Changes

Chapter 4

Lindsay and Brian walked down the lane towards Molly’s cottage.

“It’s such a beautiful day,” Lindsay said. “I see why you love it out here so much.”

“Yeah, it’s great until it’s forty below and a blizzard’s raging.”

“That was some storm that winter.”

“Yeah,” Brian replied with a thoughtful look on his face. “I think I could live quite happily without a repeat though.”

“It was an adventure,” Lindsay said with a big grin.

“I think I’m getting too old for adventures.”

“You! Never!”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I have to remind you that we both have a son starting university.”

“Yeah, that is a little hard to digest,” Lindsay admitted. “We do have great kids though.”

“We do, and Molly has another great little guy.”

That’s where they were off to, to visit Taylor and his parents, in that order.

“Brian, do you ever wonder…” Lindsay stopped not sure whether to complete that sentence or not. She halted walking too.

“Wonder what?” Brian asked with a frown as he stopped too.

“Wonder what we would have made if we had had another baby,” Lindsay said with a wistful look on her face.

“No, I don’t. I don’t want any more kids.”

“Why not? You’re a great father.”

Brian smiled. It was always great to hear that, so different than the way he felt about his own father. And so different than the way he had expected to be as a father. “Bree has been pestering us about having a little sister.”

“Sister?”

“Yes, specifically a sister. Taylor was supposed to be a girl in her view of the world. She doesn’t think there’s enough people of the female persuasion around here.”

“Oh, I see,” Lindsay smiled. “There’s always Emmett,” she laughed. Then her face sobered. “So, are you going to give her that little sister?”

“Definitely not. Bree’s plenty to handle without another one.”

“I wonder what our little girl would have been like.”

“She would have been beautiful like you.”

Lindsay reached up and hugged Brian hard. “Thank you for saying that. I always thought maybe…”

“If you’d had another baby, you wouldn’t have JR. That would have been a huge loss.”

Lindsay leaned back and looked into Brian’s eyes. Her own filled with tears at Brian’s comment. She could see that he meant it. “You are the sweetest man.”

“Sh, or I’ll have to kill you,” Brian said softly brushing a stray strand of hair from Lindsay’s face. “Enough! We’re getting maudlin. Let’s go see that little Taylor guy.”

“Okay,” Lindsay said as they started walking again. She slid her hand into Brian’s.

 

*****
 

Melanie poured herself a cup of coffee and took a sip. She knew Brian and Lindsay had gone down the lane to see Taylor. The kids were outside playing. She probably should have gone with Lindsay, but she didn’t feel like it. A baby wasn’t what she wanted right now. Trouble was, she didn’t know what it was that she wanted.

With a sigh she wandered out to the sun porch where Justin was painting.

“Mind if I take a look?” she asked.

“No, help yourself.”

“Wow, you’ve got a lot done.”

“When I’m inspired, it doesn’t take me long to do a painting.”

“That’s going to be a great rendering of Gus and Bree.”

“You could tell who they were,” Justin laughed. The canvas held little more than his rough sketch.

“Why do you paint the same people so often? Doesn’t it get boring?” she asked thoughtfully.

“It’s never boring with Brian and Bree and the rest of our family. I always see something new, something that inspires me.”

“I wish I could say the same,” Melanie sighed.

“People are constantly changing and redefining who they are,” Justin explained wondering what had brought on this melancholy side of Melanie.

“Some do,” Melanie replied enigmatically.

Justin looked at the woman in front of him. She didn’t seem to be very happy. “I was talking to Lindsay earlier … about painting.”

“You were?’

“Yeah, I think she’d like to paint more.”

“I used to think so too. We renovated the attic so she could have a studio space, but she hardly ever uses it.”

“Do you know what she told me?”

“What?”

“She said she doesn’t paint because she knows it won’t be good enough. It won’t be perfect in her estimation.”

“But why does it have to be perfect?” Melanie asked, clearly not understanding where Lindsay was coming from.

“That’s what I asked her. I don’t think my work is perfect either. I just want to get an idea or a feeling or a moment in time captured on canvas.”

“What did she say to that?”

“Nothing really, just that she couldn’t complete a picture if it wasn’t perfect.”

“I wonder if…”

“Wonder if…what?”

“I wonder if she got back to her own art, if she would be happier.”

“That’s a thought,” Justin said with a smile. “Maybe you could help her see that.”

“Yeah, maybe. Thanks, Justin.”

“For what?”

“For being an artist, and making me see that there’s more than just what’s on the surface.”

“I did that?” Justin chuckled, hoping that was exactly what he had done.

“I need to do some thinking.”

“Then you know where to go.”

“Yeah, the stream.”

Justin watched Melanie walk out the sun porch door, and then he got back to work.

 

*****
 

Melanie sat on the big rock and watched the water as it rippled by. It was so peaceful and beautiful. A tree shaded the big rock in the afternoon, so it was cool sitting there. A gentle breeze ruffled her hair and she heaved a sigh.

She had been thinking about her relationship with Lindsay and what Justin had told her. Lindsay never seemed to be satisfied with their life together. Maybe it wasn’t perfect like Lindsay wanted her paintings to be. There was always someone else, Sam Auerbach, Jamie Cunningham, Brian Kinney. Melanie smiled … always Brian. But she knew deep down inside that Brian was no threat to their relationship. The biggest threat seemed to be each other.

Neither of them seemed to be fulfilled in their lives, and therefore, they were constantly looking for something or someone else. Maybe each of them should concentrate more on trying to be happy within themselves, instead of trying to find happiness in the other person. If Lindsay had her art to fulfill some part of herself that was missing, maybe she would be more content with their marriage.

Was that also true of herself, she wondered. Was she fulfilled? Was there something she wanted to do, besides work, that she had never done? She knew there was. She had always wanted to write, but there had never been time. There was family and law and so many other responsibilities. She had never really tried to write. It was only a nebulous idea in the back of her head. She wondered if she even could write. She wouldn’t want to find out that her writing was bad, not perfect. Maybe that was what was holding her back. She didn’t write because it wouldn’t be good enough … just like Lindsay didn’t paint. That thought hit her like a ton of bricks.

“Oops, sorry to interrupt. I didn’t know anyone was down here,” John said backing out of the clearing.

“It’s okay,” Melanie said with a smile. “I’m almost done examining my life.”

“Wouldn’t want to interrupt that,” John grinned.

“Come join me,” Melanie said patting the big rock beside her.

John took that as a signal that she wanted to talk. He walked over and sat down beside her. “So, have you got it all figured out?” he asked.

“Hardly,” Melanie laughed.

“It’s hard work examining a life.”

“Yeah, do you examine yours?”

“Constantly.”

“And what do you find?”

“That there’s always ways to improve myself and my relations with the people who are important to me.”

“You really do that?” Melanie asked staring at John.

“I do. I had to change my whole life when I met Bobby and realized what my life was supposed to be.”

“And the change was worth it?’

“Absolutely. Ever since that revelation that I was gay and that being with Bobby would make my life complete, I’ve taught myself to examine myself, my feelings, my goals. It helps me to know where I’m going in my life.”

“Hm.”

“Was it that profound?” John asked with a chuckle.

“Very,” Melanie said sincerely. “I think maybe that should be something I do more often.”

“It never hurts,” John said. “And this is the perfect spot for it.”

“Yes, it is.”

“I’ll leave you to it,” John said as he stood and started out of the clearing. He glanced back at Melanie who seemed lost in thought. “Good luck,” he whispered before he disappeared up the path.

 

*****
 

“Helllooo!” Emmett called out. This time Emmett and the boys came through Brian and Justin’s front door so that they could be closer to the kitchen. Drew, Ted and Allen placed their contributions to dinner on the kitchen counter.

“Hi, Auntie Emm,” JR said from the living room. The wonderfully soft and thick sofa was a perfect place to read.

“Hi, Sweetie, where are your moms and his majesty?”

“I have no idea where the moms are, but Uncle Bri is cooking up a storm at the grill. He gave me a message to give to you.”

“Oh? What?”

“A-hem,” JR cleared her throat. “And I quote, tell that nelly bottom queen to get his ass out here, unquote.”

“Well, I have no idea to whom he’s referring.” All eyes turned to Emmett. “However, I did promise to assist him with dinner so I should get out there.”

“A wise decision, Emm,” Ted said. Drew and Allen smiled but said nothing.

“Then I better get to it,” Emmett said as he sashayed himself out toward the porch. JR and the boys watched with fascination then began to snicker.

“I love this family,” JR said as she sank herself back into the sofa to continue reading. The guys put away anything perishable, helped themselves to beer and soda then went to find the rest of the family.

“Have no fear, Auntie Emm is here,” Emmett announced loudly as he joined Brian at the grill.

“About time you showed up. The chicken will be done in about thirty minutes,” Brian grumbled.

“Plenty of time, oh master of the barbecue. I brought the salad and the sauteed green beans. Shall we eat out here?” Emmett asked as he looked around the garden. There were many colorful late blooming flowers proudly on display.

“No, it’s starting to get dark. I think the sun porch will be better.”

“Okay, then I’ll rally the troops. The table will be ready for your chicken.” Emmett smiled brightly at Brian then turned to go back inside. Brian reached out to touch Emmett’s arm.

“Emm...”

“I know Brian,” Emmett said softly, reading his friend’s thoughts. “Me too.” Brian nodded then shooed his friend inside.

 

*****
 

“So this Brandon guy still has the hots for Brian?” Allen casually asked Ted as he passed around the huge bowl of salad. Justin bristled slightly at the comment.

“Apparently, he thinks of Brian as unfinished business,” Ted supplied. Brian shot a death glare in Teddy’s direction. Ted held up his hands in surrender.

“Brandon? The fuu...the bet, Brandon?” Melanie asked, catching herself before she elaborated too much in front of tiny and innocent ears.

“The very same,” Ted confirmed.

“What is this bet?” Allen asked innocently.

“Well, a long time ago in the land of Gayopolis,” Emmett began the story of the bet much to Brian’s horror. “There was our handsome and dashing king. He truly was the king of all he could survey until one day a young...”

“Not so young,” Brian interjected.

“One not so young prince...”

“Interloper,” Brian growled.

“Who’s telling this story anyway?” Emmett griped.

“Well, get on with it,” Brian demanded.

“One day the not so young prince entered the kingdom of Babylon demanding certain rights and privileges that our king was not prepared to bestow. To earn these rights, a test was devised. To whomever completed the test first went the spoils of war.”

“Who was the victor?” Allen inquired.

“Our supreme highness, lord and master, of course,” Emmett boasted.

“As if there was any doubt,” Brian mumbled around a cucumber slice.

“However, I just recently found out that his highness never went through with the final victory rite,” Emmett said with awe.

“Wait a minute!” Melanie said sternly, slamming her cutlery to the table. “Are you telling me Bri..., um the king won the bet but didn’t fuuu, um, didn’t uh, didn’t have his way with Bran...um, the prince?”

“That’s exactly what I mean,” Emmett confirmed.

“Why?” Mel asked as she looked toward Brian. The whole family stared at Brian, awaiting his answer.

Brian had no words to explain how he felt that night. Brandon lying naked on his bed, waiting to be fucked by the undisputed King of Liberty.

The family continued to wait for his answer.

Brian took Justin’s hand in his, bringing Justin’s palm to his lips. Brian reverently kissed his husband’s palm then leaned over to kiss Justin’s temple.

“This is why,” Brian said softly as he held Justin’s hand then kissed it again. Justin gently dislodged his hand from Brian’s so he could caress Brian’s cheek. Hazel eyes met blue and for the moment, nothing in the world existed except for Brian and Justin.

“Dada, where’s Gayopolis?”

The family broke out into giggles as Brian and Justin shrugged and smiled broadly at each other.

 

*****
 

After dinner Brian and Ted went up to Brian’s office to discuss the Lethal bike research results and to go over Brandon’s proposal. Melanie stomped up the spiral staircase to inform them that dessert was on the table and the coffee was ready. Brian emailed a few documents to Ted at Kinnetik then shut down his computer.

“Spill, Kinney,” Mel whispered, blocking Brian’s way out of the office.

“Regarding?”

“You know what I want to know. Why didn’t you fuck Brandon?” Mel leaned closer to ask.

Brian thought about avoiding the question or merely walking away but he turned to face the petite lawyer.

“I couldn’t. I looked at him sprawled across my bed and couldn’t. The tricks didn’t mean anything but he was different. I looked at him and saw myself and I didn’t like what I saw. End of story.”

“And now he’s back?” Mel asked.

“Yes. Ostensibly to sell Kinnetik a new computer security system,” Ted explained.

“And the unfinished business?”

“He wants me to fuck him,” Brian answered.

“And will you?”

“No,” Brian said firmly then descended the stairs. Melanie and Ted watched him go.

“He really means that,” Mel said with awe.

“Yes, he does. Melanie, Brian takes his vows seriously. They don’t trick.”

“Amazing,” Mel said as she looked over the balcony rail at the porch below. The family was gathering at the table for dessert.

“Hey!” Brian shouted up. “Coffee’s getting cold.”

“Coming!” Ted and Mel shouted as they came down the stairs.

 

*****
 

“Gus, can you read me a story?” Bree asked her brother. He was sitting on a chaise, his laptop on his thighs. Bree was in her pajamas, grey bunny in her arms and a book in her hand. Her violet blues eyes were opened wide as she made her plea.

“Sure, short stuff. Climb up," Gus said as he put the laptop on the table nearby. Bree crawled up into his lap and settled her head on his chest.

“What book tonight?” Bree handed Gus a book. “Berenstain Bears, huh. One of my all time favorites,” Gus said as he opened the book and started to read.

“Want me to take her?” Brian said about an hour later. Bree had fallen asleep ten minutes into the story. Gus didn’t have the heart to move her.

“I’ll do it, Pop,” Gus whispered. He slowly stood, carefully lifting his sister with him. “I’ll tuck her in.”

“Okay, Sonny Boy, then I’ll say good night and see you in the morning. The moms have decided to bring you back to Penn from here.”

“I know, Pop. I had a great weekend. Thank you for letting us all stay.”

“No need to thank me, Sonny Boy. I did it for purely selfish reasons.” Brian kissed Bree’s cheek then bussed Gus’ temple. He turned off the main light, leaving on the small night light so that the girls could see. He retired to his room.

 

*****
 

“Bri, that bet,” Justin began as they were getting ready for bed.

“What about it?”

“Why?”

“Because I was shallow and insecure. I was angry that he had the nerve to turn me down and then when I won, I knew I didn’t want him. And now I never want to talk about that fucking bet ever again. It meant nothing. Brandon means nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Justin, what's with the jealous wife act?”

“I’m not your wife.”

“And you have no reason to be jealous. Brandon’s company made a reasonable proposal. Both Ted and Cynthia find it sound and, unfortunately, so do I. Ted and Cynthia will be handling the details. They only need me to sign off on it.”

“You’re sure.”

“Very. You have nothing to worry about,” Brian guaranteed as he slipped in between the sheets.

“So you’re not going to suddenly decide to run off to Ibiza with him to play with his toupee?” Justin asked as he fished out a tube of lube from the nightstand wearing a very determined expression.

“No,” Brian answered as he rolled over. He knew what that look meant.

“Good,” Justin said as he popped open the top of the tube.

 

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