Aftermath
Chapter 2
“Brian, we need to go back to the house,” Justin said softly.
“Fuck the house!” Brian stared into the grave looking at all the flowers that
had been dropped there by Joan’s friends and family.
“Brian, everyone will be waiting.”
“Fuck everyone!”
Justin decided to try another tack. “The men need to fill in the grave.”
Brian made some kind of strangled sound, barely audible. Justin realized that
was not the right thing to say. He tried again. “Bree will be waiting for you
wondering what’s happened.
Brian blinked hard. “Bree…”
“Yes, she needs you right now.”
“Yeah … I need her too. Did she go with Jennifer and Seth?”
“Yes, she and Gus.”
“Gus will look after her.”
“I know, but she wants you too.”
Brian shook his head. “Why is this so fucking hard? I … I miss her already.”
“You got to spend a lot of time with her these last years,” Justin said gently.
“You were both happy about that.”
“It doesn’t make up for all the time we wasted.”
“But it’s better than never having reconciled at all.”
Brian looked deep into the blue eyes full of concern. He drew in a deep breath.
“Let’s go,” he said after a minute.
With that, they made their way to the Jeep. Brian took the familiar streets
leading to Joanie’s house. It was like being on autopilot. He didn’t have to
think and that was a good thing.
When Brian entered his old home, a hush settled immediately, except for Claire
sniffling in the background. Bree ran up to her father and threw herself into
Brian’s arms.
“Dada, I thought you weren’t coming,” she whispered.
“I’m here, Squirt.” Bree’s hug squeezed him tight.
“You okay, Pop?” Gus asked with a worried look on his face.
“I will be,” Brian said not really believing his words. “Do you want to take
Bree back to Jennifer and Seth’s? I think she’s had enough of this.” Brian
glanced at Justin who nodded.
“Sure, Pop. I’ll go find them and make sure it’s okay.”
“It will be,” Justin said. “Sweetheart,” he said to Bree, “Gus is going to take
you to Grandma Jenn’s and spend some time with you. Okay?”
“Nooo,” Bree said shaking her head. “Dada?” She clung even tighter to Brian.
“It’s for the best. Gus will play with you,” Brian said through the haze that
this whole day had become.
“Come on, short stuff,” Gus said taking Bree from Brian. “Grandma Jenn is ready
to go.”
“Love you, Dada,” Bree said reaching to kiss her older father. She did the same
with Justin.
After more kisses and reassurances Jennifer, Seth, Gus and Bree left. Brian
looked across the house packed with people. Claire stood next to Father Tom
sniffling and weeping as she told him some irrelevant thing about her life and
how much she loved her mother. Bullshit! It was all bullshit, Brian thought to
himself.
“Brian, come sit down,” Justin said tugging on Brian’s arm.
Brian allowed himself to be directed over to the sofa where he and Justin sat
down, people having given up their seats for the grieving son and his spouse.
Brian realized this was where he had sat when Jack had died. That day he had
been clutching Jack’s bowling bag which contained his father’s bowling ball.
Brian looked over at Claire still moaning to the priest. She stood by the table
of food that had been lovingly prepared by Debbie and Emmett and neighbors and
friends. He remembered that Claire had asked for remembrances of her father, and
how little good anyone had had to say about dear old Jack.
That was the moment he decided that he must do something to make this different
from the unpleasant events at his father’s funeral. He cleared his throat and
stood up. Justin looked up at him worry in his eyes.
“May I have your attention for a moment?” Brian said in a loud clear voice. He
wanted his mother to be proud of him. The house quieted as eyes turned toward
the tall handsome man.
“I want to thank you all for attending my mother’s funeral. Joan would be
pleased with the turnout.” Some people chuckled. “For many years mom and I…”
Brian hesitated. He had used the term “Mom” deliberately, but he found it hard
to continue. “Mom and I were not on very good terms,” he finally managed to
proceed. He glanced at Claire whose pinched face and wet eyes did nothing to
bolster Brian’s confidence. “But since the birth of Justin’s and my daughter,
Briana, Mom and I have found … a kind of … grace. We put our differences aside
because we loved that little girl. We have had many happy years together since
then. I will miss Joan very much.” Brian sat down.
The hush remained for a moment. A few people wiped their eyes as they thought
about the journey that Joan and Brian had been through.
“I … I’d like to say something too,” Claire said. She didn’t want to be left
out. This was her mother too.
“Fuck,” Brian muttered. He couldn’t imagine what she would say. “Why can’t she
leave well enough alone?” Justin squeezed Brian’s arm in support.
“I loved my mother very much,” Claire was saying. “We didn’t see as much of each
other recently as I would have liked.” She looked pointedly at Brian. “She has
two fine grandsons, my boys, Peter and John,” Claire continued.
Brian felt his blood pressure escalate. “Joan has three grandsons. My son Gus
should be included in that number,” Brian felt compelled to remind her. He
wasn’t going to have his son slighted just because Gus was doing his duty as a
good son and wasn’t there to speak for himself. “Gus and Joan were very close.”
“Of course,” Claire conceded with another sob, “but Gus couldn’t miss Joan any
more than my sons and I do.” She looked defiantly at her brother daring him to
contradict her.
Brian was about to do so. Sometimes his fucking sister was such a cunt.
Before he could open his mouth, Justin whispered, “Don’t Brian. Don’t stoop to
her level.”
Brian really wanted to stoop to whatever level was required to make his sister
eat her words, but he knew that would do nothing but ruin Joan’s final farewell,
and he sincerely did not want to do that. He bit his tongue and said nothing.
Claire looked at the assembled group triumphantly and said, “At my father’s
funeral in this same house, I asked people to express some memories of him. I’d
like to do the same this time … for my mother.” She looked at her sons, silently
asking them to say something about Joan. They both shook their heads.
Brian wondered if they simply didn’t want to speak in front of the large group
or if they truly had nothing good to say about their grandmother. Whichever it
was, it was a disgrace to Joan’s memory. “If I had Jack’s bowling ball, I’d
brain them both with it,” Brian muttered.
Justin shook his head. He hadn’t been at Jack’s funeral, but he had heard enough
about it to make the connection of the bowling ball which Brian had used to
terrorize Claire’s boys, saying he had Jack’s head in the bag containing the
ball.
Once again Brian’s friends came to the rescue. Lindsay spoke up. “I got to know
Joan very well over the last few years. She was a wonderful mother and a loving
grandmother to my son Gus and to Briana. Joan loved her grandchildren so very
much … all of them. Lindsay felt that needed to be said. “She was a good woman
and a kind soul.” This was quite different from Lindsay’s words at Jack’s
funeral. “He gave me a mint,” she had said back then. How pitiful it had been
that that was the only good thing she could think to say about the man. Now her
kind words resonated through the house.
Claire wailed loudly.
“I spoke at Jack’s funeral too,” Michael said. “I didn’t know Joan as well as
many of the rest of you might, but we could share a joke and a story. I thought
she was a fine old broad.”
Everyone laughed and Claire wailed some more.
Brian looked at his friend. Michael looked tired; a funeral did take its toll on
everyone. He nodded his approval of Michael’s words.
It was Emmett’s turn to stand up and clear his throat to get everyone’s
attention. Brian wondered what on earth his longtime friend would say. Emmett
was always unpredictable.
Emmett studied his audience for a moment. “I don’t know why we’re doing this
after all the heartfelt and wonderful things that were said about Joan at the
church. I’d like to conclude this with my own brief story of something Joan did
recently.”
Brian frowned as he studied Emmett’s face. Emmett merely gave him a toothy grin.
“It’s okay, Brian. I won’t embarrass you,” Emmett said.
“You! Embarrass me?” Brian asked. “Like that would ever happen.”
There were lots of chuckles at the verbal sparring of the two men. Emmett stuck
his tongue out quickly at Brian earning some more laughs. Brian merely smiled
and shook his head.
“If I may continue,” Emmett said, “after being so fondly interrupted.” Brian had
to smile at that statement. “A few weeks ago Drew and I adopted our son Richie.
Right after it became official I received a box in the mail. It contained a
picture of Drew, Richie and me in an elegant silver frame. It had been taken at
our celebration party for Richie’s adoption. Joan had not attended that party. I
suspect she wasn’t feeling all that well even back then, because she loved all
our family gatherings and was usually there for all of us.”
Brian nodded as he felt tears well up at the memory of that last big gathering
without Joan.
“With the picture was a note, “Emmett continued. “It said that she wanted to
congratulate Drew, Richie and I on having made a family together. She said she
had got the picture from Brian and had had the frame specially engraved. On the
frame it said, Family is everything. I know that’s exactly how Joan felt.
Her family was so important to her.” Emmett looked at Claire who had finally
stopped crying while she listened to Emmett’s story. Emmett knew he had
accomplished at least part of what he wanted to do. “If you have a glass, please
raise it in a toast to ‘a fine old broad’ as Michael so eloquently stated.”
To a chorus of “Hear, hear!” and “To Joan”, they all sipped their drinks.
Brian let out a soft sigh and stood. He walked over to Emmett and gave him a big
hug.
People started to file out of the house knowing nothing more need be said.
“Bri, will you be okay?” Michael asked before he and Ben left for home. Michael
wasn’t ready to move back to Pittsburgh, not just yet. He had grown used to the
quiet of the lane but they had decided to spend a few days here, air out the
house and check on the store. They’d go back to the lane within the week.
“Yeah, Mikey, I will be,” Brian said with a big sigh as he pulled the smaller
man closer to kiss his head. “Don’t worry, I won’t be showing up in your
bedroom, drunk or otherwise, anytime soon,” Brian reassured his old friend with
a chuckle.
“That’s good, cause I’m not sure how Ben would like it,” Michael replied with a
small smile.
“I’d allow it for one night then I’d throw your skinny ass out, Kinney,” Ben
growled then winked at his spouse and friend.
“Thanks professor, I’ll keep that in mind,” Brian said as he released Michael
then accepted a hug from the big muscle man.
“Come on, babe, time to go home. It’s been a long day,” Ben said as he got their
jackets. “Good night, Brian. Please let me know if there’s anything I can help
you with,” Ben said as he squeezed Brian’s shoulder. Brian nodded as he watched
his friends leave Joan’s house.
“What are you going to do with this house?” John asked. He, Bobby and Claire’s
family were the only ones left in the house, plus Father Tom who appeared to be
one of the few who could get Claire calmed enough to listen to reason.
“I’m not sure,” Brian answered. “I did convince Joan to draw up a will.
Considering the mess Jack left when he died, it didn’t take too much convincing.
Joan didn’t leave much. Whatever cash she had and insurance policies will be
split up between the grandkids. She was very specific about that. She does give
Claire first refusal on the house,” Brian explained being familiar with the
terms of Joan’s will.
“I don’t want it!” Claire shrieked then began to cry again.
“You don’t have to make any decisions right now,” Brian said more to Claire’s
husband, Andrew, than to Claire. Brian had had enough of Claire’s histrionics.
Andrew was Claire’s second husband, a quiet gentle man who appeared to have the
patience of a saint when dealing with one very emotionally overwrought Claire
Kinney.
“Andrew, the house has been paid off and it’s wired with an alarm. We have time
to decide what to do with it and its contents,” Brian explained. Andrew nodded.
“I think I’ll stay here for a while until the will is read,” Brian said as he
looked around the room.
“Here?” Justin asked. This was the first he’d heard of Brian’s plans.
“At the loft,” Brian qualified his statement, but Brian staying in Pittsburgh
was still news to Justin.
“Brian, Bree needs to go back to school,” Justin whispered as he leaned into his
spouse.
“I know, Sunshine, and Gus has to go back to Penn. I’ll just stay for a while
until we make some decisions and then I’ll come home. I can spend time at
Kinnetik.”
“I’m sure Ted and Cynthia will be thrilled,” Justin muttered. He wasn’t very
happy at the thought of being separated from Brian, especially at this time when
Brian was a lot more vulnerable than he would ever admit.
“Brian, I’m at a critical juncture with the city reclamation project and I’m
getting tired of hotel food. Could I stay with you at the loft?” John asked
after a quickly whispered conversation with Bobby. Justin was visibly relieved
at John’s suggestion.
“Yeah,” Brian said distractedly. “That would be fine,” he said not realizing
that he was just manipulated. Normally Brian would have seen right through the
ploy.
“Good, then I’ll bring my bag over to the loft,” John said.
“I guess we should clean up,” Brian said almost absentmindedly.
“Bri, Emm and Debbie took care of all that and we have leftovers to bring to the
loft.” Justin held up the bags that Emmett and Debbie had packed up for Brian
and for Claire’s family. Andrew gratefully took the bags then led his sobbing
wife out to their car. Claire’s sons had already left. They had their own
families to deal with.
“I’ll be on my way,” Father Tom said to the brothers and their spouses. “Brian,
if you need me, please don’t hesitate to call on me. I’m your friend as well as
Joan’s priest.”
“You’ve been a good friend to my mother and to me. I think you’re one of the few
who really knows all my sins and doesn’t give a shit about them,” Brian said
with a smirk.
“It’s what I do, Brian,” Tom said with his own smirk. “I mean it, anytime you
need to talk, day or night, I’m there.”
Brian drew the priest into a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered.
Tom said goodbye, again expressing his condolences then blessing them all before
leaving Joan’s house.
“I guess that’s our cue to leave, Sunshine,” Brian quipped. They gave the house
one more check, setting timers, removing any trash then finally setting the
alarm as they locked up. John and Bobby followed Brian and Justin back to the
loft.
“John, I’m worried about Brian,” Bobby commented. Steve and Claire were staying
overnight with Debbie and Carl then leaving early the next day. Patrick was with
them. He was going to be dropped off at Rachel’s; he had to get back to school
too.
“Mmm,” John mumbled.
“Is that all you can say is ‘mmm’? Your brother looks like he’s on the verge of
an emotional breakdown,” Bobby stated.
“No.”
“No? No, what? No, you’re not worried? Or no, you don’t agree with me.”
“Just no. I don’t think Brian’s on the verge of anything. Just the opposite, I
think he’s handling it quite well. But just in case I’m wrong, I plan to stick
with him like glue. He does better with someone or something to care for. I
think he prefers that over caring for himself.”
“So you’re going to let him take care of you.”
“Yes.”
“He’ll eventually see through your act.”
“It’s not an act. I had an awful vision of my own mother’s funeral. Joan wasn’t
that much older than mother.”
“Maybe, but Joan’s health wasn’t the greatest even though she cleaned up her
act; her alcohol abuse did take its toll. Claire keeps herself healthy.”
“I suppose but it didn’t stop me from thinking about it.”
“Death of a family member always makes you think.”
“Mom’s only eighteen years older than I am,” John deadpanned.
“John Anderson, stop it! You’re going to live to be a hundred and I’m going to
be right there with you,” Bobby said with conviction. He couldn’t bear hearing
the love of his life talk about death. He reached out to take John’s hand.
“All right, you win, I live to be one hundred.” John smiled as he gave Bobby’s
hand a squeeze. “Brian’s going to need us, all of us. Our needs may have to take
a back seat for a while. Are you all right with that?”
“I’m fine. As long as I know you love me, I’ll be fine. Just try not to stay
away for too long. I don’t sleep well without you.”
John pulled over into a parking space close to the front of Brian’s building. He
turned off the car then turned in his seat, releasing his seatbelt at the same
time. As Bobby released his own seatbelt John took him into his arms.
“I love you,” John murmured into the red-head’s hair as he kissed him senseless.
“For as long as I live and beyond, I will always love you.” The lovers hung on
to each other for a few minutes.
“We should get up there,” Bobby whispered after a while. He felt John nod in his
arms. “I love you, John Anderson, for as long as I live and beyond.” Bobby
kissed John then they got out of the Navigator to go up to the loft.
Justin put away the leftovers in the refrigerator. “Do you want a drink?” Justin
asked Brian.
“Water.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I think I’ve had enough alcohol, don’t you?” Brian asked as Justin handed
him a bottle of water. Brian twisted off the cap to take a good long drink.
“No one’s accusing you, you know.”
“I know but it’s been a long time since I’ve felt the need to drown myself in
booze. I don’t intend to use Joan’s death as an excuse to resurrect my former
pain management techniques.” Brian watched Justin’s face; the relief was almost
instant.
“Brian,” Justin said with almost a sob. Brian stood in the middle of the floor,
his arms opened wide. Justin went into them immediately; he couldn’t help his
tears. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
“For what, Sunshine?”
“For everything. For Joan’s loss, for being afraid that you’d get drunk and do
something stupid, for not trusting the man you’ve become. I’m just so sorry.”
“No need to be sorry. We’ve been living a charmed life. I imagine you’re not the
only one with that opinion of me. And who knows, if I didn’t have you, Gus and
the Squirt with me, getting drunk and having a trick suck me off would probably
be just what I’d do.”
“You really don’t want to?” Justin asked, moist blue eyes looking up into the
clear hazel eyes of his spouse.
“No, Sunshine. My life is complete with you and our family. Tricks and excessive
abuses of drugs and alcohol have no place in my life. I promise you.” Brian
kissed Justin, pouring his heart and soul into his kiss. They broke apart when
they heard the sound of the loft door sliding back.
“Get a room,” Bobby teased his in-laws. Bobby and John kept walking into the
loft until they were right next to Brian and Justin. In a wave of emotion, they
joined them in a group hug. John bussed his brother’s head and gave Justin a
peck on the cheek.
“Are you all right?” John asked Brian.
“Truthfully?” John nodded. “Not really. I think old Joanie had a feeling
something was happening to her but she neglected to fill me in. If I thought
cursing and tearing up the place would do any good, I would. But that would only
succeed in making a mess of my loft and piss me off even more. I happen to like
this old furniture.”
“It still looks pretty good to me,” Justin commented as he looked around the
still impeccable loft with its white Italian leather furniture and gleaming
stainless steel appliances.
“That’s because it’s fucking expensive and the best quality. With care it should
last until our grandchildren jump all over it,” Brian said with a smirk. “I just
wish I had been better prepared.”
“You’re never prepared for this kind of loss,” John murmured. Brian searched the
eyes that mirrored his own.
“Claire’s healthy as a horse. She’s going nowhere in a hurry,” Brian assured his
brother.
“I know but I can’t help thinking about it,” John admitted. Just then Bobby
yawned and rolled his shoulders. The men could hear his joints popping. “You
okay?” John asked his spouse.
“Yeah, just tired, it’s been a long day. I guess I’m feeling it,” Bobby
admitted.
“Then come on, old man,” John teased. Let’s get ready for bed.”
Brian let John and Bobby shower first while he and Justin made up the futon
cushion. They got the extra duvet and pillows to make a cuddly warm nest for
John and Bobby.
“Oh man, that looks like heaven,” John said as he toweled off his hair, standing
over their made up bed.
In borrowed sweats pants, John and Bobby slipped in between the sheets then
covered themselves with the thick duvet.
“Oh yeah,” Bobby murmured appreciatively as he cuddled close to John. John
wrapped his long limbs around his spouse then they fell blissfully into a deep
sleep.
*****
“Are they asleep?” Brian asked as he followed Justin into the alcove to check on
John and Bobby. Brian and Justin shared their own shower while John and Bobby
settled in for the night.
“Out like the proverbial light,” Justin replied as he dried off his blond mane.
He looked upon his in-laws fondly. They were his foundation. He could depend on
them as readily as he depended on Brian. “They were really tired.”
“Yeah,” Brian whispered. “Come on, let’s follow their example. I’m beat.”
Justin followed Brian into the bedroom, shedding their towels along the way.
Brian slid into the big loft bed, holding up the blanket. Justin crawled in and
snuggled into Brian’s arms. Within moments all that could be heard were the
gentle snores of four exhausted men fast asleep.