The Letters

Chapter 10 (June-July)

 

August 3, 2022

Most Reverend Colm O’Hara
Bishop of St Anthony’s RC Church
Pittsburgh, PA

Your Excellency,

My dearest friend, in a month or two I must give you my decision. I don’t suppose I can put it off much longer. There are so many things I have to consider, don’t I? I value your opinion of me. I’d feel the loss of your friendship most keenly. But I can’t hide what I am any longer. And yes, I have met someone. He’s a kind man with a wonderful sense of humor and strong work ethic. I don’t have the right to tease him with the promise of a relationship and not be free to pursue it.

I’m falling in love, if love means this jittery feeling I get every time he shows up on my doorstep looking adorable. Even when he’s angry and disappointed, I find myself wanting to comfort him in a most unpriestly way.

But I cannot leave God and his teachings behind me altogether. That would hurt me almost as much as giving him up. Not too far from the lane is an Episcopalian church. I can see you cringing already but please don’t judge. I can still do God’s work and love as I will.

Be happy for me. Even if it doesn’t work out for me and my ‘friend’ I must be true to myself.

I am yours in God,

Tom

 

*****
 

Brian strolled back toward his cottage from the gate with the mail in his hand. He delivered a few letters to Emmett and stuck a couple of envelopes through the mail slot in the cabin door. He shuffled though the remaining envelopes noting there was one for Tom. The rest were for Edna’s Treasures and Rachel. He was about to enter the B&B when the front door opened revealing one very upset friar.

“What’s wrong and where is your shadow?” Brian asked peering into the cottage as he handed the envelope to Tom. Tom gave it a brief look then placed the envelope on a small table just inside the door.

“What’s wrong is that my shadow, as you put it, isn’t anymore. Brian, how long have we known each other?”

Going with the flow, Brian answered the question. “Twenty years, maybe a little more.”

“And Michael, how long have you known him?”

“Since we were fourteen. Why?”

“Then you’re loyal to him,” Tom mumbled.

“For the most part, but Michael can be an ass sometimes. I’ve learned to ignore it and leave him to Ben.” Brian stepped back to take a good look at Tom. “What the fuck is wrong?” Brian growled out.

Tom sighed and sort of slumped as he stepped outside, staring at the cabin for a few moments. “My shadow has been staying away.”

“Why?” Brian asked as he followed Tom’s gaze. He quickly put two and two together. “What did Mikey say?”

“It’s not so much what he said but his attitude. Todd’s a lot more sensitive than most people believe. He’s not very proud of his former reputation at Babylon.”

“He was young and having fun, we all were. He’s so much more now,” Brian stated.

“Much like you, except that your friends appear to have gotten past it. Whereas...”

“Whereas, one of my so called friends likes to sit back on his meddling ass and butt in where it doesn’t concern him,” Brian growled out, ready to march across the road and have it out with said friend.

“No, Brian, don’t do that,” Tom said reading Brian’s intention. “Todd has to get over this on his own. I appreciate your friendship but if this thing between me and Todd is for real then we have to deal with it, not let someone else do it.”

Brian didn’t like it but he agreed, for now. “What are you going to do?”

“Find Todd and shake some sense into him. And tell him how I really feel about him. I’ve decided, Brian. I know what I want to do with my life. I just have to make it official.”

“Tom, are you sure?” Brian asked a bit alarmed, but Tom’s decision wasn’t all that unexpected. However, he knew how important the church was to his friend. And Brian was confused by his own mixed feelings about Tom leaving the church.

“I’m not doing this just for Todd. I’m doing this for me. I’m hoping Todd will stay in the picture. But this is based on what’s best for my life. I have two main problems right now. First is how do I tell my bishop.”

“And the second?”

“How do I get in touch with Todd so I can explain? He’s been ignoring my calls.”

“I can’t help you with your first problem but I can do something about the second,” Brian said with conviction as he marched out of the B&B and up the lane to finish his deliveries before Tom could object.

 

*****
 

Brian drove his Jeep into the graveled parking lot of the All Things Happy Garden Center kicking up gravel as he screeched to a halt. He jumped out, slammed his door shut then strode into the main building.

“Where is he?” he growled out at one of the help. She pointed toward the back office with a shaky finger.

“Hey Brian, what’s up?” Todd managed to get out before he was backed up to a wall, the sample seed packets in his hands dropping to the floor.

“Do you like Tom?” Brian snarled.

“What?”

“Do. You. Like. Tom?” Brian repeated. “It’s a simple question.”

“Yes, very much. I think I’m in love with him,” Tom replied softly, looking down at the floor.

“Then why the fuck aren’t you spending your evenings and weekends with him. He’s walking around the lane looking like someone stole his new puppy.”

“I don’t want to ruin his reputation,” Todd confessed. “He’s a priest.”

“He’s a man. A man in love and about to make one of the most important decisions of his life. He’d appreciate your support.”

“He’s decided then.”

“It looks that way.”

“Do you know his decision?”

“I did as of an hour ago. He’d tell you in a second if you’d only pick up the fucking phone.”

“Would he?”

“He loves you.”

“He does?” Todd looked up to the hazel eyes searching for the truth.

“He wants to speak to his bishop first before he makes any announcements or promises, but he does love you,” Brian assured him.

“Thank you for telling me,” Todd said with relief spreading throughout his whole being.

“Now don’t you have something important to do?” Brian said with a glint of amusement in his eyes.

“Do I?” Brian glared making Todd laugh. He held up his hands in surrender. “I’m told that my staff is the best, I’m sure they can do without me for the rest of the day,” Todd declared.

“I can hang around if you want and check the till for you or do a little inventory,” Brian offered with a smirk as he picked a seed packet up off the floor.

“No thanks,” Todd said quickly. “The last time you decided to take more than a just passing interest in the business I nearly had a mass exodus on my hands.” Todd laughed as Brian’s expression changed. He thought he saw just a hint of a pout which made Todd laugh louder.

“I can see why Justin loves you so much, you’re cute when you pout.” Brian turned on the death glare. “I’m going,” Todd said, laughing harder.

Brian began to leave the office.

“Brian,” Todd called after him. Brian turned back. “Thank you.” Brian gave a small nod then left in the same manner as he had come - very loudly.

“Don’t you have seeds to sell?” Brian bellowed as he left the building startling the salesgirl.

Todd burst out laughing again.

 

*****
 

“Brian’s back,” Michael noted as the Jeep rumbled up the lane.

He and Ben were sitting outside on the front porch enjoying the fine weather and waiting for Hunter and Nick. Hunter was taking some time off from the Jason Kemp center. He and Nick both deserved a vacation. And what better locale than his father’s cabin.

“I wonder where he went to?” Michael said out loud.

“You do know that everyone up here minds their own business,” Ben stated.

“But he’s my best friend,” Michael protested.

“And he always will be. If you haven’t noticed, they respect privacy up here. Just because he lives a few feet away doesn’t mean we can waltz over there at any time."

“Why not? Tom does,” Michael said sarcastically, drawing out Tom’s name. “And Emmett. I think they gave Emmett a key. We should have a key to their place.”

“The only one with a key to their place is Rachel and George,” Ben divulged. “When they know Emmett’s coming over they leave a door open for him.”

“How do you know?”

“John told me. He has spare keys to all the homes on the lane because he’s in charge of the maintenance. Rachel and George have a set because they’re as permanent on the lane as the boys are. We’re only using this place as a vacation home,” Ben explained.

“For now,” Michael added.

“For now,” Ben agreed. He’d hoped that Michael would consider the cabin as their retirement home but knowing how stubborn Michael could be, he wasn’t prepared to say anything. Michael scowled a little then closed his eyes to take a little nap.

 

*****
 

“Dada, where did Lucie go?” Bree asked her father, noting she hadn’t seen Lucie in a couple of days. Bree was helping Brian in the garden. He needed to feel the earth on his hands when he got back from the garden center. It was either that or going over to the cabin and killing Michael.

“I’m not sure, Squirt. Your Uncle John says she’s almost ready to have her puppies. He said that she’ll find a place that she feels safe and make a nest or something like that,” Brian replied as he plucked a weed out from in between his cone flowers.

“She’s not a bird,” Bree said, hands on hips.

“You don’t have to be a bird to make a nest. It just means she’s selecting a very special place to give birth. Don’t worry, your uncle will know what to do,” Brian reassured his daughter.

“Dada, I’m not worried about Lucie but I am about Uncle Thomas, he seems so sad. Where has Mr. Todd gone?”

“They had a little disagreement but it’s all better now. I think we’ll be seeing Todd’s truck on the lane real soon,” Brian said with a smug smile.

“That’s good. I want Uncle Thomas and Mr. Todd to be happy,” Bree declared.

“Me too, Squirt,” Brian agreed as he took up the wheelbarrow to empty the weeds into their compost heap.

On their way back, Brian decided to inspect the main path that ran from the house to the stream and passed the Wendy house. It was a graveled path but Brian had the habit of pulling an occasional weed that ventured onto it.

“Dada, what’s that noise,” Bree whispered as they got close to the Wendy house. It was sort of a whimper and rustling noise. She slipped her hand into Brian’s. Brian gave her hand a little squeeze of assurance.

“Let’s find out,” Brian said as they quietly made their way toward the playhouse. “Stay here,” Brian instructed when they were about five feet from the entrance of the play house.

He crept closer to peer inside. Fortunately the angle of the sun was such that he could see most of the inside of the little house. He stared for a moment, registering what he was seeing then he smiled. He then quietly went back to his daughter.

“What is it, Dada?”

“Lucie,” Brian smiled at Bree. “Let’s go find your uncle.”

As they approached Edna’s Treasures, they heard the sound of a familiar truck as it pulled up in front of the B&B. Bree ran to the lane to confirm what she thought. She clapped her hands then ran back to her father.

“It’s Mr. Todd,” she confirmed with a bright smile. She slipped her hand into her father’s.

“It’s about fucking time,” Brian murmured as they continued back to the cottage.

 

*****

“Where have you been?” Justin asked Brian as he entered the porch following Bree.

Bree ran to her room to clean up then to find Patrick. Patrick had taken a supply of snacks and things to his treehouse. Bree was hoping to go up there too.

“Weeding,” Brian replied. “I think I need a shower,” he said as he took a whiff of himself. He then walked over to a series of small easels that were on the long table. Each easel held a small canvas. Each canvas was in various stages of being painted. Some were very abstract while others were still-life scenes easily recognizable.

“What are you doing?” Brian asked.

“Not sure. A spontaneous experiment is what I call it.”

“Hmm,” Brian murmured as he studied the canvases. They all were so different. A bowl of fruit, a vase of fresh flowers, Beau and Lucie for the real life studies. Then wildly abstract scenes which at first glance had no rhyme or reason.

“They’re the same,” Brian declared after a few minutes as he matched the abstract canvas with its corresponding real life partner.

“You see it?” Justin asked, pleased that his spouse understood. Brian nodded. Justin dropped his brush in a jar of cleaning solvent then rushed to Brian’s side. He inhaled the sweaty masculine scent of his spouse.

“I stink,” Brian purred.

“Mmm, yeah,” Justin noted as he got instantly hard. “Let me fix that,” Justin murmured as he grabbed Brian’s hand and led him to their room.

Brian went willingly.

 

*****
 

“Patrick?” Bree called up as she stood at the base of the treehouse.

“Up here,” she heard the reply. Bree wanted to immediately climb up but she hesitated. Her fathers were constantly reminding her that sometimes boys need a little space to themselves. Girls too if she really thought about it. That’s why she and Ashley loved sitting in the Wendy house.

“Come on up, sweetheart,” Bree heard. It was her Uncle Bobby. Bree had her little pink backpack filled with stuff she thought she’d need slung on her back as she ascended the treehouse stairs. When she got to the main door, she looked inside. Her Uncle John and Patrick were playing chess while her Uncle Bobby was reading a book.

“Hi,” Bree said quietly not wanting to disturb anyone.

“Come in,” Bobby said with a smile as he made room on the big throw pillow for her. Bree sat and took in the scene. The day was warm with a refreshing breeze that carried away the humidity. Bree loved days like these.

“We found Lucie,” Bree said after a while.

“Where is she?” John asked.

“In the Wendy house,” Bree told him. “Dada said she’s making her nest there.”

“She picked a good place,” John said with a smile. Bree smiled back. Her Uncle John so reminded Bree of her father. It was very comforting. “Now that we know, I’ll take her some food and water later. I’ll let her get settled first,” John stated then went back to his game with Patrick.

Bree rummaged through her pack, pulled out a small sketch pad and pencils then began to draw.

 

*****
 

“I missed this,” Justin murmured.

“Missed what, Sunshine?” Brian asked.

Justin had shoved Brian into their shower then scrubbed his spouse from head to toe. He quickly washed himself then bullied Brian into their bed after toweling them both off. There, Justin pounced, making love to his gardener.

“Lazy summer days with you. The lane has been so busy lately. It’s like we constantly have to entertain people. I don’t know, it just feels different,” Justin said as he laid his head on Brian’s chest, resting after their first round.

Brian understood. Not that Brian and his household minded but it seemed they felt responsible for Tom and his well being. And the whole cottage was a little jumpy now that Michael finally moved into the cabin. They were all anticipating Michael barging in at any moment, and unnerved by the fact that he hadn’t, yet. They all wondered how long Ben could keep his spouse at bay.

“I promise to do nothing of major importance for the rest of the summer,” Brian vowed as he kissed the top of the blond head and lovingly drew lazy circles with his fingers across Justin’s pale skin. He felt Justin smile.

“I promise to do nothing of major importance for the rest of the summer,” Justin repeated then reached up to seal their promise with a kiss.

The boys stayed quiet, relishing in their afternoon in bed together and dozing on and off.

“Todd’s back,” Brian mentioned after a while.

“Good,” Justin stated knowing that Brian probably had a hand in it and trusting it would all work out as it should.

“Lucie’s in the Wendy house,” Brian stated.

“Is she going to have her puppies there?”

“Probably,” Brian said with a shrug.

“John will figure it out,” Justin said. Brian nodded.

They were quiet for a few minutes longer until Brian flipped them over, signaling the start of round two.

 

*****
 

Todd felt a little awkward at first when he knocked on the B&B front door. He really didn’t have to knock since the B&B was open to all. It was the bedrooms that were the private spaces. But because of his absence, Todd felt funny just walking in.

Tom had been making a light lunch for himself. He doubled up on the ingredients when he invited Todd to stay.

“I’m sorry I ran out on you,” Todd admitted.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner to you. I didn’t want to rush my decision,” Tom replied.

“Nor should you. This is a life altering decision, you have to be sure.”

“I am and I plan to call the bishop for an appointment. I’ll put it down in a letter as well. There are a few more formalities but the bishop will let me know.”

Todd just nodded. This was so big that he had nothing to compare it to. Even his move back to Pittsburgh was nothing in comparison.

“I’ve spoken to the Dean of the local Episcopalian church. Once I’ve settled my business, I can apply.”

“Are you sure about this? Really sure?” Todd questioned.

“I am. It’s almost a relief to finally say it out loud,” Tom said feeling a weight beginning to lift off his chest.

“Do you have an appointment with your bishop?” Todd asked.

“Not yet. I’m sure it will be soon.”

They finished their meal in companionable silence then decided to have some iced tea in the backyard. Working in concert they gathered what they needed including a few snacks to bring out back.

“Oh I forgot, I received a letter this morning. I might as well take it with me to read. It’s probably a bill,” Tom mumbled.

Before picking up a tray, Tom went to fetch the letter he had put by the door. The guys went out the backdoor to settle in a nice shady part of the yard. They chatted about the garden center, about Lucie and everyday stuff.

“So is it a bill?” Todd asked.

“I don’t know,” Tom replied as he pulled the envelope from his pocket and took a real good look. His eyes became very wide.

“What is it?” Todd asked with concern. He watched as Tom slowly opened the envelope and read its contents.

Tom grew pale.

“What?” Todd asked gently.

“The bishop.”

“What about him. Is he angry?” Tom just shook his head. “Then what?”

“He’s coming here.”

“Here? As in, on the lane, here?” Todd squeaked.

“Yes,” Tom replied.

“Shit,” they both said at the same time.
 

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