Impending Separation  

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Brian stood at the window of the loft.  His hand held back the curtains and he stared into the darkness.  It was 3 am and he was naked and sleepless and miserable.  In two days Justin was leaving for New York, leaving him behind.  He tried to put a brave face on it during the day, but at night it was impossible.  He hadn’t slept much in the last couple of weeks.  As the day of Justin’s departure drew closer, he slept less and less.  The long hours of night brought all of his pain and fear to the surface, and he couldn’t drive it away.

 

He glanced back into the darkness of the bedroom.  He could make out Justin’s blond head as he slept.  Two more nights and the bed would be empty.  How was he going to stand it?

 

Reluctantly he forced his eyes away from Justin, and back to the darkness beyond the window.  It was snowing, big fluffy flakes that waltzed and sashayed their way to the ground.  They all looked the same as they passed the window, but each one was unique, according to the scientists.  Unique, like his Justin, the most amazing one-of-a-kind creature on the face of the Earth.

 

Brian bit back a sob.  He would not cry.  He never cried, and he would not start now.  He focused on a snowflake and tried to follow it on its journey to the street below.  As it descended, it blended together with all the rest, and he couldn’t distinguish it anymore.  He blinked hard and felt a tear escape his eyes.  Was Justin going to be like that snowflake?  Would he fall away from Brian when he went to New York, and eventually become indistinguishable from all the other men Brian had known?  He hoped not, but he feared it might be so.  He didn’t believe absence would make the heart grow fonder.  He feared absence would dull the heart, and they would lose each other.  Things would never be the same.

 

He gulped some air, realizing that he had been holding his breath, as he watched the snowflake descend.  He heard Justin turn over, and waited to see if the boy would wake up.  When no further sound resulted, Brian looked back at the snow, and allowed his thoughts to take over again.

 

Since the night that Justin announced that he had been selected for the special art program in New York, Brian had pushed the boy to go.  He truly believed that Justin owed it to himself to take this opportunity.  Brian knew how talented Justin was, and wanted him to have every chance to develop his skills.  After all, Justin had been through so much, and he deserved to go to New York and be a big success.

 

Brian swallowed hard.  The flip side of all this was that they would be apart.  Justin had made Brian promise to come to New York as many weekends as he could manage.  He would do that, but he also knew he had problems at work, with Vance, and he didn’t know how many weekends he would be able to take off.  Then there were all those Mondays to Fridays when he would come home to an empty loft and an empty bed.  He clenched his fist wondering how he was going to survive.  He didn’t know.

 

They had spent the last few weeks being together as much as they could.  Justin had wanted to have a big Christmas party, but Brian had wanted the young man all to himself.  They had made some necessary holiday visits, but mainly had holed up in the loft by themselves, made love and savored being together.

 

Brian thought about Christmas Day.  He always hated holidays, but when he awoke with Justin cuddled against him, he knew he wouldn’t hate that day.  He kissed Justin awake and they made love in the morning light.  They had omelets that Justin cooked to perfection, eating on the couch in front of the Christmas tree that Justin had begged to have.  They had exchanged gifts with friends and family on Christmas Eve, but had saved their presents for each other until that morning.

 

Breakfast finished, Justin pulled out a large flat package and handed it to Brian.

 

“I hope you like it,” he said shyly.

 

Brian wondered what it was, but started pulling off the paper.  It looked like a suit box, as he removed the paper.  He couldn’t believe Justin would buy him clothes.  He lifted the lid rather tentatively.  He pushed the tissue paper aside, and gasped.

 

“Justin, it’s wonderful!” he said.  He leaned over and gave Justin a soft, lingering kiss. 

 

“You mean it?” the boy asked.

 

Brian lifted the frame carefully out of the box, and looked at a drawing of his lover, sunshine smile beaming back at him.

 

“I didn’t think you liked drawing yourself,” Brian said, rubbing his hand up and down the side of the frame, like he was caressing the boy himself.

 

“I don’t, but I thought you might like a reminder of me.  I wouldn’t want you to forget me,” he said softly.

 

“No chance that’ll happen,” Brian averred.  “We’ll have to find a good spot to hang it.”

 

“How about the bedroom?” Justin asked, grinning.

 

“Sounds appropriate,” Brian smiled.

 

Justin beamed at him.

 

“I love it,” Brian said again.  “I hope you like your present.  It isn’t nearly so creative.”

 

“What is it?” Justin asked, wondering if Brian got him something romantic.  He was pretty sure there was no hustler hiding anywhere in the apartment.

 

Brian fished out a small package hidden on the tree.  Justin ripped off the paper and found three Liberty Air envelopes.  He looked at Brian.

 

“They’re three open-ended tickets from New York to Pittsburgh return.  You can use them on any flight where a seat is available,” Brian explained.

 

Justin hadn’t said a word, and Brian began to worry that he didn’t like the present.  Maybe he thought Brian was trying to control his time in New York.

 

“I ... I thought you could come here a few times, if I had to stay here for business.  We could still be together on those weekends ... if you were here,” Brian ended hopefully.

 

“You really do want to be with me, don’t you?” Justin broke his silence.

 

“Haven’t I been telling you that?”

 

“Yes ... but you’ve also made it clear that you want me to go, and that you might not be able to see me very often.”

 

“I thought these could be used for times I can’t get away.”

 

“This is the best present, Brian,” Justin said.  “It tells me that you really care and want us to be together.”

“Was it romantic enough?” Brian had to ask.

 

“It’s better than romantic.  It’s real and tangible.  Now we can see each other even more.  Thank you.”

 

“I’m glad you like it,” Brian said, touched that Justin realized what Brian was telling him through this gift.

 

Justin slid closer and kissed his man.  “How about a holiday fuck?” he whispered.

 

“Talking dirty again, little boy?” Brian grinned.

 

“Yes, and you love it.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“I have my ways,” Justin said.  His hand had wandered to Brian’s crotch, and he could feel the effect of his words through the silk of Brian’s robe.  Brian groaned as Justin’s hand grasped his cock.

 

“We should hang your portrait,” Brian said.

 

“Later,” Justin stated.

 

“You taking control?” Brian asked.

 

“Want me to?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Then lay back,” Justin said.  He began by sliding his hands up Brian’s thighs and pushing open his robe.  He buried his face in Brian’s crotch, eventually taking Brian’s stiffening cock into his mouth.  He looked up into Brian’s face, as he sucked the tip.  Brian smiled down at him, until his head went back and his eyes closed in pleasure.

 

Justin worked his rod up and down and around, licking and sucking, until Brian shouted his release and pumped his cum into Justin’s waiting mouth.  Justin swallowed and licked his lips.

 

“Yum,” he said, as he crawled up Brian’s body and kissed him deeply.  Brian could taste himself in Justin’s mouth.

 

“Did you like that?” Justin asked.

 

“Mmm,” Brian answered.

 

Justin lay on top of Brian’s magnificent body.  He ran his hands over Brian’s torso and licked his ear.  “I want to fuck you,” Justin whispered, never wanting to be separated from this body.

 

“You do?”

 

“Mm hmm.”

 

“Now?”

 

“Yes, please.”

 

Brian knew he could refuse Justin nothing this day.  “Okay.”

 

“You mean it?”

 

“I always say what I mean.”

 

Justin had begun rubbing against Brian’s groin.  Their cocks were responding accordingly.  After a few minutes of kissing and rubbing, they were both ready.

 

“I want to look at you while I make love to you,” Justin said.  He didn’t fuck Brian very often, but when he did, it was almost always from behind.  This time he felt the need to see Brian’s face and look into his eyes, as he pleasured his lover.

 

“All right,” Brian agreed, understanding what Justin needed.

 

Justin smiled at him and gave him another kiss.  He pushed down a cushion from the back of the couch and pulled Brian’s ass up on it.  He pushed Brian’s knees up and apart which gave him complete access to his lover’s hole. 

 

He buried his face between Brian’s legs, licking and sucking his balls, the whole time his hands running up and down Brian’s legs.  He could never touch Brian enough.  His tongue licked back and forth across Brian’s pucker.  He sucked at the pink hole and heard Brian take in a breath.  He looked and the pucker twitched in response.  His tongue darted in and Brian grabbed his hair and moaned, “Justin.”  His tongue darted in and out, going deeper with each entry.  Brian’s hips pushed back, wanting more.  His moans grew louder, as Justin’s tongue went deeper.

 

“Fuck!” Brian gasped.

 

“Ready?” Justin asked.

 

Brian grabbed Justin and pulled him on top of his body, kissing him and sucking his tongue into his mouth.  They were both on fire, hips gyrating against each other, pace becoming frantic, kisses demanding and deep.

 

Finally breathless, Brian released him.  From hooded eyes, full of lust and longing, he looked at Justin and whispered, “Now.”

 

Justin donned a condom and lubed it.  Kneeling between Brian’s legs, he positioned the tip of his cock at the spasming hole.  He pressed into the tightness of Brian’s body, loving the feel of warmth and pressure there.  Brian gave a gasp at the first penetration.  Justin waited, looking into the dark and hazy eyes beneath him.  He could feel the heat smouldering between them and he burned with love for this man.  He smiled down at Brian and thrust in the rest of the way.  A breath rushed from Brian’s lips and his eyes closed for a moment.  Then he opened them, knowing that Justin wanted them to look at each other.  Justin began his rhythm, Brian responding by meeting each thrust in kind.  From this position Brian could feel Justin hit his prostate on most forward movements.  He groaned his pleasure and saw Justin smile in response.  He loved this boy more than he could ever say or believe or admit.  They burned for each other.  Justin’s thrusts were becoming faster and more shallow as his orgasm built.  On one deeper thrust Justin leaned over and kissed Brian, their eyes locking in understanding and love.

 

“I love you,” Justin gasped.

 

“Back at you,” Brian whispered, smiling up at him.

 

Justin grabbed Brian’s cock and began tugging on it in rhythm with his thrusts.  He heard Brian take in gasping breaths and knew they were both almost there.  A few more thrusts and tugs, and he heard Brian yell, “Oh, God!  Now!!”

 

He felt Brian’s cum hit his stomach and he shot his own load inside Brian’s hole.  He collapsed on top of the man, breathless and speechless.  They lay together for a few minutes, finding it impossible to do anything else, and wanting to stay close.  Justin’s cock was still inside Brian and Brian’s cum glued them together, as Justin lay on his lover’s chest.

 

“That was intense!” Justin gasped in a while.  “I never want to move.”

 

“I don’t think I can,” Brian whispered.

 

They stayed joined like that a bit longer, until Justin finally pulled out and disposed of the condom.  That done, he lay back down on top of Brian who had not moved.  His head rested against Brian’s throat.

 

“Can we get up?  This isn’t very comfortable,” Brian finally said, his ass still elevated on the cushion and his head pressed into the arm of the sofa.

 

“Sorry,” Justin said, “but I want to be close to you.”

 

“Let’s be close in the shower,” Brian said, and they were.

 

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Brian continued to watch the snow flutter past the window, the memories of that day so clear and close.  He would always think of that day whenever he thought of Christmas.  Now he had one good Christmas memory to replace all of the bad ones.  They had fucked away the rest of the day, never getting enough of each other.  It was a perfect day.

 

Over the holiday period they rarely left the loft, being too in need of each other to tolerate anyone else being around them.  They did go to Babylon on New Year’s Eve and met up with the gang.  They came late, drank a bit, danced a lot, kissed when the new year arrived, and were gone shortly after.  They raced back to the loft to fuck and kiss and fuck and sleep and fuck and eat and just fuck.  They didn’t reappear for five days, when Brian had to go back to work and Justin to school.

 

Brian heard Justin tossing around in the bed.  He looked over, but the boy seemed to have settled down again.  He turned back to the snow, once again feeling tears come too close to falling.

 

“Brian,” a voice said softly.  Justin stood there wrapped in a sheet.

 

“Did I wake you?  I was trying to be quiet,” Brian said, blinking hard to force the tears away.

 

“I was reaching for you in the bed and you weren’t there.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“What are you doing standing there naked?  Flashing Pittsburgh?  Aren’t you cold?”

 

“You could keep me warm.”

 

Justin moved against him, wrapping them both in the sheet.  Brian’s arms went around Justin’s lithe body, and he felt the warmth of the boy pour into him, physical warmth, emotional warmth, and the warm glow of his love.

 

“Why are you out here by yourself?” Justin asked.

 

“Watching the snow.”

 

“Is it snowing?” Justin asked, pushing back the curtain.  “Oh, it’s beautiful.  Look at the size of those flakes.”

 

“Yeah.” Brian said.

 

“What’s wrong?” Justin asked.

 

“Nothing.  Couldn’t sleep.”

 

“You’ve been having trouble sleeping lately,” Justin noted.

 

“A bit.”

 

“More than a bit.  Are you still worried about me going to New York?  About us being apart?”

 

“A little,” Brian answered, not wanting to admit how devastated Justin’s absence would make him.  He knew the boy would refuse to go, if he told him how he felt.

 

“Come back to bed.  You need sleep.”

 

“Do you know that every snowflake is unique?” Brian asked.

 

Justin gave him a quizzical look, and said, “I think I’ve heard that somewhere.  Why?”

 

“I was trying to follow one snowflake to the ground, but they all look the same.”

“Come to bed, Brian.”  Justin tried to pull away.

 

Brian refused to release him.  “I was thinking how unique you are.  You put up with all my shit, and don’t bust my balls too often.”

 

“Well, I’m glad you appreciate me,” Justin chuckled.  “And I haven’t busted your balls for weeks.”

 

“Did you hear me say you are unique?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You are, you know.  You’re very special ... to me.”

 

Justin kissed him longingly and lingeringly and softly.  “I know.  And you’re very special to me too.”

 

“Just so you know,” Brian said and lightly touched his finger to Justin’s lips.

 

“Come to bed.  We have a big day to get ready for.”

 

“Okay,” Brian gave in.  He dropped the sheet from around him, allowing Justin to pull it back around himself.  He walked naked up the steps to the bedroom.  At the top step he turned, and extending his hands out from his sides, he said, “Are you coming or going, or coming and staying, or coming and then going?”  The last words had a certain sadness to them.

 

Justin smiled, remembering their first time together.  “How did you remember that?”

 

“I changed it a bit to suit our present circumstances.”

 

“I know.  You always shock me with what you know and remember.  No one would think you’d remember any of it.”

“It’s always better to be smarter than people think you are.”

 

“So you just pretend to be bored and disinterested?”

 

“Not necessarily.  Most of the time I am, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see and hear what’s going on.”

 

“Pretty clever.”

 

“You don’t know the half of it,” Brian said.

 

“I’d like to.”

 

They looked at each other, understanding all of the implications of that simple statement.

 

“So are you coming?” Brian grinned.

 

“I hope to be soon,” Justin grinned back.  “But you need some sleep.”

 

“Later,” Brian replied, and he did get a little rest just before dawn.

 

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Justin had wanted to have a big Christmas party like the Thanksgiving dinner that he and Brian had hosted.  They still had the twenty pound turkey in the freezer.  Brian had been adamant that they have the day to themselves, so instead Justin had finagled Brian into having the turkey dinner the day before Justin left for New York.  It would be a send-off party for the boy.

 

They had carefully calculated how long it would take to thaw the turkey in the fridge, not wanting another disaster like they had barely avoided last time.  Justin was going to cook the turkey and potatoes, and everything else would be brought by the guests.  They had all insisted, each wanting to provide something for Justin’s celebration.

 

Brian had reluctantly agreed to all the plans.  He didn’t want to face all these people.  He knew he would be the object of their sympathy, if not pity, the whole time they were there.  He wasn’t sure he could stand it.  However, Justin really wanted this party, and Brian wanted to make him happy, before he left.  He would have to grin and bear it, and hope he didn’t kill someone or run screaming like a lunatic from the loft.

 

They prepared the turkey the night before, so that it could be in the oven by 2 am.  They had decided to have the party as a lunch at 1 pm.  That way they could spend the afternoon with their friends, but have their last night together to themselves.  Justin finished preparing the turkey a little after midnight.  Brian had helped get the stuffing ready, and he sighed in relief when they stuck the big bird in the oven.  They tidied up the kitchen so they wouldn’t have to do it in the morning.  As Justin finished wiping the counter, Brian came up behind him and put his arms around Justin’s chest.  He squeezed, pulling Justin’s body back against his stirring cock.

 

“Are you done with the little housewife shit?” Brian asked.

 

“Just about.”

 

“I have other wifely duties I want you to perform,” he whispered in Justin’s ear.

 

“Like what?”

 

“I want to fuck you.”

“You know, I think we just have time to do that before I turn on the turkey,” Justin said, smiling.

 

“You can turn me on right now,” Brian said, beginning to hump Justin’s backside, and at the same time licking his neck.  As his actions became more demanding, he nipped at Justin’s neck and sucked on the spot.  Justin moaned.

 

“I’m going to mark you as mine, before you go away.”

 

“You already have,” Justin said, turning his head and kissing Brian.

 

Brian smiled into the kiss.  Justin could feel the smile and turned in Brian’s arms to make the kiss deeper and harder.  He felt Brian suck the air out of him, and he wished they could blend into each other, never to be separated.  He felt Brian push down his cargo pants and free his hardening cock.  Sometimes Brian just had to look at him and he was hard.  He gasped as Brian released him from the kiss, from his embrace, and from the hold on his dick.  His clothes and Brian’s were being ripped off, as he stood breathless in the kitchen.  As some modicum of his wits began to return to him, he realized he still held the dishcloth he had used to wipe the counter clasped in his hand.

 

“Shit,” he heard Brian say.

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t have any lube here,” Brian said, donning the ever present condom from his pocket.

 

“There’s butter on the counter,” Justin said.

 

Brian chuckled.  “Ever resourceful.”  He stuck his hand in the butter and rubbed it on his straining erection.  His arms went around Justin and lifted him onto the counter.  He pulled the boys hips forward to hang over the edge, and pushed his legs open.

 

“Delicious,” Brian said, taking in the glory of his lover.

 

“Fuck me, Brian,” Justin begged.  “I can’t wait.”

 

Brian pressed into Justin’s hole, taking it easy, since he hadn’t had time to prepare the boy.

 

Justin gasped and Brian stopped.  In a minute, Justin said, “More,” and Brian pushed in a little further.  Again Justin gasped and Brian stopped.  Brian felt Justin’s muscles relax and pushed in all the way.  Brian leaned in to kiss Justin and weld them together.

 

“You know I love you,” Brian whispered.

 

“I know.”

 

Brian withdrew his penis, leaving only the tip inside, and then rammed back in.  Justin moaned.  Brian leaned in and kissed him again.

 

“I don’t want you to doubt that or forget it while you’re gone.”

 

“I won’t.”

 

Brian pulled back and rammed in again.  He leaned in, rotating his hips and kissing Justin.

 

“I need you to come back to me.”

 

“I will.”

 

Brian pulled back again, but he was rapidly losing control.  He began to pound into Justin’s hole, both of them moaning and gasping their pleasure.  It didn’t take long until they were both coming.  Brian leaned against Justin’s body as his orgasm subsided.  He kissed Justin and they clung together for several minutes.

 

“Brian,” Justin said.

 

“Umm.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“Good.”

 

“But ...”

 

“But?”  Brian’s head shot up and he looked into Justin’s eyes.  Justin saw a flicker of fear pass across Brian’s beautiful face.

 

“I’m sitting in the butter.”

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me,” Justin giggled.

 

“Well then, I’ll have to call you lard ass from now on,” Brian said, kissing him, and then looking down at Justin’s ass.

 

“You better not.  I have enough nicknames, and I certainly don’t want that one.”

 

“Let’s see,” Brian said, lifting Justin down from the counter, and turning him around to examine his buttered behind.  “If butter wasn’t so fattening, I’d lick it all off,” he said, spreading it more evenly over Justin’s delectable butt.

 

“You mean you won’t.  I was hoping,” Justin dared him.

 

“Let’s see if we can use it another way.”  He pushed Justin up against the counter and slipped on another condom.

 

“God, you’re insatiable!" Justin said, as he felt Brian’s penis against his well-opened hole.

 

“Can’t pass up a well greased ass,” Brian retorted, shoving his cock in and beginning his rhythm.  As he thrust in, he rotated his hips which slid easily over Justin’s buttered bottom.  “This is a whole new sensation,” he gasped.  “I may have to butter you up more often.”

 

Justin laughed, but just for a moment.  Their passion consumed them and coherent thought or speech was impossible.  All they were capable of were moans and thrusts.  Finally, they collapsed spent against the counter.

 

“I’ll never think of butter or the kitchen in the same way again,” Brian said, gradually regaining control of his breathing.

 

“Me either,” Justin agreed.  “I’m going to have such fantasies when I try to cook in here.”  He giggled just thinking about it.

 

“When you come home?”  There was the hint of a question in Brian’s voice.

 

“When I come home!” Justin replied.  “Let’s turn the turkey on and go shower.  I might want to sit down.”

 

Brian looked at his greasy bottom.  “I don’t know?” Brian questioned.  “I kind of like your ass this way.  Maybe we should make use of it one more time.”

 

Justin looked down to see Brian’s cock stirring again.  “Not only are you insatiable, you’re incorrigible.”

 

“That’s what you love about me.”

 

“Among many other things,” Justin said, kissing him warmly.

 

Brian smiled, knowing Justin really meant that.  They were so perfect for each other in so many ways.

 

“I see you’re getting ready,” Brian observed, noting the effect the kiss and his wandering hands were having on Justin’s dick.

 

“I’m good to go,” Justin quipped.

 

“How about we christen the big table I brought from the office for dinner tomorrow?”

 

“Brian, we have to eat on that table.”

 

“So, we’ll wash it and cover it with the tablecloth.”

 

“’Kay,” Justin murmured, already lost to the sensations of Brian’s lips and eyes and hands and fingers.

 

The table was well and truly christened with butter from Justin’s ass and other bodily fluids.

 

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Brian choked back a laugh.  It was 6 am and he was standing naked in his kitchen, basting a turkey.  “The gods must be crazy,” he thought.  “Who else but crazy almighty asshole gods could force the biggest asshole of them all, Brian Kinney, to do this?  Only one other being - his Justin.”  He smiled and looked into the bedroom.  Justin slept peacefully, and he would crawl back in with him as soon as he was finished.

 

Justin had made them set the alarm for 4 am to baste the turkey the first time.  Brian had watched what he did.  Justin said it should be basted every hour and set the alarm for 5 am.  Brian had turned it off as soon as Justin went to sleep.  He knew the boy needed some rest, and Brian spent most of his nights in sleepless thought and worry anyway.  He had gotten up around 5 am and taken care of the turkey, just like he had watched Justin do.  While he basted, he had had some rather ingenious ideas about other possible uses of turkey basters.  Now here he was at six in the morning, basting the big bird again.

 

He finished and shoved the bird back in the oven as quietly as he could.  He climbed the steps and slipped in beside his boy.  He lay watching Justin’s chest rise and fall for awhile, happy that he was there, but knowing it wasn’t for much longer.

 

Justin turned onto his side, and Brian spooned against his back, loving that position.  His arm instinctively went around his lover’s chest, holding him close and protecting him.  This was when he felt most at peace and most contented.  He never thought he could feel contentment.  He always said you could never get enough, but this boy was enough.  He was everything.  He was the loving family Brian had never had, he was the thoughtful friend and companion Brian hadn’t realized he needed, he was the intellectual equal who challenged him and kept him on his toes, and he was the insatiable lover who taught him what love really was.  He sighed his contentment and dozed off.

 

At 7 am he basted the turkey again.  He had slept for awhile, mostly dozing fitfully.  Justin slept on and he didn’t have the heart to wake him yet.  The turkey was starting to smell really good, although it wasn’t getting brown yet.  He hoped he was doing everything right.  Justin would kill him if he ruined the turkey.  He decided he better wake Justin up at 8 am to make sure everything was as it should be.  He crawled back into bed and immediately fell asleep.

 

“Brian!” Justin yelled.  “What time is it?  It’s daylight.  The alarm must not have gone off!”

 

Brian’s eyes had snapped open at the sound of his name, and he looked up into Justin’s worried face.  He glanced over at the clock.  It was almost 10:30.

 

“Don’t worry!”  He grabbed Justin’s hand.  “I got up and basted the turkey several times,” he said, letting Justin think he had done it every hour.  “Let’s go check on the big guy.”

 

“You got up every hour and basted it?” Justin asked in disbelief.  He got up from the bed.

 

“Pretty much,” Brian fibbed, feeling a little miffed at Justin’s skepticism.  “I’m not totally pathetic in the kitchen.”

 

“You are so!” Justin retorted, heading naked to the oven, Brian trailing after him.

 

“I’m hurt,” Brian said.  “How can you doubt me?”

 

“Show me what you did,” Justin demanded, pulling the turkey out on the shelf and noting that it was browning nicely.

 

Brian did his best Emeril imitation, giving a dissertation on all the finer points of basting as he went along.  When he was done, he yelled, “Bam!” and shoved the bird back into the oven, quickly shutting the door.  He turned and took an elaborate bow, baster still in hand.

 

“I’m impressed.  The turkey looks and smells wonderful.  I guess making you watch all those cooking shows with me has really paid off.  You’re an A-one baster!”

 

“Thank you for the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval, but I’ve learned most of it from you.”

 

Justin smiled.  “So you won’t starve to death while I’m gone?”

 

“I’ll try not to, but I’m not planning on doing a lot of cooking.”

 

“Didn’t think so,” Justin chuckled.  “Although...”  He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, staring at Brian.  “I could picture you as the star of a nude cooking show, armed with your baster.  A true naked chef!”

 

Brian almost choked at the image.  “The naked part I can handle, but I don’t know about the chef part.”

 

“Yeah, that would be a challenge.”

 

“I did come up with some interesting potential uses for turkey basters,” he said, waving his baster around dramatically.

 

“I just bet you did,” Justin grinned.

 

“Want me to show you?”

 

“Not right now,” Justin said seriously.  “It’s late.  We need to set the table and peel potatoes.  We better get started.”

 

“You chefs are such slave drivers!  Are we going to do this in the nude or shall we dress for the occasion?”

 

“Get the robes.  We’ll do our work, and then we can have a long leisurely shower ... together.”

 

“Have you studied Motivational Techniques 101?” Brian asked.

 

Justin laughed, knowing Brian would do what he asked.  He loved this man more and more.  He had tried to be positive about his stay in New York, but truthfully he was as worried as Brian was about their separation.  Five months was such a long time.  But, he was also excited about what awaited him in New York.  He knew he would learn a lot, and New York was such a dynamic and interesting place.  If only Brian were going with him.

 

“Here,” Brian said, handing him his robe and snapping him out of his reverie.  “What were you thinking about?”

“Being away from you.”

 

“Let’s not do this now,” Brian said, feeling his emotions were too close to the surface to handle a discussion about their impending separation.

 

“Right,” Justin agreed.  “Let’s set the table.”

 

They basted the turkey once more and peeled the potatoes.  They knew people would start arriving just after noon, so they decided at eleven-thirty they better get in the shower and get dressed.  In the shower they washed each other and kissed a bit, but that was as far as it went.

 

“Let’s save it for tonight,” Brian said.  “Then we can take as much time as we want.”

 

“Good idea.  Later,” Justin said, wiggling his bottom at Brian as he stepped from the shower.  He heard Brian groan and smiled.

 

They dressed quickly and had just decided to turn off the turkey, when the buzzer sounded, indicating the first of their guests had arrived.  Brian buzzed them up.

 

Deb and Vic bustled in, bearing food.  Debbie brought a pasta dish, and Vic had a bakery box with a cake he said he had made for the occasion.  He made room for it in the fridge, leaving it in its box.  They kissed Justin warmly and gave Brian a peck.  Brian got them some wine and they sat down.  Justin joined them.

 

“Are you ready to go, kiddo?” Debbie asked.

 

“Pretty much.”

“It’ll be fine.  We’ll keep an eye on him for you,” said Debbie, glancing at Brian who was in the kitchen opening a beer.  “Make sure he eats occasionally.”

 

“Thanks, Deb, but don’t mother him too much.  He’s kind of raw right now.  Touchy.”

 

“I’ll take it easy,” Deb agreed.

 

“And I’ll make sure she does,” Vic added.

 

Lindsay, Melanie and Gus arrived just then.  They had a huge bowl of salad and bags of toddler toys and equipment.  Gus squirmed out of his mother’s arms.

 

He toddled across the floor, yelling, “Dada, Dada.”

Brian scooped him up and kissed him heartily.  “Hey, sonny boy!  Glad to see me?”

 

“Yeah,” Gus said, giving his father a couple of sloppy kisses.

 

Brian hugged him and took him to the kitchen to get some juice.  Mel set out some of his toys for later, and Lindsay took the salad to the kitchen.  She helped Brian fill Gus’ sippy cup.

 

“How are you doing?” she asked Brian.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Really?”

 

“I’ll be all right,” he snapped.  He carried Gus over to see Justin.  Lindsay watched him move away and shook her head.

 

Justin took Gus from Brian and gave him a big kiss and hug.

 

“Play,” Gus said.

 

“Okay,” Justin agreed, wanting to spend some time with the little boy.  He set Gus down and they walked hand in hand to the steps where Mel had set out Gus’ toys.  They sat down on the floor.  Brian watched Gus pick out the things he wanted to play with, and hand them to Justin.

 

“Your two favorite boys?” Melanie asked, coming up beside Brian.

 

“Yeah.  Want a beer?”

 

“Sure.  He’ll be fine, you know,” she said, looking at Justin.

 

“I know.”  He handed her a beer.

 

“Will you?”

 

Brian looked at her, not sure how to answer that.

 

“I expect we’ll see a lot more of you with Justin in New York,” Mel added.

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Well, you’re welcome to come over anytime.”

 

“Are you kidding?  Or are you possessed?” Brian asked.

 

Melanie choked on her beer.  “Neither,” she said.  “I imagine you’ll have more time on your hands, so you’re welcome to spend it with your son.”

Brian looked at her again.  “Thanks,” he said.

 

Just then the buzzer went off and he escaped to answer it.  Jennifer and Molly arrived.  Jennifer had brought a broccoli casserole which she slipped into the oven to keep warm.  Molly went over to play with Gus and Justin.  They were immediately followed by Ted and Emmett who brought rolls and cranberry sauce.  Brian got them a beer.  Justin went to the kitchen and gave his mother a kiss.  He left Molly to play with Gus.  Justin and his mother were going to mash the potatoes and make gravy as soon as Michael and Ben arrived.  They checked on the turkey, taking it out of the oven to stand a bit.  The potatoes were almost ready.

 

Ben and Michael arrived.  Ben had made a roasted vegetable casserole and he took it to the kitchen.  He helped Justin and Jennifer get the turkey out of the roasting pan, and put the casseroles in the oven to keep warm.  Brian got them beers and topped up wine glasses.  Michael pulled him aside as soon as he could.

 

“Are you all right?” he asked Brian.

 

“I’ll survive.”

 

“I know you will.”  He gave Brian a kiss.  “I’m here any time you need to talk or vent or go out,” he offered.

 

“Thanks, Mikey.”

 

Brian knew his best friend meant well, and he appreciated the offer, but he didn’t really want to do this right now.

 

Justin called them to the table, and Brian was glad to have their conversation interrupted.  Vic volunteered to carve, and everyone said he did a masterful job.  They enjoyed the meal, each having made their special dish.  Brian picked at his food, eating very little, but feeding Gus.

 

When the main course was finished, they all helped clear the table and serve coffee.  Vic brought his cake box to the table and lifted out a beautifully decorated cake with a tiny artist’s easel sitting on top.  Justin looked at it, and Brian saw tears welling up.

 

“He’ll have trouble painting on that, Vic,” Brian said.

 

Everyone laughed, and Brian saw Justin relax and compose himself.  The boy smiled gratefully at Brian.

 

Vic stood by the cake, and said, “We’ll get you to cut this in a minute, Justin, but we want you to know we’ll miss you, and we want you back here soon.”

 

“Thanks, Vic,” Justin said, giving him a big hug.

 

Lindsay came up beside them.  She held one hand behind her back.  “Justin, we all wanted to get you a little gift, kind of a going away present.  We all chipped in.  I hope you like it.”

She handed Justin a box.  “You didn’t have to do this,” he said.  He opened the box and saw some specialty brushes and palette knives for painting.  “Thank you all so much.  I don’t know what to say.”  He gave Lindsay a hug.

 

“Use them in good health in your new art program,” she said.

 

Everybody gave a round of applause and Justin smiled at them, again full of emotion.

 

“Cut the cake, Justin,” Vic said softly.

 

Justin was glad of the distraction, and got to work on the cake.  They each got a piece and moved to more comfortable seats with their coffee.  Brian took his beer and sat alone on the steps to the bedroom.  He had declined the cake and gave Gus to Melanie.

 

He was lost in thought when a voice said, “Brian.”  He looked up to see Jennifer standing in front of him.  “May I join you?”

 

He shrugged and she sat down with her plate of cake.

 

“Brian,” she said.

 

He looked at her, but said nothing.

 

“I want to thank you for pushing Justin to go on this course,” she said.

 

“Sure.”

 

“No, I mean it.  Any negative comment from you and he would have turned down this opportunity.  I’m glad he’s going.  It will be a good experience for him.”

 

“And a chance to get away from me.”

 

“I didn’t say that, Brian.”

 

“No, you didn’t.  You’re far too well mannered to do that, but I know how you feel.”

 

“I know he loves you and you love him.  I’m not trying to make trouble.  I’m just glad he’s going.”

 

“Well, Jennifer, so am I.”

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me.  I’m glad he’s taking this course.  He’s very talented, and this is a big chance for him.”

Jennifer looked at him, digesting what he was telling her.  “You do really care what happens to him, don’t you?”

 

“You still doubt that?”

 

“I guess not,” she answered, beginning to comprehend the depth of Brian’s feelings for her son.

 

“Good,” he said, and he got up and walked away from her.

 

Justin saw Michael sitting at the table, eating his cake.  He was alone.  Ben was talking to Ted and Emmett.  Justin sat down beside him.  Michael gave him a smile.

 

“Looking forward to your new adventure, Boy Wonder?” he asked.

 

“Kind of.”

 

“Just kind of?  It sounds exciting, going to the big city, studying with famous artists, experiencing new things.”

 

“Leaving Brian.”

 

“There’s always a down side.”

 

“It’s a big down side.”

 

“Yeah,” Michael agreed.

 

“Michael, I ... I wanted to tell you that I appreciate what you said to Brian.  He told me how much I mean to him.  It was very hard for him to tell me, and he never would have said it, if you hadn’t told him to.”

 

“I want him to be happy, Justin, and you make him happy.”

 

“Thanks, Michael.”

 

“Just make sure you come back.  Okay?”

 

“I intend to.”

 

“Good.”

 

They ate their cake in silence after that.

 

The afternoon was wearing away.  Brian was beginning to feel like he had to get out of there.  He saw Justin talking to Emmett, then Emmett grabbed Ted and they said they were leaving.  He heard Emmett tell Justin to call and e-mail and hurry back.

 

Jennifer and Debbie were finishing cleaning up the kitchen.  When Justin went over to them, they gathered up their casserole dishes, waved to Brian, and took off with Vic and Molly.  Ben and Michael followed, waving to Brian as they left.  Lindsay and Mel were gathering up Gus’ toys.  Lindsay brought Gus to his father for a goodbye kiss and an admonishment to come visit him.  She kissed Brian too, but said nothing else, just smiling at him somewhat sadly.

 

Justin closed the loft door behind the last of their guests.  He looked over to see Brian lying on the black leather recliner, where they had shared ice cream kisses what seemed like so long ago.

 

“All gone,” he said to Brian.

 

“Did you tell them to leave?”

 

Justin smiled at him.  “I could see your last nerve was twitching.”

 

“You know me so well.”

 

“Yeah, I do,” Justin replied, coming over beside Brian.

 

Brian took his hand.  He looked up into those blue eyes that were so precious to him.  “I was thinking about ice cream kisses,” Brian said.

 

“So was I, when I saw you laying here.  Want some now?”

 

“No,” Brian said, pulling Justin onto his lap.  “Lay here with me.”

 

Justin curled up on top of Brian, his head against Brian’s throat.  He wanted to cry, but he knew he shouldn’t.  He fought back that urge, and just lay cradled in Brian’s arms.  He felt Brian kiss the top of his head, and sighed in contentment.  They stayed that way for a long time.  It was beginning to get dark, one of the joys of a Pittsburgh winter, darkness at five o’clock.  Brian squirmed beneath Justin who had almost fallen asleep.

 

“What’s wrong?” Justin asked.

 

“My leg’s gone to sleep,” Brian replied.

 

Justin got up and pulled Brian into a sitting position.  “It’s time we got up anyway,” Justin said.  “I need to pack the last bits of my stuff, and put it all by the door for tomorrow morning.”

 

“No,” Brian said.

 

“What do you mean ‘no’?” Justin asked, confused.

 

“Don’t go,” Brian said, a look on his face that nearly broke Justin’s heart.

 

Justin looked at him in bewilderment.  “Brian, it’s a little late to tell me that now.  You’ve been telling me to go for weeks.”

“I know, but I don’t think I can bear it.”

 

“Of course you can.  I’m only a plane ride away.”  Justin tried to make the separation seem less difficult.

 

“I can’t let you go.”

 

“Brian ... I,” Justin wanted to cry, a look of anguish on his face.

 

Brian saw that look, and knew he was tearing the boy apart.  He had to stop this.  He turned his back to Justin, trying to regain some self-control.  He felt Justin’s hand on his shoulder.  He turned slowly.

 

“I don’t know where the fuck that came from,” he said by way of explanation.

 

“From your heart,” Justin replied, wrapping his arms around Brian.  He felt more than heard the sobs that wracked Brian’s body, and he began to cry too.  They held each other, tears streaming down their faces.  After several minutes, Justin felt Brian wipe at his tears and take a deep breath.  He did the same, releasing the older man from his embrace.

 

They looked at each other, misery written all over their faces, tear streaks on their cheeks.  Then they smiled and after a moment started to laugh.  They laughed so hard they had to lean on each other to keep from falling down.

 

“We are a pair of pathetic faggots!” Brian said.

 

“Drama queens,” Justin added, gulping for air.

 

“I feel better,” Brian said suddenly.

 

“So do I.”

 

“I’ve been holding that in for weeks,” Brian admitted.  “It feels good to let it all out.”

“Yeah,” Justin agreed.  “I guess you really are going to miss me,” he teased.

 

“More than you’ll ever know,” Brian said seriously.

 

“I could still cancel and stay here,” Justin offered.

 

“No fucking way!” Brian responded.  “You’d have to give back your presents, and your mother would rip my balls off and crush them beneath her dainty heel.”

 

“Ouch,” Justin replied.  “What did she say to you today?”

 

“Nothing much.  I think she’s finally beginning to believe that I love you.”

 

“I thought she was okay with ‘us’”.

 

“She is, but she still has trouble believing that I have your best interests at heart, and not my own.”

 

“See what happens when you have a reputation as a heartless shit?”

 

“Yeah, nobody believes that I really love you.  Sometimes I can hardly believe it myself.”

 

“But I believe it,” Justin said.

 

“And that’s all that matters.”

“Yeah.”

 

“Let’s get your packing done, and then I can focus all my attention on you for the rest of the night,” Brian said.

 

“Brian,” Justin said with a worried look on his face.

 

“What?” Brian was puzzled by Justin’s abrupt change in demeanor.

 

“My mother wants to take me to the airport tomorrow morning and I agreed.”

 

“You agreed?  You don’t want me to take you?”  Brian looked hurt.

 

Justin shook his head.

 

“Why?”

 

“I’m not sure I could hold it together saying goodbye to you.  I don’t want to be part of a public display ... like what happened a few minutes ago.  Do you understand?”  Brian slowly nodded.  “I want to say goodbye here in private.”

 

Brian nodded again.  “You’re right,” he admitted.  He took a deep breath and said, “Let’s pack.”

 

Justin smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss.  It didn’t take long to pack up the last of Justin’s things.  He left some clothes, knowing he would be back a few times.  Everything else fit into two suitcases, plus his portfolio and a little box of art supplies.  Brian convinced him to squeeze the art supplies into one of the suitcases that would be checked.  He said that post 911 the palette knives could be considered weapons and would be confiscated.  Justin rearranged some things and made a carry-on that would also hold his toiletries in the morning.

 

“Done,” Justin said, adding the carry-on to the pile of luggage by the door.  “I’ll put the toiletries in in the morning.”

 

Brian looked at him.  “So what do you want to do now?” he asked.

 

“I’m hungry.”

 

“Hungry?  After that lunch?”

 

“Uh huh.  Aren’t you?  You hardly ate anything.”

 

“I am a bit actually.  All that emotional crap gives you an appetite.”  He smiled.

 

“Yeah.  Turkey sandwich, no mayo, on some of Emmett’s rolls?” Justin asked.

 

“Sounds good, but butter the buns,” Brian said, grinning at him.

 

Justin chuckled, remembering the butter on his ass from the night before.  “I was so glad Ted and Emmett brought butter with their rolls.  I didn’t want to explain why we had no butter for them to use.”

 

Brian snorted.  “I was waiting for someone to ask.  I was going to get the butter with your butt print in it and show them.”

 

“You were not!”  Justin looked aghast.  “Did you save it?”

 

“It’s in the fridge.”

 

“No!”  Justin went to look.  There behind some of the leftovers was the butter dish with the indentation of his butt cheek.  He laughed out loud.  “Brian!” he said, turning to look at him.

 

“I need as many reminders of you as I can get,” Brian said, sticking his tongue in his cheek.  “And this one is of your most delectable feature.”

 

“Brriiiaaan,” Justin groaned.  “You are terrible.”

 

“Did you note that the first four letters of butter are ‘butt’?”

 

“Oh my God!” Justin laughed.

 

Brian smirked at him.

 

“What am I going to do with you?” Justin asked.  “You are so bad.”

 

“You won’t be here to rein me in,” Brian said with a tinge of sadness.

 

“Well, behave yourself, or I’ll have to sic my mother on you.”

 

“Don’t, please.  That’s a fate worse than death.  I’ll be good, master,” Brian teased.

 

“You better, slave.  Come here,” Justin ordered.  Brian came over to him.  He put his arms around the man and held him close.

 

“Still want that sandwich?” Brian asked after a while.

 

“Sure, if you do.”

 

“Let’s eat,” Brian said, heading for the kitchen.

 

They cut some of the remaining turkey and made sandwiches on the leftover rolls.  There was a bit of salad left, so they shared that.  They sat at the end of the big table and ate. 

 

“We should take this table down to the Jeep, if I’m not taking you to the airport,” Brian stated.

 

“You’re not mad about that, are you?”

 

“No.  You did the right thing.”

 

“Really?”

“I don’t like public emotion anymore than you do.  You know that.”

Justin nodded.  “How come you haven’t tried to fuck me since everybody left hours ago?”

“I ...,” Brian began, “I can’t stand it to be the last time.”

“I’ll let you do me more than once,” Justin teased.

 

Brian grimaced.  “You know what I mean.”

“Don’t make it sound so final, Brian.  We’ll be together again.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Aren’t you?” Justin looked horrified.

 

Brian just stared at him.  “I wish I was,” he said.  “Let’s get this table down to the car.”  He stood up, waiting for Justin to clear the dishes.

Justin knew there was no point arguing with Brian when he got like this.  They collapsed the table and took it down to the Jeep.  Another trip and they had taken care of the extra chairs too.

 

On the way back up in the elevator, Brian said, “Maybe I should buy a big table of my own.  It’s a nuisance dragging the fucking table back and forth.”

 

“Planning more dinner parties?” Justin asked.

 

“No!” Brian snapped.

 

“Then you don’t need a big table.”

 

“I guess not,” Brian admitted.

 

“But I could plan a dinner for when I come home,” Justin said.

 

“You could?”

 

“Um hmm.”

 

“I could go for that.”

 

Justin smiled, pleased that Brian would want a dinner party at all, but realizing that Brian saw it as more proof that he really was coming back.  He leaned against Brian, and said, “Kiss me.”

 

Brian grabbed him, pushed him against the elevator wall and impressed his body on Justin’s.  He kissed him with such ferocity that his head hit the wall.  He groaned, but pressed back against the force of Brian’s onslaught.  The heat between them was scalding.  Brian grabbed Justin’s crotch and the boy screamed.

 

“Fuck me, Brian!” he yelled.

 

The elevator stopped.  Brian flung up the gate and practically threw Justin into the apartment.  The boy hit the wall where the intercom was.  He could feel the buttons jab into his back.  Brian was on him again, pressing his hard-on against Justin’s groin and devouring him with his mouth.  Justin gasped unable to breathe.

 

“I need you!” Brian growled.

 

“Hard and dirty!” Justin shouted, as breath finally escaped his lips.

 

Brian literally tore the shirt off the boy.  He turned and slammed the loft door shut, while Justin took a few gulps of air.  He turned back and grabbed Justin again.  He pushed him roughly to the floor, kissing him frantically.  Justin’s head hit the hardwood as Brian drove his mouth into the boy’s.  He reached for Justin’s cock and squeezed through the cargo pants.

 

“Ahhhhhhh!” Justin screamed.  He was rock hard and it hurt.

 

Brian grabbed the waistband of the pants and hauled them down.  Justin’s ass bounced on the floor and his cock bounced on his stomach.  Brian attacked it, sucking and nipping and chewing.  He was like a wild animal.  Justin grabbed Brian’s hair and gave it a vicious yank.  Brian gasped and looked up at his lover.

 

“Fuck me now, Brian!” he demanded.

 

Brian fumbled for a condom and managed to get it on with shaking fingers.  His jeans were open, but he was still fully clothed.  He couldn’t wait and he knew Justin couldn’t either.  He stuck a finger in Justin’s mouth, and he coated it with saliva.  He rammed it into Justin’s hole and worked it around.

 

“Yesss!” Justin shrieked.

 

Brian slid up and stuck his condom-covered penis into Justin’s mouth.  That would have to do for lube.  Brian humped Justin’s face.  He was like a madman.  He pulled his penis, coated in saliva, from Justin’s mouth, then shoved Justin’s knees up and out.

Justin blinked and then screamed, as Brian was already inside him.  They rocked together in hard piston movements.  Groans and moans and yells and incoherent shouts were all that were heard for the next minutes.

 

All of a sudden Justin screamed, “Brian!” and came with such intensity he thought his heart would explode.  That sent Brian over the edge and he came and came and came.

He collapsed senseless on top of Justin.

 

Many minutes passed.  They lay unable to move on the floor of the loft.  Brian finally lifted his head and looked at Justin.  The blue eyes flickered open.

 

“Are you all right?” Brian gasped.

 

“I ... I think so,” Justin croaked, his voice hoarse from screaming.

 

“Did I hurt you?”

 

“Yes ... but I wanted you to.  I needed you to.  It had to be real.”

 

“It fucking was that!” Brian groaned.

 

He pulled his penis out as gently as he could.  He examined Justin’s pucker.  “I don’t think I tore anything,” he said.  “You should have told me to stop.”

 

“I didn’t want you to stop.”

 

“You’re as crazy as I am.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Here, take my hand,” Brian said, helping Justin up.

 

“Can we do the next one in bed?  One of these a night is enough.”

Brian groaned.  “Now that we got that out of the way, I’m going to make love to you all night long.”

 

“It’s a good job you let me sleep last night,” Justin chuckled.

 

“I always plan ahead.”

 

“That’s for sure.”

“Come on,” Brian said, taking his hand and leading Justin up to the bedroom.

 

They made love many times, and they knew it was making love, not fucking.  The intensity of emotion was mind-numbing.  Finally they dozed a bit.  As daylight began to filter into the loft, they lay wrapped in each other’s arms, having gotten enough, at least for that night.

 

“Are you awake?” Brian asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Me too.”

“I know.  You’re talking to me.”

 

“Smartass!”

Justin looked into Brian’s face.  They kissed and wrapped their legs around each other, not wanting any space between them.

 

“What time is your mother coming?” Brian asked.

 

“8 am.  She wants to leave lots of time to deal with the extra luggage.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Want to fuck again?  We still have time.”

“No.”

 

“No?  Since when do you turn down sex?”

 

“Never.  But what we did last night was way beyond sex.  It was perfect.  That’s what I want to remember until the next time we’re together.”

 

“I love you so much,” Justin said, moved by Brian’s statement.

 

“Let’s shower,” Brian said.

 

They washed each other tenderly, enjoying the feel of their hands on the other’s body.  It went no further, as both remembered Brian’s words.  They dried each other off and got dressed.  Justin put his toiletry case in the carry-on.  They were drinking a glass of juice when the buzzer announced that his mother was there.

 

Justin answered, “We’ll be right down.”

 

They gathered up all his stuff and rode the elevator down.  Jennifer met them at the door.  They loaded Justin’s bags into the car, and Jennifer got in.  Neither of them had said a word since they left the loft.

 

“Mom, I’m going back up to check that I have everything.”

 

“Okay, honey,” she responded.

 

Justin took Brian’s hand and they went back into the building.  Neither spoke as they rode back up in the elevator.  Justin shut the loft door behind them, and turned to face Brian.

 

“You have all your stuff,” Brian said, looking forlorn.

 

“I know.  I wanted a few minutes with you ... alone.”

 

“There’s nothing more to say, Justin.  You better go.”

“There is more to say.  I love you and I’m coming back.”

“Sure.”

 

“Don’t ‘sure’ me!  I know to you that means it’ll never happen, and I’m telling you it will happen.”

Brian was silent, but his eyes never left Justin’s.  Then he said, “When I was going to go to a new life in New York, I told you I would walk out that door and never look back.” He stopped, a catch in his voice.

 

“I remember.”

 

“I’m asking you to look back,” Brian said simply.

 

“And I will.”  He kissed Brian softly and opened the loft door.  He started down the stairs.  He heard Brian say, “Goodbye,” and on the landing he stopped.  He turned to look back at Brian and gave him his sunshine smile.

 

Then he was gone.

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