. He got a clean bill of health."

"Then what?"  Justin's eyes are red-rimmed now.

"I don't know.  It's probably a pimple."  I try to lighten the mood but that just gets me a death glare....from both of them.  And Emmett looks even more baffled.

"Yeah, yeah, Brian Kinney does not get pimples.  Well, shit happens, and when we see the doctor tomorrow, he'll tell you that everything is just fine."

"How do you know you'll get an appointment for tomorrow?" Emmett ventures, still unsure of the topic of conversation.

"Because he's Brian Kinney, for fuck sake!" my husband spits out automatically.  And I almost giggle.

Sensing one of those drama queen moments, Emmett announces that he's going down to get the kids ready for the trip back to the cottage.  I hear him say something about packing up cookies and muffins and then he breezes out.  I go to Bobby and lead him out to the hall.

"Babe..."

"John, you don't have to say another word.  You take care of your brother.  I'll hold down the fort at home."  Bobby hugs me close then kisses my face.

"I love you, Bobby.  God!  I love you so much."

"John Anderson, you bring that big goof home and in one piece, you hear me!" Bobby commands me, and I realize all that tension regarding who is the alpha male in our pack is all nonsense.  We're a family, with each of us taking charge at the right moments, whenever needed.  Bobby loves and respects Brian.

"I will, I promise," I vow to my partner.  I turn to face the loft.  It's time for Bobby and Justin to go home.

*****

"Change of plans, Squirt," my brother tells his daughter with his usual confidence.  Only I can hear the minute tremble in his voice.

"You, Daddy, Uncle Bobby and Patrick are heading home.  Me and Uncle John have some business to take care of here."

"What kind of business, Dada?"  Bree is too damn smart for her own good.  She knows something's not right.  But how do you explain cancer to a four year old.  Especially a four year old blond Taylor!

I see my brother take a big gulp of air.  Whatever he says now will make or break the situation.  It will set the tone for Bree's behavior and Justin's well-being for the next few days or at least until we get home.

Brian picks up his daughter and brings her to the staircase.  He sits with her perched delicately on his knee.  Then he speaks to her as if he's talking to the wisest of all sages. "Bree, I have a boo-boo and the doctor needs to look at my boo-boo here, in the Pitts.  I'm going to stay here until I see the doctor."

"Is it a bad boo-boo?" Briana asks her Dada, as she does her own cursory examination of the obvious body parts that she can see.

"I don't know.  It might be or it could be nothing."  My brother is brutally honest, even with a four year old.

"Like my splinner?"

"Yes, like the splinter."

"And Uncle John?"  Briana arches her own pale blond eyebrow with that same suspicious look that Brian is famous for.

"This is Uncle John's home season. He can stay and keep me company.  You and Patrick have school for a few more days before your Christmas break.  And this is a busy time for Uncle Bobby."

Bree looks over her shoulder and her gaze fixes mine.  In that moment I am charged with the most awesome responsibility that I have ever taken on.  Briana Victoria Kinney-Taylor is demanding that I take care of her Dada and then bring him home.

I nod.

"Okay, Dada.  You get all better then come home.  I make you a card?" 

Brian smiles warmly at his little girl.  "Yeah, Squirt, you make me a card."  Brian stands, sweeping the child up off his knee and into his arms.  He walks to Justin who is looking out at the grey Pittsburgh sky. "You take care of your Daddy for me and behave yourself.  You don't want Santa to cross you off his list this year, do you?"

"I'll be good, Dada, and I'll take care of Daddy."  Bree has a look of determination on her tiny face. 

"I know you will, Squirt.  Now give me and Daddy a minute."  Brian gives his daughter a kiss then sets her down.  "Justin?"

"Don't, Bri, this sucks, and you know it.  I should be here for you."

"You are here."  Brian touches his chest to indicate his heart.

"You know what I mean, so don't try to bullshit me."

"I wouldn't dream of it, Sunshine."  Brian lifts Justin's chin to gaze into Justin's eyes.  In that brief moment a lifetime of love and commitment is reaffirmed.  And they kiss.

"Okay, okay," Justin whispers into Brian's chest.  "I'll call you when we get home and you let me know what the doctor says."  Brian nods and tightens his hold on Justin.  "I love you, you know."

"I know."

Within minutes, the loft building is quiet.  The kids are gone, going home with Bobby and Justin.  Emmett and Drew retreat to their apartment and I take my brother back upstairs.

*****

"Come on, old man, let's get you out of the jeans and into something more comfortable.  I think you have some sweatpants in here." 

I guide Brian into the bathroom and sit him on the toilet seat, as I rummage around for something clean for him to wear.  I know how fastidious he can be sometimes.  He must be feeling grungy by now.

Even though the loft is rarely used, everything is in impeccable order, and clean.  A cleaning service comes in monthly and the clothes that are kept here are laundered every two weeks.  I once asked Brian why go through all of that expense.  He simply replied that he hated the smell of musty clothes.  He never knew when he was going to stay at the loft, or even me for that matter.  I come to town often enough to give estimates or supervise a job.  We're virtually the same size.  He can't help being prepared.

The shower comes on and I peek into the bathroom.  His clothes are on the floor in a heap.  I quietly go in to retrieve them.  I put his clothes in the hamper after removing his wallet and things.  The blood stained underwear I ball up to take them to the incinerator chute.  I know he doesn't want them even if they are washable.  It's not his style.

I turn to leave the bathroom and spy him in the shower.  Our bodies are almost identical, except I have more upper body bulk and strength where his are in his legs.  Those strong thigh muscles of a soccer player and a runner.  Before he, and Justin and Bobby, came into my life, the thought of declaring another man's body sexy or beautiful would have been unthinkable, but now, it's a mere statement of fact.  He's aging well, we both are, thank the gods as he would say.  And it's to those same gods that I pray that he'll be around for a very long time.  Long enough to walk his own blonde princess down the aisle and hold his grandchildren.

I just throw the underwear down the chute when I'm hijacked by Temmett.

"John, what's going on?" Ted asks.  Two sets of eyes are waiting for an explanation and reassurance.  Brian is so private, he'd kill me if I broke his confidence but they are his oldest and dearest friends.  They'd kill me if I didn't tell them the truth.

"Brian found a lump, earlier today.  We decided to stay so he can see his doctor," I say quietly.  Teddy gasps; Emmett's eyes fill with tears.  "Let's not jump to any conclusions. For all we know it could be a pimple or something equally benign.  Before they can say anything I hear the phone ring.

"I have to get that.  We placed a call to his doctor.  I'll talk to you later."  Brian hangs up the phone as I enter.  He arches a brow.

"Just throwing out some garbage.  Who was that?"

"The doctor.  He called personally."

"It's not just any set of balls he gets to examine on a regular basis.  It's a privilege," I snark, and he laughs at that.  "What did he say?"

"He ordered me not to panic, pretty much said the same thing you said.  My last test was perfect but he'll see me first thing in the morning.  He phoned in a script for a sleeping pill if I want it."

"Do you?  I can ask to borrow a car from one of the guys." 

Brian shakes his head, no.  "That stuff makes me groggy in the morning. I want a clear head tomorrow."

"So what do we do now?  It's not even five."

"I have some contracts to look over.  That'll keep me occupied for a while."

"Then I'll go pick up a few things at the store, maybe get us some dinner."

Brian was about to agree when the loft door rolls back.  In walks Temmett with their respective partners and Nick and Hunter.  And they come bearing food.

"What the fuck is this?" Brian growls, keeping up the pretense of cool detachment and annoyance.

"Um, nothing, Boss.  We heard you were staying for a few days, so we figured we'd stock up the fridge," Ted says cheerfully, completely ignoring the glares.

"Yeah, I bet the only things in that refrigerator are poppers and peanut butter," Hunter mumbles but he knows it isn't true.  That earns him a pop to the head by the man.  "Ow, you big lug.  Do that again a couple of feet lower and I may like it."  Hunter leers at Brian, wiggling his ass.

"Behave yourself," Emmett admonishes the kid.  "And help me stow this food." 

Six people grab boxes and bags, bring them to the kitchen area and make themselves busy.  Soon coffee is brewing, the TV is on and someone made popcorn.  Brian takes it all in from the safety of his desk as he pretends to look over those contracts.  The family has no intention of letting Brian go through this alone, no matter what the outcome. 

Brian glares and grumbles as chicken bones, empty beer cans and nacho chip crumbs litter the loft.  By ten the guys have cleaned up, hauled out the trash and bid us a good night.  We lock up the loft and I go for the extra sheets and blankets to use on the futon.

"John, stay with me," he says so softly.  He's scared and with me here instead of Justin, it gives him permission to show it.  I can't begin to imagine what he went through when he was first diagnosed, going through surgery and treatments all by himself.  I won't allow that to happen again.  He has us, his family, he has me.

I shed my clothes, finding a t-shirt and sweat pants to sleep in and I join him in his big bed.

He snuggles up close, like a child seeking the safety of his father's arms.  He never had that when he was a kid, neither did I.  But I think I survived better without a father than he did with a cruel one.  I can be a father figure to him if that's what he needs.

He wills himself to sleep.  Something I have never been able to do.  His hair is soft against my chin and that little wheeze of his tells me he's fast asleep. 

God!  I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs but I can't, so I say the prayers my mother taught me to say.  And hope that He hears me.

"Now I lay me down to sleep..."

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