Faith
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Brian and Justin made an appointment with
Dr. Jamison following the incident with
Noel. Brian felt guilty and
somehow dirty. Even though Justin
had more or less forgiven him, he hadnt forgiven
himself. He still felt that
things were out of his control, and he didnt like that
feeling. Worse than that, he
felt used, and nobody used Brian Kinney, at least not without his
permission. He also had a nagging
worry that the Noel fiasco wasnt completely
over. Noel had said as much,
and Brian didnt doubt for a minute that he meant
it.
Justin also wanted to talk to
Frank. He thought that he and
Brian had been doing so well, until this
happened. This incident had
shaken his confidence in their growing bond of
trust. He hoped Frank would
be able to shed some light on why Brian did what he did, or perhaps on how
to prevent this from happening again.
He knew Brian was genuinely sorry, but somehow that wasnt
enough.
They met with Frank at their usual 4 pm
time. Both men were rather tense
as they entered the office. Frank
could tell immediately that something serious had
happened. He asked them what
was wrong, and was surprised when Brian was the one to
answer.
Ive made a huge
mistake. I met a man, Noel,
who wanted me and I wanted him. I
let him blow me and then I fucked him.
I dont know how I could have been so
stupid.
Frank looked at Brian, and
waited. Brian always reduced
everything to its minimal core, but he was pretty sure there must be more
to this story.
Brian said nothing, just sat, silent and
edgy.
Frank looked at Justin who sighed and said,
Noel works for a gallery where I had a
show. He hit on me and I blew
him off. When he saw my drawings
of Brian, he was very interested.
He caught Brian alone a couple of times, and made
advances. They were attracted
to each other, and you heard what happened.
Justin
paused. Frank looked at him
and had to ask, You turned him down, but Brian
didnt? Justin
nodded. How do you feel
about that, Justin?
You havent heard all of it yet,
Frank, Justin said, looking at
Brian. Noel still came
after Brian. He showed up at
the strangest times, and he followed Brian home when he knew I wouldnt
be there. He tried to force
himself on Brian.
Frank looked at Brian who visibly squirmed
in his chair.
Im sure Brian is a big boy who
can look after himself. You
must have had other persistent suitors, Brian? Frank
asked.
Brian nodded, but said
nothing.
Justin looked at him, getting permission
to continue. Noel tried
to blackmail Brian, by threatening to tell me that they had been
together.
So, at that point, you knew nothing
of this?
Right, Justin
said. Noel wanted to fuck
Brian. He used every method
to convince Brian to let him, but finally Brian turned him
away.
Why, Brian? Frank
asked.
I almost didnt, Brian admitted
in a small voice.
He tried to bareback
Brian. That was the final
straw, Justin added.
Bareback? Frank asked, not knowing
the term.
No condom, Brian said with
disgust.
And you stopped him? Frank
said. Brian
nodded. Why then and not
before?
Nobody barebacks me, not even
Justin, Brian said emphatically.
Thats good, but why not stop
it sooner?
I wanted
him. Even when I tried to refuse
him, and I did try, a small part of me wanted him enough to give in,
Brian said, looking hurt and guilty.
What was the
attraction? Is he that
irresistible?
Hes very good looking,
Justin said. I was tempted
too, but I dont think Im really his
type.
You should be, because hes a
lot like me, Brian said.
Like you? Frank asked, interested
in Brians comment.
Yeah.
He had my predatory smirk, my supreme confidence that this man is
his, and he was right, just like I always am.
Thats interesting,
Brian. You saw a lot of yourself
in this man?
Yes, but gradually I saw a lot of things
I didnt like. I grew to
detest that smirk and I hated being the prey.
Do you think some of the men youve
gone after felt that way about you? asked Frank.
I doubt
it. I only do tricks once, and
they all wanted it. I never
forced myself on someone who didnt want me.
So maybe youre not so much like
Noel, Frank observed. Brian
looked thoughtful. He
forced himself on you?
Im not saying Im blameless
in this, Doc. I admit I wanted
him the first time, but after that I really wanted
out. Now he disgusts
me.
When did you tell Justin about
this?
After he threatened to
tell. After the bareback
incident.
Did you consider telling Justin before
that point?
Yes, I
did. I knew it was a mistake
after the first time, but I didnt want to upset
Justin. He was so happy about
the show, and that would have ruined it for him.
You wanted to tell me? Justin
asked, surprised.
Yes, said
Brian. I knew it had to
impact our trust level. I wanted
to be honest.
Do you think things would have been
different if you had told Justin at that point?
Brian thought for a moment, and then said,
It would have been, because he wouldnt have been able to threaten
me with telling Justin, and I would have thrown him out right
away.
You mean that? Justin
asked.
Yes, Brian said, I would
have, even if I still had wanted him.
Justin smiled at
Brian. This made him feel
better.
So Noel no longer has anything to hold
over you? Frank asked.
Thats right, Brian
said.
How did you react to Brians
confession, Justin?
Justin looked
worried. I was frightened
at first. I thought Brian was
going to tell me we were through.
Brian grabbed his
hand. You know thats
not true. I only want you, not
Noel.
I know, Brian, Justin said, looking
him in the eye, and trying to convey strength and confidence to
him. Turning back to Frank,
Justin said, I was hurt and confused by what Brian told me, then I
was angry when I heard about Noels attempt at
blackmail. I was also relieved
that Brian didnt let him get away with it.
Have you forgiven Brian? Frank
asked.
Brian looked hopefully at
Justin. Honestly I cant
say that I have. Its still
a bit too close and too raw.
Im sure I will after I have a chance to think it all
through.
Brians gaze returned to the
floor.
Is there something else bothering you,
Brian? asked Frank.
Im mainly concerned with the
effect this is having on Justin, he said, looking tenderly at the
boy. Justin did his best to
smile back at him.
Itll be all
right. Well get through
this, Justin swore.
Brian looked
relieved. Im also
worried that Noel isnt through with this
yet. He told me as
much.
What do you think he can do?
Frank asked.
He can keep on pursuing
me.
Will that get him
anywhere?
No.
Then why are you
worried?
I think hell take it
farther. If hes already
tried blackmail, I think hell resort to just about
anything.
He wont cut his losses and leave
it at that? Frank asked.
I wish, said
Brian.
I dont see what else he can
do. He knows you dont
want him, Justin observed.
Brian looked
skeptical. He still thought
Noel might try something.
Although I dont like the sound
of this man, I have to agree with Justin that it seems unlikely that he will
take this any farther, Frank stated.
Brian shrugged, but remained
unconvinced.
Justin felt he had to say
something. I want Brian
to know how much I appreciate the fact that he trusted me enough to come
to me with the truth about Noel. I
would have been devastated if I had heard it from
Noel. Who knows what kind of
a spin he would have put on it.
Now he cant use it against us.
Frank said, Youre absolutely
right, Justin. Brian did the
only sensible thing he could do.
You have good instincts, Brian.
Brian still looked skeptical, but he said,
Thanks, I dont often do the right
thing. I usually screw
up.
Thats not how I see it,
Frank refuted. You have
your own way of doing things, but I dont see you as a
screw-up.
I appreciate the vote of confidence,
Doc, but it really doesnt help the
situation.
True, said Frank, but
theres nothing any of us can do about
it. Youll just have to
wait and see what Noel does.
Yeah, and watch and be careful,
Brian added.
They all nodded at that.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
For the next few days everything seemed to
be normal. They neither saw
nor heard from Noel. Life went
on.
Brian was very busy at
work. Vangard was trying to
cement a new account with an up and coming ski company situated in
Denver. They had held preliminary
meetings in Pittsburgh with the young and dynamic president of the
company. He had been impressed
with some of Vangards work, especially the Brown Athletics ads, and
wanted Brian to help them develop a corporate image and a new sales
campaign. Brian was going to
have to go to Denver for a few days to get the feel of the
company.
He was no longer worried about leaving Justin
alone when he went on a business trip, but he still wondered what Noel might
be up to. No news is good
news, he thought. He hoped
there would continue to be no news of Noel.
Brian was to leave Monday morning and would
return Friday afternoon. Cynthia
had booked him into the best hotel in Denver, and he would spend most days
at the corporate headquarters of the ski company, getting a feel for the
company and their product.
Justin dropped him off at the airport Monday
morning. They kissed in the
car, no longer worrying about nightmares, but still sorry to be
apart. Brian promised to call
at 10 pm.
Justin had a lot of work to
do. He was still catching up
from the time the art show had taken away from his
schoolwork. He thought he would
be able to get through the week without Brian by burying himself in his
art. He headed to the IFA to get a start on it right
away. Justin parked the Jeep
and headed for the studio building.
Standing on the front steps was someone Justin didnt want to
see. It was
Noel.
As Justin climbed the steps, trying to pretend
he didnt see Noel, the man stepped in front of him.
Hello, Justin, he said
nonchalantly.
What are you doing here? Justin
asked, uneasy being so close to this man.
I wanted to see
you.
Why?
I have something to tell you.
he said, smiling.
And what might that be? Justin
asked, pretty sure he knew the answer.
Its about
Brian.
What about
Brian?
I dont want to upset you, but
I think you should know that weve been together, Noel
smirked.
Justin was prepared for that statement, thanks
to Brians revelations.
In the Biblical sense, I presume, he said, trying to keep
his composure and beat Noel at his own game.
Of course, although the Bible does
frown on what we did. Noel
looked very self-satisfied with that
comment. He seemed to be enjoying
himself.
Whats your
point? Why are you telling me
this? Justin asked, irritated.
I want Brian, and Brian wants
me. Youre in the
way. I want you to butt out
of his life.
Are you crazy? Justin yelled
at him, unable to stand the unmitigated gall of the man a moment
longer.
Dont say that to me! Noel
snapped, his face taking on a very unpleasant
look. Im just warning
you, he said, trying to regain his calm
appearance. Brian and
I are going to be together, so you better prepare
yourself.
You are
nuts! Brian told me everything,
and he never wants to see you again.
Noel looked startled for a second, then his
smirk returned and he said, So he told you about
us.
Thats right, and there is no
us, so quit trying to rattle me, Justin
stated.
Is that
so? Then why did he call me
and tell me that hed miss me while hes in
Denver?
How do you know hes in Denver?
Justin asked, confused.
Noel
smiled. I told you. He
called me yesterday.
Justin tried to search through the day to
figure out when Brian could have called
Noel. They had been together
most of the day, but it wouldnt take long to make a phone
call. No! he
said. Youre
lying. He never called
you.
Then how do I know where hes
going, and that you would be here after you dropped him at the
airport? Noel looked
smug.
Justin was
flustered. He had no answer
to this question. Could Brian
have lied to him? Did Brian
tell Noel where he was going? Did
Brian want Noel, and not him?
Noel could see the concern on Justins
face. He knew he had scored
a point against the boy. Now
it was time to really push the kids
buttons. He told you
hed be back on Friday, didnt he?
Justin gaped at
him. How did he know that unless
Brian had told him?
Noel
smirked. Well, hes
actually coming back on Thursday.
Were going to spend the night
together. He may or may not
come back to you on Friday. Did
he tell you weve been barebacking?
Liar! Justin yelled, and he pushed
past Noel and ran into the building.
Once he was through the door, he leaned against the wall in the foyer,
gasping for breath. He tried
to calm down, but all he wanted to do was
scream. Noel had to be
lying. He had to
be! Brian would never
bareback. But how did Noel know
Brians schedule, unless Brian had told him?
Noel stuck his head through the door, and
noted Justins distress.
Justin stood up straight, using all of his will power to do
so. He didnt want to show
weakness to this man.
Get out of here! Justin
yelled. Leave me
alone!
I just thought Id tell you that
Brians at the Excelsior Hotel in Denver, if you want to call and confirm
what Ive told you. Brian
may not want to admit it all, but youll know Im telling the truth
by his reaction. Noel
couldnt help but smile at Justins obvious
agony. He felt he had done enough
for now, and turned and left the building.
Justin slid down the wall, his legs no longer
able to support him. He wanted
to cry, but he didnt want everyone to see
him. He felt like someone had
punched him in the gut, knocking the stuffing out of
him. Slowly he pushed himself
up and staggered to his cubicle.
He shut the door and slumped to the
floor. Then the tears came,
silently, because he didnt want anyone to
know. He curled into a ball
on the floor and wept until he had no more
tears. His eyes hurt, his throat
hurt, but most of all his heart hurt.
After a long while he managed to sit
up. He grabbed his backpack
and pulled out a bottle of water.
He downed the whole thing, feeling dehydrated from all the
tears. He had to
think. Could Brian have lied about Noel and
him? He had always said how
attracted to the man he was. Maybe
he wasnt through with Noel at all.
Maybe they were together, talking, fucking, plotting against Justin,
laughing at him.
Justin closed his eyes, trying to block out
the image of Brian and Noel together that his mind had conjured up. What
was he going to do? Should he
call Brian and have it out with him? Noel said he would be at the Excelsior
Hotel. Justin didnt even
know the name of Brians hotel.
But Noel knew the hotel, or did
he? Maybe he was bluffing, trying
to cause trouble. Justin decided
to wait. Hed find out
a few things from Brian before he did
anything. With this as his plan
he decided to get to work. He
wasnt sure hed accomplish very much, but he had to
try.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Brian didnt call at
ten. He was usually so
prompt. Justins anxiety
increased the longer he had to wait.
At 10:40 the phone rang.
Justin just about jumped out of his
skin. He took a deep breath
and picked up.
Hello, he said
tentatively.
Hey, said
Brian. Im sorry
Im late, but we were at dinner and lost track of
time.
Oh, said
Justin. It must have been
a long dinner.
Not
really. Its only 8:40
here. Remember the time
difference, Brian explained.
Oh, yeah, Justin said, realizing
it wasnt so late there.
You sound
funny. Is something
wrong?
Im a little
tired. Long day, Justin
said.
Want to play a little? Brian
asked suggestively.
Im not really feeling up to
it.
I thought you were always up, if you
know what I mean?
Not
tonight. I think Ill just
go to sleep, if you dont mind.
Are you not feeling well? Brian
asked, concerned.
Im fine, just
tired. Brian, what hotel are
you at?
The Excelsior,
why?
Justin felt like he was going to throw
up. No reason, Justin
managed to get out. I
better go.
Really?" Brian asked,
bewildered. Ill
call you tomorrow at ten.
Ill try to be more
punctual. Maybe youll
be more inclined to talk to me, Brian tried to
joke. He wondered what was going
on with Justin.
Good night, Justin said, and
hung up.
Brian looked at his phone, and shut it
off. What the fuck was
that? he said out loud. He
had never had a conversation like that with Justin
before. He had been like a
stranger. Maybe he was
sick. He wondered if he should
call Justin back. He started
to, then shut off his phone.
Justin had said he was tired.
Hed let him sleep, and maybe things would be better tomorrow
night.
Justin curled up on the
bed. He was
miserable. At least part of
what Noel had told him was true.
How did Noel know these things if Brian hadnt told
him? Justin felt like crying,
but he had no more tears. He
turned away from Brians pillow, and pulled the duvet over his
head. His world was collapsing
around him.
Brian was horny as
Hell. He had wanted to have
phone sex with Justin, but that wasnt going to
happen. He debated going out
and finding a club where he could pick up a
trick. He finally decided that
wouldnt be a good idea. He
headed into the bathroom, removing clothes as he
went. A shower with a little
hand action would have to do.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Somehow Justin got through the next
day. His brain allowed him no
peace. It kept asking him what
he was going to do, and providing him with unwanted images of Brian and Noel
together. He thought his head
was going to explode.
He took his shift at the diner after
school. It was very busy and
that helped him keep his mind away from thoughts of Brian and
betrayal. Debbie asked him once
if anything was wrong. She had
found him leaning against the counter staring off into
space. He merely said he wasnt feeling all that
great.
Missing Brian? she asked
knowingly.
Justin looked at her, not knowing how to
answer that.
Its okay to miss him,
Sunshine, she said gently.
Justin felt tears start to well
up. He tried to blink them
back. I have an order
to get out, he said, brushing past her and picking up the
plates.
Debbie looked after
him. She knew something was
wrong, and she would find out later, when the diner was less
busy.
Justin was glad Debbie didnt pursue
what was wrong with him. He
couldnt talk about this with
anyone. By nine oclock the diner had pretty well cleared
out, and his shift would be over in half an
hour. He would go to the loft
and wait for Brians call, and his lies.
Debbie slid into a booth with a cup of
coffee. Come join me,
she said to Justin. He wanted
to leave, but he knew Debbie would never let
him. He grabbed a Coke and sat
down across from her.
So whats going on? she
asked, not beating around the bush.
Nothing,
why?
Youre not yourself,
Sunshine. Somethings bothering
you.
Just tired, he said, hoping
shed leave it at that.
Un hunh, she
said. What has Brian done
now?
What do you mean? Justin countered,
not wanting to answer her question.
Dont try to bullshit me,
Sunshine. I know its something
about Brian. Its always
about Brian. Very little else
gives you that look.
Justin looked down at his
Coke. He didnt want to
tell Debbie, to tell anyone, but he felt he would explode if he kept it all
inside.
I dont think I can talk about
it, Justin gave in, wanting to cry.
You can tell me
anything. It stays between
us, she promised, taking his hand and stroking it
gently.
The tears started rolling silently down his
face.
He was with someone, he
began. I think hes
lying to me and fucking this guy.
I guess he doesnt love me anymore.
I find that very hard to believe!
Debbie said.
So did I at
first. He even told me about
the guy.
What?
He told you? Who is this fucking asshole? Debbie
demanded.
You remember my show at the Granville
Gallery. The guy who works there,
Noel. Hes the
one.
The great looking
guy? I remember
him?
Yeah.
Brian thought he was great looking too.
Sunshine, Brian loves
you. You must be
wrong.
Brian told me he fucked Noel,
Justin said flatly.
Then hes just a trick,
Debbie said, trying to be positive.
Theres more to it, Justin
said, fisting the tears away.
Tell me, she
ordered.
Justin
sighed. After they were
together, Noel came after Brian.
Remember, he was at Mel and
Lindsays.
Yeah, I thought that was strange,
Debbie mused.
He followed Brian home after the
brunch. I went to the IFA with
Ben and Michael. He tracked
Brian to the loft and tried to fuck him.
That asshole! Debbie
snarled. Brian didnt
let him, did he?
He told me he
didnt. He said Noel threatened
to tell me theyd been together if Brian didnt
cooperate. I believed Brian.
He said he wanted nothing more to do with
Noel.
So whats the
problem?
Noel met me at the IFA yesterday morning,
after I dropped Brian off at the
airport. He told me he and Brian
were going to be together, and I better get used to the
idea. He knew Brians schedule
and where he is staying in Denver.
He told me he and Brian were talking every
day. Thats how he knew
these things. He also said Brian
was coming back earlier than he had told me, so that they could spend the
night together. Justin choked back a sob.
Oh,
Sunshine! Are you sure thats
the truth?
Im not sure, but he said Brian
had told him all the other stuff, and thats all
true. How else would he know,
unless Brian is telling him?
I cant believe Brian is sneaking
around. One thing about Brian
Kinney, hes in your face. He
doesnt lie.
I know, but this is
different. He admitted to me
how much he wanted Noel. Maybe
he cant control the desire.
I dont know what to do, Justin
admitted.
Ask him! Debbie
stated.
What if he lies to
me? I cant stand
it. Or what if he tells me
were through? Justin looked scared to death.
I know its fucking hard, but
its better to know one way or the
other. Then you can deal with
it.
I dont
know. Im scared,
Justin confessed.
You go home now, Sunshine, and talk
to Brian.
Ill try, he said, slipping
out of the booth.
It was almost ten, and Justin wasnt
ready to talk to Brian. He had
to think. He decided to walk
to the loft. He knew Brian would
call there first. He took out
his cell phone and switched it off.
Hed deal with Brian later. Right now he had to
think.
Brian had called the loft promptly at
ten. There was no answer, so
he left a message that he hoped Justin would find
funny. He tried Justins
cell and found it was shut off. He
wondered what was going on. Justin
had never missed one of his calls
before. He missed the phone
sex, but more, he missed talking to the boy.
Justin had walked around, sat in a park and
tried to sort out his thoughts. It was a little after midnight when he arrived at the
loft. He noted the blinking
light indicating a message. He
knew it would be from Brian. He
took a breath, and pushed the play button.
Brians voice came
on. Hey,
Sunshine. Where are
you? I know I was late calling last
night. Are you turning the tables on me, or dont you love
me anymore? Justin
winced. Maybe thats what
Brian wished. Im
sorry I missed you. Ill
call again later. Me and my
dick are missing you big time.
Justin looked at the
machine. There were two more
messages. AT 10:30 Brian said,
Still out? I miss
you. At 11:20 Brian left
a message saying, Where are you,
Justin? Is something
wrong? I guess Ill talk
to you tomorrow. Call me if
you want to talk.
Justin
sighed. It would be a little
after ten in Denver. He could
call Brian, but he wasnt sure he was ready to talk to him, even
now. He was afraid he would fall apart as soon as he heard
Brians voice, and he wasnt going to give him that
satisfaction. He decided to
wait until Brian called tomorrow.
Maybe he could stand to talk to him by then.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Brian was very busy with the marketing director
of the ski company, but he felt his mind wandering to Justin, rather than
concentrating on business. He
didnt know what was wrong, but something obviously
was. Justin hadnt been
very talkative on Monday, then last night he hadnt been home, or maybe
wouldnt answer. He had
left several messages, asked him to call, but
nothing. What was going
on?
Justin went to class on Wednesday after a
sleepless night, tossing and turning and wondering what to
do. He had trouble focusing
on the lecture, and even less focus when he tried working on his project
in the studio. He stuck it out
till four, then he decided to head for the diner, and see if he could pick
up an early start to his shift. He
could always use a little extra money, especially if he was going to have
to move out on his own.
Dont think like that, he warned
himself.
As he came out of the studio building, he
saw Noel standing by the Jeep.
Shit, he said to
himself. Just what I
need.
He decided to face this head
on. He approached the
Jeep. Brushing up on your
higher education? Justin asked facetiously.
Noel smiled, but without
humor. I came to see
you.
Whats your fascination with
me? Justin asked.
Its not you, more precisely
Brian.
Fuck off,
Noel! I dont want to talk
to you.
Did you check with Brian about what
I told you? Noel
sneered.
Justin glared at him.
So you found out I was telling the
truth, he smirked.
You may know a few things, but I
dont believe you and Brian are together, Justin stated, trying
to sound confident.
Well, youd be wrong, Noel
stated matter-of-factly.
Shit, Justin
thought. He sure knows
how to rattle me. He struggled
to look calm while he loaded his portfolio into the car.
Working on something new? Noel
asked, looking at the case.
Im always working on
something.
Youre very talented, Noel
commented.
I dont want flattery from
you. Go
away!
I have something to tell you,
Noel said smugly.
What?
Justin bit off the word.
Brian will be late calling you
tonight. He has a dinner with
the execs from the ski company. It
wont be over till late, Noel said, watching Justins
face. He got the desired
reaction.
How ... how do you know that?
Justin asked, afraid of the answer.
He told
me. I talk to him quite
often.
You do not! Justin shouted, climbing
into the Jeep. He gunned the
car, spinning the tires, and careening away from Noels taunting
face. I wont
cry. I wont cry,
he repeated over and over like a mantra.
As soon as he was away from the Institute,
he pulled into a parking space and laid his head on the steering
wheel. Again the tears came,
unwanted but unstoppable, from some place deep
inside. It was a hurt so great
he could barely breathe. Brian
was abandoning him after all; after all they had shared and been
through.
He didnt know how long he sat there,
but suddenly he made a decision.
He sat up, wiped away the tears and drove to the
diner. He went through the motions
of doing his shift. Debbie asked
him if he had talked to Brian. He
admitted that he hadnt, but he assured her that he was going to talk
to Brian tonight. That was the
decision he had made in the car.
If it was ending, he wanted to
know. He would find out tonight,
one way or the other.
Debbie told him to leave at nine, when the
dinner rush was pretty well over. He took off, and headed for the
loft. He wanted to talk to Brian, but he also wanted to think
about how he would approach this with
him. He had decided he was going
to get the truth no matter what. He wondered if Noel was right, and Brian would be late
calling. Noel had been right
about everything else.
Ten oclock came, and no call from
Brian. Eleven oclock,
then twelve, and still nothing.
Justin began to think Brian wasnt going to call at
all. As he was about to give
up, the phone rang. It was 12:15.
Justin picked up the phone, and said,
Hello.
Hey, said
Brian. Youre finally
there! Where were you last
night? I missed
you.
Yeah, right, Justin replied,
trying not to sound too sarcastic.
I
did. I called several
times.
I took an extra shift at the
diner. One of the guys wasnt
feeling well, Justin lied.
Why didnt you call me when you
got in? Brian asked.
I told you to in one of my messages.
It was after midnight when I got
home. I thought youd be
asleep, and I didnt want to wake you.
Thats only ten oclock
here. Remember the time difference,
just like now.
Oh, said Justin, I
forgot. Why were you late calling
tonight?
I was at a dinner with the execs of
the ski company.
Justins stomach turned over, and he wanted to throw
up. I could hardly leave at eight oclock, which
would have been ten oclock there.
Sure, said Justin, swallowing
to keep from vomiting.
I would have told you, if I had talked
to you last night.
Brian, Justin swallowed
again.
What?
Whats wrong, Justin? Brian
asked. The boy didnt sound
right.
Are you coming home on
Friday?
Just as I told you, Brian
stated.
Not Thursday
night?
No.
Why? Do you need me to
come home early?
No, but somebody else is expecting
you. There he had said
it.
Who?
What are you talking
about? Brian was
bewildered.
Noel came to see me a couple of times
since youve been gone.
What?
What did that fucker do?
Tell me, Justin!
He told me you two have been talking,
and fucking, Justin said, amazed at how calm he
felt.
You dont believe that, do you?
Brian asked.
I tried not to, but he knows everything
about your trip, where youre staying, that you were at a dinner
tonight. He said you told him
about the trip. How could he
have known all of these things, unless you did tell
him?
I dont know how he could know
all that, Justin, but I didnt tell
him. I swear, Brian
stated.
Youre lying,
Brian. You said you wanted
him. Just tell me the
truth. He told me you were coming
back early to be with him tomorrow
night. I hope you two enjoy
yourselves. He must be a great
fuck. Justin could hardly
believe he had just said those words.
Justin, you know
me. I dont
lie. If I wanted Noel and not you, Id tell
you. Im telling you that
Noels lying to you. I
dont know why, but he is.
Not me!
Justins resolve wavered a
little. What Brian said was
true. He never lied, no matter
how painful. How could he believe
Noel and not Brian?
Brian ... I ... I, he
began.
Justin, think about it! Believe me!
But how could he know those
things? I dont
understand.
Neither do I, but well figure
it out together. I am going
to come home tomorrow, to you not Noel.
Well straighten this out, and figure out whats been going
on. Im going to hang up
and call the airline. Ill
call you back in a few minutes, once I have a
flight. Okay? he
asked.
Yeah, I guess, said Justin,
confused.
Justin, I love
you. Believe
that!
Okay, said Justin, and hung
up.
His brain swirled and leaped from point to
point. He felt
dizzy. He wanted to believe
Brian, but Noel had been so convincing.
Could he really trust Brian?
Then it hit him. Brian
had come to him with the truth about Noel, taking the risk that Justin would
believe him and forgive him. Now
Justin had to do the same thing.
If their relationship meant anything, he had to trust
Brian.
The phone rang and he answered
immediately.
Brian said, I got a flight at
ten. Ill be there at 3
pm. Can you come and pick me
up at the airport? We need to
talk about this face to face.
Okay, said Justin, still
reeling.
Justin, this is the biggest test of
our trust so far. I tried to
tell you and Frank what Noel was like, but neither of you
understood. Do you see now why
I was worried?
I
guess. Im so confused,
but Ill be at the airport. I
really need to see you.
Justin felt overwhelmed.
Brian thought for a
minute. Do you still have
your sunshine pendant on? he asked.
Yes, Justin said
softly.
Good.
Hold on to it and have
faith!
Okay, Justin said, feeling like
crying.
Ill see you tomorrow, Brian
said.
Yeah, Justin responded, cutting
the connection. He curled up
on the bed, his hand grasping the
pendant. A few tears escaped
and ran down his cheeks. His head throbbed and he felt
miserable. He wanted to believe
Brian, but he still had doubts.
How did things get so out of
control? They had been happy
a few days ago.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Justin felt like a zombie when he
awoke. His head ached, and he
could barely put one foot in front of the
other. He managed to get to the shower, and he stood under the
spray for as long as there was hot
water. He felt a little better
after the shower. It was already
ten oclock, so he decided not to go to school at
all. He drank a whole container
of orange juice, and felt a little
better. He decided to try some
cereal, thinking maybe that would make him feel
better. He discovered he was
ravenous, and he realized he hadnt eaten since lunch
yesterday. He polished off two heaping bowls, and began to feel more
like himself.
He went to the couch and turned on some
music. As it blared out, he
sank down into the couch and held his head in his
hands. He couldnt think
anymore. He couldnt
cry. He couldnt
feel. He just didnt
know. Maybe seeing Brian would
clarify things. He sure hoped
so.
Before he knew it, it was two oclock,
and he thought he better get going to the
airport. He realized he was
nervous, and he was scared to see Brian
again. What would
happen?
He got dressed and headed
out. He parked the car in the
parking garage. As he went to
get out, he hesitated, wanting to start the car and
escape. He didnt think he could face Brian, and the possible
end of everything. If Brian
lied, he didnt want to know.
If Brian was telling the truth, would he forgive Justin for doubting
him? He grabbed hold of his pendant, and holding it tight in
his fist, he began walking toward the
terminal. Faith,
he said.
He saw Brian come through the security area,
and his stomach did a flip.
God, I love him, he said to himself.
Suddenly Brian had his arms around him, and
was hugging him hard. I
missed you, he said.
I was afraid you wouldnt be
here.
Im
scared. I dont know what
to believe.
Believe in us, Brian said, and
Justin knew that was the answer.
I do, he
said. I
do.
Lets go, Brian said, taking
his hand. We have to go
to my office. We have a lot
to do.
Your
office? Why? Justin
asked.
Ever since I heard what Noel knew about
my trip, Ive been trying to figure out how he could get that
information. Ive only
been able to come up with one answer, and its at my
office.
What do you mean? Justin
asked.
Youll
see. Come
on. Brian pulled him along
behind him.
When they entered the office, Cynthia was
surprised to see Brian back, and Justin with him.
What happened, Boss? she
asked. Youre not
supposed to be back until tomorrow.
Right, said Brian, but I finished early. You look nice today. Are you going out after work?
I have a date, Cynthia said
proudly.
A new beau? Brian
questioned.
Kind
of. You know him, I
think. I met him at Justins
art show. His name is
Noel.
Justin gasped, and Cynthia looked
confused.
Did I say something wrong? she
asked.
How long have you been going out with
Noel? Brian asked.
Oh, just a week or
so. He called me out of the
blue. Said he remembered me
from the show. I was
flattered. He is gorgeous.
Yeah, he is, Brian
agreed. Has he been here
to the office?
Why all these questions about Noel?
she asked.
Just answer my question, Brian
said firmly.
Well,
yes. Hes picked me up
here a couple of times.
Why?
Did you ever discuss my trip to Denver
with him?
She thought for a moment, then said, Yes,
I think he asked me what you were up to, and I told him you were off to
Denver. Whats going on,
Brian?
He ignored her
question. Do you have
a copy of my itinerary?
Yeah.
Its here on the desk, she said, picking up a piece of
paper.
Do you leave it out in plain
view?
Not exactly, but its there in
case I need to contact you, or tell some client when its best to call
you. Brian, youre worrying
me. Have I done something
wrong?
Has Noel ever been alone at your
desk?
She looked
concerned. Maybe ... yes,
he was one day when I had to get some papers from the filing cabinet in the
storage room.
Why? Has he done
something?
Justin looked at
Brian. Brian looked ready to
explode. Im going
to kill that fucker! Brian hissed between clenched
teeth. Justin took his hand
and squeezed.
How did you figure it out? Justin
asked.
Cynthia was the only other person who
knew my itinerary in the detail that Noel was telling
you.
Brian, tell me whats going
on! Cynthia frowned at
him.
Noel has been tormenting Justin, telling
him that he and I are having an affair.
Making Justin believe that he knew where I was and what I was doing,
because we were talking and screwing behind Justins
back.
Oh, my God! Cynthia gasped, the
light dawning in her eyes.
He used me!
Hes gay, isnt he?
I was afraid he was too good to be
true. How could I have been
so stupid?
Dont blame yourself,
Cynthia. He fooled me at first
too.
Im so sorry,
Brian. I should have known better,
but he is gorgeous, and I was very flattered by his
attentions. She shook
her head ruefully. I have
always said, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is,
and then I fall for exactly that.
Again she shook her head, upset by her role in
this.
Dont be sorry, Brian
said. That wont
help.
All right,
then. Im
angry! Nobody uses me like
that!
Sounds like me! Brian
said. Dont get mad,
get even, is my motto, Brian admonished, giving her a gentle pat on
the back. Were going
to make the fucker pay, and were going to need your help to do
it!
Count me in! Cynthia said
emphatically. Lets
get this creep by the nuts, and hurt him big time!
A woman after my own heart! Brian
laughed. Lets go
in my office and start our war council.
The three of them walked into Brians
office, each vowing to make Noel pay for what he had done to
them.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Noel, honey, Cynthia said into
the phone, can you pick me up at
work? I have some interesting news for
you. She paused and
listened. Yes, its
about Brian. I just got off
the phone with him. Again
she paused. Ill
tell you all about it over dinner.
Come up to my office at six, and Ill give you all the
dish.
Bye. She put down
the receiver. Fucking
asshole! she said, looking at the phone in disgust.
Good girl! Brian whispered in
her ear. Hes on
his way?
Yes.
Brian grinned. God, Im glad Im on your side,
Cynthia observed. I
wouldnt want to be Noel.
They had spent the last hour and a half plotting
their revenge. Several phone
calls and some heated discussion had resulted in a
plan. Cynthia had just set
everything in motion. They went
back to Brians office to fine tune what they would
do.
Justin, youre up next,
Brian said. Are you
ready?
More than ready, Justin
affirmed. I know what
I have to do. His confidence
had returned now that he could do something positive, and not be the victim
once again.
Brian smiled at
him. Justin seemed more himself
now than he had for the last three days.
Brian was relieved and happy that they were working on this
together.
There was one more piece of the puzzle, who
would be there in fifteen minutes, he hoped.
They
waited. It was five to
six. Noel should be there
soon. Justin got
up. Im going to the waiting room in case hes
early, he said.
Are you sure youre up to this?
Brian asked. You dont
have to do it.
Yes, I
do! Im ready and able
to do my part.
Good boy! Brian said, kissing
him.
Cynthia smiled at
them. Justins the
best thing thats happened to Brian in a long time, she
thought.
Justin went out to the waiting room and sat
down in the bank of chairs alongside the
elevator. He picked up a magazine
and started flipping through it.
Brian and Cynthia watched through the slightly open office
door. They heard the elevator
bing and Noel stepped out. He
walked to Cynthias desk, looking around but not seeing Justin sitting
off to the side of the elevator.
He began rifling through the papers on Cynthias
desk.
Bastard! Cynthia said between
clenched teeth. Brian nudged
her and whispered, Shh.
Justin put down his
magazine. Hello, Noel,
he said. Looking for
something?
Noel jumped, dropping the papers back to
the desk and looking up. He
quickly regained his smirk.
Justin! Fancy meeting
you here, he said condescendingly.
I should be saying that, Justin
replied. What are you
doing here? Brians still
in Denver, as you know.
Are you sure? he asked, hoping
to plant a seed of doubt.
Im sure of Brians
whereabouts, Justin stated.
Oh? Noel
said.
I asked you what you were doing
here, Justin said again.
Brian asked me to pick up a certain
paper for him, Noel lied.
I thought it might be here on Cynthias
desk. He wants it for tomorrow,
after we spend the night together.
Where is Cynthia anyway?
Im right here, sweetie,
Cynthia said, coming out of Brians
office. Youre
early.
Sweetie? Justin
asked.
Noel looked
worried. He wasnt sure
how to deal with the two of them together.
Are you ready to go, Cynthia?
he asked, wanting to get out of there as quickly as
possible.
Sure, said Cynthia, smiling
sweetly.
Noel started to hustle her toward the
elevator.
I need to get my coat and purse,
she said, turning back and going into the copy room.
How do you know Cynthia? Justin
asked.
We met at your
show. Im taking her to
dinner, Noel said, trying to sound nonchalant.
Interesting, said
Justin. I thought you
were spending tonight with Brian.
Noel looked at him, alarm bells going
off.
Cynthia, he
called.
Right here, asshole! she said,
as she came out of the copy room.
What? he
responded.
You heard
me! I said
asshole!
And I agree, Justin
added.
Noel looked from one to the
other. Whats going
on?
Brian stepped out from his
office. Noel visibly shrunk
back. Brian, youre
here, Noel gasped. He
looked like he wanted to run.
Right, you fucking
snake! Im here, and
youre going to be sorry you ever messed with any of
us.
Noel cringed and started backing up toward
the elevator.
Just then they heard it bing again, and the
doors opened. Jane Granville
stepped out.
Noel turned and saw
her. All color drained from
his face, and he looked positively ashen.
Jane, he said, what are
you doing here?
Ive come to tell you
something, she said, parroting the way Justin had told her Noel spoke
to him. Noel seemed to be shrinking
in size.
Wh ... what? he
stuttered.
Youre
fired! I dont want you
anywhere near my gallery. In
fact, I suggest you get out of town, because Ill see to it that no
one here will hire you. She
pushed the elevator button, and the doors opened
again. Noel bolted for the opening,
and the doors started to close on his stricken visage.
Bye, bye, Noel, they all said
in unison, and the doors closed.
Jane went over to the others, and they exchanged
high fives.
Thanks, Jane, said
Justin.
Youre welcome, boys, she
said, looking at Brian and Justin.
Nobody uses my business to pull this kind of
shit!
Do you think he was sufficiently
humbled? Cynthia asked.
Not by half, Brian said, But
itll have to do for now. I
really wanted to string him up by his balls.
Ooh,
painful! Jane
grinned. You have a mean streak.
So Ive been told, Brian
agreed. Do you think
weve gotten rid of him?
Id say
so. I meant what I said about
spreading the word. He wont
get another job in a gallery in
Pittsburgh. He was always just
a bit too smooth to suit me, but the customers were usually charmed by
him, she said ruefully.
Yeah, Brian
agreed. He did have a
way about him.
Until you got to see what was beneath
that suave veneer, Justin added.
Thats for sure, Cynthia
concurred. What a
pig!
Dinners on me, Brian
said. Can you join us,
Jane?
Id love
to. Take us somewhere
expensive!
Brian
laughed. The skys
the limit tonight! He
put his arm around Justins shoulders and headed them toward the
elevators.
Jane watched
them. Too bad theyre
not straight. Theyre
beautiful, she observed.
Yeah, Cynthia
agreed. But theyre
wonderful together. They love
each other.
I can see
that. Oh well, for tonight
well have the hottest dates in Pittsburgh. Jane
grinned.
Yeah, Cynthia
agreed. Too bad they
wont even know were there.
They only have eyes for each other.
I see what you
mean.
Ill just get my purse and we
can join our dates.
Well make all the other women in the restaurant
jealous. They laughed, liking each other.
Brian leaned over and kissed Justin, as they
waited for the elevator. Are we all right? he
asked.
Were
fine. Im sorry I doubted
us for a while.
Noel was playing some serious head
games with you.
Justin
nodded. Ive missed
you. I want you, so bad!!
Its been almost a week, Justin
pleaded.
I know, but we have to get through
dinner. We owe them that
much, Brian said.
Okay, but it wont be
easy. Justin rubbed up
against Brians crotch, and Brian groaned.
Easy boys, Cynthia said, walking
over, her arm linked through
Janes. Were
holding you to dinner, at least through the main
course.
Jane nodded and grinned at
them.
Lets go, Brian said to
them, getting on the elevator.
Later, he said to Justin.
Later, Justin
responded.
It was going to be a long
evening.