Calm Before the Storm  

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Everything seemed to be going well for Brian and Justin.  They had been getting along pretty well, with relative tranquility.  Perhaps it was the calm before the storm, as that little voice kept whispering to Brian, or perhaps it was the way things were supposed to be.  That remained to be seen.

 

They spent a lot of time with each other, and not much with their friends.  The only outing had been the dinner at Lindsay and Mel’s.  That hadn’t gone too well, but afterwards had been spectacular.

 

One evening as Brian worked on the computer, and Justin did some schoolwork, Justin looked up and said, “Let’s go to Babylon.”

 

“I thought you had homework.”

 

“Nothing that can’t wait.  Call the guys and see if they’re interested in going.  We could meet them there.”

 

“Okay.  We really haven’t done anything with them since the brunch,” Brian said.

 

He called Michael who said he and Ben could make it.  Ted and Emmett were already planning to go.

 

“I just can’t imagine those two as a couple,” Brian said.

 

“Like they couldn’t imagine us at first?” Justin asked.

 

“Hardly!”  Brian looked horrified.  “I’m half Ted’s age, and you’re much prettier than Emmett.”

 

“Flattery will get you laid later,” Justin joked.

 

“Hasn’t taken too much flattery lately!” Brian smirked.

 

“So I’m a pushover for older men.”

 

“Stay away from Ted.”

 

“No worries there.  He belongs to Emm now.”

 

Brian shook his head, still finding that hard to believe.

 

They dressed in their best club clothes, suitably slutty.  Brian had his skin-tight black jeans, and equally skin-tight black shirt.  Justin wore blue jeans and a shiny silver shirt, open almost to the navel.

 

“We are one hot pair!” Brian said.

 

“The hottest!  We are going to set that place sizzling.”

 

Brian noticed the pendant, clearly visible with Justin’s open shirt.  Justin saw where his eyes lingered.

 

“Do you want me to take it off, so no one will know,” he volunteered.

 

“No,” Brian said.  “Let them see it, and tell them that I gave it to you.”

 

“Who are you, and where’s the real Brian Kinney?” Justin asked.  “You want me to tell them?”

 

“Yep.  Only what’s on the back belongs only to me and you.  Okay?”

“Okay!”

 

“Let’s go.”

 

When Brian and Justin walked into Babylon together, you could almost hear the gasp.  This was the first time since the “Rage” fiasco that most people had seen either of them, let alone together.  They were a striking pair.  Brian, black and brooding, and Justin, silver and sparkling.  Heads turned and conversations stopped.

 

Brian took Justin’s hand, claiming him as his own, and led him over to the bar where he had seen the guys.

 

“That was quite an entrance, you two!” Emmett noted.

 

“You’ve just created a mad rush on the washrooms, so guys can jerk off,” Ted said.

 

Brian smirked and Justin did his best “innocent me” face.  Brian ordered two beers. 

 

Michael gave Brian a kiss, and said, “Haven’t seen you in days.”

 

“Yeah, we decided to rejoin society,” Brian said.

 

“I’m glad you’re back,” Michael said sincerely.

 

Ben seemed to be observing all this, but making no comment.

 

“Is that a new piece of jewelry that I see?” Emmett asked Justin, pointing to the pendant.

 

“Yes.  Brian gave it to me,” Justin said proudly.

 

“Well, well, well!  A sun for Sunshine!  How romantic!  And we thought Brian didn’t have a sentimental bone in his body,” Emmett said.

 

Brian rolled his eyes.  “I can be as sentimental as the next guy,” he said.

 

“Yeah, if the next guy is Attila the Hun,” Ted said.

 

Brian glared at him.  “Let’s dance,” he said to Justin.

 

They all made their way out onto the floor.  Brian rested his hands on Justin’s shoulders, and leaned his forehead against Justin’s.  They had eyes only for each other, but everyone else seemed to have eyes for them.  They gyrated against each other in a primal dance for two.

 

After a couple of dances, Ted leaned over to Brian and said, “If you two keep this up, I’m going to have to jerk off too.”

 

“Still into that, are you?”  Brian asked.

 

Ted sputtered, “I just meant that you were putting on quite a show.”

 

“I always do my best to entertain.”

 

“And how!” Ted added.

 

“Let’s get another drink,” Brian said to Justin.

 

They went back to the bar and got a couple of beers.  The others soon joined them.

 

“So what have you guys been doing?” Emmett asked suggestively.

 

“Lots of that!  We also took Gus on a picnic,” Brian said rather proudly.

 

“A picnic,” Ted snorted. "How plebeian!  Did you get grass stains on your designer slacks?”

 

“As a matter of fact, we had a blast!” Brian said emphatically.

 

“My God, Justin!  You’ve turned him into a suburban hausfrau!” Emmett said, horrified.

 

Brian rolled his eyes.  “You should try communing with nature sometime, Emm.”

 

Emmett looked thoroughly disgusted.  “Dirt, bugs, dog poop.  No thanks!”

 

“I really enjoyed the country that time I went to David’s cabin,” said Michael wistfully, then looked apologetically at Ben.

 

“That’s part of the reason I wanted to go to Tibet,” Ben said.  “The mountains, clear air.”

 

“My, my, aren’t we all philosophical tonight.  I need another drink,” Emmett said.

 

“Why didn’t you go?” Justin asked Ben.

 

“Some things became more important,” Ben said, kissing Michael’s cheek.

 

Brian watched them.  “Choices,” he said.

 

Ben looked at him.  “Choices are what life’s about.  They define who we are.”

 

“Choices, not change,” Brian thought to himself.

 

“Earth to Brian,” Justin said.  “You just zoned out.”

 

“Oh?  I was thinking.”

 

“We could see the wheels turning.  What were you thinking about?” Justin asked.

 

“I’ll tell you later.  Let’s dance.”

 

They headed back to the dance floor, and continued their sexy interaction for several more songs.

 

“I’m ready to go,” Brian finally said.

 

“Yeah.  I must be getting old too.  I’m danced out.”

 

“Cut the ‘old’ references,” Brian ordered with a grin.  “We are a bit out of practice.”

 

They said goodbye to the boys and headed out.  Brian could feel eyes following them as they left Babylon.  “Maybe things haven’t changed too much,” Brian mused.

 

When they got in the Jeep, Brian leaned over and kissed Justin.

 

“What was that for?” Justin asked.

 

“It was a great idea to come here.  I feel good.”

 

“Why?  Because you were the belle of the ball?”

“Could you feel it too?  They were envious of us.  We did make them sit up and take notice.  It felt good, like my old self.”

 

“Not too much like your old self,” Justin said, looking somewhat worried.

 

“You’re the one I want, my only Sunshine!  I haven’t tricked since we got back together, except for Dick, and we weren’t really together then.”

 

“Excuses, excuses!” Although, he was glad to hear that Brian hadn’t been with anyone else.  “Except Dick!” he thought ruefully.

“Seriously, I do get urges sometimes, but then I come home to you, and you fuck those urges right out of me.”

“Good.  But remember what I said when we were working things out,” Justin said.  “Tricks don’t bother me, if I don’t have to see them or watch.  I meant it then, and I mean it now.  I know you’re going to be tempted from time to time.”

 

“The only one who tempts me is a certain blond twink, whose initials are JT.”

 

“Good, but things won’t always be this perfect between us, and what I said, still goes.  Remember that.  I won’t love you any less.  It was part of our agreement.”

 

“How did I get so lucky?  Smart, beautiful and sexy as hell!”

 

“The gods must be looking out for you,” Justin said.

 

“I’m glad they brought you back to me.”

 

“Me too.  Let’s go home.”

 

They couldn’t keep their hands off each other when they got to the loft.  They fucked and sucked.  They rimmed and licked.  They gave each other amazing blowjobs, timing it to come at the same time.  Finally exhausted they snuggled up against each other.

 

“I’m so happy,” Justin said.

 

“I think I am too,” Brian responded.

 

“Think?”

 

“Happy was never a part of my vocabulary until I met you,” Brian admitted.

 

“It wasn’t?”

 

“No.  Worn out, satiated, deliciously tired from fucking, but never what I would call happy.  And it was never enough.  I used to say that all the time.  ‘There’s no such thing as enough.’  I think I’ve found ‘enough’ with you.”

 

“I love you,” Justin responded.

 

“Mmmm,” Brian said.

 

“You still have trouble saying that, don’t you?”

 

“Yes.  I’m still trying to figure out what it means.”

 

“I can live with that.  You seem more relaxed tonight, not as worried as you have been.”

 

“Ben said something that hit home.”

 

“What was that?”

 

“That choices define our lives.  I was worried that I was changing myself, and losing my sense of who I am.  Ben made me realize that I’m actually making choices.  Who I am is still the same basic person.  I’m just taking that person in a different direction.  Dick tried to tell me much the same thing.”

 

Justin tensed at the mention of Dick’s name.  “Are you okay with the choices?” Justin asked.

 

“More than I was a while ago.  I was full of doubts and worry about what was happening to me.  I think I can put a lot of that behind me now.”

 

“That’s good.”

 

“I’m still that selfish asshole that I’ve always been, and you’re going to see him from time to time.”

 

“Some people seem to bring him out.”

 

“Yeah, like Melanie and Ted.”

 

“For sure!”

 

“I’ll probably show him to you too, whether I want to or not.  Likely at times that you won’t want to deal with him.”

 

“That’s already happened once or twice,” Justin acknowledged.

 

“True, but we got through it,” Brian said.

 

“Yeah.  We did.  Do you still want me to talk to Dick?” Justin asked, knowing what the answer was going to be.

 

“I’d like that.  I wish you two could be friends, but I think it might help us, if you talked to him.”

 

“Us?  Explain.”

 

“I can’t exactly.  I’d just like you to do it.”

 

Justin sighed.  “Okay then, I’ll do it.”

 

“Thanks.  I don’t think you’ll regret it.”

 

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Justin arranged to meet Dick a couple of days later.  They met at a coffee shop, after Dick was finished teaching for the day.  Justin was a little nervous, but he knew Brian wanted this, for whatever reason.

 

When Dick arrived Justin was sitting in a booth with his sketchbook out, apparently drawing the waitress.

 

“HI,” said Dick.

 

“Hi,” Justin said, closing his sketchbook.

 

“I’m glad you asked to meet.”

 

“Brian seemed to want this.”

 

“But you didn’t?” Dick asked.

 

“Not really.  You’re Brian’s friend ... and trick,” he couldn’t keep himself from adding.

 

“I told you at the brunch that you were forthright.  You really don’t hold back, do you?”

 

“Sorry, but that’s part of what bugs me about you.”

 

“That I’ve fucked Brian?”

 

“Yes, that, but also that he seems to like you so much, and goes to talk to you when he refuses to talk to me.”

 

‘You feel threatened?” Dick asked.

 

“A little.  I want Brian to talk to me, not you.”

 

“Sometimes people need an objective sounding board, someone not involved in the problem.”

 

“And that’s you?”

 

“Brian has used me for that.”

 

“He’s used you for other things too,” Justin said ruefully.

 

“That really bites your ass, doesn’t it?”

 

“I don’t like that he was biting your ass!”

 

Dick just about spit his mouthful of coffee all over Justin.  When he was able to swallow, he laughed out loud.  “You are something else,” he said.

 

Justin looked at him.  “I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Brian a couple of days ago.  Tricks don’t bother me, but you’re more than a trick.  I don’t really know what you are to Brian, but I don’t think I like the idea of you being near him.”

 

“I used to be his trick, and I use the past tense deliberately.  I don’t think that will ever happen again.  I am Brian’s friend, present tense.  And that’s all that I am, or likely to be.”

 

“See, there it is.”

 

“There what is?”

 

“You didn’t say you’d never be more than a friend.  You said ‘likely’ never to be.  You’re leaving that door open.”

 

“I told you the first time I met you that I’d go after Brian, if I thought I had a chance, but he wants you.  I won’t interfere in that, and I can’t say that any more clearly.  Don’t let your insecurities screw this up for both of you.”

 

“Can I believe you?”

 

“Like Brian, I don’t say things I don’t mean.”

 

“Okay, I’ll believe you.  Let’s leave it at that.”

 

“Deal,” said Dick, putting out his hand to shake.

 

Justin rather reluctantly shook his hand.  “I hope I’m not making a mistake trusting you,” he said.

 

“You’re not,” Dick assured him.

 

“So what are we supposed to talk about?”

 

“Brian was really concerned about you pushing him too hard to change, and to say things that he isn’t ready to say.”

 

“We’ve talked about that.”

 

“Good.  Try to be patient with him.”

 

“I do try, but he’s not the easiest person to deal with.  His reaction to problems has always been ‘Fuck it!’ and walk away.  I’m not prepared to settle for that.  I want to thrash it out and get a solution.”

 

“I agree with you.  Walking away doesn’t really solve anything, but old habits die hard.”

 

“And then he runs to you.”

 

“Justin, maybe you should be grateful that he comes to me.”

 

“Grateful?”

 

“Well, think about the alternatives, drugs, tricks, booze, not coming back at all.”

 

“Or coming back without any help from you,” Justin said.

 

“Granted, that could happen, but how likely is it?  You can count on me to calm him down and send him back to you.”

 

Justin could feel that Dick was being sincere, and his resentment ebbed a little.  “You’ll do that?” Justin asked.

 

“I already have, twice.”

 

“Thanks.  I’m sorry I’ve been so bitchy, but I had to feel that I could trust you.”

 

“And you do now?”

 

“I think so.”

 

“Good.  I’ll try not to let you down.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Can I see your drawings?” Dick asked.

 

Justin was surprised that Dick would be interested.  He pushed his sketchpad toward Dick, who picked it up, and began flipping through it.  He would stop occasionally, and study a picture, usually one of Brian, Justin noted.  When he reached the last sketch, he studied it, and the waitress whose portrait it was.

 

“You’re very talented,” Dick said.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You know, Justin, you are a very exceptional young man.  You’re smart, talented, good looking.”

 

“You don’t have to flatter me,” Justin said.

 

“I’m not flattering you, I’m stating the obvious.”

 

“Why?”

 

“You have so much going for you, and you have Brian’s love.  Don’t let doubts and jealousy destroy that.  And don’t push him too hard, or he might want out.”

 

“Want out?  Did he tell you that he might want out?” Justin asked, concerned.

 

“He did mention that, but I’m just giving you some advice.  I don’t mean anything sinister by it.  You’re pushing me, and if you push Brian like this, I can see why he gets fed up.”

 

“Fed up?  What the fuck do you mean?  I think I’ve had about as much of this as I can take.  Brian may think you’re so smart, but I think you’re trying to cause trouble.”  Justin grabbed his sketchbook, threw down a couple of dollars, and stormed out.

 

Dick tried to stop him.  “Justin, wait a minute.  I’m not trying to cause trouble.”

 

But the door to the coffee shop closed behind Justin.

 

“That went well,” Dick said to no one in particular.

 

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When Justin arrived at the loft, Brian wasn’t home yet.  He thought he would make a nice dinner, and try to get Brian in a good mood before mentioning Dick.  He knew Brian was going to be pissed at him.  Maybe he shouldn’t have walked out on Dick, but he knew Dick more than liked Brian.  He hated that Brian would go to Dick instead of talking to him.  He seriously prayed that wouldn’t be what Brian would do when he heard the outcome of their meeting.

 

Justin was in the middle of preparing pasta with chicken and mushrooms, when the loft door opened.  Brian came in and said, ”Hey.”  He went up to the bedroom and changed his clothes.  Justin worried that he didn’t say anything more.  Did Dick call him?  If so, he was royally screwed.  All he could do was play it out.

 

“Dinner’s ready,” Justin said, setting the plates out and pouring some wine.

 

Brian came down from the bedroom and sat down.  “Smells good,” he said.

 

“I hope you like it,” Justin said hopefully.

 

Brian began to eat and so did Justin, with occasional glances to try and judge Brian’s mood.  Neither said anything for a while.

 

Finally Brian said, “It’s very good.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Did you meet Dick today?” Brian asked.

 

There it was!  Justin took a deep breath, and said, “Yes.”

 

“How did it go?”

 

“All right, at first.”

 

“And later?”

 

“Not so well.”

 

“Meaning?”

 

“I got mad and walked out.”

 

“Why?” Brian asked, too calm to suit Justin.

 

“He wants you, and I don’t like that.”

 

“But he can’t have me, so why were you rude to him?”

 

Justin knew then that Dick had called Brian.  He must have spun quite a tale of Justin’s accusations and rudeness.

 

“Shit! He got to you first,” Justin accused.

 

“He called to tell me the meeting didn’t go very well.”

 

“I just bet he did!  I bet he really laid it on about how rude and pushy I was.”  Justin was fighting for control, feeling very threatened.

 

“He did say you were rude, and that you didn’t seem to believe him about anything.”

 

“He’s right about that!”

 

“What happened?  I thought you were okay with talking to him.”

 

“Well, I’m not.  I don’t trust him.  He’s your friend, not mine.  And he’d like to be a lot more.”

 

“Not going to happen.”

 

“How can you be so sure?”

 

“I won’t let it.”

 

“He’s already causing trouble between us.  Isn’t that what’s happening right now?”

 

Brian looked at him, not knowing what to say.

 

“I thought you talking to Dick would help us,” Brian said rather lamely.

 

“I guess you were wrong!”

 

“Seems so.  Let’s forget it,” Brian said, not wanting to cause more trouble.

 

Justin stared at him.  “Forget it!  Just like that?”

 

“Yes.  I don’t want Dick to come between us.”

 

“He’s here between us right now.”

 

“You know I like talking to him,” Brian said, “and he has helped me a lot.  I want to keep him as a friend.”

 

“Your friend, not mine!” Justin said emphatically.

 

“Can you live with that?”

 

Justin thought seriously about his answer.  He wanted to say no.  Finally he said, “Yes, but don’t expect me to like it, or like him.  As long as he doesn’t try to take you away from me, I guess it’s all right.  I can’t dictate your friends.”

 

“Then let’s leave it at that,” Brian said.

 

Justin wanted to continue the discussion, but he remembered what Dick had said about pushing Brian until he got fed up.  He decided to cut his losses and let it go.  “Okay,” he said.

 

“So I can still be friends with Dick?”

 

“I can’t tell you who to be friends with,” Justin said again.

 

“Good.”

 

They both sat quietly sipping wine.  Neither Brian nor Justin knew what to say.  The tension was palpable.

 

“Fuck,” thought Brian.  “This was supposed to help.”

 

“Fuck,” Justin thought.  “This sure didn’t help.”

 

The little voice in Brian’s head whispered, “You messed up big time!”

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