Love and Lust  

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Justin raced up the stairs to the loft.  He unlocked the door and shoved it back.  He hoped Brian would be home from work by now.

 

“Brian,” he called.

 

There was no answer.  His breaths were rapid from the run up the stairs.  He looked around the empty loft.  As he turned toward the door, he saw a figure approaching.  He gasped, and for a split second he thought it was Chris Hobbs.  Then the figure stepped through the door, and Justin saw it was Brian.  He flung himself into his arms.

 

“I almost thought I was reliving my nightmare,” Justin said to Brian, after kissing him.

 

“What?” Brian pushed him back to look at his face.

 

“I was hoping you’d be here and I called for you, but there was no answer.  When I turned back to the door, you were coming in, and for a second I thought it was ... him.”

 

“Fuck!” Brian spat.  “It’s me, so don’t even think about that.”

 

“I have the best news!” Justin gushed, forgetting all about his scare.

 

“What?”

 

“I had a meeting with Jane Granville of the Jane Granville Gallery downtown.  She wants to include me in her ‘Young Artists’ show that starts next week.  She had three other artists all set up for this, but she saw my drawing of Gardner Vance and wants to include me in the show.”

 

“How did she see your drawing of Vance?” Brian wanted to know.

 

“I asked her the same thing,” Justin said.  “Apparently her husband is John Mallory, head of PR for Liberty Air.  They were at Vance’s party.”

 

“Oh?” said Brian.  “I know Mallory and I’ve met his wife, but I didn’t know she had an art gallery.”

 

“Well, she does, and she wants me to show my work there.  Isn’t that great?”

 

“That’s terrific!  I don’t remember her at the party though.  Did she speak to you there?”

 

“No, they contacted me through the IFA.  She tried to find me at the party, after she had had a good look at the drawing, but we had already left.  Remember?” Justin asked with a twinkle in his eye.

 

“Umm,” Brian said, remembering the night in the hotel room and how they used every piece of furniture.  He smiled and pulled Justin into an embrace.

 

Justin could feel Brian’s cock growing hard against his groin, as the man kissed him.

 

“I feel that you do remember,” he said, groping Brian’s crotch.

 

“You are a bad boy, but you do deserve a reward for getting into this show.”

 

“What kind of a reward?”  He already knew the answer to that, as Brian had pulled off his t-shirt and was reaching down to his pants.

 

“The kind I have to show you,” Brian said, backing him up towards the couch.

 

“Shouldn’t we close the door?” Justin asked, being the one who faced the open loft door.

 

“Shit!  I’ll do it.  You get naked!” Brian ordered.

 

He slammed the door and locked it.  When he turned around, a naked Justin was lying on his back on the couch with his knees pulled up and spread apart, so that Brian could see him playing with his hardening cock and could get just a peek at his glory hole.  Brian groaned audibly.

 

“See something you like?” Justin asked suggestively.

 

Brian quickly got rid of his own clothes.  He knelt by the couch, pushing Justin’s legs flat and taking his cock into his mouth.  He began a Brian blowjob, as Justin called it.  No one could work his dick like Brian could.  He had the softest lips and mouth, the most talented tongue, and the most creative ways of using both.  Soon Justin was gasping and bucking beneath him.  His orgasm left him breathless, as Brian swallowed everything he had to offer.

 

“Come to bed,” said Brian.  “We have much more to do.”

 

“But we haven’t had dinner,” Justin said.

 

“I just did, but I need something else right now,” Brian said, looking down at his straining cock.

 

“Can we eat later?” Justin asked.

 

“After the rest of your reward,” Brian said, dragging him up the steps.  He grabbed Justin and pulled him tight against him.  He toppled them both onto the bed, Justin on his back and Brian on top of him.  He immediately began to grind his groin against Justin’s.  Their cocks, now fully engorged, rubbed deliciously against each other, eliciting groans of pleasure from each of them.  Brian pressed Justin’s hands into the bed, pinning the boy beneath him.  He licked up Justin’s neck and along his jaw to his ear, which he nipped gently and sucked the lobe.  All the while he continued his tantalizing rubbing against Justin’s cock.  He sucked on Justin’s lips, causing them to swell and become more sensitive.  He stuck his tongue as far down Justin’s throat as it would go, and explored every part of his mouth.

 

Justin moaned and gasped beneath him.

 

Brian let go of Justin’s hands and slid down his body.  He sucked on each nipple, causing Justin to arch up against him, rubbing more frantically.  Brian tugged gently on Justin’s nipple ring and licked all around it.

 

Justin’s head lolled from side to side, and his hips bucked rapidly against Brian.  Brian slid up, kissing the boy deeply and rotating his hips over Justin’s cock.

 

“Oh, fuck, Brian!  I can’t stand it!  Fuck me!”  The boy was barely coherent in his need.

 

“Ask nicely,” Brian commanded, continuing his hip movements.

 

“Please.  Please!!” Justin begged.  He could think of nothing but Brian’s cock inside him.  It was beyond necessary.

 

Brian flipped Justin’s legs onto his shoulders and donned a condom.  He lubed it and Justin’s hole.  One finger entered him, and Justin writhed in pleasure. 

 

“More,” he begged.

 

Brian worked his hole, hooking his fingers, as he plunged in and out.

 

“Oh, oh, oh my God!!!” Justin screamed, bucking and writhing, totally out of control.

 

Brian positioned his cock, and as he drove in, he leaned over Justin, bending him in half.  He locked his lips to Justin’s and pressed cock and lips, driving the boy into the mattress.

 

Justin felt that the breath had been sucked out of his body and light flashed across his eyes.  Brian pumped frantically, unable to control himself any longer.  They both needed this, this connection, this closeness, this completion.

 

All too quickly they were coming in explosive bursts that left them spent and weak.  Brian lay on top of Justin, in the cum that Justin had shot between them.  His cock still rested inside Justin.  He managed to raise his head and look at his lover.  The boy’s eyes were closed, his mouth was open and he gasped for air.

 

Brian moved his hips and pulled out.  He dropped his head down on the pillow next to Justin.  The boy lay still, his breaths slowing little by little.  Brian was still draped on top of him, and Justin’s arms came up to grasp the man and hold him in place.

 

“God, Brian,” Justin whispered, “I can barely breathe.”

 

“Unnh,” was all Brian could get out.

 

“We are going to kill each other one of these times,” Justin stated, running his hands up and down Brian’s back and squeezing his ass.

 

“What a way to go!” Brian groaned, exhausted.  “Was that reward good enough?” he asked.

 

“Christ, anything more and I wouldn’t be alive for the show.”

 

Brian chuckled and Justin let him roll over.  Justin ran his hand over Brian’s chest, feeling his own cum spread there.  He licked a finger, and offered one to Brian who sucked it clean.

 

“I can never get enough of you in any way, shape or form,” he said, sucking each finger.

 

Justin, meanwhile, licked Brian’s chest, tasting himself mixed with Brian’s sweat.  “Yum,” he said.

 

Brian smiled.  “Let’s order some food and take a shower while we wait.”  Justin nodded.

 

In the shower they fooled around a little more, but finished in time to pay for the Thai food.  They ate in robes on the sofa, peaceful and sated.  They discussed Justin’s show, and what he would have to do to get ready for it.

 

Jane Granville had looked at samples of Justin’s work.  She had been impressed and had really taken a shine to Justin.  She decided he should include some of his pencil drawings, some of his computer pieces, a couple of paintings, and Rage.

 

“Rage?” Brian asked.

 

“Yeah, I showed her some of the Rage drawings as part of my portfolio.  She really liked them.  I’d also like to use some of my drawings of you in the show,” Justin said hopefully.

 

Brian looked concerned.  “I’m not sure I want to be on public display like that,” he said.

 

“Quit kidding, Mr. Modest!” Justin joked.

 

Brian said nothing.  Justin looked at him, expecting a smart retort.  Brian remained silent and he looked serious.

 

“You really don’t want to be in the show, do you?”

 

“No,” Brian said flatly.

 

“Why not?”

 

“I’m not sure.  It just feels funny to even think about being on display like that.”

 

“But you and your cock were in the show at the GLC, and I wouldn’t use anything that graphic.  I’ll use one of your portraits.  I have hundreds to choose from.”

 

Brian had to laugh at that.  “The GLC was different.  Home turf.  Most people who saw it knew me already.  This is strangers, a different clientele, and then there’s Rage.”

 

“You’re embarrassed!” Justin clued in.

 

“Not exactly embarrassed, more self-conscious.”

 

“I can’t believe it.  Justin was amazed at Brian’s modesty.  It wasn’t like him at all.  However, as he thought about it, he realized that Brian really was a very private person in a lot of ways.  This would be exposing himself in a way he had never done before.  It had nothing to do with sex or nakedness or being gay.  It somehow had to do with Brian’s concept of who he was and what was sacred to him.

 

“If you don’t want to do this, I can use some other material,” Justin conceded.  “It will seriously limit my choices,” he joked, “but I can find enough other stuff.”

 

Brian looked at him and felt a pang of guilt.  He knew he was being selfish.  So much of Justin’s work was of him and this was a major opportunity for the boy, yet he was willing to not use any of it, if Brian asked him.  “Oh, go ahead and use it,” he gave in.  “And by the way, congratulations!”

 

Justin was suddenly in his lap, hugging and kissing him.  “Thank you, thank you, thank you!  I love you so much.  I wasn’t kidding when I said it would limit my choices.  You must be in at least half of my pieces.”

 

“Only half?” he teased.  “I’m hurt.  If that’s all, maybe I won’t let you use them,”

 

“Brian,” Justin groaned.  “I’ll try to raise the percentage if you’ll let me put some in the show.”

 

“Just joking, Sunshine.  Go ahead and use them.”  He wished he felt better about letting Justin do this.  There was a nagging worry at the back of his brain.

 

“Come back to bed,” Justin said.  “I think you deserve a reward too, and I have some creative ideas about how to give it to you.”

 

“I love it when you get creative,” Brian smiled, taking Justin’s hand.  He tried to push the doubts away, as Justin’s mouth engulfed his cock.

 

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Justin spent the next few days running between the school and the gallery.  They were framing all the pieces he submitted, and Justin wanted to be sure they were just right.  Frames made a big difference to the overall look.  He had been given a section of the gallery, and had a say in the placement of the pieces.  He usually arrived home around ten o’clock, often exhausted.  He didn’t see much of Brian during this time.  Brian ate alone or at the diner, occasionally with the boys, if it happened to work out that they were there at the same time.

 

The opening was Friday night, and Brian had promised to go, albeit reluctantly.  When Justin arrived home at 11 pm on Wednesday, he found Brian at the computer.

 

“Hey,” he said, as he came in and closed the door.

 

“Hey,” Brian responded.  “You look tired.  Did you eat anything?”

 

“Yeah, I grabbed a burger.  We’re finished finally.  We hung the last piece tonight.  That’s why I’m late.  I wanted to get it finished.  There’s a guy at the gallery who’s been a big help.  His name is Noel, and he sort of runs the day to day operation.  Jane will be in tomorrow night to check it out before the opening.  Give her stamp of approval, I hope.  I have to be there for a while, until she okays everything.  Hey, why don’t you meet me there, and we could go out after.”  Justin finally stopped and took a breath.

 

“A tad excited, are we?” Brian observed.

 

Justin grinned.  “I feel like a real artist.  This is going to be great, and the pictures of you look wonderful framed.”

 

“Pictures, plural?”  Brian sucked in his lips.

 

Justin said,” Yes.  You’re not regretting letting me use them, are you?”  He looked worried.

 

Brian didn’t want to bring him down, so he shook his head.  “It’s fine, but why do you want me to meet you there?  Don’t you want it to be a surprise, when I see it with everybody else?”

 

“I’d like your opinion.  You know how to sell things, show them off to best advantage.  I’d like your professional view of the exhibit.”

“I’m not an art arranger.  They’re the professionals.”

 

“I know, and Noel’s been great, but you have a great eye too.”

“Thanks,” said Brian, appreciating Justin’s confidence in him.  “This Noel seems to have been helping you a lot,” he said, changing the subject.

 

“Noel’s great!  He’s gorgeous too and gay.”

 

“Where are you going with this?” Brian asked.

 

“Actually, he hit on me,” Justin said coyly.

 

“Bastard!  Guess I better be there tomorrow night.”

 

Justin smiled, glad that Brian was a bit jealous.  “I told him I was in a relationship,” Justin said.

 

Brian rolled his eyes at that word.  “So he backed off?” he asked.

 

“Yeah, but he was really interested in my pictures of you.”

 

“Me, why?”

 

“Brian, in case you haven’t noticed, every gay man is interested in you.”

 

Brian rolled his eyes.  “But he hasn’t met me.  Just what do you show about me in these drawings?”

 

“That you are delectable!” Justin said.

 

Brian grimaced.

 

“You can meet Noel tomorrow night, if you come,” Justin offered.

 

“All right.  I’ll come, but I’m still not sure why I’m doing this.”

 

“Just come, and don’t worry about it.” Justin said.  “Let’s go to bed.  I’m beat.”

 

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Brian arrived at the gallery around seven, coming from work.  He walked through the front door, looking for Justin.  A drop-dead gorgeous man about Brian’s age stepped toward him.  Brian felt an involuntary stirring in his groin.  The man was almost as tall as Brian, dark hair and brown eyes.  He had a model’s good looks and a long, lean body.  Brian willed his cock to be still.

 

Noel extended his hand.  “You must be Brian.  I recognize you from Justin’s drawings,” he said as he shook Brian’s hand.  Brian felt little jolts of electricity pass between them.  “I’m Noel.”  He could see that Noel felt the jolts too.  They wanted each other.  Brian hadn’t felt this kind of attraction in a long time.

 

Just then he saw Justin approaching.  He dropped Noel’s hand which he had held just a bit too long.  Justin kissed him and made sure he had met Noel.  Brian assured him he had.

 

“Come see my display,” Justin said, dragging him into the gallery.  Brian could feel Noel’s eyes following him.

 

Justin’s work looked wonderful.  He had included a panel of four drawings, all of Brian.  “Isn’t that overdoing it a little?” he asked.

 

“Not at all,” said Noel who had followed them.  “They are some of Justin’s best work.

 

Brian wasn’t sure whether to be pleased or annoyed by Noel’s comment.  It was none of his business.  Well, it was his business, but he should butt out.

 

“Jane will be here in a few minutes.  She’s running a bit late,” Noel said.

 

Justin led Brian through the display.  Brian made one suggestion about the way the Rage panels were shown.  Justin immediately got Noel to help him move the drawings.  They had been arranged in a row like a comic strip.  Brian had suggested they be arranged so that they looked like a comic book page, and told a sort of story.

 

“That is much better,” Noel admitted.  “You have a good eye, Brian. I’ve never had much to do with comic books before.”

 

“Neither did I, till Justin,” Brian said.

 

“And Michael,” Justin added.

 

“Who’s Michael?” Noel asked.

 

“Brian’s best friend.  We work on Rage together.  He does the story and I do the artwork.  He’ll be here tomorrow night.”

 

“He will?” Brian asked.

 

“Sure, I invited the gang and my mother.”

 

“I hope she likes this show better than the last one.”

 

“She will,” Justin averred.

 

“There’s Jane,” Noel pointed out, as the gallery owner approached.

 

“Brian,” she said, shaking his hand.  “Nice to see you again.  You have a very talented partner here.”  Justin beamed.  “Noel, are the other artists here?”

 

“They’re in their areas, doing last minute touches.”

 

“Good.  Why don’t you take Brian into your office and give him a drink, while I tour the gallery with the artists?” she said.

 

“Sure,” Noel replied.  “Come with me, Brian.”

 

Brian squeezed Justin’s hand and followed Noel.  He saw the other three artists join Jane and Justin.  She was instructing them about the show.  Brian wasn’t sure he wanted to be alone with Noel, but he had little choice.  Noel had a well-stocked liquor cabinet in the office, and Brian got a glass of Jim Beam.  Noel had one too.  Brian downed it quickly, hoping it would ease the tension he felt being so close to this man.

 

“You’re in advertising?” Noel asked, trying to make conversation.

 

“Yes,” Brian replied.

 

“Vangard, I hear.”

 

“Yes,” Brian said, not wanting to get too friendly.

 

“Another drink?” Noel asked.

 

Brian nodded.  As Noel took his glass, their hands touched, and Brian felt that little jolt again.  Noel smiled at him.  He filled the glass and leaned over Brian as he gave it back to him.  His face was very close to Brian’s and he looked deep into his eyes.

 

“I want you,” Noel said.

 

“But you can’t have me,” Brian said, trying to be strong.

 

“Are you sure?” Noel asked, moving even closer to Brian’s face.

 

Brian didn’t say no.  He wanted to, but he knew it wasn’t true.  He closed his eyes as he felt Noel’s lips on his.  He couldn’t help but respond.  He wanted this man, bad! Suddenly he pulled back.

 

“Don’t,” he said, taking the glass and downing it in one gulp.  “Are they going to be done soon?” Brian asked.

 

“Want to get away from me?” Noel said, smirking.

 

Brian knew that smirk.  He had used it many times himself when he knew he had captured his prey.  He didn’t like the feeling of being the prey.  He stood up, intending to go find Justin.  The next thing he knew Noel was kissing him and he was kissing back.  They groped each other, finding hard cocks as their targets.  Their tongues dueled, each trying to dominate.  Brian’s groin rubbed involuntarily against Noel’s.  “Maybe not so involuntarily,” Brian thought, as he pushed Noel away.

 

“What’s wrong?” Noel asked.  “You want me, and I sure as Hell want you.  What’s the problem?”

 

“Justin!  I’m in a ... relationship,” Brian said, using the dreaded ‘R’ word

 

“Oh, are you two exclusive?”

 

“You know we are.  Justin told me you hit on him.”

 

“I see.  But I just thought he wasn’t interested in me.  It was really you I wanted from the first time I saw the drawings of you.”

 

“Very flattering, but it’s not going to happen.”

 

“Really?  It almost did a minute ago.”

 

“That was a mistake!”

 

“That was no mistake!  We want each other,” Noel stated.

 

“Maybe that’s true, but I said it’s not going to happen.”  He opened the office door and saw the group approaching.  He hoped his hard-on wasn’t too obvious, as he stepped out of the office.

 

Justin came over to him.  “I’m ready to go,” he said.

 

“Great,” said Brian, looking at Noel.

 

“See you tomorrow night,” Noel said.

 

They quickly said goodbye to Jane, grabbed some take-out on the way home, and Brian fucked Justin’s brains out, trying to erase the image of Noel’s perfect face and the feel of his soft, tender lips.

 

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Friday night Brian arrived at the loft at six.  He and Justin ate a salad, showered and dressed.  Brian wore black leather pants and a black silk sweater that clung to his body.  He looked sexier than Hell.  Justin told him that, and Brian almost went to change.  He didn’t want Noel to think he was tempting him, which if he was truthful, he was, but he knew Justin would question why he was changing his clothes.  He decided to go with the outfit.

 

Justin wore the gray pants and sweater he had worn to Emile’s.  He looked great, but Brian was breathtaking.  They had to be at the gallery before 7:30 when the show opened.  They barely made it.

 

Brian felt like a bit of a fifth wheel with Justin being the centre of attention.  Noel was all too close, and Brian almost wished he would just go away.  Noel had no intention of doing that.  The smirk was driving Brian crazy.

 

When Michael and Ben arrived, he latched onto them for a while.  Michael was thrilled by the Rage drawings, liking the publicity.  Lindsay and Mel provided him with another break from Noel’s attentions.  Lindsay was ecstatic for Justin.  He spent a bit of time with Jennifer and Molly who were very proud of Justin.  Ted and Emmett came for a while, so did Deb and Vic.  They were all more interested in congratulating Justin than spending time with Brian.  Noel hovered in the background, not approaching Brian directly.  Cynthia came late.  Brian had invited her, thinking he might need an ally and a distraction, but she went off on her own to look at the artwork.  By 9:30 most people were leaving.  Brian had to wait for Justin, and Noel never seemed to be far away.

 

Justin came up to Brian and hugged him.  “I have a buyer for three pieces,” he said.

 

“That’s great.”

 

“I have to meet with him in the office to make the final arrangements with Jane.  He might want some more later,” he said proudly.

 

“A patron!  Congratulations.”

 

Justin went into the office with Jane and an older man.  Brian looked around the emptying gallery.  He didn’t see Noel.  That was fine with him.  He thought he would use the restroom while he waited for Justin.  He saw the sign and went in.  It was a small room with a toilet and sink.  Before he could turn around and lock the door, he felt it being pushed open.  Noel shoved his way in and locked the door behind him.

 

“Noel, this isn’t ...” Brian started, but he never got to finish his protest, as Noel’s mouth smothered his in the most erotic kiss.  He couldn’t help but kiss back.  “God, he wanted this man.  Maybe if he just got it over with, then he could forget about it,” he thought.

 

Noel was unzipping Brian’s pants and his cock, already hard, sprang free.

 

“See,” Noel said.  “You want me as much as I want you.”

 

“Yes,” Brian breathed between kisses.

 

Noel dropped down to his knees and took Brian’s cock into his mouth.  Brian couldn’t stop himself from moaning.  He had been fighting this, but also wanting it, ever since he met Noel.  Noel looked up at him, and Brian saw triumph in his brown eyes.  He almost pushed him away.  His hands were on Noel’s shoulders, but instead of pushing him back, he pulled the man’s body forward, fucking Noel’s face.  The man gave an expert blowjob, and Brian gave in, allowing himself to enjoy it.  In a few minutes he was coming and coming into Noel’s mouth.  Noel smiled up at him, a knowing look that disturbed Brian.

 

Noel stood up and tried to kiss Brian.  Brian turned his head, and pushed Noel away.  He stuffed his cock back in his pants, but before he could zip his fly, Noel grabbed his hands.  “We’re not done yet,” Noel said.  He had released his own cock which was large and red and ready.

 

Brian looked down at it, and as he did, Noel turned him around and pushed him against the sink.  Brian resisted.

 

“I’m not a bottom,” Brian stated.

 

“We all are at one time or another,” Noel said lustfully.

 

“No,” said Brian.

 

“Then do me,” Noel commanded.  “I need you.”

 

Brian wanted out of there, but he also wanted this gorgeous man who wanted him.  He could feel his cock responding already.  He turned around and reversed positions with Noel.  Noel groped at Brian’s crotch, freeing the growing shaft, and rubbing it deliciously with his hand.  Noel looked in Brian’s eyes, knowing he had won once again.  He smiled as Brian turned him around, and bent him over the sink, pulling his trousers down.  Brian rolled on a condom and took the tube of lube Noel handed him.  He coated his shaft, then stuck first one lubed finger, then two, into Noel’s waiting hole. Noel moaned and turned his head to look at Brian.  Brian almost stopped when he saw the look in Noel’s eyes, but it was too late.  He positioned his cock and rammed in.  He quickly found his rhythm and Noel responded in kind.  They pounded against each other in the mindless and timeless need they both felt.  Noel pulled on his dick as he felt his own orgasm building.  He moaned Brian’s name, as they both came, almost at the same time.  The sink took both their weights, as they leaned on it to regain their equilibrium.  Brian abruptly pulled out and disposed of the condom.  He stuffed his cock back in his pants, while Noel wiped the sink and the wall behind it.

 

Brian opened the door, and left as quickly as he could, not saying a word to Noel.  He felt dirty, like he needed a shower.  How could he have been so stupid?  He was a selfish bastard, his needs and desires coming ahead of Justin.  “Idiot!” he muttered aloud.  “So fucking stupid!”

 

“What did you say?” Justin asked, coming up behind him.

 

He turned and tried to smile.  “Nothing.  Just talking to myself.”

 

“Isn’t that a sign of senility?” Justin teased.

 

“Brat!” Brian countered.  “Are you ready to go?”

 

“Yep.  Transaction made.  I got $2500 for the three pieces.  Of course, Jane gets some of that.  Isn’t that great though?  I’m officially a professional artist.”  He beamed.

 

“Sure,” Brian said, thinking the guy got them cheap.  “Let’s go.”

 

“Leaving already?” Noel asked, and Brian tensed.

 

“Yeah.  We’re going to take off,” Justin said.  “Thanks for everything, Noel.”

 

Brian cringed at Justin’s statement.

 

“My pleasure,” Noel said.

 

Brian glanced at him, witnessing that smirk he knew so well.  He grabbed Justin’s arm and ushered him towards the door.  He wanted out of there.

 

Justin babbled all the way home, about the show, the people who came, Noel, Jane, the man who bought his work.  Brian heard little about any of it.  His thoughts were on Noel and the huge mistake he had made.

 

“Why can’t I think with my brain instead of my dick?” he admonished himself.  “Fuck!” he said aloud.

 

“What?’ said Justin, having been interrupted.

 

“I want to fuck the successful artist,” Brian covered.

 

“Of course you do!”  Justin’s sunshine smile lit up the Jeep.

 

They spent most of the night fucking.  Justin was very happy and Brian was very guilty.  What had happened to ‘no apologies, no regrets’?  Justin had happened, that’s what!

 

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All weekend Brian debated telling Justin what happened with Noel.  He didn’t do it though, because Justin was so happy.  He didn’t want to destroy the show for him.  He didn’t want to destroy their life together, and he was afraid that might be what his revelation would do.  He kept quiet and tried to put it out of his mind.

 

Lindsay and Mel had invited them Sunday for brunch to celebrate the success of Justin’s show.  They arrived late to find the whole gang there, plus Noel.

 

Brian felt physically ill when he saw the man.

 

“Dada, dada,” Gus shouted, drawing Brian’s attention away from Noel.  He picked up the baby.  

 

“What the Hell is he doing here?” Brian whispered to Lindsay and nodded toward Noel.

 

“We met him at the gallery,” Lindsay replied.  “He seemed very nice, and he helped Justin a lot, so I invited him.”

 

“Shit!” Brian said.

 

“What?  What’s wrong?”  Lindsay wanted to know, taking Gus from him.

 

“Forget it!” Brian snarled, and went to get a drink.

 

Justin was the centre of attention, everyone congratulating him.  Brian went out the back door for a smoke, and to get away from Noel’s eyes which seemed to be constantly on him.  As he lit up, he heard the door open again.  He knew it was Noel.

 

“You have a beautiful son, Brian,” Noel said.

 

Brian decided to end this now.  “I don’t know what the fuck you’re playing at, Noel, but I want you out of here.  Now!”

 

“Easy, Brian.  I just wanted to see you again.  I still want to fuck you,” he said boldly.

 

“Shut the fuck up, and leave!” Brian said severely.

 

“No way!  We have unfinished business.”

 

Brian glared at him.  He turned, stamped out his cigarette, and headed back inside.  He grabbed Gus and swung him around, finding comfort in having Gus’ little hands clinging to him.  Looking at Gus helped him to block out Noel’s eyes which never left him.

 

As soon as he could, he caught Justin’s attention, and indicated he wanted to leave.

 

“I need to go to the IFA,” Justin said.  “I got a little behind getting ready for the show.  Can you drop me off there?”

 

“Can’t we both go home?  I’ll take you there later.”

 

“I should really go now.  I have a lot to do.”

 

“We could drop you there,” Michael said, overhearing their discussion.  “Ben’s apartment isn’t far from there.  We were just leaving.”

 

“Great,” Justin said, and before Brian could protest, he was gone.

 

Brian left as quickly as he could.  He drove to the loft and slammed the door behind him.  “Fuck, fuck, fuck!!” he cursed aloud, pacing.  “What am I going to do?”

 

Just then there was a knock on his door.

 

“Who the fuck is that, and how did they get in?” Brian mumbled to himself.

 

He flung the door back ready to ream out whoever was there.  His jaw dropped as he saw Noel standing there.

 

“How the fuck did you get here?” Brian demanded.

 

“I followed you, and caught the front door before it closed,” he said nonchalantly.  “May I come in?”  He pushed past Brian.

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?  We’re going to settle this once and for all.  Right now!” Brian yelled at him. 

 

“Settle what?  I just want to fuck you.”

 

“I don’t care what you want.  I want you to leave me alone, and stop insinuating yourself into my life.”

 

“Let me fuck you, and I might leave you alone.”

 

“Are you crazy?” Brian yelled.

 

“Don’t ever say that to me!”  Noel’s face got hard and cold and not attractive at all.

 

“You’re not fucking me, now or ever.  Get out!”

 

“Not so fast.  Want me to tell little Justin what we did at the gallery?”

 

“A blackmail fuck?  Nice one, Noel.  You really are desperate.”

 

“I’m not desperate.  I just want you, and I’m going to get you!” he said passionately.

 

“Fuck you!” Brian yelled.

 

“That’s what I want to do.  Yelling at me won’t make me change my mind, you know,” Noel said calmly.

 

“Leave!  Leave me alone.”

 

“I can’t.  I want you,” Noel said simply.

 

“Well I don’t want you!”

 

“Yes, you do.  You proved that the other night in the restroom.”

 

“That should never have happened.”

 

“But it did, and I want more.”

 

“You’re not getting anything, other than out of here.”

 

“Yes I am.  I always get what I want.”  He looked at Brian with absolute surety in his eyes.

 

Brian’s usual resolve wavered a little under his smug gaze.  “How am I going to get rid of this bastard without hurting Justin?” he asked himself. “If I let you fuck me, will that be the end of it?” Brian asked aloud.

 

“Sure,” Noel said. 

 

Brian heard the ‘sure’ he always said to tricks who wanted to get together again.  His brain screamed, “Don’t trust him!”, but his heart said, “Do what it takes to get rid of him.  Don’t hurt Justin!”

 

“Do you mean that?” Brian asked, wanting a stronger assurance.

 

“Yes I do,” Noel said.

 

“Can I trust you?” Brian asked.  Noel nodded.  “All right then.  Let’s get this over with.”

 

Noel put his arms around Brian and kissed him.  Brian did his best not to respond, but he still felt a stirring, when this man kissed him.  “I want some participation in this,” Noel declared, “or all bets are off.”

 

“Okay,” Brian gave in.

 

He kissed Noel back, and almost began to enjoy it.

 

“That’s better,” Noel whispered, and he started to take off Brian’s clothes.  Brian allowed this to happen, not resisting, but not assisting either.  When he had Brian naked, he removed his own clothes, and once again embraced the man.  He rubbed his cock against Brian’s and felt it begin to respond.  He continued the rubbing and kissing.  Brian’s cock was hard, and so was Noel’s.

 

Noel looked at Brian, at his cock, and smiled.  “See, you want me too.”

 

Brian glowered at him.  Noel turned him around and pushed him over the back of the couch.  He felt Noel spread the cheeks of his ass, and blow on his pucker.  He felt it spasm in response.  Noel spit on the hole and began licking and biting across and around it.  Suddenly he felt Noel’s tongue enter him, and he gasped.  It did feel good, despite everything.  Noel continued to rim him, and Brian felt himself buck back, wanting Noel’s tongue to go deeper.

 

Noel inserted a couple of fingers and finger-fucked him.  He knew he was ready, even if he didn’t want to be.  He felt Noel position his cock, but he didn’t hear him open a condom.

 

“Are you wearing a condom?” Brian asked.

 

“Sure,” Noel said.

 

Brian stood up and looked around.  Noel had no condom on his dick.  It bounced naked in front of him.

 

“You fucking liar!!” Brian yelled.  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?  I never bareback!”

 

“I’m negative,” Noel stated.

 

“I don’t give a shit if you’re radioactive!  Get your clothes on and get out of here!  Now!!!”

 

“We had a bargain,” Noel said, not ready to give up.

 

“It didn’t include that!” Brian said.  “Get out!”

 

Noel seemed to sense that he had lost his opportunity.  He started to get dressed.  “This isn’t over, Brian.  I still want you.  I’ll use a condom, if that’s what it takes.”

 

“Shut your lying mouth, and fuck off!” Brian seethed.  He stood naked and angry in front of Noel.

 

Noel realized he wasn’t going to get anywhere today, and left.

 

“Thank God!” Brian thought.  “I nearly made a colossal mistake.”

 

He threw his jeans on and dialed Justin’s cell phone number.  “I really need to talk to you, Justin.  I’m coming to get you.”

 

“I’m not done,” Justin said.

 

“Yes, you are.  I’m coming.  I have to talk to you.  Please, Justin.”

 

Brian sounded strange.  He rarely said please under any circumstances.

 

“Okay, come and get me.  I’ll be out front.”

 

“Be there soon, and ... thanks.”

 

Then he knew something was really wrong.  Brian never said thanks for something so simple.  He quickly cleaned up, leaving the project that had been going so well.  As he stepped out of the building, Brian screeched to a halt in front of him.  He must have been speeding all the way there.  Justin was getting worried.  What was going on?

 

He got in the Jeep and Brian sped off.  He said nothing.  Justin wondered where they were headed, because it obviously wasn’t to the loft.  He wanted to ask, but Brian didn’t seem to be ready to talk, despite the urgency of his call.

 

They drove along the river and Brian pulled onto the shoulder.  He got out and headed for the bench where they had begun their road back to each other.  Justin knew the significance of this spot.  Why were they there?  Fear suddenly welled up in Justin.  “Is he going to tell me it’s over?” he wondered, dying inside.

 

Brian motioned for Justin to sit, and he did.  Brian paced back and forth in front of him, saying nothing.

 

“God, Brian, I can’t stand it.  What’s going on?” Justin pleaded.

 

“I have something to tell you,” Brian began, and then stopped.

 

“Is it bad?” Justin asked, feeling sick.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Are you through with me?” Justin asked, tears welling up.

 

“Shit, no!  I love you, even though I still don’t say it enough.”

 

Justin breathed a sigh of relief.  “Then what is it?”

 

Brian sat down beside him and put his arm around Justin’s neck.  He leaned his head against Justin’s forehead, and said, “I’m sorry.  I don’t know how to say this.”

 

“Just say it!  You’re scaring me.  Please, Brian!”

 

“Okay, here goes.  You remember Noel from the gallery?”  Justin nodded, wondering what Noel had to do with anything.  “You were right when you said he was interested in me.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“I let him blow me at the gallery.”

 

“At the gallery?  When?”

 

“When you were dealing with the guy who bought your work.  He followed me into the restroom, and he blew me.”

 

“Shit, Brian.  How could you?”

 

“I don’t know.”  Brian shook his head, looking forlorn.  “He is gorgeous, and he wanted me, and I wanted him.”

 

“Like a trick?” Justin asked hopefully.

 

“Kind of,” Brian said.

 

“Kind of?”

 

“I thought that would be the end of it, but then he wanted to fuck me in the restroom.”

 

“And did he?” Justin asked, not wanting to hear the answer.

 

“No, I wouldn’t let him.”

 

“Thank, God.”  Justin looked relieved.

 

“That’s not all of it.  When I wouldn’t let him fuck me, he wanted me to fuck him.  I did.”

 

Justin shook his head, looking hurt.

 

“He’s the first one since we’ve been back together,” Brian added, hoping that might make a difference.

 

“Really?” Justin asked, surprised.

 

“Really.  I swear.”

 

“I believe you, but why are you telling me about Noel.  I told you tricks didn’t matter, and I would never have known.”

 

“I’m not done yet.  Noel turned up at Lindsay’s, and he followed me outside.  He told me I owed him a fuck.  He wouldn’t back off.  That’s when I tried to get you to leave with me, to go home.”

 

“But I went with Ben and Michael to the IFA.”

 

“Yeah, and Noel tracked me home.”

 

“He did what?”

 

“You heard me.  He followed me, and caught the front door before it locked.  The next thing I knew he was at my door, just after I got there.”

 

“What happened?” Justin asked, afraid once again.

 

“I told him to fuck off and not come back, but he wouldn’t leave.  He tried to kiss me and rub my cock.  I admit I was tempted for a fraction of a second.”

 

“So nothing happened?” Justin prayed.

 

“Not exactly.  I told him to get out, but again he refused to leave.  He said he wanted to fuck me, and he was going to, sooner or later.  I kept telling him to leave, that nothing was going to happen between us.  Suddenly he told me I better not be so quick to dismiss him.  He said he always got what he wanted.  He threatened to tell you, and I didn’t want to hurt you.”

 

“You let him fuck you,” Justin whispered.

 

“No, but almost.”

 

“What?”

 

“We made a bargain.  If I let him fuck me, he would get out of my life.  I finally agreed.”

 

“So, he did fuck you?”

 

“No, I said.  He started to rim me, and I admit he was pretty good at it.  I was ready to let him go ahead.”

 

Brian saw a tear fall from Justin’s face.  He had to finish this before his resolve crumbled.

 

“He had his dick against my hole, but I didn’t hear him open a condom.  I know that sound so well,” Brian laughed to keep himself from crying.  “I turned around, and that fucker was going to bareback me.  I had even asked him if he had a condom on, and the bastard lied to me.”

“What happened?  You didn’t let him?” Justin looked scared and horrified and hurt and betrayed.  Brian saw all those emotions cross his face.

 

“I’m sorry,” Brian said.  “I didn’t want to hurt you.”  Brian brushed a tear from Justin’s cheek.

 

“What happened?  Brian, tell me.”

 

“When I saw what he was doing, I blew.  I told him to get the fuck out, and he finally did.”

 

“So he didn’t fuck you?”

 

“No, and he never will!” Brian vowed.

 

“Then why are you telling me this?  I would never have known.”

 

“I don’t think he’s through with me yet.  If he comes back, I don’t want him thinking he can blackmail me into something by threatening to tell you.  I hope I haven’t destroyed your trust and ruined everything,” Brian said, studying Justin’s face.

 

“You would have ruined everything if you had let him fuck you.  I’m glad you stopped him.”

 

“Can you forgive me?  I’m really sorry.”

 

“I knew you would be tempted sometimes, but who knew Noel was such a bastard.”

 

“You didn’t answer me.  Am I forgiven?”

 

“I can see how upset you are about this.  Are you all right?”

 

“You never cease to amaze me.  I expected you to be furious or devastated, not worried about me.”

 

“I am upset, but you stopped him in time.  If we work together, he can’t hurt us.  I know now, so he has no hold over you.  Unless you still want him?” Justin asked, concern on his face.

 

“Absolutely not!  I did want him, but now I never want to see him again.”

 

“Good!  Then it’s over.  Let’s go home.”

 

“You mean it.  You’re all right about this?”

 

“Not all right, but I understand, and I still love you.  I’m so glad you decided to tell me the truth.”

 

“So am I,” Brian confessed.

 

“Let’s try to do that.  No secrets, no lies.  Only truth.”

 

“I’ll try.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Brian pulled Justin to him, and kissed him deeply.  “Let’s go home.  I want to show you how much I love you.”

 

“I can hardly wait,” Justin said, as Brian took his hand, and they started up the bank to the Jeep.

 

“Sunshine,” Brian said, stopping.

 

“What?”

 

“My only sunshine!  I am so lucky,” Brian said, looking into Justin’s eyes.

 

Justin saw tears swimming in Brian’s eyes.

 

“You bet you’re lucky.  I could have chopped off your nuts after a confession like that.”  Justin giggled, breaking the tension between them.

 

“Twat!” Brian said, and they continued to the Jeep, an arm wrapped around each other’s waist.

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