Nightmare to
Dream
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Brian and Justin’s visits with Dr. Frank
Jamison continued to probe their
relationship. Frank had begun
to realize that the two men were a very special
pair. They were very intelligent
and a strikingly handsome couple.
They seemed to have an indefinable connection that completed each
other. He wondered how they had
survived when they broke up. It
couldn’t have been easy for either of
them. If they remembered how
being apart had affected them, and he suspected it was torture for each of
them, then perhaps they would realize just how much they needed to renew
their trust and stay together.
For weeks now Justin had had no nightmares,
and he was very thankful for that.
The nightmare which was always the same had been very
disturbing. It had, however,
led them to Dr. Jamison. He had
been able to draw things out of Brian that Justin never thought he would
hear. He had been afraid that
Brian, and Frank, would lay all the blame on
him. He didn’t want to hear
that he was too young, too fickle, too unsure of his feelings, but that
hadn’t happened. Brian had
accepted his share of the responsibility for the
break-up. He had said he loved,
needed and didn’t want to lose
Justin. That was
huge! Brian had said those things,
albeit reluctantly, to Justin, but to declare them in front of someone
else! Justin’s heart had
been so full.
Brian couldn’t say he enjoyed these
sessions with Frank. Some of
the stuff they got into was pretty difficult for him to talk about, but he
was willing to do it if it meant he and Justin stayed
together. He had begun to realize
just how important Justin was to him.
It wasn’t just sex, although that was amazing as
always. It was having an intellectual
equal to be with, to experience things with, to share with and to plan a
future with. Brian realized that
Justin brought out the best in him.
He felt better and more worthwhile when he was with this special young
man.
They still had a reluctance to talk on their
own. With Frank as mediator they
were able to get at the heart of their
problems. They discussed things
they were too frightened to bring up by themselves.
Following the party they attended a session
with Frank. Both of them were
still very upbeat from the success of the
party. Frank noticed this
immediately.
“It looks like you two must have had
a great weekend,” Frank said.
“Fabulous!” Brian
stated.
“It was pretty great,” Justin
added.
“Want to tell me about it?” Frank
asked.
Justin looked at Brian who
shrugged.
“We went to a party for Brian’s
work. He bought me a new tuxedo
for it, and we both looked great!
Brian asked me to draw a portrait of his boss, and we presented it
to him at the party. It was a
big hit.”
“I guess that made you feel very special,
Justin.”
“It did. Also that Brian trusted me
to do the portrait, and that I spoke at the
presentation.”
“A very big weekend for you!” Frank
agreed.
Justin smiled and nodded.
“How about you,
Brian?”
“My boss is an
asshole. We don’t like each
other, but we’ve learned to tolerate each other for the good of the
company. For some reason he decided
to try and put me in my place at this
party. We topped him every
time.”
“We?” Frank
asked.
“I couldn’t have done it without
Justin’s help.”
“Oh?”
“My boss thought I was living with some
teenaged dummy, and he invited Justin to the party to make me look bad, but
his plan backfired. We showed
him!” Brian said, smirking.
“So you worked together on this?”
Frank asked.
“We did,” said
Brian. “I was very proud
of Justin.”
Justin beamed his sunshine
smile.
“Did it feel like a true and equal
partnership?”
“Definitely,” Brian
stated.
“Did you trust each
other?”
They both nodded.
“Do you feel like the trust is returning
to your relationship?”
“Yes,” they both
said.
“That’s
good. Could you have carried
this off without Justin, Brian?”
“I doubt it.”
“And Justin, could you have enjoyed
all of this success without Brian?”
Justin shook his
head. “It would never have
happened without Brian, and I wouldn’t have had the confidence to carry
it off without him.”
Frank
nodded. “Do you two hear
what you have been telling me? How
much you need each other. How
much you depend on each other. I
think you have demonstrated the importance of each one of you to the
other.”
“I agree,” said
Brian. “So what does that
mean?”
“That you don’t need me so much,”
Frank said.
“You kickin’ us out of the nest,
Frank?” Brian asked.
“You could call it
that.”
“I’m not sure we’re ready
to end these sessions totally,” Brian added.
“I didn’t mean completely end them,
but I think we can cut back to once a month or less, and we’ll see how
it goes. If something happens,
we can always fit in a session.”
“That sounds good, but there is one
wrinkle,” Brian admitted.
“What’s that?” Frank
asked.
“We came here because Justin had nightmares
when I left him for a business trip.
I have a trip to
“Agreed.
Knowing that, I think you should come in next Monday, and we’ll
talk about how each of you handles the
separation. Do you think you’ll
be all right, Justin?”
“I hope
so. I feel differently about
our relationship now than I did when I had the
nightmares.”
“That’s
good. I think you’ll be
fine. Both of
you.”
As they left Frank’s office, Brian heard
the little whisper of doubt in his head.
He hadn’t heard the little voice for quite a
while. “I hope this isn’t
a mistake leaving him,” Brian thought.
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Wednesday morning came too
quickly. They had gotten quite
a bit of exercise the night before.
Brian tried to reassure Justin that everything would be all right,
even though he was worried about leaving him
alone. When the alarm woke them,
Justin was sprawled across Brian’s chest.
“I wish you didn’t have to go,”
Justin said, not moving.
“We still have lots of
time. My flight isn’t until
ten. Let’s shower,”
Brian said.
They stood in the shower holding on to each
other. That was enough at first,
but the close contact soon had expected
results. Soft kisses under the
warm water turned to dueling tongues and swollen
lips. Gentle caresses turned
to exquisite friction and rubbing on intimate
parts. Brian used soapy fingers
to open Justin’s hole. He
loved every part of the young man, physical, mental and
emotional. This spot was where
they joined together as one. Brian
kissed Justin’s neck and back.
His worries about leaving had turned to intense
desire. Brian wanted to fill
Justin, to surround him and protect him.
He gently pushed Justin against the glass of the shower and entered
him.
He pressed his body tight against Justin,
arms wrapped around the boy’s chest, mouth against his ear, cock impaled
in the body he knew so well.
This was the only place he really
wanted to be. He felt tears well
up in his eyes. Never having
been loved, he had rarely felt safe and wanted, but this met both those
needs. This was his haven of
safety, of gentleness, of love.
“Brian,” Justin said, “are
you all right?”
“Sorry,” said Brian, “I was
thinking and ... feeling so much.”
He continued to hold on tight, not moving
inside Justin.
“I love you,” said Justin, feeling
the need to start moving.
Brian began a slow rhythmic in and
out. They both gasped at the
delicious friction. As their
orgasms built, they moved faster, pounding against each
other. Justin felt Brian grab
his cock and pump up and down in rhythm with his thrusts.
Justin arched back and shouted,
“Aaahhhh!”
The muscles of his anus contracted with his
orgasm, and Brian too was coming.
They leaned against the glass of the shower until the world stopped
spinning.
As Brian disposed of the condom, Justin
whispered,” I’ll miss you.”
“Just be all right while I’m gone.
Okay?” Brian asked.
“I’ll
try. I think I’ll be
okay.”
They finally managed to get dressed and Justin
drove them to the airport.
“I’ll call you at ten,” Brian
said, getting out of the car.
“Bye,” said Justin rather
wistfully.
Brian walked around the car, leaned in the
window and gave Justin a kiss to last him till Brian
returned.
“I’ll be bock,” he said in
his best Arnold Swartzenegger voice.
Justin had to
laugh. “You better be,”
he said.
“Bye,
Sunshine.”
Justin drove away in the
Jeep. “It’ll be all
right,” he said to himself.
“It has to be.”
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Brian called promptly at
ten.
“How are you?” he asked first
thing.
“Quit worrying,” Justin
responded. “I’m
fine. Besides I haven’t
been asleep yet.”
“Are you expecting the
nightmare?”
“I hope not, but I can’t help wondering
what will happen when I do fall asleep.”
“Want a little exercise to tire you
out?” Brian asked.
“What do you propose?” Justin asked,
smiling.
“Me,
propose.
Never.”
“You know what I
mean.”
“Okay, Hoover!” Brian
said.
Justin groaned.
“Don’t you like that
name?”
“Not
particularly.”
“But it conjures up some intriguing
images.”
“Like what?”
“You attached to the end of my dick,
and no amount of pulling or wagging can shake you
loose.”
“Um,
interesting. You always taste
so good. What
else?”
“You attached to my balls, sucking and
rolling them around in your mouth.”
“Even
better. Anything
else?”
“You attached to my nipple, sucking
it until it stands up hard and aching.”
“I’m getting hard just listening
to you. You should write these
down for posterity. Generations
from now people will probably Hoover each other in memory of your
images.”
Brian
chuckled. “I saved the best
till last.”
“What’s
that?”
“Your mouth attached to mine, sucking
on my lips, our tongues exploring each other’s mouths, breath and saliva
intermingled.”
“God, Brian, that is so
erotic. My dick wishes you were
here, but I guess my hand will have to do.”
“Naughty
They both worked faster on their cocks, coming
in a rush of need, desire and longing.
They lay back, gasping for breath when they were
through.
“Feels so good,” Justin sighed
in relief.
“Good night,
“See you tomorrow
night.” Justin cut the
connection. He was deliciously
tired and ready to sleep. Perchance
to dream? He hoped
not.
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Justin opened the door to the
loft. He stepped inside looking
around for Brian. Something
didn’t feel right. He called
out, “Brian!”
There was no
answer. His anxiety increased
and his breaths came faster and more
shallow. He turned back toward
the door. His breath caught in
his throat. A figure loomed in
the doorway. His heart started
to pound and he couldn’t get a
breath. He backed away as the
figure stepped forward.
“No,” he
whimpered. “No,
please.”
“Justin,” the figure
said.
Justin looked up expecting to see Chris Hobbs
and the baseball bat. He looked
into hazel eyes filled with concern.
“Brian,” he gasped, and Brian opened
his arms and drew him close, hugging him into a warm, safe
embrace.
“I’m here,” he
said. “Don’t be
afraid.”
“I’m not afraid, now that you’re
here.”
Justin’s breathing slowed to normal,
as he remained wrapped in the safety of Brian’s
arms.
In his sleep Justin rolled over and settled
into a new position. He did not
wake from this dream. There was
no need, because Brian was there and he was safe.
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The next morning when Justin awoke, he reached
over for Brian, but found the bed empty.
Momentary panic gave way to the realization that Brian was still in
At
“Just like my image from last night,”
Brian chuckled, when Justin finally let him up for air.
“Let’s go home,” Justin
said. “I have something
to tell you.”
“What?” Brian wanted to know, but
Justin dragged him out of the airport, refusing to say anything more until
they got home.
Justin had prepared a special dinner for
them. They sat down to salad
just after they got home.
“Are you going to tell me your secret
or not?” Brian was getting
slightly exasperated.
“It’s not a secret,” Justin
said coyly.
“So, tell me!”
“’Kay,” said
Justin. “I had a dream last
night.”
“The nightmare?” Brian asked, looking
worried.
“I said dream, not
nightmare. It was almost the
same one, but with a new wrinkle.”
“What do you
mean?”
“In the dream when I turned toward the
door, it wasn’t Chris Hobbs ready to clobber me, it was
you. You were
there. You hugged
me. I wasn’t scared and
I didn’t even wake up.”
“So the dream has changed for the
better.” Brian was
pleased. “What do you think
that means?”
“I don’t know for sure, but I think
it means that I can depend on you.
That I don’t have to worry about Chris Hobbs anymore, or worry
about anyone hurting me, or about you abandoning me when I need
you.”
“Wow.
That’s a lot of meaning for one
dream. Maybe we shouldn’t
jump to conclusions. We can talk
to Frank on Monday and see what he thinks about
it.”
Justin looked
crestfallen. He had hoped Brian
would be as happy as he was with this new ending to the
dream. Brian sounded wary, like
it was too good to be true.
“I didn’t mean to bring you
down,” he said, seeing the look of disappointment on Justin’s
face. “I just think we should
be careful about reading too much into one
dream. At least it was a happy
outcome, and you didn’t have to call Emmett,” Brian added, remembering
the last nightmare.
He could tell Justin wasn’t very happy
with him. “He must have
expected me to tell him everything would be fantastic from now
on. How can I do that, when I
know we will still have tough times?
I must be getting old, when I no longer have the exuberance of
youth,” he thought. Then
he cringed at this admission, even to himself.
“Good salad,” he said to break
the tension.
“Thanks,” said Justin, still
disappointed in Brian’s reaction.
They finished their salads in
silence.
Justin had made lasagna for the main
course. They could just get it
in under Brian’s rule of no carbs after eight.
It was delicious, and Brian made sure to
compliment Justin, hoping to cheer him
up. Nothing seemed to do much
good. When they finished the
lasagna, Brian suggested they go to Woody’s and maybe
They found Ted and Emmett at Woody’s,
and joined them for a drink. Justin
told Emmett about the dream, and of course, Emmett was thrilled for
him. Justin perked up after that,
having someone to agree with him and support his idea that everything would
be fine from now on.
Brian asked Ted how the porn site was going,
hoping to direct the conversation away from the dream and Justin’s
interpretation of it.
“Raking it in,” Ted said, “but
it’s long hours and not much thanks for all my hard
work.”
“I’ll be sure to send you an e-mail
thanking you for providing such a vital service,” Brian said, sticking
his tongue in his cheek.
“Un hunh,” Ted responded, knowing
Brian was being his usual sarcastic asshole self.
“We’re heading to
“We’ll join you,” Emmett
volunteered.
When they arrived back at the loft, Brian
knew Justin still wasn’t too happy with
him. He thought he better bite
the bullet and talk about it.
“Look, Justin, I know I disappointed
you with my reaction to your dream.”
“You were just being honest,” Justin
conceded, still looking unhappy.
“I was and I
am. I hope you’re right
and the dream means you’ve turned some kind of
corner. That you trust
me.”
“But ...” Justin could hear the
‘but’ in Brian’s voice.
“But that doesn’t mean that we
will have no more problems. It
may indicate that we trust each other more, but I don’t think all those
issues are fully dealt with either.”
Justin looked crushed, especially after
Brian’s last statement.
“I don’t want to talk about this
any more,” Justin said.
“Neither do
I. Maybe Frank will be able to
help us.”
Brian grabbed Justin’s hand and pulled
him up into a kiss. The boy
didn’t show much enthusiasm at first, but a few Brian kisses and strategic
caresses, and they were both starting to
pant. Brian began removing articles
of clothing from Justin’s body, and soon he was naked, his cock ready
for action. Brian backed him
up against the sofa and knelt down.
He looked up into Justin’s face to tell him without words that
he loved him and needed him. Justin
bent over and kissed his lover, gently, then more deeply, then
passionately. Brian’s hand
encircled Justin’s cock and began working
it. Justin moaned through his
kisses. Brian pulled away and
took Justin’s pulsing rod into his
mouth. He treated it with reverence
at first, gentle kisses, licks and sucks until Justin was barely able to
breathe, and his hips pushed the cock deeper into Brian’s
mouth. Brian’s well trained
lips and mouth and tongue soon had Justin
coming. Brian took it all, waiting
for the orgasm to subside, and then sucking the last
drops. He stood up, holding on
to the boy who sagged against the couch, eyes closed.
“Feel better now?” he asked
softly.
“Um hmm,” was all Justin could
reply. He always felt great after
Brian did anything sexual with him.
He was sure there was no better lover in the universe than Brian
Kinney.
Brian gently pulled Justin up to the bedroom
and removed his own clothing. They
had much more to do before either of them slept.
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Monday afternoon they attended their appointment
with Dr. Frank. Frank knew something
was wrong as soon as they walked in.
There was a kind of distance or disconnection between
them. He didn’t like
it.
“So what happened?” he
asked.
Justin told him about the nightmare with
the new ending, and how happy he was that he had got through Brian’s
absence so well. Brian didn’t
say anything during this.
“Sounds like you’ve turned a corner,
Justin,” Frank said.
Justin looked triumphantly at Brian who looked
away.
“You don’t feel so great about
this?” Frank asked, looking at Brian.
“I think it’s
great. I don’t want Justin
to have any more nightmares, but I don’t think it means all of our problems
are over.”
“I didn’t hear Justin say
that.”
“You didn’t get the full explanation
that I got when I returned from
“Oh?
What else?”
“Look, Frank, I want everything to be
fine. I just want to be realistic
too. I’m not your rose-colored
glasses type of guy.”
Frank had to
chuckle. “I doubt if you
get accused of being that very often.”
Brian rolled his eyes.
“Where does this leave us?” Frank
asked. “I’d say that
this was a very significant event.
Justin’s subconscious has obviously come to terms with some
issues. That allowed him to create
a new ending for the dream. He
must be more secure about his feelings and about his relationship with you,
Brian, or his subconscious wouldn’t have allowed him to do
this.”
Justin looked pleased by this statement.
Brian looked
worried. “So the problem
then is me,” he said.
“I would have to say that you are right
about that, but maybe problem is too strong a
word. You are still trying to
rebuild your trust in Justin.
Right?”
Brian nodded.
“You aren’t there
yet. From what you’ve both
told me, your ability to trust anyone in this type of a relationship was
zero before you met Justin? You
two spent a long time learning to trust each other, and a short time destroying
that trust. You’re both
going to have to continue building trust and demonstrating to each other
that you can be trusted. Brian,
you shouldn’t feel wary that Justin seems to have gotten there
first. And Justin, you
shouldn’t feel hurt that Brian isn’t there
yet. It will come for both of
you if you work at it and really want it.
The dream and the successes you had at the party all point out that
you are headed in the right direction.”
Both men looked relieved at Frank’s
analysis. He seemed to have a
way of getting at the heart of a sticky matter, and making them both feel
better as a result.
They ended the session on that note, and
didn’t book another one for a month.
In the Jeep on the way to the loft Justin said, “I’m sorry
I tried to make everything more than it
was. I was happy and I wanted
you to be too.”
“Justin, I am
happy. I’m glad you’re
here with me, and I’m not going to change my mind or my heart about
that.”
Justin smiled at his
words.
“We just need to be a little
careful. If we get too complacent,
things could start to fall apart again,” Brian
added.
“We won’t let them,” Justin
said with conviction.
“Right,” Brian said, trying to
sound just as positive. He meant
it too, if only that nagging little voice could be
convinced.