Wild Child

Chapter 5

Brian and Gus sat in the first class cabin of the jet. They had just taken off from Toronto. Brian was relieved that Gus had not made a major scene at the airport. Brian had not wanted to have the authorities questioning his right to take Gus out of the country, even if he did have the papers to prove that he was allowed to do that. Gus was silent and withdrawn. Brian felt like the boy was plotting something while the flight went on.

After a few minutes Brian decided to try to initiate a conversation. "How did things get so bad, Gus?"

"Bad?"

"Yes, bad."

"Things were fine until you came along," Gus stated.

"I know that's not true and so do you. You were flunking every subject in school."

"So?"

"How do you flunk Phys. Ed.?"

"Skipping class helps," Gus said with a wry smile.

"I see. Is that what happened in your other subjects too?"

"Didn't they tell you that I'm stupid? I can't fucking do anything right."

"No son of mine is stupid," Brian declared as he locked eyes with Gus. For a split second, he felt a connection with the boy, his son. It was like they both understood the truth of Brian's statement, but then the moment passed.

"I guess you'll find out that that's not true," Gus said defiantly.

"I know it's true. Can't you use this opportunity as a fresh start? Maybe together we can make things better."

Gus gave the Kinney snort once again. "Nothing's going to be different. I'll still be…" Gus hesitated. He didn't want to reveal too much. He didn't want to show weakness to his father.

"You'll still be … what?"

"I'll still be the stupid fucking son of two lesbians and a fag," Gus said cruelly.

"Is that what you blame your problems on?"

"I told you I don't have any problems. It's you and my fucking mothers that have the problem. I was doing fine."

"I didn't realize you were so delusional," Brian sighed. He was getting nowhere fast.

"I'm not delusional," Gus declared. "If anybody is delusional, it's you, thinking you can fix me."

"Yeah, Heaven forbid I should want my son to be happy and have a good life," Brian half mumbled to himself.

Gus looked at his father. "Is that really what you want?"

Brian was startled by the question. "Of course, every parent wants that for their child. Well, almost all parents anyway," Brian added thinking of his own mother.

"Yeah, except for my mothers," Gus said thinking his father had finally got a clue.

"I didn't mean your mothers when I said that. They want the best for you."

The Kinney snort told Brian that Gus didn't believe any of that. "Sure, that's why they took me away from the place I liked, away from you, and then you stopped coming to see me at all."

The pain in Gus' voice was very clear to Brian. He was about to say that Gus' mothers had asked him to stay away, when he realized that such an admission would alienate Gus even more from the two women. "I'm sorry that you didn't like your life in Canada. They never intended for it to turn out that way."

"But it did. And I survived anyway."

"Yes, and now we can start over," Brian said reaching down and squeezing Gus' leg. He half expected Gus to knock his hand away but the boy merely looked down at where Brian was touching him and didn't say or do anything. Brian rubbed Gus' leg and then drew his hand back.

"I could have you charged with molesting me for doing that, you know," Gus said after a minute.

"Yeah, I suppose you could, but you might have trouble proving it when that stewardess has been watching us the whole time."

Gus looked up and saw one of the stewardesses staring at Brian. She winked at Brian and Gus. "She fucking wants you … and you're a fag!"

Brian chuckled. "It's a gift and a curse," he laughed.

"But if you're gay, why is she interested?" Gus asked puzzled.

"She doesn't know I'm gay."

"Why not?"

"I don't think I give off a gay vibe."

Gus studied his father for a moment. "You're right," he said with a frown. "You know when you came to the park last night; I was hiding behind a tree not far away."

"I suspected you were around somewhere."

"You did?" Gus asked surprised, but beginning to realize that his father was no dummy. "After you left, the guys were sort of impressed by you. They said they would have never guessed you were a fag, and they were surprised that you admitted it so quickly."

"I've never seen the value in hiding what I am. People either accept me or they can fuck off."

"And mostly they accept you?" It was a question.

"Yeah."

"I wish people accepted me like that," Gus said before he realized how weak that made him sound.

"Maybe they don't accept you readily because you're not honest about who you are. Are you ashamed of having a fag and a lesbian for parents?"

"Yes, no, sometimes I am. I don't like getting teased."

"None of us like being teased," Brian said. "I find if I call people on their bullshit, they back right down."

"Maybe for you…"

"I bet they would for you too."

"You don't know what it was like," Gus said sadly.

"Why don't you tell me?"

"I…" Gus hesitated. He had already revealed too much, but it felt kind of good to talk about it. "It's none of your business," Gus replied deciding there were some things he'd just keep to himself.

Brian sighed. He had almost got somewhere with his son, and then Gus had shut down. They rode the rest of the flight in silence.

The cab dropped them off at the loft. Gus looked at the building as they went up the steps. "I sort of remember this place," he said slowly.

"You visited me here quite a few times," Brian replied. "It's not really made for two but the other arrangements won't be ready until tomorrow."

"Other arrangements?"

"I'll show you when the time is right."

They lugged their suitcases over to the elevator. Brian let Gus struggle with his own much bigger one thinking that a little effort was good for the boy. When the elevator stopped at the top floor Brian got out and unlocked the loft door. He pulled the door back and punched in the code for the alarm system. Gus followed him in looking around while lugging his suitcase.

"Where should I put this?" Gus asked.

"I'm afraid you're going to have to sleep on the sofa," Brian said gently.

"You mean I don't even get a fucking room?"

"You can see that there is only one bedroom."

"You brought me all the way here and I don't even get a fucking bed?"

"It's just temporary," Brian tried to explain.

"Fuck you!" Gus said dropping his suitcase and flopping down on the sofa.

"I'm making arrangements for us to live somewhere else, but the place isn't ready yet."

"Will I get my own room?" Gus asked.

Brian nodded and he saw Gus relax a little bit. "However, I reserve the right to come into your room. None of this 'out of bounds' shit."

"Don't I get any privacy?"

"When you show me that you've earned that right, by staying out of trouble."

Gus scowled but he didn't argue.

"If you put your suitcase over there, we'll get you set up. You know," Brian said thoughtfully, "instead of the sofa you might like the futon."

"I don't see a futon."

"Come with me."

Gus followed his father out onto the landing and past the elevator. There was a door there and Brian took out a key.

"This is my storage unit," Brian explained. He opened the door and Gus followed his father into the small room. There were lots of boxes stacked neatly.

"You're such a neat freak," Gus said.

"I guess I am rather anal, but I like things in their place."

"So do I," Gus admitted.

Brian remembered Gus' room which was cluttered but had all his games and CD's neatly arranged in piles and on shelves. "That's another thing we have in common."

"What else do we have in common?" Gus asked.

"You mean besides reading and our eyes and this schnozz," Brian chuckled.

"Yeah," Gus laughed. "I wondered if you had bad bed head like I get."

"Wait till tomorrow morning," Brian laughed. "You'll have your answer." It was good to hear Gus laugh, even if it was at him. "Ah, here it is." Brian pulled out the old futon that he and Justin had used so many times. He had had it cleaned after … Justin went away. And then he couldn't stand to look at it anymore. "Grab the end," he told Gus.

The two of them carried the futon cushion back to the loft and spread it out in the area in front of the plasma TV."

"Great," Gus said. "At least I'll be able to watch TV all night."

"The TV goes off when you go to bed."

"And what time would that be?" Gus asked.

"What time was your curfew in Toronto?"

"I didn't have one."

"You did, but you never kept it."

"So?"

"That's not happening here."

"What … are you going to make me go to bed at eight o'clock like Jenny Rebecca?"

"What time do you think is reasonable?"

"One a.m."

"I don't think so, Sonny Boy." Brian watched Gus wince as he used that name for his son. He would have to find out why Gus reacted that way.

"Then how about midnight?"

"Eleven … since it's summer."

"Okay," Gus said. "I guess I can do that, but you'll have to do the same."

"What do you mean?" Brian asked.

"This place is so open. If I go to bed, you will have to too," Gus grinned.

"Fuck!" Brian reacted. He hadn't thought of that. "You got me there, Sonny Boy."

This time Gus didn't wince at the name. Instead he laughed. "Want to make it midnight?"

"I might have to give in on that one," Brian laughed ruffling Gus' hair.

Gus froze at Brian's touch. He looked up at his father not knowing how to react. Brian felt suddenly uncomfortable under his son's gaze.

"Come up here and we'll get you some sheets," he said going up the steps to the bedroom.

Gus followed him slowly. "I … I sort of remember sitting on the floor out there with you and watching TV," Gus said softly. "I remember this bed too."

"You do?"

"I thought it was pretty cool … up on a pedestal like that."

"I used to think it was pretty cool too," Brian admitted.

"But you don't anymore?"

"Let's just say that it's lost some of its luster."

Brian pulled out some sheets and a pillow case. He grabbed one of the pillows off his bed and they carried the linen down to the futon. Together they made up Gus' makeshift bed.

"Bring your suitcase over and we'll get out whatever you need," Brian said.

"I'm not going to bed at five-thirty in the afternoon," Gus protested.

Brian laughed. "I'm not asking you to. I just thought we'd get everything ready and organized. You know."

"Yeah, anal," Gus said shaking his head.

"That's me," Brian chuckled and that earned him a small smile from his son. Gus' stomach took that moment to rumble. Brian hadn't heard that sound in a very long time. He looked up at Gus with a grin. "Now that, we don't have in common," he observed.

"Aren't you hungry?" Gus asked. "Breakfast was a long time ago and those pretzel things on the plane weren't much."

"Would you like a pizza?"

"Yeah," Gus said without hesitation.

"There's a takeout menu in the kitchen drawer," Brian said heading in that direction. He pulled out the pizza one which he hadn't used in a long time. He hoped the place was still in business. "Choose what you want and I'll order it."

It turned out that Gus wanted all kinds of things off the menu and he let his son choose whatever he wanted, placing the order without comment. Brian thought there had been enough restrictions on Gus that day. Food didn't have to be another one.

"Do you think that will tide you over until morning?" Brian asked with a chuckle as he hung up from placing the order. "It'll be here in half an hour."

"Have you got any soda?" Gus asked yanking open the fridge door.

"I don't think so."

"Can I have a beer?"

"No."

"What's this?" Gus asked lifting a bottle of poppers out of the door of the fridge.

"Um … medicine," Brian said hastily grabbing the bottle and stuffing it back in the fridge.

"Are you sick?" Gus asked.

"It's not that kind of medicine."

"What kind is it?" Gus demanded. He liked having his father on the defensive.

"Never mind," Brian mumbled.

"So much for truth and honesty and all that crap," Gus said with satisfaction. All adults were hypocrites. They never meant what they said.

"You really want to know?" Gus nodded. "I use them sometimes when I'm having sex. They intensify the orgasm."

"Eww," Gus reacted.

"See why you don't need to know everything?"

"Maybe."

"How about some hot chocolate? I think there's some in the cupboard up there."

"It's the middle of the summer," Gus said looking at his father like he was crazy. "Are you nuts?"

"Probably," Brian laughed. "They say Earth is the insane asylum for the universe."

"Who says that?"

"I don't know. I read it on a bumper sticker," Brian admitted.

"You're weird."

"I know."

Gus opened the cupboard turning away from his father so that he didn't laugh again. "Hey," he said. "There's a bottle of Mountain Dew in here. Can I open it?"

Brian hoped the shudder he felt at the mention of the soda wasn't too obvious. "That's really old. It's probably no good." He had bought it for Justin the last time he had come to the loft.

"I'll open it and see," Gus said. "Tastes fine."

"Then knock yourself out."

By the time the pizza arrived Gus had set up a little nest under the TV and had polished off the Mountain Dew. Brian was glad they had ordered so much food including more soda. He had forgotten how much an almost teenage boy could eat and drink.

They turned on the TV, sat on the floor leaning against the sofa and ate their pizza. Brian ate two whole slices, more than he normally ever would have considered eating. Then he sat back and watched Gus inhale pizza, garlic bread, wings and soda. When Gus finally let out a large belch and said he was full, Brian had to laugh.

"You certainly have a good appetite."

"I know. The Moms were always saying I ate so much. I don't think they liked having to buy groceries for me," Gus admitted.

"Was money that tight?" Gus nodded slowly. "Well, we won't have pizza every night, but maybe now and then," Brian said softly.

"It was good. Thanks."

"Let's clean up this mess and put the leftovers in the fridge," Brian suggested as he got up and began gathering the boxes and containers.

Gus watched for a minute and then gathered up his fair share and they carried everything to the kitchen. "Why don't you have any food in the fridge?" Gus asked as he put the rest of the pizza in the refrigerator.

"I eat out a lot."

"Or you just don't eat."

"That too. I have to keep my girlish figure," Brian joked.

"Daaaaaaad!" Gus said like the word had fifteen syllables.

"What? It's the truth."

"TMI, Dad, TMI," Gus said.

Brian finished putting things away while Gus wandered around the loft looking at things and trying to figure out this father that he hardly knew. In the bedroom he stopped in front of the dresser and looked at the pictures there. The first one he noticed was Brian and his mother, both so much younger. There was one of his father also looking younger holding a baby. "Hey Dad, is that me you're holding in this picture?"

"If you're a baby in the picture, then it is. Mikey took it the night you were born."

"Michael's kind of goofy."

"Why do you say that?"

"He and Uncle Ben come to visit Jenny Rebecca. Uncle Michael always brings me a comic book."

"That's nice of him," Brian said thinking that Michael had probably spent more time with his son than he had.

"Who's this guy with the blond hair sitting with you and me?"

"Um … that's Justin."

"Justin?" Gus thought for a minute. "I remember Justin. Where is he? Wasn't he your partner?"

"Sort of."

"Where is he?"

"Europe."

"Really? What's he doing there?"

"It's a long story."

"When's he coming back?"

"I have no idea," Brian said honestly.

"But…"

"Gus, most things I'm willing to talk about, but not Justin, not tonight."

Gus heard something unfamiliar in his father's voice. Something told him to let it go. "Want to watch a movie?" Gus asked looking through the DVDs that Brian had lined up under the TV.

"That sounds like a good idea," Brian replied with relief. Maybe by the time the movie was over it would be bed time and he wouldn't have to talk about Justin anymore. He would actually survive the first day of life with his son.

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