Manipulations
Justin rolled over and broke contact
with Brian’s body. He was
instantly awake. He looked back
to see Brian staring at him.
“How long have you been awake?”
Justin asked.
“I don’t think I was ever
asleep.”
“What time is
it?”
“4
am.”
“You need some
sleep. You’ll have to get
up before too long.”
“I know, but I can’t
sleep.”
“Why?
What’s wrong?” Justin looked
worried. “You’re not
going to take it back, are you?”
“You know me better than
that. I say what I mean, and
I don’t regret it.”
“But this was so
huge. If you’re not comfortable
with it, I won’t mind.
Much,” he added.
“I can wait till you’re
sure.”
“Justin, I said ‘I love you’
and I meant it. I don’t
want to take it back.”
“Then what’s
wrong? Why can’t you
sleep?”
“I don’t
know. I feel restless, like
I need to do something, but I don’t know what it
is.”
Brian started to get
up. Justin grabbed his
hand.
“Stay with me?” he
asked.
Brian lay back
down.
“Talk to me,
Brian. I need to know what’s
going on,” Justin pleaded.
“I feel strange,” Brian
said.
“Strange?
How?”
“Like this isn’t really
me. Like I don’t know who
I am anymore.”
“Don’t say that,
please. What you did for Ethan,
and then hearing you tell me you love me, made this the best night of my
life. Don’t tell me that
you regret what you did.”
Brian looked at him
sadly.
“I don’t know,
Justin. I’m not sure of
anything, and that’s what’s bugging
me. I don’t do
doubts. I have lived my life
by fucking, not loving. By never
giving a shit, not by worrying and trying to protect
people. That isn’t me.
You called me a good man tonight.
I liked that. I want
to be a good man, but is that who I am?
Can I just change, and become something
else? What will that mean to
you, to my job, to my friends, to my
life? I just don’t know.”
“It sounds like you’re having
a mid-life crisis,” Justin said.
“Fuck
you! I’m nowhere near mid
life yet!’
“Sorry.
I just meant that you are changing, and that’s causing you to
doubt yourself. But change can
be good. I like the new and
improved Brian Kinney. I think
you will too, if you give him a chance.”
“I don’t know,” Brian
said, shaking his head.
“Don’t
worry. I’ll help
you.” Justin ran his hand over Brian’s chest to soothe
him.
Then he had a better
idea. Sex was always Brian’s
release. He leaned over and
began sucking Brian’s nipples.
Brian looked surprised at first, but then gave in to the pleasure
of the experience. Justin had
become very good with his mouth and lips.
After a few minutes of licking and sucking,
Justin decided to up the ante. He took a not so gentle bite of one
nipple.
“Fuck!” Brian
groaned.
Justin worked his way down to Brian’s
navel. He rimmed it with his
tongue, then plunged his tongue in.
Brian squirmed. Justin
nipped all around, then licked his way down to Brian’s
pubes. He buried his face in
the soft hair, and blew gently. He
felt Brian shiver.
Brian’s cock was rock hard and
dripping. Justin kissed the
tip, and lapped up the pre-cum.
Brian groaned his pleasure.
Justin spread saliva and pre-cum all over Brian’s cock, licking
and kissing the throbbing shaft.
Suddenly his mouth dove over Brian’s cock, taking the whole thing
into his mouth and down his throat.
“Ahhh!” Brian
moaned.
Justin worked Brian’s dick
mercilessly. He sucked hard
and fast. He licked slow and
easy. He kissed gentle and
firm. He
nipped. He
pulled. Brian writhed beneath
his ministrations.
Finally Justin grabbed his balls, and
Brian yelled his release. He
came into Justin’s mouth again and again, until he was exhausted and
panting.
“Think you can rest now?” Justin
asked sweetly.
“Umm Hmmm,” Brian said, already
half asleep.
He did feel
better. Justin leaned over and
kissed him softly. Brian pulled
Justin on top of him, like a security
blanket. Soon they were both
asleep.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
When the alarm woke them, they were still
in much the same position, Justin draped overtop of Brian, his head resting
on Brian’s chest.
Brian kissed the top of his head, and
said, “Wake up, Sleepy Head.”
“I’m
awake. I just didn’t want
to move from this delicious position.
Do you know that your dick is between my legs, and it’s getting
harder as we speak?”
Justin rubbed luxuriously up and down on Brian’s lower body,
then closed his legs around Brian’s cock.
“Unhh,” Brian
grunted. “Naughty
boy! You’re going to have
to pay for your lascivious activities.”
“I can hardly wait,” said
Justin.
“Bold little thing, aren’t
you?”
“My thing’s not so
little!”
Brian
laughed. “That’s
true.” He grabbed Justin’s hard-on and gave it a
tug. He rubbed his thumb over
the slit, spreading the pre-cum.
“Are you going to do more than play
with that?” Justin asked, his eyes full of
lust.
“You are bad this morning!”
Brian commented.
“I’m
horny. Fuck me!” Justin
demanded.
Brian swatted his
butt. “Impatient,
too.”
“Now!
Brian!” Justin attacked Brian’s mouth, kissing, sucking,
nipping Brian’s lips, dueling with his tongue.
Breathlessly, Brian said, “Easy,
Justin.”
“No!” was the
reply. “I want it
now!”
Brian didn’t know what had brought
out this side of Justin, but he was ready and able to take advantage of
it. He rolled over, taking Justin
with him. Now Justin was on
his back, Brian on top of him.
Brian grabbed Justin’s hands and pinned them above his
head. Justin bit at Brian’s
chin. Brian bit back, on the
soft skin of Justin’s neck.
Justin
grunted. He squirmed, trying
to free his hands to grab hold of Brian, but Brian was having none of
that. He held Justin in position
and continued to attack his neck.
He would have a good crop of
hickeys. Brian moved down to
Justin’s chest, and nipped around one
nipple. He grabbed the nipple
ring in his teeth, and pulled.
“Ow!” Justin
gasped.
“Did I hurt
you? Was it too much?”
Brian asked, concerned he had really hurt Justin.
“More!” Justin
demanded. His legs came up around
Brian’s waist. He bucked
against Brian. If he couldn’t
get his hands free, he’d have to use other parts of his
body.
Brian looked at him in
wonder.
“What’s gotten into you?”
Brian asked.
“I told you I’m
horny. I never got off last
night after servicing you, and now you’ve got me pinned down, and you
still won’t fuck me. Hurry
up!”
Brian was tempted to play a little more,
but he saw the naked need in Justin’s
eyes. He thought better of it,
and grabbed a condom. He put
it on and lubed his shaft. He
pushed Justin’s legs up, exposing his
pucker. He used one of his lubed
fingers to open Justin’s pucker.
Justin writhed. A second
finger, and Justin almost screamed out the word,
“Now!”
Brian threw Justin’s legs up on
his shoulders and drove his penis in.
Justin exhaled between clenched teeth, and breathed,
“Yesss!!!”
Brian leaned in and kissed
him. Justin grabbed Brian’s
hair and pulled his head down, mashing their lips
together. Justin was like a wild thing, sucking and pulling
Brian’s hair. Brian pulled
back, his head sore where Justin had hold of his
hair.
Brian was on his knees, but he straightened
up, tipping Justin up almost on to his
shoulders. This gave him complete
access to Justin’s hole. He
drove in, finding his rhythm, hitting the prostate, responding to Justin’s
need. They continued that way, until Brian felt his balls
contract. He grabbed Justin’s
cock and pulled. Then they were
both coming and coming, until all sense left them, Brian collapsing on top
of Justin.
When they began to return to their senses,
Justin kissed Brian, and said with an angelic smile, “Good morning,
Brian.”
“Now you’re cheerful?”
Brian asked.
“I feel
great.”
“Un
hunh. What was that all
about?”
“I just gave in to what I was
feeling. No
censorship. No holding
back.”
“That’s for
sure!”
“I wanted you, and I wanted you
bad. You haven’t changed,
Brian. You’re still you,
despite what you think.”
“What!”
“You’re
you. I just wanted to show
you.”
“That was some kind of fucked up
therapy treatment? I don’t
want your fucking help, like that.”
“It wasn’t
therapy. I just wanted to show
you that we can be different than we usually are, and yet be the same
people.”
“Well, screw
you! I don’t need your
psychological experimentation!
I’m going to work!”
Brian got up off the bed, and stormed
into the bathroom.
“Shit!” said
Justin.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Brian paced back and forth in his
office. He was furious with
Justin, trying to play mind games with
him. He hadn’t spoken to
him, since he started to get ready for
work. Justin had tried to initiate
conversation, but Brian had cut him off with the Kinney glare each time he
opened his mouth.
He looked at “Rage” hanging
on the office wall. “My
alter ego,” he said.
“Too bad I don’t have super-powers to banish my own doubts
and fears.”
The feeling of unease
continued. He just didn’t
feel right. Brian knew he had
to do something.
“Cynthia, come in here,
please.”
Seconds later Cynthia stepped into his
office.
“Yes, boss?” she
said.
“Have you noticed anything different
about me lately? And be
truthful. Don’t
hedge.”
“I’m not sure what you mean,”
Cynthia said, not wanting to say the wrong thing and piss him
off.
“I told you to be truthful,
Cynthia.”
“Okay.
You seem calmer lately; more... kind, happy
even.”
“Are you talking professionally
or personally?” Brian asked.
“Personally.
The only difference professionally is that you have taken some time
off lately, which you don’t normally
do.”
“Do you think I’m getting soft
with staff or clients? Have
I lost my edge?”
“You!
Good God, no!” Cynthia was emphatic.
“Well, that’s good to
know.”
“Why are you
asking?”
“I just needed to
know.”
“What’s going on?” Cynthia
pursued her curiosity.
“That’s all I wanted to
know.
Thanks. You can go back to your
desk.”
Cynthia had been
dismissed. She got up and
left.
“That didn’t tell me too
much,” Brian thought.
“But at least I seem to be doing my job as I always
have. I can’t believe I’m
having these self-doubts. This is nuts.”
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
When Brian arrived home that night, Justin
had prepared jambalaya. As soon
as he realized this, Brian knew that Justin was making a significant gesture
to mend fences. This meal meant
a lot to them. It was really
the beginning of them being together as a couple, although it had taken two
days to actually eat that meal. Neither of them could ignore its
significance.
The table was set with candles, wine
and crystal. It looked lovely
and Justin waited expectantly.
“Dinner’s ready,” Justin
said.
Brian took off his jacket and sat
down. The jambalaya was very
good. He said so to
Justin.
Justin seemed
pleased.
“No more games,
Brian. I’m sorry about
this morning.”
“Don’t
be. It was quite
enjoyable.”
“Just
enjoyable? I thought it was
fucking fantastic.”
“It was a fuck, and a fantasy,”
Brian admitted.
“Didn’t you like it?”
Justin asked, worried.
“Let it alone,” Brian
said.
“Don’t shut me
out. I need to know what you
think.”
“The fuck was great, but I told
you this morning that I didn’t want to be part of your psychological
manipulations.”
“Manipulations?
Look who’s talking!”
Justin was getting angry.
“I said ‘Leave
it!’. I don’t want
to fight with you.”
“I don’t want to fight either,
but you’re accusing me of something I didn’t
do. I was just trying to help
you.”
“What part of ‘Leave it!’
don’t you understand?”
“Brian, be
reasonable.”
“Fuck
reasonable! You are really starting
to wear on my last nerve.
I’m going out.”
“Don’t
leave. We need to settle
this.”
Brian went up to the bedroom and changed
into jeans and a sweater. He
had to escape. Justin was pushing
too hard.
“Brian, talk to
me.”
“Justin,
no. I’m
leaving. Consider this a work in progress, and you are pushing
too hard.”
That shut Justin
up. Brian grabbed his keys and
walked out. On the stairs he
used his cell phone to dial a number.
He arranged to meet at Woody’s.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Brian saw Dick sitting at a corner table
at Woody’s. He walked over
and said, “Hey.”
“How ya doing?” Dick
asked.
“Let me get a beer first,”
Brian said, signaling the waiter.
After he downed half the beer, Brian
looked at Dick. Dick
waited.
“I thought you were the talker,”
Brian said.
“I don’t need to talk. You
do,” Dick replied.
“How old are
you?”
“Twenty-seven.
Why?”
“I thought you were younger than
that.”
“Sorry to disappoint
you.”
“I’m not
disappointed. I’m amazed
that you are so composed and self-assured at your age, whatever it
is.”
Dick
chuckled. “Fooled you
too.”
“What?”
“I’d hardly say I’m
self-assured. I have doubts,
problems, worries, like everyone else.”
“It never seems that
way.”
“I’m good at covering it
up.”
“I used to be,” Brian
thought. Out loud he said, “It
doesn’t seem like a pretense.”
“Well, it is and it
isn’t. I told you I’m
a fatalist. I get worried and
scared, but then I just go with the
flow. It all works out, one
way or another.”
“How do you go with the
flow?”
“You just
do.”
“I’m too much of a control
freak to do that.”
“Then you have to deal with things
differently.”
“Like
how?”
“I don’t know,
Brian. You have to figure that
out for yourself. What’s
wrong?”
“I’ve been making changes lately,
and in doing that, I feel like I’m losing
myself. I’m not sure who
I am anymore.”
“That’s
heavy.”
“Yeah.
Creepy too.”
“Creepy?”
“I keep thinking I’m in the
wrong body. That I’ve been
taken over by someone else.”
“Sounds like an X-Files
episode.”
“Where’s Mulder when you need
him?” Brian joked.
Dick
laughed. “It’s not
like you to doubt yourself.
What precipitated
this?”
“A few
things. Someone hurt
Justin. I went to confront him,
to protect Justin. Instead I
ended up helping the kid. It
felt really good to do that.”
“And the problem would be
...?”
“That’s not
me. I should have reamed the
guy.”
“But you said you felt good about
what you did.”
“I did, at
first. The more I thought about
it, the more I began to worry that by changing the rotten parts of me, I’ve
lost myself. I won’t be
able to do my job. My friends
won’t like this new, soft guy.
Justin fell in love with the asshole I used to
be. I could lose
everything.”
“Highly
unlikely.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure where I came
in on the Brian Kinney transition, but I know you are a good man, always
have been.”
“How can you possibly know
that?”
“You are a generous
lover. I know that
firsthand. You can’t be
generous at that, if you’re not generous in other
ways.”
“Don’t be too
sure.” Brian looked at
him skeptically.
“I am
sure. I saw you with your friends
the other day. They care about
you. They want you and Justin
to be happy. I could
tell. You are a good
person. I told Justin you had
good intentions.”
“Why would you tell him
that?”
“He said you were a
manipulator. I
agreed.”
Brian rolled his
eyes. That’s what he had
called Justin.
“But I said you had good intentions
with your manipulations,” Dick said.
“Justin had good intentions too,”
Brian thought. “How do
you know what my intentions were?” Brian asked
Dick.
“Brian, give it a
rest. You’re blowing this
all out of proportion. Analyzing
it to death. You’ve believed
your own PR for too long. You
are a good person.”
“I can’t help
it. I need to get back to
myself.”
“You are
yourself. You can’t change
what is innate, Brian.”
“What are you
saying?”
“That you’ve always been a
good, generous man. Now that
you’re dropping the pretense of being otherwise, you feel vulnerable
and exposed.”
Brian’s jaw
dropped. His wide eyes stared
at Dick.
“Am I right?” Dick
asked.
Brian didn’t
answer. He continued to
stare. The wheels were
turning. Dick sat silently and
waited.
“Fuck, you’re good!” Brian
said.
Dick almost choked on his
beer.
“I take that to mean that you think
I’m right.”
Brian
nodded. “I can’t believe
you did that. I’ve been
trying for days to figure out what’s bothering me about changing, why
I was worried about something that should be
good. It’s because I’m
exposing myself, what I’ve covered up all these
years. If people hated the
‘fuck ‘em all’ Brian Kinney, that was okay, because it
wasn’t the real me. But
if they hate this new and improved Brian Kinney, they will be hating the
real me. I don’t know if
I can handle that.”
“Why would they hate
you?’
“I don’t
know. I just worry that they
will.”
“You worry too
much. No one’s going to
hate you.”
“Justin does, at the
moment.”
“Did you walk out on him
again?”
“Afraid
so.”
“Same
advice. Go home and talk to
him.”
“Sure.
In a minute. Let’s have another beer
first.”
“Aren’t you done
talking?”
“Yes, but I’d like to sit and
mull this over a bit.”
“Another beer would be great,”
Dick said.
As they sipped their beers, Brian made
small talk with Dick. At the
same time he was plotting what to do. Finally he said, “Dick, some time soon I’d like
you to talk to Justin. I need
him to back off a bit, but he doesn’t seem to hear me when I tell
him. Would you tell him?”
“I could try, but there are no
guarantees.”
“Thanks.
I’ll suggest that he talk to
you.”
“Okay.”
“Home, to face the music,”
Brian said, standing up.
“Once again, good
luck.”
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Brian opened the door to the loft with
some trepidation. Justin was
sketching on the couch.
“Hey,” he said, like nothing
had happened.
“Hey.”
Brian wondered at Justin’s
attitude. He had thought Justin
would still be mad. “What
have you been doing?”
“Thinking and
sketching.”
“In that
order?”
“I’m sorry I push so
much. I just want to fix
things. Make them
perfect.”
“There’s no such thing as perfect,
and you do push too much.”
“I’ll try not
to. I heard you say ‘Work
in Progress’. That’s
why I let you go. I do get
it. Where did you go?”
“I talked to
Dick. He helped a
lot.”
“Where I made it worse.” Justin
frowned.
“I understand what you were trying
to do, but sometimes it’s just too
much.”
“Can I make it up to you?”
Justin asked.
“Would you talk to Dick?” Brian
said.
“Do you want me
to? I guess I
could.”
“It might
help.”
“Okay.
But right now could we do something other than
talk?”
“Sounds
good. What did you have in
mind?”
“The bed,” Justin
said.
“You don’t have to ask me
twice,” Brian laughed.
Justin flew off the couch into Brian’s
arms. They kissed passionately
and began getting rid of clothes.
“Is this going to be the normal
Justin or the sex fiend from this morning?” Brian asked between
kisses.
“Which one do you
want?”
“The crazed sex fiend had some
interesting attributes, but I’m kind of fond of the old Justin,”
Brian said.
“He’s all
yours.”
“You bet,
Sunshine.”
Brian pulled the now naked Justin up
to the bedroom. “Lay down
on your stomach,” he said.
Justin
obliged. Brian knelt beside
him and kissed the back of his neck.
Justin turned his head so their lips could
meet. Brian turned him over
for a more passionate kiss.
“Do you want anything in
particular?” Brian asked.
“I love anything you
do. You don’t have to be
so tentative,” Justin said.
“You think I’m
tentative?”
“Not really, but it’s not like you to
ask. You just take
charge.”
“Shit!” Brian
said. “I’m messing
everything up. I have changed
everything.”
“Brian, it’s all
right. Just do what you
want.”
“I was going to give you a good
rimming.”
“Sounds good,” Justin
grinned.
Brian still looked concerned, but he
pushed Justin over exposing his ass.
He kissed the back of Justin’s neck, then ran his tongue down
the ridge of his back to the crack of his
ass. He nibbled on Justin’s
delicious bottom. Justin wiggled
his approval. Brian pulled up
his bottom, exposing more to his mouth and
tongue. He pressed the cheeks
apart and blew on the pucker. It
spasmed a response and Justin took in a sharp
breath.
Brian
smiled. He blew again, and then
kissed and nipped all around the pleasure
hole. Finally his tongue licked
over the pucker. It spasmed
again. Another lick and his
tongue darted in. Justin’s
head shot up and he moaned.
Brian’s tongue worked in and out, followed by more kisses and
licks. Justin writhed and pushed
back to meet the tongue. Brian
continued his tongue fuck a little longer.
Justin was
panting. “Please,
Brian! My cock’s so hard, it
hurts. Fuck me,
please!”
“Since you ask so nicely,”
Brian said.
He donned a condom and plunged
in. The tight warmth inside
of Justin surrounded Brian’s cock.
“I love being inside you,”
Brian whispered.
“I love you there too,” Justin
replied.
Brian started long, slow thrusts, hitting
Justin’s prostate on random
strokes. Justin rocked into each thrust, his moans increasing in
volume and need. Brian picked
up the pace, reaching under Justin to pull him back to meet each
thrust.
Justin yelled, “Yes,
Brian. Oh,
yes!”
Brian began stroking Justin’s cock,
matching the movements of his own cock as it plowed in and
out. He felt Justin tense as
his orgasm approached. Brian
pounded harder against Justin’s ass, and increased the speed of his
hand working Justin’s cock.
“Oh, ohhh,
Brian!!” Justin yelled,
as he came in a blinding orgasm.
His anus constricted around Brian’s penis and Brian was lost
to his orgasm too.
“My only Sunshine,” he gasped,
as he collapsed on top of Justin.
They lay like that for a
while. When Brian moved, Justin
said, “Don’t go. Stay
inside. I love being this close
to you.”
“Me
too.” He kissed Justin’s
cheek.
“Why can’t everything else
be this simple and good?” Justin asked.
“Yeah.
Simple and good,” Brian whispered.
If only that little voice of doubt at
the back of his head would go
away.