Faith  

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Brian and Justin made an appointment with Dr. Jamison following the incident with Noel.  Brian felt guilty and somehow dirty.  Even though Justin had more or less forgiven him, he hadn’t forgiven himself.  He still felt that things were out of his control, and he didn’t like that feeling.  Worse than that, he felt used, and nobody used Brian Kinney, at least not without his permission.  He also had a nagging worry that the Noel fiasco wasn’t completely over.  Noel had said as much, and Brian didn’t doubt for a minute that he meant it.

 

Justin also wanted to talk to Frank.  He thought that he and Brian had been doing so well, until this happened.  This incident had shaken his confidence in their growing bond of trust.  He hoped Frank would be able to shed some light on why Brian did what he did, or perhaps on how to prevent this from happening again.  He knew Brian was genuinely sorry, but somehow that wasn’t enough.

 

They met with Frank at their usual 4 pm time.  Both men were rather tense as they entered the office.  Frank could tell immediately that something serious had happened.  He asked them what was wrong, and was surprised when Brian was the one to answer.

 

“I’ve made a huge mistake.  I met a man, Noel, who wanted me and I wanted him.  I let him blow me and then I fucked him.  I don’t know how I could have been so stupid.”

 

Frank looked at Brian, and waited.  Brian always reduced everything to its minimal core, but he was pretty sure there must be more to this story.

 

Brian said nothing, just sat, silent and edgy.

 

Frank looked at Justin who sighed and said, “Noel works for a gallery where I had a show.  He hit on me and I blew him off.  When he saw my drawings of Brian, he was very interested.  He caught Brian alone a couple of times, and made advances.  They were attracted to each other, and you heard what happened.”

 

Justin paused.  Frank looked at him and had to ask, “You turned him down, but Brian didn’t?”  Justin nodded.  “How do you feel about that, Justin?”

 

“You haven’t heard all of it yet, Frank,” Justin said, looking at Brian.  “Noel still came after Brian.  He showed up at the strangest times, and he followed Brian home when he knew I wouldn’t be there.  He tried to force himself on Brian.”

 

Frank looked at Brian who visibly squirmed in his chair.

 

“I’m sure Brian is a big boy who can look after himself.  You must have had other persistent suitors, Brian?” Frank asked.

 

Brian nodded, but said nothing.

 

Justin looked at him, getting permission to continue.  “Noel tried to blackmail Brian, by threatening to tell me that they had been together.”

 

“So, at that point, you knew nothing of this?”

 

“Right,” Justin said.  “Noel wanted to fuck Brian.  He used every method to convince Brian to let him, but finally Brian turned him away.”

 

“Why, Brian?” Frank asked.

 

“I almost didn’t,” Brian admitted in a small voice.

 

“He tried to bareback Brian.  That was the final straw,” Justin added.

 

“Bareback?” Frank asked, not knowing the term.

 

“No condom,” Brian said with disgust.

 

“And you stopped him?” Frank said.  Brian nodded.  “Why then and not before?”

 

“Nobody barebacks me, not even Justin,” Brian said emphatically.

 

“That’s good, but why not stop it sooner?”

 

“I wanted him.  Even when I tried to refuse him, and I did try, a small part of me wanted him enough to give in,” Brian said, looking hurt and guilty.

 

“What was the attraction?  Is he that irresistible?”

 

“He’s very good looking,” Justin said.  “I was tempted too, but I don’t think I’m really his type.”

 

“You should be, because he’s a lot like me,” Brian said.

 

“Like you?” Frank asked, interested in Brian’s comment.

 

“Yeah.  He had my predatory smirk, my supreme confidence that this man is his, and he was right, just like I always am.”

 

“That’s interesting, Brian.  You saw a lot of yourself in this man?”

 

“Yes, but gradually I saw a lot of things I didn’t like.  I grew to detest that smirk and I hated being the prey.”

 

“Do you think some of the men you’ve gone after felt that way about you?” asked Frank.

 

“I doubt it.  I only do tricks once, and they all wanted it.  I never forced myself on someone who didn’t want me.”

 

“So maybe you’re not so much like Noel,” Frank observed.  Brian looked thoughtful.  “He forced himself on you?”

 

“I’m not saying I’m blameless in this, Doc.  I admit I wanted him the first time, but after that I really wanted out.  Now he disgusts me.”

 

“When did you tell Justin about this?’

 

“After he threatened to tell.  After the bareback incident.”

 

“Did you consider telling Justin before that point?”

 

“Yes, I did.  I knew it was a mistake after the first time, but I didn’t want to upset Justin.  He was so happy about the show, and that would have ruined it for him.”

 

“You wanted to tell me?” Justin asked, surprised.

 

“Yes,” said Brian.  “I knew it had to impact our trust level.  I wanted to be honest.”

 

“Do you think things would have been different if you had told Justin at that point?”

 

Brian thought for a moment, and then said, “It would have been, because he wouldn’t have been able to threaten me with telling Justin, and I would have thrown him out right away.”

 

“You mean that?” Justin asked.

 

“Yes,” Brian said, “I would have, even if I still had wanted him.”

 

Justin smiled at Brian.  This made him feel better.

 

“So Noel no longer has anything to hold over you?” Frank asked.

 

“That’s right,” Brian said.

 

“How did you react to Brian’s confession, Justin?’

 

Justin looked worried.  “I was frightened at first.  I thought Brian was going to tell me we were through.”

 

Brian grabbed his hand.  “You know that’s not true.  I only want you, not Noel.”

 

“I know, Brian,” Justin said, looking him in the eye, and trying to convey strength and confidence to him.  Turning back to Frank, Justin said, “I was hurt and confused by what Brian told me, then I was angry when I heard about Noel’s attempt at blackmail.  I was also relieved that Brian didn’t let him get away with it.”

 

“Have you forgiven Brian?” Frank asked.

 

Brian looked hopefully at Justin.  “Honestly I can’t say that I have.  It’s still a bit too close and too raw.  I’m sure I will after I have a chance to think it all through.”

 

Brian’s gaze returned to the floor.

 

“Is there something else bothering you, Brian?” asked Frank.

 

“I’m mainly concerned with the effect this is having on Justin,” he said, looking tenderly at the boy.  Justin did his best to smile back at him.

 

“It’ll be all right.  We’ll get through this,” Justin swore.

 

Brian looked relieved.  “I’m also worried that Noel isn’t through with this yet.  He told me as much.”

 

“What do you think he can do?” Frank asked.

 

“He can keep on pursuing me.”

 

“Will that get him anywhere?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then why are you worried?”

 

“I think he’ll take it farther.  If he’s already tried blackmail, I think he’ll resort to just about anything.”

 

“He won’t cut his losses and leave it at that?” Frank asked.

 

“I wish,” said Brian.

 

“I don’t see what else he can do.  He knows you don’t want him,” Justin observed.

 

Brian looked skeptical.  He still thought Noel might try something.

 

“Although I don’t like the sound of this man, I have to agree with Justin that it seems unlikely that he will take this any farther,” Frank stated.

 

Brian shrugged, but remained unconvinced.

 

Justin felt he had to say something.  “I want Brian to know how much I appreciate the fact that he trusted me enough to come to me with the truth about Noel.  I would have been devastated if I had heard it from Noel.  Who knows what kind of a spin he would have put on it.  Now he can’t use it against us.”

 

Frank said, “You’re absolutely right, Justin.  Brian did the only sensible thing he could do.  You have good instincts, Brian.”

 

Brian still looked skeptical, but he said, “Thanks, I don’t often do the right thing.  I usually screw up.”

 

“That’s not how I see it,” Frank refuted.  “You have your own way of doing things, but I don’t see you as a screw-up.”

 

“I appreciate the vote of confidence, Doc, but it really doesn’t help the situation.”

 

“True,” said Frank, “but there’s nothing any of us can do about it.  You’ll just have to wait and see what Noel does.”

 

“Yeah, and watch and be careful,” Brian added.

 

They all nodded at that.

 

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For the next few days everything seemed to be normal.  They neither saw nor heard from Noel.  Life went on.

 

Brian was very busy at work.  Vangard was trying to cement a new account with an up and coming ski company situated in Denver.  They had held preliminary meetings in Pittsburgh with the young and dynamic president of the company.  He had been impressed with some of Vangard’s work, especially the Brown Athletics ads, and wanted Brian to help them develop a corporate image and a new sales campaign.  Brian was going to have to go to Denver for a few days to get the feel of the company.

 

He was no longer worried about leaving Justin alone when he went on a business trip, but he still wondered what Noel might be up to.  “No news is good news,” he thought.  He hoped there would continue to be no news of Noel.

 

Brian was to leave Monday morning and would return Friday afternoon.  Cynthia had booked him into the best hotel in Denver, and he would spend most days at the corporate headquarters of the ski company, getting a feel for the company and their product.

 

Justin dropped him off at the airport Monday morning.  They kissed in the car, no longer worrying about nightmares, but still sorry to be apart.  Brian promised to call at 10 pm.

 

Justin had a lot of work to do.  He was still catching up from the time the art show had taken away from his schoolwork.  He thought he would be able to get through the week without Brian by burying himself in his art.  He headed to the IFA to get a start on it right away.  Justin parked the Jeep and headed for the studio building.  Standing on the front steps was someone Justin didn’t want to see.  It was Noel.

 

As Justin climbed the steps, trying to pretend he didn’t see Noel, the man stepped in front of him.

 

“Hello, Justin,” he said nonchalantly.

 

“What are you doing here?” Justin asked, uneasy being so close to this man.

 

“I wanted to see you.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I have something to tell you.” he said, smiling.

 

“And what might that be?” Justin asked, pretty sure he knew the answer.

 

“It’s about Brian.”

 

“What about Brian?”

 

“I don’t want to upset you, but I think you should know that we’ve been together,” Noel smirked.

 

Justin was prepared for that statement, thanks to Brian’s revelations.  “In the Biblical sense, I presume,” he said, trying to keep his composure and beat Noel at his own game.

 

“Of course, although the Bible does frown on what we did.”  Noel looked very self-satisfied with that comment.  He seemed to be enjoying himself.

 

“What’s your point?  Why are you telling me this?” Justin asked, irritated.

 

“I want Brian, and Brian wants me.  You’re in the way.  I want you to butt out of his life.”

 

“Are you crazy?” Justin yelled at him, unable to stand the unmitigated gall of the man a moment longer.

 

“Don’t say that to me!” Noel snapped, his face taking on a very unpleasant look.  “I’m just warning you,” he said, trying to regain his calm appearance.  “Brian and I are going to be together, so you better prepare yourself.”

 

“You are nuts!  Brian told me everything, and he never wants to see you again.”

 

Noel looked startled for a second, then his smirk returned and he said, “So he told you about us.”

 

“That’s right, and there is no ‘us’, so quit trying to rattle me,” Justin stated.

 

“Is that so?  Then why did he call me and tell me that he’d miss me while he’s in Denver?”

 

“How do you know he’s in Denver?” Justin asked, confused.

 

Noel smiled.  “I told you. He called me yesterday.”

 

Justin tried to search through the day to figure out when Brian could have called Noel.  They had been together most of the day, but it wouldn’t take long to make a phone call.  “No!” he said.  “You’re lying.  He never called you.”

 

“Then how do I know where he’s going, and that you would be here after you dropped him at the airport?”  Noel looked smug.

 

Justin was flustered.  He had no answer to this question.  Could Brian have lied to him?  Did Brian tell Noel where he was going?  Did Brian want Noel, and not him?

 

Noel could see the concern on Justin’s face.  He knew he had scored a point against the boy.  Now it was time to really push the kid’s buttons.  “He told you he’d be back on Friday, didn’t he?”

 

Justin gaped at him.  How did he know that unless Brian had told him?

 

Noel smirked.  “Well, he’s actually coming back on Thursday.  We’re going to spend the night together.  He may or may not come back to you on Friday.  Did he tell you we’ve been barebacking?”

 

“Liar!” Justin yelled, and he pushed past Noel and ran into the building.  Once he was through the door, he leaned against the wall in the foyer, gasping for breath.  He tried to calm down, but all he wanted to do was scream.  Noel had to be lying.  He had to be!  Brian would never bareback.  But how did Noel know Brian’s schedule, unless Brian had told him?

 

Noel stuck his head through the door, and noted Justin’s distress.  Justin stood up straight, using all of his will power to do so.  He didn’t want to show weakness to this man.

 

“Get out of here!” Justin yelled.  “Leave me alone!”

 

“I just thought I’d tell you that Brian’s at the Excelsior Hotel in Denver, if you want to call and confirm what I’ve told you.  Brian may not want to admit it all, but you’ll know I’m telling the truth by his reaction.”  Noel couldn’t help but smile at Justin’s obvious agony.  He felt he had done enough for now, and turned and left the building.

 

Justin slid down the wall, his legs no longer able to support him.  He wanted to cry, but he didn’t want everyone to see him.  He felt like someone had punched him in the gut, knocking the stuffing out of him.  Slowly he pushed himself up and staggered to his cubicle.  He shut the door and slumped to the floor.  Then the tears came, silently, because he didn’t want anyone to know.  He curled into a ball on the floor and wept until he had no more tears.  His eyes hurt, his throat hurt, but most of all his heart hurt.

 

After a long while he managed to sit up.  He grabbed his backpack and pulled out a bottle of water.  He downed the whole thing, feeling dehydrated from all the tears.  He had to think.  Could Brian have lied about Noel and him?  He had always said how attracted to the man he was.  Maybe he wasn’t through with Noel at all.  Maybe they were together, talking, fucking, plotting against Justin, laughing at him.

 

Justin closed his eyes, trying to block out the image of Brian and Noel together that his mind had conjured up. What was he going to do?  Should he call Brian and have it out with him?  Noel said he would be at the Excelsior Hotel.  Justin didn’t even know the name of Brian’s hotel.  But Noel knew the hotel, or did he?  Maybe he was bluffing, trying to cause trouble.  Justin decided to wait.  He’d find out a few things from Brian before he did anything.  With this as his plan he decided to get to work.  He wasn’t sure he’d accomplish very much, but he had to try.

 

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Brian didn’t call at ten.  He was usually so prompt.  Justin’s anxiety increased the longer he had to wait.  At 10:40 the phone rang.  Justin just about jumped out of his skin.  He took a deep breath and picked up.

 

“Hello,” he said tentatively.

 

“Hey,” said Brian.  “I’m sorry I’m late, but we were at dinner and lost track of time.”

 

“Oh,” said Justin.  “It must have been a long dinner.” 

 

“Not really.  It’s only 8:40 here.  Remember the time difference,” Brian explained.

 

“Oh, yeah,” Justin said, realizing it wasn’t so late there.

 

“You sound funny.  Is something wrong?”

 

“I’m a little tired.  Long day,” Justin said.

 

“Want to play a little?” Brian asked suggestively.

 

“I’m not really feeling up to it.”

 

“I thought you were always up, if you know what I mean?”

 

“Not tonight.  I think I’ll just go to sleep, if you don’t mind.”

 

“Are you not feeling well?” Brian asked, concerned.

 

“I’m fine, just tired.  Brian, what hotel are you at?”

 

“The Excelsior, why?”

 

Justin felt like he was going to throw up.  “No reason,” Justin managed to get out.  “I better go.”

 

“Really?" Brian asked, bewildered.  “I’ll call you tomorrow at ten.  I’ll try to be more punctual.  Maybe you’ll be more inclined to talk to me,” Brian tried to joke.  He wondered what was going on with Justin.

 

“Good night,” Justin said, and hung up.

 

Brian looked at his phone, and shut it off.  “What the fuck was that?” he said out loud.  He had never had a conversation like that with Justin before.  He had been like a stranger.  Maybe he was sick.  He wondered if he should call Justin back.  He started to, then shut off his phone.  Justin had said he was tired.  He’d let him sleep, and maybe things would be better tomorrow night.

 

Justin curled up on the bed.  He was miserable.  At least part of what Noel had told him was true.  How did Noel know these things if Brian hadn’t told him?  Justin felt like crying, but he had no more tears.  He turned away from Brian’s pillow, and pulled the duvet over his head.  His world was collapsing around him.

 

Brian was horny as Hell.  He had wanted to have phone sex with Justin, but that wasn’t going to happen.  He debated going out and finding a club where he could pick up a trick.  He finally decided that wouldn’t be a good idea.  He headed into the bathroom, removing clothes as he went.  A shower with a little hand action would have to do.

 

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Somehow Justin got through the next day.  His brain allowed him no peace.  It kept asking him what he was going to do, and providing him with unwanted images of Brian and Noel together.  He thought his head was going to explode.

 

He took his shift at the diner after school.  It was very busy and that helped him keep his mind away from thoughts of Brian and betrayal.  Debbie asked him once if anything was wrong.  She had found him leaning against the counter staring off into space.  He merely said he wasn’t feeling all that great.

 

“Missing Brian?” she asked knowingly.

 

Justin looked at her, not knowing how to answer that.

 

“It’s okay to miss him, Sunshine,” she said gently.

 

Justin felt tears start to well up.  He tried to blink them back.  “I have an order to get out,” he said, brushing past her and picking up the plates.

 

Debbie looked after him.  She knew something was wrong, and she would find out later, when the diner was less busy.

 

Justin was glad Debbie didn’t pursue what was wrong with him.  He couldn’t talk about this with anyone.  By nine o’clock the diner had pretty well cleared out, and his shift would be over in half an hour.  He would go to the loft and wait for Brian’s call, and his lies.

 

Debbie slid into a booth with a cup of coffee.  “Come join me,” she said to Justin.  He wanted to leave, but he knew Debbie would never let him.  He grabbed a Coke and sat down across from her.

 

“So what’s going on?” she asked, not beating around the bush.

 

“Nothing, why?”

 

“You’re not yourself, Sunshine.  Something’s bothering you.”

 

“Just tired,” he said, hoping she’d leave it at that.

 

“Un hunh,” she said.  “What has Brian done now?”

 

“What do you mean?” Justin countered, not wanting to answer her question.

 

“Don’t try to bullshit me, Sunshine.  I know it’s something about Brian.  It’s always about Brian.  Very little else gives you that look.”

 

Justin looked down at his Coke.  He didn’t want to tell Debbie, to tell anyone, but he felt he would explode if he kept it all inside.

 

“I don’t think I can talk about it,” Justin gave in, wanting to cry.

 

“You can tell me anything.  It stays between us,” she promised, taking his hand and stroking it gently.

 

The tears started rolling silently down his face.

 

“He was with someone,” he began.  “I think he’s lying to me and fucking this guy.  I guess he doesn’t love me anymore.”

 

“I find that very hard to believe!” Debbie said.

 

“So did I at first.  He even told me about the guy.”

 

“What?  He told you?  Who is this fucking asshole?” Debbie demanded.

 

“You remember my show at the Granville Gallery.  The guy who works there, Noel.  He’s the one.”

 

“The great looking guy?  I remember him?”

 

“Yeah.  Brian thought he was great looking too.”

 

“Sunshine, Brian loves you.  You must be wrong.”

 

“Brian told me he fucked Noel,” Justin said flatly.

 

“Then he’s just a trick,” Debbie said, trying to be positive.

 

“There’s more to it,” Justin said, fisting the tears away.

 

“Tell me,” she ordered.

 

Justin sighed.  “After they were together, Noel came after Brian.  Remember, he was at Mel and Lindsay’s.”

 

“Yeah, I thought that was strange,” Debbie mused.

 

“He followed Brian home after the brunch.  I went to the IFA with Ben and Michael.  He tracked Brian to the loft and tried to fuck him.”

 

“That asshole!” Debbie snarled.  “Brian didn’t let him, did he?”

 

“He told me he didn’t.  He said Noel threatened to tell me they’d been together if Brian didn’t cooperate.  I believed Brian.  He said he wanted nothing more to do with Noel.”

 

“So what’s the problem?”

 

“Noel met me at the IFA yesterday morning, after I dropped Brian off at the airport.  He told me he and Brian were going to be together, and I better get used to the idea.  He knew Brian’s schedule and where he is staying in Denver.  He told me he and Brian were talking every day.  That’s how he knew these things.  He also said Brian was coming back earlier than he had told me, so that they could spend the night together.” Justin choked back a sob.

 

“Oh, Sunshine!  Are you sure that’s the truth?”

 

“I’m not sure, but he said Brian had told him all the other stuff, and that’s all true.  How else would he know, unless Brian is telling him?”

 

“I can’t believe Brian is sneaking around.  One thing about Brian Kinney, he’s in your face.  He doesn’t lie.”

 

“I know, but this is different.  He admitted to me how much he wanted Noel.  Maybe he can’t control the desire.  I don’t know what to do,” Justin admitted.

 

“Ask him!” Debbie stated.

 

“What if he lies to me?  I can’t stand it.  Or what if he tells me we’re through?” Justin looked scared to death.

 

“I know it’s fucking hard, but it’s better to know one way or the other.  Then you can deal with it.”

 

“I don’t know.  I’m scared,” Justin confessed.

 

“You go home now, Sunshine, and talk to Brian.”

 

“I’ll try,” he said, slipping out of the booth.

 

It was almost ten, and Justin wasn’t ready to talk to Brian.  He had to think.  He decided to walk to the loft.  He knew Brian would call there first.  He took out his cell phone and switched it off.  He’d deal with Brian later. Right now he had to think.

 

Brian had called the loft promptly at ten.  There was no answer, so he left a message that he hoped Justin would find funny.  He tried Justin’s cell and found it was shut off.  He wondered what was going on.  Justin had never missed one of his calls before.  He missed the phone sex, but more, he missed talking to the boy.

 

Justin had walked around, sat in a park and tried to sort out his thoughts.  It was a little after midnight when he arrived at the loft.  He noted the blinking light indicating a message.  He knew it would be from Brian.  He took a breath, and pushed the play button.

 

Brian’s voice came on.  “Hey, Sunshine.  Where are you?  I know I was late calling last night.  Are you turning the tables on me, or don’t you love me anymore?”  Justin winced.  Maybe that’s what Brian wished.  “I’m sorry I missed you.  I’ll call again later.  Me and my dick are missing you big time.”

 

Justin looked at the machine.  There were two more messages.  AT 10:30 Brian said, “Still out?  I miss you.”  At 11:20 Brian left a message saying, “Where are you, Justin?  Is something wrong?  I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow.  Call me if you want to talk.”

 

Justin sighed.  It would be a little after ten in Denver.  He could call Brian, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to talk to him, even now.  He was afraid he would fall apart as soon as he heard Brian’s voice, and he wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction.  He decided to wait until Brian called tomorrow.  Maybe he could stand to talk to him by then.

 

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Brian was very busy with the marketing director of the ski company, but he felt his mind wandering to Justin, rather than concentrating on business.  He didn’t know what was wrong, but something obviously was.  Justin hadn’t been very talkative on Monday, then last night he hadn’t been home, or maybe wouldn’t answer.  He had left several messages, asked him to call, but nothing.  What was going on?

 

Justin went to class on Wednesday after a sleepless night, tossing and turning and wondering what to do.  He had trouble focusing on the lecture, and even less focus when he tried working on his project in the studio.  He stuck it out till four, then he decided to head for the diner, and see if he could pick up an early start to his shift.  He could always use a little extra money, especially if he was going to have to move out on his own.  “Don’t think like that,” he warned himself.

 

As he came out of the studio building, he saw Noel standing by the Jeep. 

 

“Shit,” he said to himself.  “Just what I need.”

 

He decided to face this head on.  He approached the Jeep.  “Brushing up on your higher education?” Justin asked facetiously.

 

Noel smiled, but without humor.  “I came to see you.”

 

“What’s your fascination with me?” Justin asked.

 

“It’s not you, more precisely Brian.”

 

“Fuck off, Noel!  I don’t want to talk to you.”

 

“Did you check with Brian about what I told you?”  Noel sneered.

 

Justin glared at him.

 

“So you found out I was telling the truth,” he smirked.

 

“You may know a few things, but I don’t believe you and Brian are together,” Justin stated, trying to sound confident.

 

“Well, you’d be wrong,” Noel stated matter-of-factly.

 

“Shit,” Justin thought.  “He sure knows how to rattle me.”  He struggled to look calm while he loaded his portfolio into the car.

 

“Working on something new?” Noel asked, looking at the case.

 

“I’m always working on something.”

 

“You’re very talented,” Noel commented.

 

“I don’t want flattery from you.  Go away!”

 

“I have something to tell you,” Noel said smugly.

 

“What?”  Justin bit off the word.

 

“Brian will be late calling you tonight.  He has a dinner with the execs from the ski company.  It won’t be over till late,” Noel said, watching Justin’s face.  He got the desired reaction.

 

“How ... how do you know that?” Justin asked, afraid of the answer.

 

“He told me.  I talk to him quite often.”

 

“You do not!” Justin shouted, climbing into the Jeep.  He gunned the car, spinning the tires, and careening away from Noel’s taunting face.  “I won’t cry.  I won’t cry,” he repeated over and over like a mantra.

 

As soon as he was away from the Institute, he pulled into a parking space and laid his head on the steering wheel.  Again the tears came, unwanted but unstoppable, from some place deep inside.  It was a hurt so great he could barely breathe.  Brian was abandoning him after all; after all they had shared and been through. 

 

He didn’t know how long he sat there, but suddenly he made a decision.  He sat up, wiped away the tears and drove to the diner.  He went through the motions of doing his shift.  Debbie asked him if he had talked to Brian.  He admitted that he hadn’t, but he assured her that he was going to talk to Brian tonight.  That was the decision he had made in the car.  If it was ending, he wanted to know.  He would find out tonight, one way or the other.

 

Debbie told him to leave at nine, when the dinner rush was pretty well over.  He took off, and headed for the loft.  He wanted to talk to Brian, but he also wanted to think about how he would approach this with him.  He had decided he was going to get the truth no matter what.  He wondered if Noel was right, and Brian would be late calling.  Noel had been right about everything else.

 

Ten o’clock came, and no call from Brian.  Eleven o’clock, then twelve, and still nothing.  Justin began to think Brian wasn’t going to call at all.  As he was about to give up, the phone rang.  It was 12:15.

 

Justin picked up the phone, and said, “Hello.”

 

“Hey,” said Brian.  “You’re finally there!  Where were you last night?  I missed you.”

 

“Yeah, right,” Justin replied, trying not to sound too sarcastic.

 

“I did.  I called several times.”

 

“I took an extra shift at the diner.  One of the guys wasn’t feeling well,” Justin lied.

 

“Why didn’t you call me when you got in?” Brian asked.  “I told you to in one of my messages.”

 

“It was after midnight when I got home.  I thought you’d be asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you.”

 

“That’s only ten o’clock here.  Remember the time difference, just like now.”

 

“Oh,” said Justin, “I forgot.  Why were you late calling tonight?”