Doubts
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Brian and Justin had been back together
for a few weeks now. Brian
wasnt sure there was any such thing as domestic bliss, but he thought
this might be about as close as it got. He was glad to have Justin back and living with
him. He slept better, and the
sex was no less fantastic than always.
They had had their ups and downs
already. He had walked out a
couple of times, but he had come back and they had worked it
out. He didnt expect it
to be easy, but sometimes he wondered if they could maintain
it. He knew he wasnt easy to live with, and Justin had
come back a more mature, and demanding,
partner. He wasnt going
to allow Brian free reign. They
didnt have rules, which had been such a disaster before, but they did
have some limits on what they were willing to
tolerate. So far things had
gone pretty well, but it was the long term that was the question
mark.
They spent those weeks re-establishing
a rhythm to their lives. Brian
went to work and Justin to school. Everything seemed to be fine, except for a little voice
in the back of Brians brain that whispered of doubt and
fear. It just wouldnt
go away.
Most of the time Brian could ignore it,
find enough to do to push it away into the
background. However, there were
times when it demanded to be heard, and Brian would start to
worry.
Lindsay and Mel invited them for dinner
one Friday. Brian was looking
forward to seeing Gus. He hoped
he might have a quiet word with Lindsay
too. He wondered if she would
notice the changes in him and how she would react.
They arrived early after work, so they
could have some play time with Gus before he had to go to
bed. Melanie let them
in. Gus ran to his father shouting,
"Dada, Dada.
Brian scooped him up and hugged him
tight.
Sonny Boy, he said, kissing
him and blowing raspberries on his cheek.
Gus
giggled. Love you,
Dada, he said.
I love you too, Brian
said.
Down! Gus
demanded.
Okay, said Brian, setting
him down. Gus took his hand
and pulled Brian towards the coffee table.
What?
Where are we going?
See, said Gus, pointing to
the coffee table.
Whats
this? Brian picked up
a paper containing two red handprints.
Are these yours? Brian asked.
Gus nodded and beamed at
Brian.
Lets see, Brian
said. Show me how your
hands fit.
He set the paper on the table, and Gus
positioned his own little hands over the red
prints.
A perfect fit, Brian
said. Well done, Sonny
Boy.
For you, Gus
said.
This is for me? Brian
asked.
Gus nodded.
Thank you,
Gus. Brian kissed
him. Ill find a special place for this at
home.
Gus smiled.
The refrigerators always
a good spot, Melanie offered.
They make these little magnet things that will hold papers on
the door.
No kidding! Brian said, rolling
his eyes. The wonders
of modern technology!
Wise ass, Melanie
sniped.
Justin moved
in. Thats great,
Gus. One of these days well
have to paint together.
Gus clapped his hands and bounced up
and down.
Come on,
Gus. Show me what you can build
with your blocks. Justin
led Gus over to his play area.
Dinners almost ready,
Lindsay said, coming in from the
kitchen. She gave Brian a
kiss.
Will you serve some wine, Mel?
she asked.
Melanie went to the kitchen to get drinks
for everyone. Lindsay sat down
beside Brian.
How are things with you and
Justin? she asked.
Mostly good, Brian
said.
Mostly?
Im very glad to have him
back. Its just that sometimes
he pushes too hard.
Hes
young.
Impatient.
I
know. But its hard to
take sometimes.
Try to talk it
out. Youve made so much
progress already.
Do you think Ive
changed?
Youre sure a lot happier
now that you have Justin back with you.
Yeah.
I am happy, but ...
But?
Is something wrong?
Im not sure we can keep this
up. I think Ive changed
and it worries me.
Believe me, different than you
used to be, can only be an improvement, Melanie chimed in, handing
Brian a glass of red wine.
Brian flipped her the
finger. Lindsay swatted
him.
Brian, I think you are better than
ever, said Lindsay.
Im proud of what youre doing with your
life.
Thanks, Brian
said.
Just then a timer went off in the kitchen,
and Lindsay went to check on the food.
Brian watched her
go. She didnt seem to
think there was anything wrong with him, and Mel sure treated him the
same. He had no qualms about biting back, when she nipped at
him. Maybe he was worrying for
nothing.
Come on,
everybody. Dinners
ready, Lindsay announced.
Gus sat in his high chair between Brian
and Justin. Brian did his best
to make sure that most of the food actually got into Gus
mouth.
I wonder if my parents helped me
like this, Brian thought. He
had no happy memories of his parents feeding him, playing with him, hugging
him.
You look sad, Brian, Lindsay
said.
Just thinking, he
replied.
About what?
Brian hesitated, not sure he wanted to reveal his
thoughts.
About my childhood, he said
reluctantly.
Not happy memories? Lindsay
asked.
No, was the only
reply.
More wine? Melanie asked,
trying to lighten the mood.
Brian drank several more glasses of wine,
but ate very little, often transferring his portion to Justins
plate.
Soon after dinner, Gus was put to
bed. Brian continued to
drink. Lindsay tried to interest
him in various topics of conversation, but he had grown very quiet, barely
responding. Lindsay and Justin
talked a bit about art, and then Justin suggested they
leave. Brian seemed indifferent, but when Justin stood up, so
did he. They kissed Lindsay
and Justin kissed Melanie.
Melanie said to Justin, Dont
let him drive.
Justin
nodded. He steered Brian to
the passenger side of the Jeep. He
didnt protest. Justin
drove them to the loft, and pulled Brian into the
elevator. He didnt
resist.
Once inside the loft, he sat Brian down
on the couch.
Brian, he said, look
at me.
Brian looked up, and stared into
Justins eyes. I
love you, he said.
I love you too, Justin
responded.
I never heard that as a
child. I dont remember
my parents ever saying that. Not
to Claire, or to me, or to each other.
I dont want Gus to grow up like
that.
He wont, because you told
him you love him tonight, and Lindsay and Mel tell him that all the
time. So do
I. And he loves us
back.
Thats good, Brian
said.
Yes, its
good. Every child should be
loved.
Not
me. Not good
enough.
Yes you
are. Your parents were just
fucked up.
Do you understand why its
so hard for me?
Im starting
to.
I never had
love. I dont know what
it is, how to say it, how to give it.
Yes you
do. You give it to me all the
time. You give it to Gus and
Lindsay and Michael.
I
do?
Of course, you
do. You may not say I
love you easily, but you demonstrate it in lots of
ways.
Really?
You see that?
Yes.
I
try.
I know you do, Justin tried
to reassure him.
Can we make love
tonight?
Of course. Come to
bed.
Justin led Brian up to the
bedroom. He slowly undressed
Brian, and Brian undressed him. He
seemed to be regaining his composure.
They kissed long and
passionately. When they lay
down together, Brian felt such tenderness for
Justin. He cradled him in his
arms, and ran his fingers through Justins hair, looking intently into
his eyes. He wanted to soak
up every aspect of the young man.
They made love slowly and
intensely. Kisses created a
connection that they didnt want to
break. Hands explored everywhere,
tracing the shape and feel of each other, so that they would never
forget. Scents, textures, souls
mixed and mingled, as they blended into each
other. They had never been so
close, so intense, so in love.
When they reached their climax, they
lay together in each others arms, happier and more content than they
had ever been. That was how
they fell asleep, wrapped around each other.
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They awoke with the sun streaming in
on them. Brian watched the sun
play over Justins face and hair, and the pendant he never took
off.
Good morning, my only sunshine,
he said, tugging on the little sun.
Justin smiled and kissed
him. Is this
real? Last night was magic,
Justin said.
Enough magic to weather any
storms, Brian added.
Enough magic for
forever.
Yeah.
We could stay in bed all day,
Justin suggested.
We could, but I have a better
idea.
You
do?
How would you like to take Gus
on a picnic today?
That sounds great, but we better
call Lindsay to arrange it.
Ill do that
now.
They picked up Gus an hour
later. Justin had packed food
in his knapsack. The idea of
Brian Kinney having a cooler was almost too funny for
words. Brian had never actually done anything like this
before.
Justin suggested a park his parents used
to take him to. It was out in
the suburbs, about as close to nature as Brian really wanted to
get. They had brought a blanket
which they spread out on the grass.
Gus toddled around. He
soon discovered that if he kept on toddling, one of them would get up and
chase him. This was a great
game, especially when he would be scooped up and spun around when he was
caught. He giggled and
ran. They chased him,
neither he nor the adults seeming to tire of the
game.
They ate Justins
food. He had brought bread,
cheese, and carrot sticks. It
tasted so good out in the fresh air.
Brian and Justin had some wine and Gus had juice from his sippy
cup.
After lunch they each took one of Gus
hands. Just like the
sketch, Brian thought. They
walked Gus around looking at the flowers and
rocks. He had brought a little
plastic ball which he would try to throw, and they would roll it back to
him. He would giggle and chase
it.
People in the park seemed to be watching
them. They were having so much
fun. Their laughter was pure
and spontaneous. People smiled
to see them. They kissed Gus,
and he rode around on Brians shoulders for a
while. Brian leaned over and
kissed Justin, while Gus giggled as he tipped
sideways. Brian righted him,
and said, I love you, Sonny Boy.
As they passed a man and a woman sitting
on a bench, the woman looked up at them and said, Lovely
family. She smiled her
approval.
Thanks, said
Brian. This did feel like his
family, and he was very proud of it.
That little voice receded a bit more.
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After they dropped off Gus, who had fallen
sound asleep in his car seat, Brian looked at Justin and said, Im
beat. Gus is better than two
hours at the gym.
Hes a going
concern. You carried him around
for most of the day.
My muscles are going to be so stiff
tomorrow.
Justin looked like a light bulb had just
gone off in his head.
Lets go for massages, he
said.
And what type of massage did you
have in mind? Brian asked suggestively.
Not the kind youre thinking
of. Justin
blushed. A real massage,
deep muscle. We can do the other
kind of massage later.
That actually sounds good,
Brian admitted. I know
a good place. Let me call and
see if they can take us.
Brian placed the call, and Justin heard
him promise a little extra.
All set, Brian
said. They needed a little
persuasion, but weve been fitted in.
Good.
Lets go.
When they arrived at the spa, they were
immediately ushered into a room with two massage
tables. The girl told them to
get undressed and the masseur would be right with
them.
What kind of persuasion did you
use to do this? Justin asked, noting the side by side
tables.
Ive been here before.
Theyre very accommodating.
Im surprised were together,
in the same room.
Wait till you see the masseurs,
Brian said.
Just then the door opened, and in walked
two Scandinavian gods. They were blonde, late twenties, and identical
twins. Justins mouth
dropped.
Thor, Erik, Brian
said. Good to see you
again.
Mr. Kinney, they responded
in a very professional way.
This is Justin Taylor, Brian
said, introducing the younger man.
Good afternoon, Erik
said. Ill be doing
your massage, Mr. Taylor. If
youll remove your towel, and lay down on the bed, we can get
started.
With a quick glance at Brian, Justin
did so. Brian got on the table
next to him. Both lay on their
stomachs, and by turning their heads they could look at each other whenever
they chose. They smiled, then
closed their eyes, ready to enjoy the experience.
Thor and Erik were very good at what
they did. They warmed oil in
their hands, and started spreading it over the backs of the two
men. They worked the shoulders
first, squeezing, rubbing and pulling, until the tight muscles began to
loosen. They continued down
the back, working along the spine.
Next the hips and buttocks were pressed and
kneaded. That elicited long
sighs.
Justin looked over at
Brian. Brian smiled at him,
then closed his eyes again, luxuriating in the
sensations. The twins worked
down the legs, and finished with a to-die-for foot
massage. When they finished,
they quietly left the room. Brian
heard the door click shut, and looked over at
Justin. Justin stared
back.
That felt great, but Ive
had a hard-on since Erik first touched my ass, Justin
said.
So have
I. Come over
here.
Brian turned on to his back, his penis
red and swollen. Justins
hard-on matched it, as he stepped over to Brians massage
table. He leaned in and kissed
Brian passionately. Brian pulled
him on top of him, and they began grinding their hips together, cocks caught
deliciously in between. They
continued their kisses as they bucked and rubbed against each
other. As they enjoyed the
tantalizing friction, Brian clasped Justin to
him. His one hand wandered down
to Justins ass, and began toying with his
pucker. Brian dipped his fingers into the oil next to the
table. One oily finger, then
two, opened the pucker.
Justins breaths became gasps, and he ground his hips against
Brian more frantically.
Brian grabbed a condom from the
table.
They certainly are prepared
here, Justin observed.
They know my requirements,
Brian said.
Youve been here with
others? Justin asked, not wanting to hear the
answer.
Once or twice, but so far this
is the best, Brian said, smoothing Justins
hair.
So far? Justin
repeated. Lets make
it unforgettable. He took
the condom, and slipped it over Brians
dick. He was kneeling astride
Brians legs. He shifted
up a bit, and Brian held his penis steady, as Justin lowered himself on to
it.
Best, Brian
gasped.
Only the best for you, Justin
agreed. He stayed still for
a minute, Brians cock filling him, loving the sensation of possessing
Brian. He leaned over and kissed
the man. Ready for a wild
ride? he asked.
Always ready, was Brians
patented response.
Justin had full control of the
situation. On his knees, he
slowly rose up and rotated his hips.
Brian groaned. Justin
slid back down, resting on Brians hips, fully
impaled. He stopped
again. Brians eyes looked
lustfully at him. Justin
grinned.
What are you planning? Brian
asked.
Im feeling very flexible
after my massage, he said.
He leaned back, until his back almost
touched Brians legs.
Brians penis started to slip out of
Justin. Justin squeezed his anal muscles, trapping the tip of
Brians cock.
Fuck!
Brian sucked in his lips.
Justin sat up and impaled himself fully
on the cock again.
Jesus, Justin, Brian
moaned.
Theres
more. Justin
smiled.
He leaned forward so his chest rested
on Brians chest. Again,
as Brians penis began to slide out, he clenched his muscles and trapped
the tip.
Brian groaned
louder.
Justin kissed him, shoving his tongue
down his throat, still keeping the tip of Brians penis
trapped. Then he straightened
up as he had before, and took all of Brians penis back
in. He repeated these motions twice
more.
Brians moans grew louder and his
head flopped from side to side.
Suddenly he grabbed Justins hips, and pushed him up and down
on his cock. His own hips bucked
up to meet Justins downward movement, so that they met in a powerful
collision. Justin knew he
wouldnt last long. A couple
of tugs on his cock, and he was coming all over Brians
chest. His anus contracted around
Brians penis, and he shot his load inside
Justin.
Brian pulled Justin against his pounding
heart, and held him tight. They kissed long and sensuously, as their senses returned
to normal.
You have the best ideas,
Brian said.
Im so relaxed I dont
know if I can stand up.
Just stay put for
now. I like you on top of
me.
Dont we have to get out of
here? Someone else may need
the room.
Were the last clients
today. They stayed a bit longer
for us.
Are they waiting for us?
Justin asked, worried that someone might come in.
I told them they could leave after
the massage. We have the place
to ourselves. We just have to
lock up when we leave.
How well do you know those
guys?
Brian gave him an eye
roll.
I should have known, Justin
said. Both of
them?
Of course. Theyre a matched
pair.
At the same
time?
Brian stuck his tongue in his cheek,
and grinned.
You are
incorrigible.
But terribly good, Brian
bragged.
Ill give you that,
Justin agreed, grinning.
Brian kissed him
again.
Want to go again? Justin
asked.
Now whos
incorrigible?
Dont you think youre
up to it? Justin taunted.
I didnt say
that.
Then show me your stuff,
he challenged.
Brian sat up and swatted Justins
butt.
Hmm, he
said. So many lotions
and potions, so little time. Where
shall we start?
How about a butt massage from
you? Justin asked.
I think we can arrange
that. Lay down on your
stomach.
Justin did so, and Brian began kneading
his luscious ass.
I hope these massage tables are
up to the pounding, Brian said, as he climbed on top of
Justin.
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The next morning Justin awoke to
Brians kisses.
I think yesterday was the best
day of my life, Brian said.
So when I ask you whats the
best day you ever had, youll have an answer,
right?
Right.
Theres just one problem,
Justin said.
What
problem?
I thought massages were supposed
to relax your muscles. Im
so stiff; I dont think I can stand up.
Thats because of all the
contortions you were doing at the massage
parlor.
We did find some good positions,
didnt we? Justin giggled.
Damn
right! I wasnt sure some
of them were possible...
Me
either.
You certainly are a creative
lover, Brian complimented him.
Its my artistic
streak.
I always knew you were an artist
just not in so many interesting ways.
Weve barely scratched the
surface, Mr. Kinney.
Brian knew he was in for an interesting
ride, as long as he had Justin with him, and as long as he could keep that
little voice in his head at bay.